AN: Okay, I'm back! Nanowrimo was a success and you'll all be happy to know that I've finished up to chapter 18, so there's at least 2 more months of constant updates. :) Thank for all the reviews and love. Hope you're all ready for a bit of a heavier chapter.
I'll be aiming to have updates done between Friday and Saturday. :)
Chapter 14: Candle In The Wind
It really wasn't that bad.
Sure the start of the evening had been rough, and Gajeel hadn't acknowledged her once since they'd returned to the group; but once she'd gotten something to eat and they'd started wandering Juvia had found herself relaxing.
They'd shopped along the main road and, while Gajeel had been determined to freeze her out, everyone else had been eager to engage her; even Levy. Though, Juvia suspected she knew a lot more about the situation than she was letting on.
They'd been wandering around for close to two hours now and Juvia had to concede that the whole thing was starting to grow on her, especially now that they'd branched off from the festival to wander the side streets and take in the lights.
"Ooo! Look at that one! It's so pretty!" Lucy squealed, pointing at the house just ahead of them. "I've changed my mind, this one is definitely my favourite so far."
Gray groaned and shook his head, while Natsu burst out laughing and holding a hand out towards him. "Pay up man."
"Seriously Lucy? You couldn't wait one more minute?" Gray complained.
Lucy offered him a sheepish grin. "Sorry Gray, but it's pink! Not many people go with pink lights and I have to say, I like it."
"I swear she's cheating for you," Gray grumbled, while fishing out a five dollar bill to give to Natsu.
"You're the idiot who keeps placing bets with her boyfriend, anything he wins is half hers by default," Lyon pointed out. "Kinda stacked odds."
"I wish!" Lucy scoffed. "Juvia any chance you're willing to trade?"
Juvia giggled, and pretended to consider it. "Hmm, I don't know… I kinda like being spoiled, and I'm not really seeing many perks where Natsu's concerned."
"That's 'cause the best ones are kept in the bedroom," Natsu said, and winked at Juvia, then gave Lucy a confused look. "And what do you need with half of five dollars? You're rich."
"So? It's the principle of it. We're supposed to share things. What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine," Lucy declared with a nod.
"You weren't saying that when I stole a few bites of your dinner," Natsu mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting.
"A few bites? Try half of it! I need to eat too you know," Lucy said.
Natsu was about to reply when Gray elbowed him in the ribs, but it didn't stop Lucy from guessing what he was about to say.
"Oh my God, you think I'm fat!
Juvia and Lyon shared a look, and rolled their eyes in amusement as the couple started to bicker in earnest.
Juvia slipped closer to Lyon again, threading her arm through his and leaning her head on his shoulder. "Thanks for dragging me out tonight. I'm actually enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would."
Lyon stared down at her in surprise before flashing her a blinding smile. "Oh? Has your heart grown three sizes this day?"
Juvia shot him an unimpressed look. "I'm not a Grinch."
Lyon nodded patronizingly. "Uh huh, of course you aren't. It's kind of a good thing really, if you were you'd have the strength of ten of you plus two, and I'm pretty sure you'd kick my ass into oblivion."
"I really don't need any extra strength to kick your ass," she said.
"No, probably not."
Juvia sighed and snuck a glance back over her shoulder to where Gajeel and Levy were walking. They'd fallen behind a few minutes ago and had been whispering to each other ever since. It was sweet, seeing him practically bent over to whisper in her ear.
As if sensing her gaze Gajeel straightened and looked up in her direction.
Juvia quickly turned her head back, not wanting to provoke a fight, and also not wanting to be the first to show signs of cracking.
Lyon's thumb rubbed circles on the back of her hand through her gloves, and she offered him a small smile in return. He'd been really good about it all. Just letting her cling to him, and not really pushing too many questions.
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," he said, then flashed her a mischievous smirk, "who knows, maybe by the end of the night I can warm you up to a couple of carolling duets."
Juvia immediately released his arm, giving him a light shove in the shoulder. "Don't push your luck, the lights are pretty, the music is still just…." She scrunched up her face trying to think of a way to describe it that went beyond just festive.
"Haha, still not quite in the festive spirit?" Gray asked, sliding up to the other side of her.
"Hey, she's wearing down. I got her to admit the lights are pretty, and she said she was enjoying herself so ,you know, give her a couple more days with the family and I might just get my wish," Lyon boasted.
Juvia shook her head, with a smile playing on her lips. "It would take a Christmas miracle."
"Well 'tis the season for those," Gray teased. "But I'm glad you're having fun, even though it's not your thing and Gajeel's being a dick."
Juvia wanted to protest, and her standard defenses rested on her tongue. She held back though. From their perspective, Gray wasn't being mean, and defending Gajeel's attitude properly would mean explaining a lot.
"I gotta say it's nice having you two around. Gives me someone to talk to while those four are being all couple-y." He said and gestured to his friends.
"It's nice to finally be back here," Lyon confessed with a sigh, "I've missed this."
Gray nodded, and Lyon looked about them with a clear yearning. It was obvious he was thinking about all the time he'd missed, and Juvia didn't doubt the lingering need to return to school weighed on his mind.
To Juvia it was going home, to him it was leaving again. Even if he had more personal freedom there it wasn't really where he wanted to be, and the realization hurt in more ways than one.
"We could make plans to come back up around March break. I mean, I know you mean the festival, but I'm sure there's other stuff you miss," Juvia offered.
"We could," Lyon said.
"You should," Gray said.
Lyon raised an eyebrow at him.
"What? It would mean a lot to Mom, and would make everyone else happy. They've missed you, and I've tried stepping up, being around more, and doing the whole comfort thing… and it's not like they don't appreciate it, but it's really not the same." Gray let out a sigh and stared up at the night sky. "Truth is, none of us realized just how much we relied on you 'til you weren't there."
Lyon stared at him incredulously while Gray had been talking, but turned away when Gray looked back at him. There was a glassy look to his eyes and his fists were clenched.
Gray balked. "Hey I didn't mean it as a complaint."
Lyon took a deep shuddering breath, and wiped his eyes. "I know, sorry. It's fine, I just… Sometimes I feel like I've just let everyone down."
Juvia was quick to place a hand on his shoulder. "You know it's not like that. Stop beating yourself up over things, you've been busy and they know that."
