Chapter 14

Inara poked her head into the engine room. Just before she called out to see if Kaylee was in the room, she heard a sniffling coming from the far corner. "Mei mei." She called softly to keep from startling the girl.

"I'm fine, I'm just workin' is all. Everythin's shiny." Kaylee sniffled again and dropped a wrench as she bowed forward and sobs shook her body.

Inara knelt behind Kaylee and gathered her into her arms. "I'm so sorry, mei mei. There is no excuse for me not coming to find you sooner." Inara rocked her gently and stroking her hair. "Let it out, mei mei, just let it out." Inara crooned.

"They're all gone, 'Nara. Wash ... an Book ... even Hiroko!" Kaylee wailed. "How could they kill him ... just a baby!" Kaylee tried to speak as she bawled. "And ... an Simon is ... he ... just ignoring me ... even worse ... wish he hadn't said nothing. I thought ... I thought ... I'm sorry ... shouldn'ta ... infirmary ... they're all dead!"

Inara just held Kaylee as her pent up emotions from the last few days were released.

Finally, the tears and shudders began to slow and then stop. Inara leaned back and brushed Kaylee's hair back from her face and wiped away the tears with an edge of her hand.

Inara smiled, "You know what we need?"

Kaylee sniffled and rubbed her nose with her sleeve shaking her head.

"Shopping!" Inara stated. "River and I both need to modify our wardrobes and we could all use some time off ship.

Kaylee's face brightened considerably at the idea of spending time with Inara and River. She'd felt distanced from them after she let Simon in the infirmary and she'd already been missing them. 'Sides she needed to get caught up on the whole threesome thing.

"You think Zoe'll let us go?" She asked hopefully.

Jayne lumbered along a few paces behind the chatting women as they made their way through the Eavesdown Docks. He was muttering and growling to himself, and them when they tried to talk to him, about having to follow them around shopping. Not that there was any ruttin' way he'd have let Inara and River off ship without him. Or maybe Zoe. He was feelin' a bit torn between his time honored tradition of bitching about that sort of thing and his new need to be protective.

Inara smirked as Jayne's latest whine caught her ears. She turned to enter a clothing shop. It was funny how something that used to irritate her to no end about him had become endearing and comforting now that he was someone she cared about. She stopped dead in the doorway with that thought causing Kaylee to let out a squeak as she ran into Inara's back.

Jayne jostled them all out of the way as he rushed in to see what had caused Inara to stop. "Whats wrong?" He snapped out crisply as his eyes scanned the store.

Flustered, Inara looked everywhere but at Jayne. "Oh, nothing, I'm sorry. I just realized something that surprised me." It wasn't that Inara didn't realize that she cared for both Jayne and River, that was, after all, something she had known in accepting the link. She had also known she was attracted to him and accepted that there would be physical intimacy. Quite possibly between all three of them eventually. Again not a problem.

To her mind it would be comparable to a marriage of convenience with people she cared about. What had never crossed her mind was that she might someday be 'in love'. Not that she was already, simply that the emotion she had felt in thinking of him alluded to that possibility.

Grabbing River and Kaylee's hands she quickly dragged them away before Jayne could ask any more questions.

"River, what all do you need for clothing?" Inara inquired.

She noticed River examining price tags and leaned down to whisper. "Get what you need, baobei, don't worry about the price."

"I made Simon give me some money." River responded.

"Thats fine, I just wanted you to know you didn't have to worry. We are a family and I want you to have whatever you need. I'm sure you will be earning your own money once we are working again. You can pay me back if you absolutely must, but it is unnecessary."

River nudged Inara and Kaylee and pointed with her chin towards Jayne. He was standing off to the side attempting very hard to look inconspicuous. It was an impossible task given his size and the fact that his clothing was at odds with someone likely to be in the store, and was made even more difficult by the bright red flush of his cheeks and his tendency to mutter, shuffle and fidget in his embarrassment.

The three had a definite girl moment and burst into giggles, slumping against each other. Jayne looked toward them at the sound and sent a very pointed glare in their direction. Inara was rather impressed with how much information he was able to convey. It was definitely a 'get your asses movin', I ain't gonna do this very long, man can't put up with much of this go se' look.

Inara smothered her giggles, gave him an understanding smile and was pleased to see his expression soften as he shook his head at the silliness of womenfolk.

