Alex knocks lightly at the guest room door. She knows Casey is in there; she saw her car in the driveway. Casey always comes and lies in their guest room when she's upset about something. She knows she is always welcome at Alex and Olivia's house and just being around her friends always makes her feel better.
Casey tells Alex to come in, and when she does she finds her best friend lying on her side staring at the TV. She hasn't even bothered to change out of her stuffy clothes from work.
"Hey, you," Alex greets, sitting down the bed. "Tough case?"
Casey rolls onto her back and looks at her blonde friend. "No. Tough life."
Alex frowns, not liking to hear Casey say that. Casey is one of the happiest people she knows, and she hates it when she doesn't see that fire in her eyes and when she's sad.
Alex smiles sympathetically. "What's wrong?"
Casey sits up, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Me and Nikki broke up."
"Oh," is all Alex says right away. She isn't surprised; she saw that one coming from a mile away. Nikki was bossy and always telling Casey what to do, and didn't approve of her friendship with Alex. Alex strongly disliked her and took every opportunity to let Casey know that.
Alex is glad in a way, but she knows that break ups are hard and she feels sorry for her best friend. "I'm sorry, Casey."
Casey smiles. "No you're not. You hated her."
"Hate is a strong word, but I didn't like her," Alex agrees. "But I know you liked her and that you're sad, and that makes me feel bad."
"It's okay. I didn't love the girl. I'm sad, yes, but not really because of her. It's just because things never seem to work out for me in the love department. I always end up with someone completely wrong for me and it never lasts more than a couple months. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm defective or if I don't know how to love."
Alex knows that isn't true at all. Casey has been her best friend for six years and she loves her dearly. Casey is affectionate, protective, supportive and always knows the right thing to say when Alex needs someone to lift her spirits. They love each other like sisters; Alex knows that Casey definitely knows how to love.If she wasn't with Olivia, Casey is the only other person she would want to be with.
There's so much wrong with what you just said," Alex tells her. "I hope you don't believe the bullshit you just spewed."
Casey looks at her, surprised. It's not unusual for Alex to be blunt, but it is unusual for her to say something like that when Casey is upset.
"I'm serious," Alex says sternly. "Don't think that way about yourself. It makes me mad. You're my favorite person in the world. And you really don't know how incredible you are, do you?"
Casey thinks about what Alex just said. Her favorite person in the world. She knows that isn't true - that Olivia is her favorite person - but Alex stated it like a fact so Casey chooses to accept it as such.
When Casey doesn't answer, Alex goes on. "You're amazing. I've never really had a close friend, let alone a best friend, until you. You're so easy to talk to, and fun. You're always there for me. You're smart and stubborn and really piss me off sometimes at work but I really wouldn't choose anyone else to be my best friend. You're not defective, Casey. You just haven't found the right person for you yet." She reaches out and takes Casey's hand. "But I know you will someday and you will be happy for the rest of your life."
Casey's eyes shine with tears. She knows she has already found the person for her; she's looking into her beautiful blue eyes right now. She loves Alex more than she thought was ever possible and the knows she could be happy with her for the rest of her life.
But Alex is with Olivia, and Casey knows she is happy. She can't and she won't do anything to come between them. As much as she loves Alex and as much as her heart hurts that she can't be with her, she knows it's the right thing to do.
Casey smiles, trying to hide how much her heart aches for her friend. "Thank you, Alex. You're a really great friend. I love you."
"I love you too," Alex says with a smile. She playfully slaps Casey's shoulder. "Liv and I are going to a movie. You want to come?"
"No, you guys go ahead. I want to feel sorry for myself right now. I'll raid your fridge and then go home."
Alex smiles again. "Help yourself. We will be back later."
Casey waits until Olivia and Alex have left. Then she goes into their room and lies on Alex's side of the bed, clutching Alex's favorite pillow that smells like her perfume and burying her face into it, breathing deeply. She hugs it close to her chest and falls asleep.
The wait to hear if Casey made it through surgery is longest most excruciating wait Alex has ever endured. She spends the time reliving memories of Casey, thinking about all the times she should have picked up on the signs that Casey was in love with her. And should have known she had loved her too.