Lyon nodded and continued to wipe away the gathering tears. Gray looked away, scuffing his shoes against the pavement, trying to give him a moment.
"Sorry," Lyon muttered.
"It's fine. I shouldn't have-"
"No. I know what you meant. Sorry you've had to fill in for me," Lyon said.
Gray shrugged. "It's cool, no one asked me too, just kinda felt like I oughta. Gotta say, sometimes, I can't even blame you for bailing. The women in our family are crazy."
Juvia swatted him on the arm, causing him to flinch, and Lyon let out a laugh.
"Yeah, yeah they are."
Gray chuckled along with him, as he rubbed his arm.
"You two are horrible. I should tell Ultear you said that, you wouldn't be laughing then," Juvia threatened.
Gray and Lyon froze in their laughter and shared equally horrified looks.
"You wouldn't," Gray said.
"Don't even think about it Juvia."
She eyed them both, and while she still felt indignant on Ur and Ultras behalf she had to admit it was nice to see the two of them getting along.
"That's it! I'm not helping you any more!" Lucy screamed, storming away from Natsu and towards their group.
"You weren't helping me in the first place," Natsu called out after her, but followed at her heels. "Come on Luce, don't be like that."
"Does this mean you're on my side now?" Gray asked flashing her a grin.
Lucy glared at him. "No."
"You should just wait til we're done looking then pick what you liked. 'Stead of changing your mind every couple blocks," Gajeel grumbled, coming up behind them.
Juvia glanced over and accidentally caught his gaze, and her heart pounded against her chest. Gajeel held it for a moment before turning to the others with a disinterested look. It hurt. Her chest clenched painfully and she had to force herself to look away.
"I should," Lucy agreed dejectedly.
"Aww, but it's more fun when you get all excited! You're like a cute little puppy," Natsu said.
"You're just saying that so you can go back to betting about me with Gray."
"I am not!"
Lucy raised a brow and shot him an unimpressed look.
"Not entirely," Natsu amended, offering her a sheepish grin.
"Come on Lu," Levy said, while weaving her arm through Lucy's, "you can tell me about the houses you like."
The two of them started off down the next street, talking away to each other.
Nastu groaned as he watched them go. "Now what do I do?"
"Don't look at me. I already tried to save your dumb ass," Gray quipped, patting natsu on the back.
The group of them slowly started trailing after Lucy and Levy.
"Just buy her somethin' girly with the money you won," Gajeel told him, rolling his eyes as though the answer was obvious.
Nastu let out an even louder groan. "She always likes the really expensive stuff though, and I'd probably buy the wrong thing."
"Just get her another key charm," Gray supplied. "She likes those."
"But she's already got like, a million. What if I get one she's already got?"
Lyon rolled his eyes. "You're all clueless. She's not upset about the bets, she's upset because you were about to call her fat. What you do is you buy her a long stem red rose, and when you present it to her and she says it's beautiful, you tell her that it's nothing but a pale shadow compared to her own beauty."
Nastu came to a stop, and stared at Lyon with a stupefied look on his face.
The four of them slowed and waited for him, certain Natsu's brain had just been broken.
Slowly he turned his head to look at Juvia before springing forward and throwing his arms around her.
She stumbled back a bit with the weight of him, and tried to shove him off but his arms were locked right around hers and prevented her from tossing him to the ground.
"Juvia you gotta help me fix it!" he wailed.
She stared down at him in alarm. "What? Why me?"
"Oi, get off of her," Gray demanded, yanking Natsu back by the collar of his jacket.
Natsu released her as he stumbled back, and swatted Gray's hand away. "Cause you're a girl, you know about these things."
Gajeel snorted and she scowled at him, before turning back to Natsu. "Honestly I'm just as clueless as you are. The whole passive aggressive thing doesn't really appeal to me, I'd have just hit you and been done with it."
She glanced further down the street to find Lucy and Levy stopped in front of one of the houses, chatting. They reminded her of the popular girls in school, arm in arm whispering and giggling. Juvia bit down on her lip. She'd never really been a part of that world, she was too aggressive, too loud, too blunt, no matter how hard she tried not to be. She'd always fit it more as one of the guys, but that didn't mean she'd never wanted girlfriends.
"See, that I could deal with," Natsu said. "This whole ignoring me until I jump through the right hoop; it's evil. And half the time I end up doing a million things before doing the right one."
Lucy glanced back and caught Juvia's eye and smiled, waving for her to come join them.
"That's probably why she does it," Juvia called from over her shoulder. She turned back and started walking again. "Just say you're sorry for being an ass…. Then tell her she's pretty."
She could hear Lyon gloating, and the other boys complaining as she approached Lucy and Levy.
"-an't wait for the candle lighting tonight'" Levy said.
Lucy nodded.
Her mom's hands wrapped around Juvia tiny little ones as the clutched a simple white candle. They were surrounded thousands of lit candles. "Now take your candle dear, hold it tight and we'll go light it using one of the others. And once it's lit you make a wish."
"Candle lighting?" Juvia asked coming up beside them, trying to clear her head. She knew the basic ritual, it was practiced by churches all across Fiore but it had a million meanings depending on who you asked and where you were.
"Yeah, you know, you go light a candle for loved ones that have passed on the longest night of the year. Cardia Cathedral holds a huge mass and people come in and out all night. I do it every year for my mom." Lucy explained, a sad smile resting on her lips.
Juvia's gut twisted bitterly, and her chest tightened. It was suddenly abundantly clear why this tradition was such a big deal to Lyon, and she wished he hadn't glossed over this little detail.
"Sorry about your mom," she mumbled, avoiding Lucy's gaze. She felt dizzy and short of breath.
A hand came to rest on the small of her back. She glanced up to find Lyon standing beside her a sorrowful expression on his face as he stared at Lucy.
"I guess that means we're all lighting candles then?" he asked.
Levy shook her head. "I mean, I will, but it's not for anyone in particular."
"I ain't," Gajeel scoffed, folding his arms over his chest. His eyes flickered over to Juvia, and for the first time that night she wasn't met with a glare.
"I'll probably wait outside, too." she said, avoiding the gazes of the others.
Lyon frowned. "You don't want to light a candle for your parents?"
Juvia shifted uncomfortably. "I've never really seen the point to it, and I'm not a fan of churches."