She watched as River began to make her clothing selections.

Sighing, she turned to her own clothing needs. Even once she collected her clothing from the training house, she had few items that were suitable for working in the black as anything other than a Companion. She needed some more durable items.

"So what's it like?" Kaylee's question interrupted her thoughts.

"What, sweety?"

"You, River and Jayne, the link or whatever. What's it like?" Kaylee grinned, "You all lovers or what?"

Inara chuckled. "No nothing like that." She looked at Jayne from the corner of her eye.

Kaylee caught the glance, "OOOh, ya like him though." Kaylee bounced a little in excitement.

Inara felt the heat rise in her cheeks. She hadn't had time to process her new understanding about her feelings for Jayne. Initially, her attraction had been primarily physical due to proximity and the freedom from needing to worry about the impact on her ability to function as a Companion. Not to mention the soft side she had seen of him. "When it was just River, Jayne and I on the ship, Jayne took such good care of us. He slept in the common area so that he could come to us when we had nightmares."

Kaylee frowned at this statement. "Jayne did?"

Inara smiled and nodded, her eyes drifting over to gaze at him. "Jayne did. Then one night when I was at my lowest; I couldn't stop crying, he took me onto his lap, covered me up and just held me. He told me I was strong and would be fine. For some reason I believed him and felt better." She grinned at Kaylee, "He also told me that I shouldn't tell anyone about that because it would ruin both of our reputations, so I count on you to keep it a secret."

Kaylee laughed with her, though her eyes were glittering with tears at the wonderful story. "What happened then?" She was sure there was gonna be some good gossip next.

"Nothing." Inara chuckled at the disappointed expression on her face. "I woke the next morning still being held in his lap." She smiled softly at the memory. "I don't think I have woken up feeling as safe and protected since I was a little girl."

"Wow," Kaylee said breathlessly caught up in what she saw as the romance of the story. "I'd a never figured Jayne to be the comfortin' type. What about you an the Captain? I always thought you two had somethin' goin'"

"I have always been intrigued by the mystery of him. I think that morning with Jayne was when I realized that mystery was overrated. Mal and I hurt each other for so long. I feel unsafe, not physically but inside, and uncertain around him. Once upon a time, that feeling was exciting because my training in dealing with men made it very unlikely that they could surprise or confuse me. After everything we went through it seemed that life was uncertain and unsafe enough without chasing that feeling from a man as well. I also realized that I didn't believe Mal would ever be able to get past my 'whoring' and I didn't want to always fear that that was how he really saw me."

Inara thought for a moment. "When I say it out loud it sounds like I chose Jayne over Mal, but it wasn't like that at all. It was more that he made me feel strong and safe and the contrast made me realize what I didn't want. Once we found out about the link and I realized that Jayne, River and I would be together forever, it only made sense to let things develop as they may."

"So does the link, I dunno, make you like him?" Kaylee asked.

"I really don't think so. It does seem to make all three of us more open to each other. When we interact it seems like we let each other see much more of ourselves than we would anyone else. Let each other see the real us and though I'm not surprised River is a wonderful person now that she can show herself, Jayne has been one surprise after another. To be honest I don't think until lately any of us have ever seen the real Jayne."

Kaylee held a dress up to her body and modeled it. "Is River really ok now?"

Inara answered as truthfully as she could. "She is definitely much better. The link has stabilized her problems with the physical damage they did to her brain. She still has the years of trauma to deal with though. I don't believe there is any cause for concern any longer as far as her control goes, although, she has much healing to do yet."

"I'm real sorry, ya know, 'bout letting Simon in the infirmary. I just got so addlepated with him pushin' at me so hard, I couldn't figure what ta do." Kaylee said softly. "Then when the very next day it came out he was wrong ... I shoulda trusted you." Tears collected in her eyes and she looked at the ground.

Inara embraced her. "There is nothing to be sorry about, mei mei, we all knew you were trying to protect your family. There are no hard feelings from any of us. Not even for Simon, although it may take awhile for Jayne to get over being cut." She chuckled, "Seems to be a Tam family tradition."

Kaylee sniffled into Inara's shoulder. "Now he don't hardly even talk to me less'n I chase him down. Even then ... " her voice trailed into a whimper.