If only she hadn't been so oblivious.
About an hour later it's Dr. Brown who comes to talk to them again, and this time he looks optimistic. He tells them that Casey made it through surgery and is stable but not out of the woods.
They were able to stop the bleeding in her stomach; however, the surgery was more invasive than they thought it was going to be and had to place more than forty surgical sutures in the lining of her stomach to keep it from tearing again. Dr. Brown tells them the sutures will dissolve over time but that Casey has to be closely monitored to make sure they hold and she doesn't begin to bleed out into her stomach again. Alex is told Casey will have unpleasant lingering pain in her stomach as a result for a couple months.
They had to remove a small portion of her intestines and they won't know the full effect or if she needs further surgery until the gastro specialist sees her within the next couple of days. Alex's concern is if Casey will be able to eat normally; she is told she will eventually, but it will be a long road to get there and that the specialist will put her on a special diet plan while she heals.
She has to have the tube in her chest for the next couple of days to relive air pressure in her punctured lung. It is the least severe of all her injuries, but has the potential to be life threatening if the lung doesn't heal correctly.
All in all, Casey has a tough road ahead of her with the possibility of more surgeries and pain to deal with while she heals. Alex knows she will be on pain meds but also knows they can only do so much, and doesn't like the idea of her Casey being in pain. She knows it's unavoidable but it still breaks her heart nonetheless.
Casey is going to be in the hospital a minimum of a week and a half, possibly longer if there are complications or if she needs more surgery. She will be off work for six weeks, possibly longer. She's going to hate that, and Alex can already see a fight coming about it.
Alex has already phoned Mike Cutter and informed him that she is taking her personal time to be with Casey until further notice.
"Can I see Casey now?" Alex asks anxiously, wanting to see Casey for herself and see with her own eyes that is alive and okay.
"A nurse will come take you to her room as soon as she's settled in the ICU. She's still out at the moment."
So it's another wait before Alex is allowed to see her girlfriend. The mood in the room is lighter now that they know Casey pulled through. Olivia steps out to make some phone calls but Amanda remains with Alex, trying to say optimistic things and put her mind at ease.
Finally, after what seems like days, a friendly nurse named Bridget comes into the waiting area. "Alex Cabot?"
Alex stands immeaditely. "Yes. I'm Alex. Can I see Casey now?"
Bridget smiles and tells Alex she will take her to her room.
Alex follows, her heart in her throat. She is beyond happy that Casey is alive and she is about to see her, but she's afraid for what she's doing to have to go through. She knows it's going to be a very tough recovery for her girl.
Bridget tells Alex that Casey is awake but very groggy, and that she may not seem herself or remember what happened to her at first. She cautions her not to be concerned, that this behavior is to be expected following surgery. She tells Alex that Casey may fall back asleep and if she does not to wake her and let her sleep it off.
They stop outside room number 234 in the ICU and Alex stands nervously outside the door, wringing her hands together as she hesitates. Bridget offers her a smile and tells her she can go ahead and enter, and when Alex does she walks slowly and carefully, as if not to startle Casey.
She can hear the steady beep of the machines Casey is hooked up to as she enters. Her eyes immeaditely go to the bed, where Casey is awake but appears very confused. Her eyes lock on Alex and recognition falls over her face when she sees Alex.
"Hi, baby," Alex says softly, sitting down next to her bed and taking her hand. The sight of the tube in her chest and Casey's more pale than usual face just shatters her heart. She wanted to remain strong for Casey, but she can't help the tears running down her face. "Sweetheart, I love you so much." She reaches out and touches Casey's cheek. "I'm here, baby. I'm so glad you're okay."
"Alex," Casey manages, her voice hoarse and her throat dry. She squeezes Alex's hand. She is confused and hurting, not remembering at first what put her here. She is blinking rapidly and looking at Alex like she can't believe she's actually there.
Alex forces a smile. She can't stop touching her. She came so close to losing her. The thought of Casey not being here terrifies Alex and she thinks if she keeps touching her it will keep her with her.