"Well there doesn't have to be a point to it. It's just nice to take a moment to recognize them, and Cardia Cathedral is gorgeous, especially when it's all lit up with candles."
Juvia shivered. The image of high arched ceilings with candles lining the walls came back to her mind. Warm hands holding hers, and loving smiles. Soft words she couldn't really remember.
"I'm sure it's nice, I just would rather not," Juvia mumbled.
"But-"
"It's fine," Levy interjected. "She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to, everyone has different ways of dealing with things."
"Or not dealing with them," Gajeel muttered.
Juvia shot him a glare, but said nothing.
The group slowly started moving again, wandering the street.
"It really is beautiful," Lucy murmured. "People come from all across Fiore to see it all lit up tonight."
"Mhmm, I'm pretty sure it's one of the most visited sites tonight," Lyon said.
"It's second or third most," Levy explained. "Depends on the year. The first is always Zentopia cathedral, over in Crocus. But Cardia and Ladrifis always compete for second place."
"See, totally worth checking out." Lyon said.
"I think she gets the point Lyon," Gray snapped, "Not everyone's a fan of churches and architecture. I couldn't care less about the cathedral, just there for my mom."
"Okay, okay, I'll drop it." Lyon sighed as they reached the end of the street. Suddenly he perked up, and grinned like a little kid. "Hey! We're here!"
Juvia quirked an eyebrow at him, happy for the change of topic but very confused as to his excitement. "Here?"
"This is the street with my favourite house," he explained, eagerly grabbing her hand and dragging her behind him. "Come on, it's amazing and whimsical and perfect. You're gonna love it!"
Juvia chuckled as she picked up her pace and trotted after him.
She looked about the street as they did, taking in the other homes. The first thing she noted was that each of them was huge, more like mansions than houses, and she supposed that was why Lyon didn't think quite so much about his own home. She wondered just how many people actually lived in them, because she was sure there were more than enough rooms for each of the kids from the orphanage to have had their own room, with rooms to spare. And not only were they huge, but they were all decorated with elaborate displays, colour coordinated lights, and lit up scenes.
One had the manger scene, another had wicker reindeer scattered across the lawn frolicking together.
The house they came to a stop in front of was clearly one of the most elaborate. Red and Green lights covered it as well as the large evergreen that stood proud on the front lawn. Beneath the tree were several oversized presents, and the tree itself was covered with large traditional decorations. A moving train set large enough to seat small children weaved in and around the gifts and over the rest of the lawn, chugging away. It was the kind of scene kids around the world dreamed of waking up to on Christmas morning.
She stared in awe, and Lyon stood beside her bouncing on the balls of his feet as he took it all in.
"Isn't it amazing?" He gushed, offering her a delighted smile.
Juvia nodded, because really, it was. All of them were. She looked up and down the street taking in each house, immaculately decorated with it's own theme and she could understand Lyon's awe and excitement. It amazed and delighted her, even as her mind questioned how much it cost to pull this off and considered that there were probably a million better uses for that kind of cash. Ones that might actually benefit others instead of just being for show.
It all felt a little over the top and wasteful until she spotted one house, and her breath caught.
Lyon was still caught up in staring at his favourite, pointing out some of the new features to Lucy, who was equally enamored, and Natsu, who was eyeing the train with displeasure.
Slowly she slipped away, walking towards the large home at the end of the street. It was one of the corner houses, and looked like an giant cottage, from the roof and window sills icicle lights hung, Blue lights spiraled around the trees and bright white snowflakes made of lights hung in the windows and from branches. It was a winter wonderland, and an orchestral version of the song could be heard.
The centerpiece of the lawn was a large sleigh, pulled by decorative horses with a cute couple cuddled together in the seat, and beautifully carved ice sculptures and well made snowmen were placed all around them. Snow was blown up from a corner scattering snowflakes to the wind, and Juvia fought the desire to step onto the grass and twirl about in the man made storm.
It looked just like a snow globe.
Her heart skipped a beat at the thought, as a feeling of deja vu struck her.
"Mommy, mommy look! It's a snow globe." She jumped up and down then sprinted forward, ready to dive into the snow.
Strong arms wrapped around her waist and hoisted her high into the air. She let out a shriek of laughter, as she was spun around, before being cradled close to her fathers chest.
"Woah little raindrop, you can't go up there. You'll freeze like a popsicle." His deep laughter rumbled through his chest and she shook with him.
"This one's my favourite too."
She jolted, and whipped around to find Gray standing right beside her.
He caught her eye briefly before turning to admire the house.
Her heart slowed its frantic pace, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. "It's beautiful."
He hummed an agreement. He was so close, and for the first time that day Juvia's mind wandered back to the night before, and the way it felt to be held in his arms, and the feel of his lips on her neck. She shivered, the memory of the sensation sending a flush of desire through her.
Gray glanced at her, with a small frown. "You cold? I've got the blanket if you want it?"
He had his backpack half way off when Juvia placed a hand on his shoulder. He tensed under her touch and their eyes locked.
Her heart hammered in her chest and she whisked her head away. "It's fine, just a cold breeze."
"You sure?"
She nodded, and offered him a small smile.
He slipped the pack back on and they stood side by side in a comfortable silence, listening to the soft melody play and taking in the picturesque tableau.
"What were you thinking about?" he asked, glancing down at her.
"Hmm?"
"When I came up beside you, you were pretty deep in thought. What were you thinking about?"
Juvia inhaled sharply, and her body tensed. Slowly she forced the breath from her lungs, all too aware of his eyes on her. She kept her gaze forward, and focused on keeping her voice even. "Nothing."
Her response was met with silence, and she could still feel him staring at her. She glanced his way from the corner of her eye, and he locked eyes with her. His stare was intense and she could practically see his mind working, fighting some internal debate. It was clear he didn't believe her.
Finally he let out a sigh, and carded a hand through his hair before stuffing it into his pocket. His gaze lingered for a moment more before turning towards the others, who'd finally made it to the end of the street.
She turned as well. Neither of them said a word but she could feel his gaze as they crossed the street back to where the others were. She ignored it as she wrapped herself back up into Lyon's hold, and told herself it didn't mean anything.
She didn't miss the way his gaze kept returning to her though.
The calm happy feeling that she'd had earlier had been all but obliterated. Anxiety had slowly been clawing at her from the inside since she'd seen that house. The memories that bubbled to the surface left Juvia feeling suffocated and overwhelmed, as they continued to wander the streets.
