14.
"So, I'm standing in the middle of the street throwing up into a garbage can, when someone walks out of the store beside me," I told Tyler and Mike Monday morning, sitting in the cafeteria as we waited for the first bell to ring. "I look up and Edward Cullen is standing there staring at me with this look of... I don't know, I might call it refined disgust... which is how rich people look at you when they catch you vomiting in city garbage gans."
This is not true. I suspect if Edward had found me vomiting into a garbage can he would have gone into protective vampire overdrive. But the story is much more entertaining this way, and Mike and Tyler seem to appreciate it. I also am of the opinion that Edward would prefer to be seen as a rich snob as opposed to a psychic vampire swooping in at just the right minute.
Jessica showed up and quickly cut me off as she began chattering about how awesome the dance was going to be. I didn't mind as I was sort of winging the story and wasn't sure where to head next.
Mike asked as we were leaving for classes, though.
"Must have sucked," he noted.
"Nah," I said quickly, catching sight of Edward entering our classroom up ahead and wanting nothing more than to follow. "He was actually really nice about it, after the initial shock of seeing me bent over the garbage spewing my lunch."
Mike snickered.
"It could have been worse," I continued. "Better throwing up in the garbage and having Cullen make fun of me for it than shopping with the girls for another four minutes."
"Why did you agree to that anyway?" Mike asked, regarding me curiously.
"I was promised a free meal."
"And instead you ended up minus a meal." He grinned and we parted ways. I could still hear him laughing to himself halfway down the hall.
Edward insisted on passing the morning asking me a series of uninterrupted, probing questions. I struggled to explain to him just what it was I loved about the dry, arid plains of Arizona.I tried to describe impossible things like the scent of creosote — bitter, slightly resinous, but still pleasant — the high, keening sound of the cicadas in July, the feathery barrenness of the trees, the very size of the sky, extending white-blue from horizon to horizon, barely interrupted by the low mountains covered with purple volcanic rock. The real difficulty lie in justifying a beauty that depended on the exposed shape of the land rather than the vegetation that many people often thought of as nature's real source of beauty.
As we were walking to the cafeteria I managed to slip in one question of my own. It escaped my mouth as soon as it came to mind, without filter.
"What happens if you eat human food?"
Edward paused just as he was about to ask another question. I immediately felt guilty, casting my gaze about us. But we had stopped at my truck for me to drop off my books and there was no one near enough to hear.
"Well, I guess I can show you," Edward said at some length.
He still hadn't said anything further as we reached the cafeteria. I grabbed random food and paid quickly, not particularly caring as I wasn't impressed by anything they could cook here. Edward did the same and we took a seat at the first empty table we came to. I looked at him expectantly, and he glared for a moment before lifting a slice of pizza of his tray and deliberately taking a large bite. He grimaced, shaking his head as he swallowed.
"Hmm, by your facial expression, I can tell that pizza is what you most miss about human life," I joked.
"I never had pizza," Edward told me simply, smiling a little at my attempt at humour.
"You've never had pizza!" I nearly shouted at him, horrified and appalled at the life he had missed out on. "Your childhood was deprived!"
People at the nearby tables were looking at us curiously.
"Well, I've had it now," Edward answered, loud enough that I'm sure they all heard. "...I don't like it much."
He set the pizza down and pushed it away from him with a wrinkled face.
"I thought Chicago was full of Italian foods," I pointed out, this time keeping my voice quiet.
"Yes."
Edward's answer was infuriatingly concise.
"Well, how can you never have had pizza?"
Edward shrugged, looking a little disgusted. "We ate things like pastas and rice, but certainly not tomato pie."
I stared.
"It was what poor folk ate," he continued quietly. "Five cents a slice when it first came to Chicago a few years before I was born."
"Of course," I finally said, hoping my voice sounded warmer than it felt. I supposed he'd been raised that way, but the distinction of pizza being for 'poor folk' was a little off putting.
"Well, the poor folk of Chicago were lucky," I forced myself to say with a smile when I saw he was regarding me with concern. "Good pizza is damn expensive now."
Edward chuckled, but the sound was flat. "Funny how that works out."
After a moment of silence, I got the impression that Edward was annoyed with me.
"I'm not sorry for making you eat it. You could have just told me it was possible but gross, you know."
Edward glared.
"I'm just saying," I continued blithely, "Don't blame me because you had to do things the dramatic way."
Edward's scowl was pronounced, but it didn't seem to reach his eyes. I hoped.
"I'm leaving early," he said eventually.
"Hm? To hunt?" I asked, noting that his eyes were getting fairly dark.
"Yes, I didn't this weekend. Although I had gone just a few days before meeting you in Port Angeles." His voice was wrought with frustration. "Being around you seems to make it harder to go for a few weeks like I usually can."
"That's not my fault either," I pointed out with a shrug. "Where to?"
"Alice and I are going to Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier."
The name sounded familiar. I pored through every conversation I'd ever had with Charlie in my head.
"Aren't there bears out there?" I finally asked.
Edward stared at me as if I was missing something very obvious.
"Bears?" I gasped, and he smirked, perhaps glad that he had the upper hand in our conversation once again. "You know, bears are not in season," I added sternly, to hide my shock.
"If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons," he informed me.
He watched my face with enjoyment as that slowly sank in.
