Chapter Fourteen: John Struggles For Normality With My Weird Classified Day Job

Daniel left me in the library shortly thereafter with a huge grin, as if he'd just pulled off a major coup, and I felt the prickling of confusion at my head, a hint of something that wasn't quite right. I glanced at the duffel bag of notebooks, and wondered how he'd pulled it off. Surely he hadn't shot the drone at us – Daniel wasn't that mean, and besides he couldn't work the Ancient technology – so had he just made sure that we were in the right place at the right time to pick up the general?

Not that I wanted to go to another galaxy. Though I did have to wonder what I'd do if John went.

There was that prickling in the back of my head again. I couldn't quite put two and two together. Or at least, not yet.

I sat at my desk, not sure why I was so nervous. I couldn't see how John being added to the SGC would change our relationship for the worse. He already performed all kinds of daring dangerous rescues – just last month he was one of the divers that leapt into the frigid waters to rescue a group of Australian fisherman – and we could be a normal couple at the dinner table, talking about our day with each other, instead of having to say "that's classified."

I allowed myself that little daydream, John moving into my happy little one bedroom apartment on the top floor of the house in the suburbs of Colorado Springs, commuting by the more mundane Jeep rather than copter. The general already knew we were dating, so it wasn't like we needed to hide it or anything, so that made lunchtime a little easier.

Three hours later, an airman appeared in my doorway and gestured formally to someone in the hall. "Right here, sir." I looked up, curious, tilting my head back further because my glasses were sliding down my nose.

John turned into my archives, returned the formal salute to the airman. "Thank you, airman, that'll be all." He was still holding his beanie and his gloves tightly, and had the slightly wild eyed look that I must have had after having my entire conception of the universe and all that lived in it turned upside down by the secrets of the SGC. He tossed his hat and gloves to my desk, and moved to slide his rear end up on to my lab table and hunched forward, rubbing his face fiercely. "What a mind fuck," he said simply, and looked at me, almost desperate for some sense of normality.

I smiled sympathetically, getting up and walking over to him. "I know. It's like being in a snow globe, and someone turns you upside down and shakes."

He nodded ruefully, reached for my hands, rubbed his thumb on my knuckles. He was getting better about the physical affection thing – I think Heightmeyer was working on him, because a couple of times he started to take off, wince, make an about face and give me a hug or a kiss or something before he left, almost like he'd forgotten to perform an order. "Have you been." He shot me a look like he couldn't believe he was saying this in a perfectly normal conversation with his girlfriend. "Off world. Through that star gate - thing."

I shook my head emphatically. "Oh no way. No. Daniel and General Hammond promised that I wouldn't have to go off world."

He squeezed my hands, huffed a breath. "And this isn't a joke. Because you know that O'Neil's got a bit of a reputation."

I smiled at that. "You don't know it, but so do I." I winked, and he smiled, looking a little less wild-eyed now. "But it's not a joke."

He rubbed his nose. "They want to know now. I asked for time to talk to you." He kissed each of my hands and asked me seriously. "Are you going?"

"Going where?"

"To the Pegasus Galaxy. To find the – flying city thing." Again with the look like he couldn't believe those words had left his mouth in a very serious, perfectly normal conversation.

"Yes," said a new voice, and Daniel turned into the room, looking very disappointed, the general on his heels. "Yes she is going because I have to stay here and babysit Jack."

"Daniel," Jack said warningly. "I told you no." He gestured to me, ignoring my panicked expression and shaking head. "We need Daniel here to stay with SG1, and Epiphany is fine to go in your place. Epiphany." He winced, looked at John. "God that's a mouthful."

"Stick with Epie, sir," John suggested dryly.

"Epie? That's a pen."

I closed my eyes wearily. "My name doesn't matter," I pointed out. "General Hammond promised me no off world. I think leaving the galaxy kind of qualifies as off world."

"Hammond's retired," Jack pointed out. "I'm the CO." He glanced at John. " Major, you're awfully quiet."

John nodded. "It's a lot to process, sir."

"You know this is bigger than you, there's a lot –"

"I beg to differ, sir," John said, slipping to stand next to me with a little frown on his face. "Right now, this is entirely about whether we go anywhere, and yeah, right now it is entirely about us."

I was so proud of John. He got his pronouns right!

Daniel grinned merrily. "You want to go, John." He weighed that, still smiling. "You have no idea the adventure that's out there."

And then, it hit me, and I went into baby sister mode despite the presence of both my boyfriend and the general. I stomped my foot, irritated. "Oh my god, you set this up!"

Daniel nodded with a grin, taking a step back, holding out his hands defensively. "I totally did. Everything but the drone."

"You promised me!"

"This is different!"

"Daniel Jackson don't you dare walk away from me!"

I heard Jack's offhand voice behind me. "Don't worry, Major, they've been brother and sister since we hired her. They're only children, the both of them, and they became siblings. Admittedly very loud annoying adult siblings."