She tried to ignore it. Tried to go back to the warmth, and comfort, but now that the floodgates had opened it seemed that everywhere she looked, something reminded her of her parents. More specifically, of her last night with her parents.
The quiet and stillness of the side streets had been replaced again with the bustle of people, and the cacophony of Christmas Carols, bells, and chatter, which only added to her unease.
It was too much. Too much emotion, too much noise, and not nearly enough personal space.
As she caught sight of the main road she finally caved. She grabbed Lyon's arm, and clung to it like she was drowning, halting him in the process.
"I want to go home, I'm not feeling good," she whispered, unable to look him in the eye.
He glanced down at her, concern mapped across his face. He pulled off his glove and placed his bare hand on her forehead. It's warm against her chilled skin.
"Oi!" Gray's voice called the others attention, bringing the group to a halt. He closed the distance between them, gaze locked on Juvia. "What's wrong?"
The word nothing, rested on her lips and threatened to spill forth, but she bit down on it and forced herself to repeat her previous confession. "I'm not feeling well."
"You don't seem to have a fever," Lyon said, as he removed his hand from her forehead and placed his glove back on, "We're not far from the cathedral, it's just one more stop. We'll light the candles, then we can head home."
Frustration welled up within her. She really didn't want to do this anymore. She wanted to go home.
Gray tugged the blanket from his pack, shook it out and offered it to her with a scowl.
She took it, mumbled a "thank you" and wrapped it around her shoulders. It helped warm her, and the fresh scent of fabric softener was nice, but it did little to ease her distress.
Lyon placed a hand on the small of her back, rubbing lightly in circles. "We can grab you a tea if you want, and there will be benches inside the cathedral. I know you're tired, but it's just this one more thing, 'kay? I just want to light a candle for my dad."
He pressed against her back, urging her forward into the crowd, but she resisted, and he frowned. "Juvia?"
Gray huffed and stepped forward and placing a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, I'll take you back to the car." He held out his hand towards Lyon. "Gimme the keys."
"You're seriously going to skip going to the cathedral?" Lyon asked.
Gray glared at him. "She's not feeling well. We dragged her out her, and you promised we'd only be a few hours, and it's gone well past that. You want to go to Cardia, go. I'm taking her to the car to warm up."
Lyon glanced between the two of them, before reaching into his pocket and digging out his keys to hand to Gray.
Before he could Juvia grabbed Gray's hand and pulled it back.
He frowned. "Wha-"
"It's fine," she said, clinging to him tighter. "You don't have to take me to the car. I can survive a little bit longer."
Gray huffed at her, and threw his arms up in frustration. "You shouldn't have to. You didn't have to come, but you did. You could have cut short the walk, and said you were getting tired a while ago but you didn't. You've been quiet, and visibly uncomfortable for a while now, and didn't even want to come into the Cathedral in the first place, so you shouldn't have to."
"And you shouldn't have to miss out on something that's important to you, just because I couldn't be bothered to speak up before now." Juvia looked up at Gray, with a pleading gaze. "I appreciate you wanting to take me to the car, but it's not necessary. We can just grab some tea, and I'll find a bench to rest on."
"Juv-"
"I don't want to be the reason you don't light a candle for your mom tonight. I refuse to be." She wrapped the blanket tighter around her and tried to steel her nerves.
Both Gray and Lyon seemed conflicted, but finally Gray shook his head and sighed. "If that's what you want."
"It is."
It wasn't, and she could tell from the way he looked at her that he knew it too, but he relented.
Both released her, but fell into step on either side of her, like a pair of bodyguards.
She could sense Gajeel watching her and glanced his way, certain she'd be at the receiving end of yet another reproachful look. Instead she was met with concern.
The desire to run to him was overwhelming, but she told herself to hold out just a little longer. They'd have a moment alone soon enough, and she could apologize properly, instead of continuing to expect and demand his comfort whenever the need arose.
A little longer and she could show him that she had grown up. That she was no longer prone to the fits of her teen years. That she was getting better.
A little longer and she could prove to herself that she was strong enough to face the world alone.
The warmth from the cup in her hands seeped through her gloves and provided an excellent thing to focus on as they made their way through the overly crowded streets. More than once, she thought about demanding the keys for herself so that she could go back to the car, but she doubted Gray would let her wander back on her own.
There was a chance Gajeel would step in and offer to take her, he'd been sneaking glances back at her since they'd stopped, but his accusation that she was always expecting him to pick up the pieces still smarted. She wanted to prove that she could handle this. That he could have confidence in her being able to look after herself when he wasn't around.
"There it is," Lyon whispered to her in reverence.
Juvia looked up, and her heart stopped along with the rest of her. Her eyes scanned the building, up and up to the tips of the spiral towers. She took in the large arched windows, and the intricate knots carved into the stone archway above the door. Each and every detail was achingly familiar from years of staring at the picture stored in her bedside drawer, replaying the memory of the moment over and over again, for fear that one day she'd forget the little things.
"Could you take a picture for us?" her mom asked, smiling at the woman standing before them, arm outstretched with a camera.
"Of course!"
Her parents crouched beside her. Her tiny arms stretched out to wrap around them and each of them wrapped an arm around her in return. She felt safe, loved, happy.
"On the count of three say cheese. 1, 2, 3."
"Cheese!"
Juvia's vision blurred, and she tried desperately to blink back the tears. She'd been six, they'd been on vacation. Her mom had wanted to go see some famous festival. She hadn't cared, had been happy to run about in the snow and stay out late and drink hot chocolate. They'd said she could sleep in the car on the drive home….
"Juvia, are you okay?" Gray stared at her with an intensity that felt as though he could see through her soul.
His words brought the others to a stop as well, and they all turned to look at her. Lyon had almost made it up the steps… the same steps she'd stood on in the picture.
Her eyes darted back and forth between them. She knew she needed to answer his question, and fast, before it became obvious that she indeed was NOT okay; but her thoughts were racing too fast and her head was clouded with thoughts of a time when things were normal. A time before all of this when she actually stood a chance at being happy.
"Juvia?" Lyon took a couple steps towards her, and she could hear the sound of his voice calling her, but the words just weren't coming through. Everything sounded distorted, muffled like her head was underwater and everyone else was above.