She strokes her forehead softly, her blue eyes conveying love to Casey. She tries to smile but she's so broken that she cries instead.
"Am I alive?" Casey asks softly, so softly that Alex almost doesn't hear her.
Alex flashes another broken smile. "Yes, baby, you're alive. You're in the hospital, and I'm with you."
Casey is completely out of it, just as the nurse had cautioned Alex. She doesn't press her to talk, just holds onto her tight and keeps telling her she is there.
Casey winces and shifts around in the bed. "I hurt...And I'm tired."
"I'll have the doctor get you something for pain, baby. Just lie back and go to sleep. You're groggy and confused from surgery. You will feel better in a couple hours." She leans down and kisses her again.
Casey already has her eyes closed again and Alex wishes her to sleep. She needs to sleep off the lingering anesthesia still in her system.
Thankfully she falls asleep within seconds. As soon as she's back asleep, a different nurse comes into the room. Alex tells her she had been awake.
"She said she was in pain, can you get her something for that?" Alex asks, her look stern and no nonsense.
The nurse nods. "She already has a low dosage of pain meds going into her IV but it's kept low because the anesthesia is still in her system. When she awakens again we will be able to increase it."
Alex doesn't respond; her attention is back on her sleeping beautiful girlfriend. Alex's stomach is in knots as she continues to stroke her forehead.
Very carefully and slowly, Alex lifts up Casey's gown so she can access her injuries. What she sees makes her want to throw up. Casey's abdomen is lined with surgical sutures, the two stab wounds dressed and covered. Alex runs her fingers over the sutures, her heart breaking as she realizes the extent of what they had to do to fix and save her girl.
"Visiting hours are over at eight," the nurse reminds. "Anything I can get you?"
Alex has no intentions of obeying visiting hours. She isn't leaving her girlfriend to sleep alone in the hospital. She's never letting her out of her sight again.
"I'm not leaving her," Alex announces, resuming the stroking of Casey's forehead. She knows she isn't going to leave her side for even a minute while she's here. "You can get me a blanket, please."
"We do not allow anyone to remain with patients outside of visiting hours in the ICU," the nurse explains.
"I don't care what you do or do not allow," Alex says, her voice stern. She leans down and kisses Casey's forehead again. "She's my girlfriend and I won't let her be alone and scared. Me staying with her is hardly going to interfere with anything you have to do."
Alex tucks the blanket around Casey gently. It's not very thick and she can't help but think that Casey is going to get cold. "Bring another blanket for her too please. She gets cold easily. I want her to be warm and comfortable."
Alex's heart is breaking because she wants to make this all better, but knows she can't do any more than what she is doing now. Casey is going to wake up again and remember what happened to her, is going to have to relive it in a statement to the police, and be in pain. She wishes with everything she has that she could take her place and do more than just sit next to her and hold her hand. It's not enough.
"I can bring you blankets, ma'am, but I cannot allow you to remain in this room past eight PM."
At the passage of those words, Alex lets go of Casey's hand and stands up. She faces the nurse, her expression set and serious. She's about to bring down the wrath of Alex Cabot. "Then you get me your supervisor. I am not asking permission; I am telling you that I will not leave my girlfriend."
Alex stands her ground, knowing perfectly well that if their roles were reserved, Casey would not leave her no matter what the consequence.
The nurse looks into Alex's eyes and sees there is no room for argument and that any opposition would be in vain. Alex has made a decision, a declaration, and nothing could be done about it.
The nurse nods and after checking Casey's vitals, she gives Alex a glare and slips out of the room, leaving them to their privacy.
.2
Casey sleeps for about two more hours. In that span of two hours, different doctors and nurses all pop in to check on Casey. Alex is told by more than one medical professional that feeling nauseous following surgery is very common but that if Casey experiences it they need to know right away. Alex is told that Casey absolutely cannot get sick; doing so would surely rip sutures in her stomach and require emergency surgery to repair.
Alex spends those two hours in that chair by Casey's bed, holding her hand.
When she opens her eyes again, her eyes are less glassy and she is able to focus on Alex.
Alex looks into her eyes with a smile and sees that Casey is really there this time. She's coherent and aware.