For all her experience with men, Inara had no advice for the poor girl on relationships. The best she could do for her was offer comfort.

Jayne's gruff voice startled them. "Everything ok?"

Kaylee pulled away from Inara, sniffled, wiped her nose on her sleeve and promptly threw herself into Jayne's arms. "I'm so sorry!"

Jayne held the sniffling bundle of woman awkwardly in his arms and frowned in question at Inara.

She smiled and mouthed 'later'.

Still frowning Jayne shrugged and hugged Kaylee, patting her back. His face scrunched up even further. If it weren't bad enough he had ta be in this gorram store, now he was havin' to play teddy bear. Again.

Inara could sense Jayne's glare and smiled over her shoulder at him as she left him with Kaylee. She browsed her way over to where River was holding up bras, her nose wrinkled with distaste.

River glanced at her then back at the frilly item in her hand. "One advantage of being crazy, I didn't have to wear these." She dropped the offending item back in the bin and held up a very ugly sports bra. "Or I could always go with this lovely item." The sarcasm dripped from her mouth. "However, since I no longer have to wear the bulky sweaters Simon made me wear since I wouldn't wear a bra, I suppose I will have to get something if I don't want Simon or Captain ba ba all streaky." She sighed.

Inara laughed, "Oh, honey, I almost never wear a bra unless I am with a client." She thought musingly, "or for fun." She smiled wickedly, "But then I don't usually have to wear them very long. Here try these instead." Inara pulled River over to a rack holding traditional Chinese silk halters and scarfs along with the more modern chemise and silk tank tops. "The scarfs are particularly good when you are going to be active and they are very versatile. I can teach you a number of ways to wrap and tie them that look and feel lovely."

River ran a scarf across the back of her hand. She grinned, "Much better, not torture devices hidden in pretty colors."

Inara surveyed River's rather small selection of clothing. "I can see I am going to have to help you select more items. I've seen your wardrobe, mei mei, this cannot be all you need."

River blushed but met Inara's gaze. "I didn't want to presume..."

"Nonsense," Inara interrupted. Pleased to see River keeping eye contact even when embarrassed. "I meant it, we are family and I mean you to have what you need."

She turned and seeing that Kaylee had let go of Jayne finally, called him over.

"Whatcha need." Jayne grunted, when he arrived.

Inara promptly laid the outfits she had selected for herself over one of his arms and River's stack over the other carefully stacking River's undergarments on top.

She put her hand over his mouth when he began to bluster. "Nonsense. A real man can help his women shop." She raised an eyebrow expectantly.

Kaylee and River both turned their best puppy eyes on him.

Jayne's mouth opened and shut a few times as he tried to ignore the looks and come up with an argument that didn't sound whiny and unmanly after that comment.

Gorram it how'd she manage to make refusing to carry all these fripperies around unmanly? Weren't fair. He stifled a grin. She'd said 'his women'.

"Fine." He grumped, trying to reach up and pull his hat further down over his eyes without dropping anything. "But can't you put something over them panties?" He whined. "Least this other stuff's kinda bulky an makes sense you'd need help carryin'."

Kaylee piped up, "I can get them, you probably can't carry em careful 'nough ta not drop em anyway."

"Can too." He glared at her.

Kaylee looked uncertain. "Well ... , if you're sure ... I don't think ..."

"I got em!" Jayne glared at her.

The three women quickly turned their backs on him to hide their grins of delight at his agreement. For all her confidence, Inara had thought she might be pushing him too far.

Jayne grinned at their backs. Had ta let women folk win sometimes. Made em more manageable other times. Though Inara was a sharp one, was gonna take some work to win when he needed to. Actually, River too, especially with the readin' and all. He scowled. Could be she'd said what it took to make him think he wanted to let them win. His brow furrowed, what days was it Inara'd said he could win?

Jayne sat outside the dressing room while Inara and River tried their outfits on. He was careful keep an unhappy expression on his face. Truth be told he was kinda enjoying watching the ladies model their clothes. This was the third store though and he was gettin' pretty tired of it all.

A loud thump and a cry of pain from the dressing room had him on his feet gun drawn and headed that way when Inara opened the door. She was holding her stomach and waving for him.

She moved out of the way to let him in, "I don't know what happened she seemed to drift away and then she flailed around and fell to the floor and asked for you."