Juvia slammed her eyes shut, and wrapped her arms tight about herself. She didn't want to be here; should never have come. She'd avoided the stupid winter festivals for years, terrified of accidentally stumbling upon this place. Years of fights with caregivers, screaming fits to be left in the safety of their home or the orphanage, while they went out.
She stumbled back, feeling dizzy. Her pulse thundered in her ears, as memories of her mother and father kept pushing forth from the back of her mind. It was like a dam that had been torn asunder.
The sound of laughter echoed in her mind, moments flashed before her eyes of falling snow, and a million lights. Warm arms wrapped tight around her, and the sound of soft carols, and then the loud screech of tires.
Her tea slipped from her hand and dropped to the ground, spilling out over the snow. Juvia stared down at it in a daze, feeling the loss far more deeply than was normal.
A hand grabbed her shoulder, and her eyes snapped open. Gray was holding tight to her. "Juvia?"
She pulled back from his grip, blurred vision drifting over the others and landing on Gajeel. He was frowning back at her, and everything in her gut twisted. He was right, he'd been right about her, and she knew it. She knew this had been a mistake, but instead of admitting it she'd stubbornly fought him. She'd told him off for actually caring for her, and this time she was truly on her own again.
Warm tears streaked down her face.
"Juvia, what's wrong?" Lyon was walking towards her, hand outstretched, and she could see Gray moving to grab her again. Instinctively she stepped back, but Lyon didn't stop. "Talk to me, what's going on?"
He was pleading, but she couldn't answer. Not even if she wanted to. Her throat was so dry, and it felt like it was constricting in on itself. He reached out and grabbed her, pulling her into his arms and caging her there.
It should have felt comforting, but she couldn't breath. Her chest was tight and she was struggling for air.
"Just let me go!" The words tore from her throat, shrill and desperate.
Lyon held her closer, mumbling soothing words, even as she struggled in his grip.
"Please," she sobbed.
Suddenly Lyon's hand was being pried from her own.
"She said let her go!" Gray's voice identified him more than the dark blob of hair that had forced its way between her and Lyon.
The second Gray's hand released her, she turned. Her legs propelled her away from them, away from the church. She bumped into and jostled people in her flight, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered beyond her need to get away.
"Juvia!" Lyon's cry pierced the crowd, calling out desperately; trying to summon her back.
She just ran faster.
Lyon pushed Gray away as hard as he could, crying out to Juvia as he watched her weave her way through the crowd. He didn't understand what was going on, all he knew was that something was wrong and he needed to go after her. To protect her from whatever it was that had upset her.
The fear he'd felt that morning came pushing back up, telling him he'd fucked up, that this was his fault, and that he was the one she was running from.
He shoved past Gray, ready to go after her, when he felt Gray grip his arm yet again. White hot rage shot through him, and he spun aiming to punch Gray only to find it was Gajeel there instead.
He deflect Lyon's fist causing Lyon to stumble forward, almost face planting into the huge man's chest.
"Don't even think about it!" Gajeel growled, then glared past Lyon, "Oi, stay right where you are ice bastard, or I'll come after you too!"
Lyon gathered his footing and straightened, turning to see Gray had halted a few feet away.
Gray whipped around to glare back at Gajeel. "You're kidding me right? She's clearly upset, and not thinking straight. What if she gets lost, or hurts herself, huh? I'm going after her."
Gajeel released Lyon and caught up with Gray in a few strides, grabbed him and yanked him around. "No you're not! You have no idea what's wrong, and all you're gonna be able to do is play twenty questions with her and she ain't gonna want to answer a damn one of them!"
Gray slumped and looked away from Gajeel. His fists and jaw were clenched tight. "So you just expect us to let her run off alone like that?"
"I'll go," Lyon said, "Whatever it is, she'll talk to me."
Gajeel scoffed. "Yeah, the way she's talked to you about everything else? If she wanted you to know she'd have told you already, and you wouldn't have fuckin' dragged her out here in the first place."
"Gajeel…." Levy cautioned, coming up beside him with Natsu and Lucy in tow.
People around them were staring and muttering. Shooting them disgruntled looks.
Lyon frowned and took a deep breath, and tried to keep his voice low and even so they'd stop making a scene. "What are you talking about? I didn't drag her out here."
"You begged her to come," Gray spat.
Lyon's shoulders dropped and he rolled his eyes to the sky. The urge to punch Gray returned full fold. "Not helping."
"Neither's lying."
"I wasn-"
"Oh shut it, both of you!" Gajeel snapped. "She hates these stupid festivals, she wouldn'a come if you hadn't guilted her about it, and I don't need Gray to tell me that. I know about her parents, that's why I've been tryin' to get you to talk to her about that shit. But no; fuck listening to me, what do I know?"
Lyon's stomach knotted, and he felt more than a little out of his depths. He had no idea what Juvia's parents had to do with anything, but he did know that it was a touchy subject, and could easily see that being the source of her distress. It didn't sit well with him, though. Surely she trusted him enough to tell him if that was the case.
"Go light your candles, I'll go find her and deal with it," Gajeel said, with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"Like hell you will. You've been an ass to her since we got here," Lyon hissed.
"That's because I'm tired of watching her throw her needs out the window just to make you happy. It's bullshit! And you let her do it!" Gajeel yelled, drawing the attention of dozens of people. He glowered at them, and most quickly turned away.
Taking a deep breath he continued, eyes boring deep into Lyon's. "Look, I ain't saying you don't care, or that she hasn't told you some important shit. But you refused to listen when I tell you Juvia ain't gonna just hand you her life story; no matter how much time or space you give 'er. She lies about that shit to everyone including me, but instead of listen to someone with experience, you just buy whatever story she spins."
"You can't just force people to talk about things they don't want to," Lyon huffed. "You hate people prying into your life, asking unwanted questions, but when it comes to Juvia that's exactly what I should do?"
"You, yeah. There's a huge difference between a stranger asking shit and a friend; figured you might actually know the difference by now," Gajeel spat.
"Guys that's enough. This isn't helping," Lucy interjected stepping between the two of them.
"Lu's right. Gajeel should go after Juvia," Levy said, then turned to Lyon. "I know they've been fighting, but it's only cause he's been worried about her. You know he cares about her."
Lyon nodded grudgingly.