"Bears?" I repeated with difficulty. Bears were massive creatures. When he said he hunted animals I'd expected deer or something.
"Grizzly is Emmett's favorite." His voice was still offhand, but his eyes were scrutinizing my reaction. I rationalized to myself that this made sense. After all, Emmett Cullen was a massive creature too.
"So... what's your favourite?" I asked, realizing once again, all too suddenly, that I was sitting across the table from a vampire. Someone who had the ability to take down grizzlies with... without weapons. I fought back a shudder.
Edward raised an eyebrow at my question and the corners of his mouth turned down in disapproval.
"Mountain lion."
"Ah," I said in a politely disinterested tone, grabbing blindly for my soda.
"Of course," he said, and his tone mirrored mine, "we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators — ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?" He smiled teasingly.
"Where indeed," I murmured around a bite of pizza.
"Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season — they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable." He smiled at some remembered joke.
"Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear," I agreed, nodding.
Edward looked anxious at my response, perhaps wishing my reaction was greater. I looked away from him to where Emmett was sitting on the other side of the cafeteria, grateful that he wasn't looking in our direction. Irritated grizzly bears. Dear God. The thick bands of muscle that wrapped his arms and torso were somehow even more menacing now.
"Tell me what you're really thinking, please." Edward's voice cut into my thoughts.
"Um."
Edward turned to follow my gaze and chuckled.
"He's very nice."
"You've already told me he's the last member of your family still voting for my immediate death," I said in as dismissive a voice I could manage. Edward winced and began to protest, but I shrugged and continued over his words. "It doesn't matter. I'm sure if it were something to worry about I would already know."
Edward looked doubtful but sighed in acquiescence.
This time when I glanced toward the Cullens' table, Emmett was staring at me, his gaze feeling heavy. I should have been scared, probably, but I could only feel angry. I hadn't done a damn thing to their family. In every interaction I had shared with Edward, he was the one who approached me. I felt my lip curling in disgust and in return the massive man staring at me raised one perfect eyebrow. If Emmett wanted someone to blame he should have been ripping his brother to shreds, not me.
As soon as that thought crossed my mind I was inundated with guilt. I looked back to Edward, thinking how terrible I would feel if anything ever happened to Edward because he wanted to befriend me. I smiled weakly.
"Well, have fun hunting." A quick glance at the clock showed that lunch was drawing to a close. "I'll see you tomorrow, perhaps."
I rose from my seat as steadily as I could and left without a glance backward.
Edward wasn't in Biology, so he must have left already with Alice. As I was fiddling with my keys at the end of the day, trying to get my truck unlocked, a great shadow passed over my vision.
I looked up.
"Hello, Emmett."
Emmett Cullen grinned fiercely.
"Hi... Listen, the last thing my family needs is a human who can't keep their mouth shut hanging about."
"I've kept my mouth shut so far," I answered as calmly as I could. We were in a crowded parking lot, so I doubted I had anything to worry about. After all, that was Emmett's big thing, wasn't it? The secret. "Besides," I continued in a murmur, "You must know that the only thing that would come of me telling is that I would end up in a mental hospital. I've no desire for that, so you've no need to worry."
"I'm not quite as willing as Edward to take chances. You're very brave for a human, foolishly so. You can't win."
I had to scoff at that. "I'm not stupid, Emmett. I know that you could snap me in half if you wanted. Can't take on a grizzly, definitely couldn't take on Emmett Cullen." I didn't have strength or agility, but I did have something I knew would strike Emmett, or any of the Cullens. "I'm nothing but a weak, defenseless human. I'm sure killing me would be easy as pie for you... And all you'd need afterward was to clean up the mess, right?"
Emmett frowned. Because we both knew it wasn't true. Emmett's diet regimen attested to that.
"Are you guilt tripping me?" he finally asked incredulously.
"No, just saying it how it is."
I got inside my truck and started the engine, slamming the door with finality. Emmett stepped back, his gaze dark but calculating. My truck rumbled past him. I stared blankly ahead, mind focused on the road, until I reached my house.
In Charlie's driveway I finally felt the briefest bout of fear grip my heart, but it passed quickly. Emmett Cullen could kill me. I didn't think he would, but even if he did... I had no fear of death. I wasn't sure I believed in life beyond the grave. After all, how could you judge someone for all of eternity? I wouldn't call myself a bad person, but I'd undoubtedly 'sinned.' I couldn't believe in a God that didn't see the gray shades between.
I expected death to be like sleep. I would never miss my family or friends, because I would never know I'd died.
It occurred to me that things were different now. My parents were resilient, and my friends, too. They would move on. I thought of Edward returning to his bleary existence of loneliness and shuddered. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so blase with Emmett. I'd feel guilty over Edward's sadness if his brother did decide to murder me.
That slight feeling of fear clung to me as I went through the motions of doing homework and preparing dinner. It was like a ghost– I could nearly forget it, but the air was maybe just a little bit colder, the hairs on my neck just a little stiffer, than usual.
I was glad of Charlie's presence, later. He wasn't chatty, but having another human in the room made things warmer. Looking out into the darkness, I could barely discern the shadows of the trees from the hulking shape I imagined lurking between them. I remembered Edward's words from a few days before, and felt my mouth turning up slightly.
When Edward said he wasn't the most dangerous thing in the forest, I was fairly certain I didn't need to worry that he'd meant his siblings were.