River sat huddled in the corner. She was dressed only in panties and her legs were drawn to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. Her hands were white with tension as they clasped each other holding herself rigid. Her eyes were shut tightly and her jaw quivered with tension.

"Grab a robe or somethin' to cover her. Lets get her back to the ship." Jayne said as he picked her up.

"No." River ground out between her clenched teeth. "Not crazy. Just flashback. Hold me so I don't hurt anyone. Can't go back like this. Lose credibility." She shivered with the effort of speaking.

Inara handed Jayne a fluffy robe as he sat down on the bench in the dressing room. He carefully wrapped it around River and held her tight. Inara ran her fingers through River's hair and after a few minutes she began to soften. The quivering slowed until she finally relaxed against Jayne and took a deep breath.

River reached out and took Inara's hand, "I'm sorry, did I hurt you badly?"

"No, sweety, mostly just took me by surprise." Inara smiled lovingly at her, running the back of her hand along her cheek.

In reaching for Inara, the robe covering River's shoulders slipped down opening a gap along her front giving Jayne a view of her from neck to waist. He looked away quickly, becoming uncomfortable with the reminder that she was mostly naked in his lap.

"So, it was a flashback, are those new?" Jayne asked after clearing his throat. He was familiar with flashbacks. He didn't have them anymore, at least not often, but until he had gotten hardened to his work there'd been some rough times.

"Not new. I have had them all a long but they would usually precipitate one of my 'fits' so they weren't really distinguishable. I haven't had one since we became linked, so I had hoped they were a thing of the past as well."

"Y'all right now?" Jayne asked hopefully, needing desperately to get the woman off his lap.

River turned into him wrapping her arms around his chest and giving him a peck on the cheek. "Yes, thank you."

Jayne set her on her feet careful to keep the robe closed at her neck.

"All right then." He fled from the room.

Inara and River smiled softly at his flight. "Poor Jayne. He doesn't realize he already knows us so intimately that skin is irrelevant," River mused.

Inara shook her head in partial disagreement. "You are right, that it is irrelevant, but it isn't seeing the skin that bothers him, it's what he wants to do when he sees it that worries him. We have both, for different reasons, been in categories that were 'not for Jayne' for so long that he feels very conflicted about the appropriateness of his desire. He worries that to act on his desires while we are 'trapped' with him as a partner in the link would be to take advantage of us. That is something Jayne will not do, for all that Mal and Simon wouldn't believe."

River considered Inara's explanation as she tried on a new outfit. While she understood seduction and had a great deal of book information on human interactions, her practical understanding of motives and behaviors was drastically lacking. If she read a person and they understood their motives she could too, but that only covered basic drives. She could read further levels of emotion but had never been able to assign mathematical values that seemed to properly weigh the multitude of conflicting reasons for behavior. Understanding the shadow of Jayne that he used to present to everyone had been easier than the Jayne she had seen today. That Jayne had been very direct and physical, more primal. Want, take, have. No guilt, no worries about appropriateness or rules. Simply a question of risk vs reward.

She looked at Inara wondering about the future. "I am not ready for anything physical yet. I, I think I have too much to unlearn first, but I see extensive sexual tension between the two of you and I wonder what ... in the future...it is an odd number."

Having already considered this in light of the group dynamic and made peace with the idea, Inara smiled reassuringly, understanding the question fully. "Yes, there are three of us, mei mei, no requirements but no walls either. Three of us, not two and one."

River felt a knot ease in her stomach. While she knew that sort of arrangement was not common and often gave others moral qualms, she was not one of those people. Moral issues related to social convention or religious beliefs had never been something she had related well to.

She wasn't certain it would matter. As she had told Inara, she was nowhere near being ready for a physical relationship and not realy sure if she ever would be, but she had been feeling concern at how they could be complete together if there were exclusions in what the relationship could be.

Inara opened the door to her shuttle and stepped in, motioning a welcome to Simon.

He looked around curiously. The shuttle had been decorated since he was last here. He stopped, surprised at the difference in the décor from the last time Inara had stayed in the shuttle. It hadn't occurred to him just how differently Inara might decorate now that she was no longer working as a Companion.

Inara watched him self-consciously. He was the first person not of their trio to be in the shuttle.