"Alex," Casey says, squeezing Alex's hand tightly. "I am so glad to see you. I - I am so glad you're here."
Alex leans forward and captures Casey's mouth with hers, the kiss long and as passionate as it could be for being in a hospital.
The events of the previous night slowly comes back to Casey. She remembers her injuries, and pulls the blanket back and looks at the tube in her chest. She fingers the bandage wrapped tightly around the opening of the tube and looks at Alex for answers.
"You have a punctured lung. The tube has to stay in for a couple days, but you're going to be okay," Alex explains.
Casey then lifts up her gown and touches the surgical sutures all over her stomach.
Alex swallows harshly. "You have sutures inside your stomach too. You were bleeding internally."
A feeling of nausea washes over her as she thinks about what Casey had to endure. Being stabbed and lying in that parking garage alone. She had to have been in pain, and absolutely terrified.
"They had to cut you open and fix you up," Alex says, her voice laced with emotion as her hand comes to rest over Casey's atop the sutures. "But they did a good job."
"H-how bad? Did he hurt me bad?"
"They had to remove some of your intestines, honey," Alex says, smoothing Casey's hair back and planting a kiss to her forehead. "You will have to be on a special diet for awhile. But you're going to recover."
Alex's emotions takes over and she kisses Casey again gently, hanging onto her hand. She isn't going to let her go; she can't.
Suddenly, Casey says, "I took your iPad to work. I think he may have taken it. The car was unlocked. I'm sorry."
Alex can't believe her ears. Everything that happened to Casey, and she's worried about an iPad being taken?
"I don't care about that. I can replace my iPad. I can't replace my Casey, and you're all I care about," Alex tells her. She takes her hand and holds it tightly, meeting her eyes. "Casey, who did this to you?"
Alex knows. everyone knows. Fin and Carisi were able to get the surveillance footage pulled and it clearly showed what happened. Her attacker did nothing to try and hide his identity. Olivia had called Alex to let her know they have a warrant for the boy who attacked her and are actively looking for him.
Casey's eyes are full of sadness. "The boy from the courtroom. Norman Trussel's son. He said he was going to take my life. I - I have never been so scared, Alex."
Alex squeezes her hand. "It's okay, honey. We don't have to talk about it right now. The police are going to need a statement but I made it clear only when you're ready. I'll sit here with you the whole time, okay?"
Casey nods, grateful for Alex's overprotectiveness at this moment. "I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you. That I gave you such a hard time about wanting protection for me, that I fought you so hard and told you were ridiculous. You were right and after being attacked in my office, I should have known better. I'm so sorry, Alex."
"It's not your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. For not insisting you be protected longer, or coming to pick you up myself." Alex's chest tightens when she thinks about that night. "I had something special planned for you and I should have come and picked you up from work."
Casey smiles that beautiful Casey smile at Alex, making all her sorrow vanish in an instant. "We're pathetic, aren't we?"
Alex can't help but laugh. An easy, happy, relieved laugh that feels good. "Hell yeah we are."
"Don't think for one minute that it's your fault," Casey says. "It's just something that happened that we can't change. You know he will be caught and he will pay. We just have to move on somehow."
Alex knows just how much he is going to pay. She is going to put everything she has into destroying him. She can't personally prosecute the case and she knows it, but she will be pulling strings behind the scenes and will make sure he never sees life outside of a jail cell again. He tried to kill her Casey, and no one even thinks of doing that without severe consequences.
.3
The rest of the day is a flurry of activity.
The gastro specialist is scheduled to see Casey the next day and plenty of blood is drawn and Casey is pelted with a million questions. She is taken to get an MRI. And, eventually, she gives her statement to the police under the strict supervision of Alex, who is in full Alex Cabot mode making sure her girlfriend isn't needlessly upset.
By the time the evening comes around, Casey is understandably exhausted. She's lost her patience for all the poking and prodding they have been doing to her and just wants to rest and not be asked any questions.
It's well after eight PM and no one has asked Alex to leave or questioned why she is still there. Lucky for them.