"We'll go in and light our candles, and he can text you once he's found her. That way once she's calmed down you can take her home, okay?" Levy instructed, looking at Lyon, and then at Gray who looked about as torn as Lyon felt.
He felt a surge of anger at Gray's concern. Gray had spent the night doting on her, and Lyon hadn't missed the way he kept stealing glances her way. He needed to keep an eye on that. The last thing Juvia needed was another player toying with her, then dumping her.
"Yeah," Gray relented.
Levy turned and fixed Lyon with an expectant look, surprising him.
"Fine…." He turned to face Gajeel. "Just text me when you find her, 'kay?"
Gajeel nodded, offering him a rare sympathetic look. "Will do." With that he turned and made his way into the crowd.
Lyon watched him go, with his heart in his throat.
Natsu's hand landed on his shoulder. "She'll be okay man."
Lyon took a deep breath, and nodded. He knew she would be, Juvia had always been strong and resourceful, but he couldn't shake the guilt that was gnawing at him. He was her best friend, and really, he should have known something was wrong. He should have listened to her, and let her stay home, or at least walked her back to the car, like Gray had tried to do. Instead he just kept pushing her, demanding more and more from her until she broke.
The night before came rushing back to him, all that she had done for him….
Lyon swallowed down the bile and turned to follow the others. The excitement he'd felt not moments ago had turned to ash in his mouth.
Juvia shivered, and shifted her position, drawing her knees closer to her chest in an attempt to keep in the little warmth her body possessed. She drew the blanket tighter around her, but it did little to defend against the chill seeping into her bones from the icy metal hood of Gajeel's jeep. She probably should have gone to Lyon's car, but her initial instinct had been to avoid being found, and now she wondered if it would be wise to move. If they had gone to his his car already it would be awhile before they came back to let her in.
Besides she really didn't want to face Lyon. She wasn't ready to deal with the rush of questions that she knew were coming. For the first time since their friendship had started she doubted he was going to just let her get away with dismissing them. At least, not for long.
She reached up and wiped the fresh set of tears from her face. She'd really made a mess of things.
There was a distinct clunk of something hitting metal right beside her, and the jeep shifted and dipped to her right. She whipped her head up, and unfurled her body, ready to defend herself.
Instead Gajeel hoisted himself up onto the hood beside her. He rolled and settled next to her with a thud, shaking the vehicle in the process.
Juvia couldn't decide if she ought to be grateful or mortified.
Of all the people to find her, Gajeel was the only one who wasn't going to ask questions. On the other hand, the last thing he said to her was that he wasn't doing this again. He'd warned her that this was how the night would end, and she'd thrown his concern right back in his face. Five years of friendship, and she just dismissed it like it was nothing.
It was time to face the consequences.
He leaned back against the windshield, eyes cast up to look at the stars, a contemplative look on his face. He said nothing, though.
"How did you know where I was?" she murmured.
Gajeel held his phone up, and she glanced at the screen.
Find My iPhone was written across the top bar with a map just below it.
Of course he'd remember her ID password.
She let her eyes wander over him, desperate for some sort of hint as to what he was thinking, what he planned to say.
He didn't look upset. He was frowning; but that was almost always the case with Gajeel.
She bit her lip, unsure of how to breach the silence, but knowing that she would need to be the one to do so. Gajeel didn't do feelings unless he had to.
"So…." He let the word trail off, and linger between them. His eyes focused on hers, holding her gaze firmly.
"Yeah, I know," she averted her gaze. "You told me so."
Gajeel sighed, and wrapped an arm around her waist, he forcibly dragged her closer to him. Her side met his and she leaned into him instinctively. For warmth, for comfort. He was so rarely affectionate, and the gesture wasn't lost on her. More tears slipped down her cheeks as she buried her face into his shoulder.
"I think you were doing pretty good, actually. I mean, it was obvious towards the end you were struggling, but you held it together pretty well until we got to the cathedral."
Juvia clung to him, her fist clenched around the front of his jacket as she sobbed quietly.
His hand moved in circles across her back, attempting to sooth her, but not rushing her. His other hand covered hers, and he held her. He let her cry without judgement, as he'd done before. It seemed no matter how frustrated he was, no matter how tired he was of her behaviour, he didn't have it in him to turn away.
She didn't understand why that was, maybe she never would, but she was grateful.
"Is this where they took you?" he asked, as her sobs started to subside.
She nodded, not trusting her voice.
He let out a long exhale, his breath a stream of white against the darkness of the night. "That's shit."
Another nod.
"If ya want I'll come up with something. Or tell em to mind their own business for you."
Juvia looked up at him, shock written across her features. After all he'd said, all that he'd insisted she tell Lyon, he was now offering to cover for her? "Why?"
"'Cause you're gonna do it anyways, and as much as I think you outta tell him, it ain't my life. And tellin' you want to do just seems to make you do the opposite. 'Sides I want ya to know I'm here for you. Even if I think you're being dumb."
Juvia bit her lip and took a deep breath. "No, I think it's time I told him. I don't think he's gonna just leave this one anyways."
"Probably not, but he shouldn't. Shouldn't have left it all these months." Gajeel grumbled. He took a deep breath, his chest puffing out as he did. "Look, I know you think you're over this, and I aint gonna lie, you probably would have been okay tonight if it wasn't for the whole coincidence, but that ain't why I've been pushing you to talk to him."
Juvia quirked an eyebrow at him.
"I want you to tell him cause shit's changing, and I can't always be there for you. But I know that even if I ain't, there's a good chance he'll be around. I want you to actually have other people you can trust, and talk to," He explained.
Juvia's heart clenched at the thought of him not being there for her, and she forced herself to breathe through the anxiety. He didn't mean it as a forever thing, just as a reality. They were at opposite ends of the country, and the reality was he physically couldn't be there all the time, and she couldn't always be his priority either. This year had made that clear.
Gajeel sighed and her hair fluttered across her face. "Juv's you can't just get over this shit by bottlin' it up and ignoring it. You need support, and I think he'd be good for that if you'd just let him." Gajeel took a deep breath. His chest rose, and she rose with it, then slumped back against him as he exhaled.
She rested there for a moment, just absorbing his words.
