"I don't remember what happened." I whisper into the moldy air of SVU's station.
"Why is her blood on your clothes?" Finn asks me.
I've been sitting in the room for 4 hours now. I was given a zip up jacket to change into so my blood stained shirt could be admitted as evidence. "Maybe, maybe I did go to her? I'm telling you, I don't know, I can't remember." I put my head in between my hands and try to recall more from what happened hours ago.
"Alright. Carisi and Rollins said you were up there for about 45 minutes. Took you that long to get your things?" He asks skeptically.
I shake my head and answer without looking up to him "no, it only took, like, 5 minutes! I couldn't have been up there for that long."
"Well, here we are." He sits back in the chair and opens his hands.
"That doesn't make sense." I bite my lower lip trying to recall more. The door opens and Benson and Sonny walk into the room "are you really thinking I did this to her?" I ask, worried about their answer.
"Of course not." Sonny says quickly.
Benson eyes him cautiously but holds a hand out towards me "Addison, we need you to really think about what happened earlier today."
"I'm trying, I am! I just- I can't remember." I reaffirm to her and everyone else in the room.
She looks to the door and in walks a man I've never seen. He's short, with dark and greying hair "hi Addison, I'm doctor Wong." He smiles softly.
"Dr. Wong works with the FBI. He's a friend of ours here and we gave him a call to help out with this case." Sergeant Benson explains to me.
I try to follow what she said but am too confused "help with what?" I ask.
"I believe your experiencing some projected memory loss." He starts off walking in further. Finn stands up and he leaves the room first.
"What does that even mean?" I ask.
He takes a seat across from me "can I assume that since your rape, you've been having a difficult time sleeping?"
"Ya." I say lowly, willing to give that information to him.
He smiles without showing his teeth "and your angry? Not able to show much emotion?" He asks.
He smiles without showing his teeth "and your angry? Not able to show much emotion?" He asks
"I guess, mostly." I confirm that too. Even though all I want to do is cry all day, I'm too angry about what happened to let anything come out of me.
"It appears you're suffering from PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder."
"PTSD? Isn't that what people get when they come back from war?" I question, not sure how I could I have that.
"It affects a lot more people then just veterans. You experienced something traumatic, your brain is not processing it in a way you can handle." He tries to explain.
I look up to Sonny then Benson before putting my eyes back to his "how is any of this related to what happened today? I can't remember!" I remind them.
"Situation-specific amnesia" Dr. Wong follows up my question with more medical terms. "You experience something traumatic after already having PTSD, causing the amnesia."
"Seeing her there was traumatic enough to cause that?" I ask him.
He leans closer "I think something else happened that you are blocking out. With your permission, is like to try a cognitive interview?"
"What's that?" I ask.
Dr. Wong explains for me "it is a method of interviewing eyewitnesses and victims about what they remember from a crime scene. Using four retrievals, the primary focus of the cognitive interview is to make witnesses and victims of a situation aware of all the events that transpired."
"Ok?" I look around at everyone looking at me not getting what he said at all "what do you do?"
He looks over his shoulder at Sonny and Sergeant Benson and the two of them leave the room, closing the door behind them. "Close your eyes and breathe slowly." He directs me. I do as he says, trying to calm my breathe. I don't know when but eventually he talks again "I want you to go back to your apartment, back to earlier today. Tell me what you see."
"I'm standing in my apartment, there's a bag in my hand." I explain.
"What is around you?" He asks.
"My living room couch is in front of me, the kitchen to my left." I say.
"Look at the couch, what do you see?" He asks.
I squint my eyes further to look closer "the middle cushion is pushed up, not sitting right. The pillow is lying flat on the cushion."
"Is the heat on?" He asks.
I shiver, remembering how cold my apartment was "no, it must've turned off when I was gone."
"Do you have a jacket?" He questions.
I look down at my bag "in the bag. I'm in a long sleeve shirt and jeans."
"What do you do when you leave your apartment?" He asks me to move on.
I exhale re going through the steps "I go to the elevator, hit the button to go down."
"But you didn't get in the elevator. Why not?" He questions.
"I wanted to thank Mrs. Blaine, for doing something for me." I tell him.
"Out of nowhere, you sure that's why?" He pushes.
"Well-" I pause thinking of what I am about to say "no, I heard something when I passed her apartment. I thought that was weird." I tell him, actually remembering that now.
"Why is that weird?" He questions.
I shake my head "I'm not sure, it was like a crash or something. I thought maybe she fell, or needed help." I tell him.
"What next?" He asks.
"I went to the door and knocked, but it was already open. I hesitated going in but figured if she was hurt, then she'd need help." I slowly go over the memory in my head "I called out to her, told her I was coming in." I repeat the words out loud.
"You walked in, saw her body. What else did you see?" He asks.
I shake my head "that's-that's it. I ran out, tripped on the way to the door." I stutter, opening my eyes, my hands shaking.
"Okay Addison, calm down. You're in a safe place." Dr. Wong says back to me "close your eyes, go back to that hallway."
"I-I can't" I tell him, keeping my eyes open and staring at him.
"Why not?" He asks.
"Because he was there. He was in the room with me, smiling at me, laughing at me." I tell him, the memory of what actually happened flooding back to me like a flood.