Casey is readjusting her position in the bed, trying to get comfortable. But nothing helps. The bed is uncomfortable, she can't move much wirh the chest tube in, and her stomach hurts.
Without giving it a second thought, Alex takes off her shoes and very carefully climbs into bed with Casey. Casey scoots over to allow her room and once Alex lies back on the pillow, Casey lies across her chest. Alex immediately wraps an arm around her and starts stroking her hair.
She knows Casey is in some pain, despise the powerful pain meds. Casey is not a complainer but Alex can tell.
"You don't have to stay here. Go home. I'll be fine," Casey says.
"Absolutely not. I am not leaving you, Casey."
Casey smiles, expecting and hoping for that answer. "You're going to get in trouble. You can't be in bed with me."
"Who, me? In trouble? Who would dare tell me I can't do something?" Alex asks lightly.
Casey nuzzles into her chest and enjoys the feel of Alex against her. She thought she would never feel this again.
"I was so sure I was dying," Casey tells her. "I couldn't breathe and I hurt so much. I thought I was dead when I woke up and saw you, because you were what I wished so hard to see. I wished to see you one last time before I died."
Alex feels her eyes well up and she kisses Casey's head. "Baby...I'm never leaving you. You're going to see me every day, okay? I'm going to get so annoying."
"They told me my heart stopped. That they had to resuscitate me. But I don't remember it."
Alex frowns. "You wouldn't honey, you were under for surgery. And it's a good thing you can't remember. They brought you back and that's what is important."
The fact that Casey actually did die is more terrifying to Alex than anything, and something she wishes that Casey hadn't been told. She has enough on her mind to deal with.
"Alex, my stomach hurts bad," Casey finally says after a long period of silence.
Alex kisses her again, her heart breaking once more. "I know, sweetheart." Her finger seeks out the call button on the bed and she presses it. "I'll ask them to give you more pain meds."
Casey holds her stomach gently, feeling the sutures. "Did they say how many stitches are inside?"
"Forty," Alex tells her. "They will dissolve so you don't have to be cut open to remove them."
Casey sighs, seeking out Alex's hand and intertwining their fingers together. "What if I can never eat Chinese again. Jesus, they took some of my intestines!"
"You'll be able to. Not right away, but you will be able to," Alex assures her.
"A neighbor of mine once lost some of her intestines and had to be on a liquid diet forever and had to go to the hospital monthly to get her bowels flushed because they didn't function properly anymore."
That scares Alex, but she doesn't let on. "Be positive. That isn't going to happen to you, okay? You haven't even seen the specialist yet. Let's just wait to see what he says. Let's not worry or jump to conclusions." Alex kisses her again. "What you need to do, Casey Novak, is relax and let me take care of you. I took some personal time off work so you are stuck with me."
Casey doesn't repsond but she has a light smile on her face as the nurse on duty, Katie, responds to the call button.
She sees Alex in bed with Casey and disapproval comes over her face. "We are bending the rules to let you sleep in here, but you can't be in bed with her. She can easily be further injured right now. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to move to the chair."
Alex and Casey both look at her. Alex keeps stroking Casey's hair, making no attempt to move. She has respect for rules...when they make sense. Letting Casey lay on her in bed is hardly going to hurt her.
"Please," it's Casey who speaks this time. She squeezes Alex's hand tightly. "Let her stay. I really need her right now. Please."
Casey's voice is so sad and heartbreaking that Katie gives in. She cautions them both to be extremely careful and adjusts Casey's IV so she's getting a higher dosage of pain meds.
When they are alone again, Casey raises her head and with that lopsided smile, tells Alex, "You are such a bitch."
Alex smiles. "I'm your bitch, though."
Casey falls asleep when the increase in pain meds hits her. Alex doesn't move; she remains holding her, knowing it will wake Casey if she were to move at all.
She only moves slightly when her phone vibrates on the table beside them. Very carefully she reaches for it, and sees that she has a text message from Olivia.
We have him in custody. Thought you would want to know.
They got him! Predictions?also need advice from my readers. I am struggling as whether or not Alex should tell Casey about the proposal she had planned, or wait until she's well and can plan it again. What do you think?