He smiled at her questioning look. "It's very different but quite nice." He looked around again, "Perhaps a little less feminine than I would have expected."

Inara shrugged and smiled at him. "Jayne."

He shifted quickly into scientist mode and opened his pad to take notes. "Do you think.." Inara's soft chuckle interrupted him.

"You are incorrigible. No, at least not in the way you mean. I simply knew about the link and consciously decorated in a way that would be less offensive to him. Now put away your pad and have a seat." She directed him to a chair. "I didn't invite you here to discus the link. Would you care for some tea?" She turned to the counter and began setting up the tea service.

"Yes, thank you." He waited politely, enjoying the civilized atmosphere that he so rarely saw out in the black.

"Actually, I was wondering if you had spoken to Kaylee today?" Inara brought the tea service over and set it on the table between them.

He waited as she sat and began to pour. "Only briefly this morning. Why do you ask?" He took a sip and nodded appreciatively.

Inara politely smiled her thanks and continued. "Would you say we have become close enough for me to be brutally honest with you?" Inara inquired as she placed her teacup down, indicating a desire to get to the point.

"Why of course." His face showed his concern. "Have I done something to offend you?"

She sighed to herself. It never ceased to amaze her how completely clueless even very intelligent men could be. "Not to me, but you have behaved abominably toward Kaylee."

Simon sputtered. "How? What do you mean?"

Inara glared at him, "I don't believe for a single moment that you don't know. After what you said to her on Mr. Universe's Moon, how can you even pretend that your behavior since has been anything but cruel?"

Simon blushed. "I haven't meant it that way. It's just that so much has happened with River and I've needed to focus on that. I was sure she understood."

"I see." Inara nodded. "So you spoke to her about this then?"

"Well, no, that is ... I just thought she would realize how important this all was." Simon defended himself.

"Important as compared to what? How she feels? How she thought you felt?" Inara pursed her lips and looked at him as if he were a particularly low form of life.

"No! Thats not at all what I meant." He finally stopped talking and thought for a moment. "I guess that is what I meant, although not quite so harshly."

"Simon, she is grieving the loss of her friends here and on Haven just as we all are. But she is also grieving the loss of the hope you had given her. I hadn't realized until I found her crying in the engine room today that you were all but ignoring her."

Simon groaned. "I hadn't even thought about what she was going through." He slumped in his chair.

"Do you care about her?" Inara inquired.

Simon looked up. "Yes."

She nodded sharply. "Good. You need to take some time with her. Leave the research for now if needed. She is hurting terribly."

"But the research is important..." Simon began.

Inara sighed in exasperation. "Not nearly as important as Kaylee. The link isn't going anywhere and there is little urgency at the moment. River is stable and her requirements for your attention very minimal. Take the time, Simon. Given the restrictions River gave you for how intrusive you are allowed to be, you probably won't need to forgo anything." Inara was beginning to get tired of his one track mind. It may very well be that he wasn't a good match for Kaylee.

She had met men like Simon before and it was rare indeed when relationships were of interest enough to them to supplant their vocation as their first priority and Kaylee would never be happy being second to work. Admittedly, Simon seemed to be more focused on River than medicine per se but from his description of his life before rescuing River she wasn't sure that he wouldn't always find something more important than his personal relationships. Even with River his focus was largely on the medical aspects of her situation not her as a person, not that she would deny he loved his sister. Well, it wasn't for her to decide, she would give the nudge and then try and support Kaylee come what may.

He smiled sheepishly, "You are correct, of course. If you will excuse me I think I'll go grovel."

Given his smile, she got the impression he wasn't taking this as seriously as he should.

"One more thing, Simon." The chill in Inara's voice stopped him as he started for the door.

He turned and the look on her face did credit to Jayne's iciest glare. Simon stepped back, certain that her expression was more frightening than anything he had ever seen on Jayne's face.

"Don't you dare play with her. You really don't want to see what I'm capable of if you hurt my friend like this again. If you intend to do it, mean it. Otherwise, let her go. Dong ma?"

Simon closed the shuttle door quietly behind him. His face was white and his hands shook with fear based adrenaline. He had never thought of Inara as capable of exuding that level of violence. He paused and frowned. Pulling out his pad he began writing furiously. Perhaps it was some sort of personality overlay caused by the link...