Two years ago, Gajeel would never have told her that. He'd have been even more cut off than she was and lashed out at anyone who tried to get close. The first year of their friendship had been based strictly on their ability to just sit in silence together, and to weather the storm of eachother's mood swings without questions or expectations. Half of their revelations had been in the form of screaming matches or straight up fist fights. Nothing had come easy.
Clearly his move to Magnolia had changed things.
She knew most of it probably had to do with Levy, but obviously it extended from there. He had friends, a small group of them, but friends nonetheless. And he was more open, more affectionate. She briefly wondered if going to Margaret Collegiate was a mistake, if she should have stuck to her original plan and gone to Magnolia University instead. She quickly dismissed the thought though, because a half-assed scholarship was still better than none.
Juvia sighed, and shifted, climbing up and over his leg, into his lap. Gajeel grunted, and glared at her, but spread his legs anyways and allowed her to settle between them. His arms wrapped around her as she leaned back into his chest. She looked up, and took in the night sky and the sparse scattering of scars.
Silent Night echoed out over the parking lot, and despite herself Juvia had to admit it was kinda nice. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of Gajeel's cologne, and reveled in the warmth he provided.
She knew she'd have a lot to explain, but in that moment she wasn't worried. Gajeel was right, she needed to stop running from her problems, and from the people who wanted to care for her.
It was time to try again. Maybe it wouldn't work out. Maybe it would blow up in her face all over again, but she wasn't gonna be alone if it did, and somehow that made it just a little less scary.
Lyon let out a long sigh as he stared down at the home screen of his phone.
Still no new text message.
His leg bounced in agitation, and he shifted uncomfortably on the wooden pew. He'd gotten a text from Gajeel fifteen minutes ago stating he'd found Juvia, but Gajeel hadn't given him an address or anything.
At the time Lyon had texted back stating he was still waiting to light his candle, but to tell him where they were and he'd be there as soon as he could. He'd yet to receive a reply.
He debated heading to his car, thinking that, maybe, Juvia might be there. Or even just heading out and searching for her, but he thought better of it. Juvia usually didn't do the logical thing, and wandering aimlessly wasn't going to make him feel any less helpless.
"Still nothing?" Gray asked.
Lyon shook his head. The others offered him sympathetic glances.
"I'm sure she's fine. Gajeel's probably just talking to her, calming her down," Lucy assured.
Levy nodded and hummed an agreement, "He's actually been really worried about her, so they're probably just having a heart to heart."
Lyon shot her a disbelieving look, and noticed that Gray and Natsu looked equally uncertain.
"He's actually not as bad at it as you'd think!" Levy defended.
Lyon bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to believe her, but Gajeel wasn't exactly the sensitive type, and the closest he'd seen of the two of them bonding was eating Chinese and mocking old horror films. Sure he knew that Juvia and Gajeel were close, but it definitely wasn't conventional friendship, and it felt like they were more likely to punch out their anger, rather than talk deeply about anything.
His phone vibrated against his palm, and Lyon whipped it back up, sliding his finger across the message to open it.
Metal Head: We're at my jeep. Parking lot 3, just northwest of Grace and Main.
Lyon wasted no time in grabbing his coat, and standing. "I gotta go."
The others nodded. A chorus of goodbye's acknowledging his departure.
"Was good to see you all," he replied, giving them a quick wave before maneuvering out of the pews and into the crowd shuffling toward the exit. Once there he sent off a text reply to Gajeel letting him know he was on his way.
"Dude, wait up," Gray called, when Lyon was halfway down the steps of the cathedral.
Lyon pause, and turned to see him rushing to slip his coat back on and weave through the crowd. "What are you doing?"
"Coming with you, you're kinda my ride remember?"
Lyon frowned and took a deep breath. "You should stay. I'm sure you can get a ride back with Natsu and Lucy, they're headed home tonight."
Gray frowned. "I don't want to stay. I want to check on Juvia and go home with you guys."
Lyon ran a hand through his hair. He didn't have time for this, and the last thing he needed was Gray tagging along. It was gonna be hard enough to get Juvia to talk without an audience.
"Come on, we're wasting time," Gray said, and grabbed him by the arm dragging him down the rest of the steps.
Lyon wrenched himself out of Gray's grip.
Gray spun to face him and fixed him with a frustrated look. "What's your problem?"
"My problem is Juvia isn't your concern. I can deal with her myself," Lyon snapped, temper fraying even faster than usual. The last twenty minutes had been torture.
"Really? 'Cause you didn't seem too concerned earlier, I'm pretty sure I was the one willing to skip Cardia to go look after her," Gray bit back.
Lyon recoiled a little, before fixing Gray with a withering glare.
Deep down he knew Gray was right, but it only added fuel to the fire of his ire. The idea that Gray had been more aware of Juvia's emotional state, more considerate of it, bothered him. He was never the more selfish of the two of them, and he couldn't ignore the unease he felt over Gray's sudden interest in Juvia. Especially since it wasn't a one-sided interest.
He could practically hear Juvia's voice chiding him about being unreasonable. Telling him he was just taking it out all of his frustrations on Gray, but he ignored the thought. Why should he care? Gray had never held back over the years, and Lyon had often been the brunt of his frustrations. His anger bubbled up to the surface and erupted. "Of course I was concerned. What I wanna know is why were you, huh? Why were you suddenly willing to drop everything for a girl you've just met and barely know?" Lyon demanded. His face was inches away from Gray's and he jabbed Gray's chest with his finger.
"The fuck? Are you serious?" Gray backed up, putting some distance between them before turning his back on Lyon and walking away. "You know what, fuck it, I'm not doing this shit with you right now. Lets just go get Juvia and leave."
Lyon caught the blush on Gray's cheeks and saw red. "Or better yet, how about you stay away from her! Do you really think I'm just gonna sit back and let you manipulate her into trusting you? Into falling for you like every other girl you've set your eyes on. Cause if that's what you think, you've got another thing coming."
Gray whirled back around and anger flashed in his eyes. His fist were held up and clenched. "You're such a fucking hypocrite, you know that."
Lyon glared back, but a thread of confusion undermined his rage. The question rested on the tip of his tongue, but Gray spun on his heels and marched into the crowd before Lyon could ask what he meant.
Lyon followed after him, chasing him down as he veered off onto one of the side streets. "What the hell are you doing? You don't even know where you're going."
"Parking lot 3," Gray snapped. "Gajeel texted me too. Guess I'm not the only one who thinks you're a shit boyfriend."