I didn't hear the rest. I was busy banging on the door behind which Daniel was hiding, furious at his loud laughter.

***SGA***

Since John had to fly the general back, which clearly took precedent over a librarian, I caught a ride with Major Lorne in the Canuck. I wasn't remotely surprised to find John sitting on my bunk in his BDUs, staring at the massive nondisclosure agreement sitting on my desk, the side riddled with about 150 "sign here" flags in various colors. His left leg was jackhammering, and I smiled for him. "Hey."

He kissed me, and I hung up my jacket and joined him on the bed, put a hand to his knee to still his leg. "I said I'd go," he blurted out, and winced, waiting for my response.

"Oh wow," I breathed, standing up and putting my hands to my face. "Oh wow."

He stood too, looked down at me in concern. "Please come with me."

I squeezed my eyes tight shut, my cerebellum fusing. I wanted to say sure no problem, but I was scared – this was a suicide mission, or a potential suicide mission. Was it worth the risk, the possibilities of technical advancement for the human race, to win the war against the replicators?

"Hey." He touched my arm softly. "This is just about me and you, nobody else."

I shook my head. "It's not that simple."

"No, it is. This is simple as boy meets girl."

I let out a nervous breath that sounded suspiciously like a suppressed sob, even to me. "As simple as boy meets girl, top secret jobs, off world expeditions, worm holes, military bylaws, military code of conduct for officers, and –"

He shut me up with a kiss. "Quit thinking," he reminded me. "You and me. Please. Come with me."

I closed my eyes. "I'm not brave like you," I admitted shyly. "I'm scared. I'm beyond scared, beyond terrified even!"

He nodded, pressed his hand earnestly to his chest. "Epie, I'm terrified. I've known about the stargate thing for like 12 hours, I've never even been through one. I'm scared. But the benefits." He smiled down at me. "It's like standing at the top of a double black, Logan. Staring at the tips of your skis over the lip of the drop in. And your heart is pounding, and you're terrified, and holy crap is it steep. But you do it anyway."

"Skiing is a little different from gate travel!"

"No, it's the same biological process. You master your fear for skiing. Same thing for gate travel. I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you, that extends to this, I'll protect you, no matter what galaxy or planet or weird flying city from Greek legends we end up in."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Oh god." I opened them. "Okay."

He was genuinely surprised - admittedly so was I – and a huge smile broke onto his face. "Okay?" he asked, as if confirming.

I nodded, terrified. But he kissed me, and the terror fled.

John signed the nondisclosure agreement, all but the Fraternization addendum. We read the Atlantis Expedition agreement side by side on the bed, and signed each page of our own agreement separately, and again didn't sign the fraternization page. He put them all together, and stood. "I'll go drop these with the general's aide. Come on, he said I should bring you with me."

We walked over to the slightly nicer visitors quarters, and dropped off the paperwork with the captain, then knocked on the general's doors. He was barely in BDUs, his uniform shirt draped over a chair. "Come on in, grab a beer." He pointed us to the love seat, and sat comfortably on an easy chair, propping up big booted feet on the coffee table. "You sign it?"

John nodded, twisting off the cap and handing me a bottle. "All but the fraternization agreement, sir."

The general waived his hand with a smirk. "Figured you wouldn't, you're both way too smart to sign that." He took a swig, looking for all the world like a grey haired frat boy, which, after some of the stories that Daniel had told, he definitely was. "Here's the dealeo. Major, tacit approval for continuation of clandestine operations, as long as deemed necessary."

I looked between them curiously. "What?"

John smirked, leaning over as if to whisper to me, but he kept his voice normal. "He said to rock on but keep it on the DL."

The general's eyebrow lifted. "Come on, Logan, you've been around long enough to speak military by now."

"I don't hang around the military." I pointed to myself. "I don't speak military, I speak – Daniel."

"I've known the man for ten years," the general said, impressed despite himself. "And I don't even speak Daniel. Just to make it clear for the civilian." He sat up, elbows to his knees. "Keep it off the record, play it cool, don't go crotch grabbing for safety harnesses and for god's sake stop making mooney eyes at each other. You've both got the gene thing, so you both definitely need to go." He pointed at John seriously. "I had to order Sumner to take you, and he is pissed. Steer clear, keep your nose clean."

John nodded, surprised. "Thank you sir."

"Be very diplomatic," Jack warned seriously. "You replaced his hand-picked SIC."

"Aw crap."

"Yeah." The general took a swig and smacked his lips with a sigh. "Crap."

That night, for once, John had trouble sleeping. He tossed and turned a bit, and finally I lifted my head in the darkness to look at him. "John, you okay?"

His voice was very wry. "I just can't believe you're really a librarian, I seriously thought that was the worst cover story ever."

Notes: after re-reading this one several years on, I kinda like it! Hopefully you all did too!

Thank you so much for all the story favorites and follows and reviews - they really mean a lot to me, especially for such an obscure corner of fanfiction-dom. Thank you so very, very much for reading!