"Says the guy who's never had a girlfriend."
"I've had a girlfriend."
"Going out on three dates, hooking up and dumping a girl doesn't count."
Gray reached up and pulled at his hair, and let out a growl. "Why are you such a fucking asshole?"
"I learned from the best," Lyon retorted, shooting him a scathing glare.
Gray let out another frustrated huff, and spun around. "You're seriously blaming me for the way you're acting right now?"
Lyon stopped and folded his arms across his chest. "You're seriously saying you haven't been an asshole for the better part of your life?"
Gary's fingers curled and twitched, and he looked like he wanted to punch Lyon. Lyon waited for it, and readied himself for the fight. Finally Gray took a deep breath, and let the tension flood from his body.
Lyon frowned.
Gray sighed and ran a hand through his hair, and when he finally met Lyon's gaze his eyes were pleading. "Look I- Yeah I've been an ass, especially to you, and maybe you've got every right to hate me. Maybe I can't ever make up for that shit, but I sure as hell have been trying to."
Gray dropped his gaze and started pacing. "And I get the hostility when I've said or done something shitty. Like after shopping on Monday, but I genuinely thought today was good, that we were getting along. I'm trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong, and I can't. For once I can't." He stopped and looked Lyon dead in the eye. "All I've done is try to look after your goddamn girlfriend, cause you wanted to go light a candle for your dad and she didn't, and ever since you've been down my fucking throat."
Lyon wasn't quite sure what to say. His anger was slowly ebbing, and as much as he wanted to, he was finding it harder and harder to justify it.
"I just- We're family. I know you hate that we are, but fuck, I'm trying to be your brother, why the hell can't you at least give me the chance?"
Something snapped in Lyon's mind, and he stared Gray down as white hot fury washed over him. "You're trying? After twelve years of you wanting nothing to do with me, you've decided that you're gonna try. And it's been what? Five days? And you're already fed up. Good to know you're dedicated."
"At least I am! All you've ever done is made it abundantly clear that I'm a disappointment, and we're not family," Gray snarled. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears.
Lyon felt his own starting to form, as frustration and years of rejection came bubbling up to the surface. "Me? I'm the one who made that clear? We fucking took you in. I never once complained about sharing my room with you, about your outbursts. I looked after you, just like mom and Tear."
"Bullshit! For years you've said I wasn't your brother, for years you've hated me and resented me ever showing up."
"Because you said it first!" Lyon howled. "In junior high, that night after your stupid hockey game, when you flipped out at dad for not being there! You screamed at him 'how dare he go to a stupid rehearsal of mine instead of your actual game. He was your dad, not mine.'"
Gray paled, his face softened as he stared at Lyon. His voice came out strangled. "You heard that?"
"Of course I heard it! I was upstairs, grounded for forging their signatures, and writing notes to cover your ass for skipping school."
"What?"
"That's why they were at my rehearsal that night. 'Cause Mr. Sequen finally got in touch with them. I was constantly covering for you, trying to look out for you."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"When? You wanted nothing to do with me at school, and someone was always around at home. When exactly did you give me a chance to talk to you about anything?" Lyon demanded locking eyes with Gray
Gray averted his gaze, and remained silent.
"You were always my little brother Gray. A pain in the ass, and more trouble than you were anything else, but I never begrudged you that. I knew it was hard on you, and that you felt alone, even though we were all right there. You just never saw me as anything other than a threat to what you had, when the reality is you could burn the world to the ground and they'd still love you more than they love me."
"You know that's no-"
"I'm done talking to you. I'm going to get Juvia, and I want to talk to her alone. If you want to be useful go grab her a tea, she's probably freezing."
Gray hesitated. He looked like he wanted to say something.
Lyon glared at him.
Gray sighed. "If that's what you want."
Lyon nodded at him, then pulled out his phone and searched for directions towards the parking lot.
He could hear the crunch of snow as Gray headed back towards the festival. As the sound faded, hot tears rolled down his cheeks. He told himself he didn't care, that the fact that Gray was already frustrated, just proved he wasn't sincere. He told himself it didn't matter either way, he'd given up long ago and he wasn't trying again.
AN: Okay so there you go. Lots of angst and feels this chapter.
Anon Review Replies:
Guest 1: Well there you have it, the start of Juvia's back story reveal. There will be even more over the next two chapters so lots to look forward to. Thanks for the review.
Guest 2: Aww thank you so much! I'm glad you're loving the story so far and that each chapter is continuing to pull you in. Lyon and Juvia needed to have a heart to heart pretty quickly to address what had happened, but don't worry Gray will get his chance to talk to her, it's just gotta wait for a private moment. I've already written it and I think you'll be happy with it once we get there. And yeah, Lyon is being selfish, but keep in mind that the scene was written from Juvia's POV, I do this a lot with IKYSS were I'll give you all a specific point of view, so you know exactly what is motivating Juvia or Lyon, but it isn't always meant to translate beyond the reader. If you look at just her words, it's a lot harder to tell what she's feeling. That being said, Lyon also has tunnel vision. He's the kind of person who sees something they want, and goes after it blindly. And it's like you said, Juvia not being honest with him and not explaining herself doesn't help her cause. Lyon has no reason to question the source of her discomfort, he knows she doesn't like Christmas, he's never been given a reason to believe it's more than that though.
And yes, Gray is paying attention, very close attention. I'll be up front and say it's not love, but that he cares about her at this point. I keep saying it but after IKYSS is done I'll probably go back and write some of his POV. Unfortunately Gray's motivations are hidden for a reason, and aren't revealed for a while. Gotta keep you all guessing ;)
Well Juvia and Gajeel have made up, and Gray has been attentive towards Juvia this chapter, though I know it's not really the heart to heart you were looking for. It's just not the time or the place for that, they're out in public with others. Hopefully his concern for her was enough though to tide you over.
To answer your question... Umm I'm guessing this fic is gonna be about 25+ chapters at this point. I've got the ending planned but there's a bit of wrap up that I need to flesh out a little more and I'm not sure how many chapter's that's gonna take.
Internal Screaming: Welcome to IKYSS! Thank you so much for giving this fic a chance, I'm so glad you love it! I am definitely continuing it. I'm just returning after Nanowrimo and will be doing bi-weekly updates so you came in at a good time! :) Thanks for the review.