Anna breathed a sigh of relief as the students filed out of her classroom. It's been a long week. I've barely had time to think at all. Or maybe I haven't been giving myself time to think, since I'm too scared of where my thoughts will go. Nani's right, there's no way it could be what I think it is.
A knock on the door frame drew Anna out of her thoughts. "Esmeralda?" She asked, her eyes widening as she found the familiar figure in her classroom. We haven't even talked since – since what? She dumped me? She broke my heart? What do I even call it? Nothing like that had ever happened to me before.
"Hey, Anna," she answered, her eyes locked on her feet with her arms wrapped tightly around her belly. "How are you doing?" she inquired, her voice faint.
Yeesh, Esme, couldn't you start with an easier question? How am I doing? I just lost two people, but things might be developing with a third, and I'm finally getting close to my sister again, but I think she may be in love with me – or at least she used to be. Is overwhelmed an acceptable answer? "I'm all right."
"I'm glad." Esmeralda took a step towards Anna before stopping short, her eyes hesitantly meeting her friend's. Her mouth opened and closed as she tried to sort out her words. "I'm sorry."
A tear fled from Anna's eye, unbidden, as she met the younger woman's gaze. "You really hurt me," she admitted.
"I know. I still stand by what I did, I don't think either of us were what the other needed, but I never wanted to hurt you."
Gee thanks. You wouldn't change anything about how you broke my heart, you just want me to forgive you anyway. "I have to go pick up Olaf." Anna grabbed her purse and headed toward the door, walking around Esmeralda.
"All right, I wasn't thinking, I know you have to get going. Could we maybe grab dinner, catch up?"
That didn't go so well last time! Why should I? Because she was right and we were both in a terrible place for a relationship? That was a rhetorical question, me! Sighing, she turned to her ex-girlfriend and nodded. "Text me the place." She always picks out a new amazing restaurant to eat at. I've missed the variety.
After taking Olaf home and watching one of his shows with him, Anna's phone buzzed in her pocket. Esmeralda had picked a location: a noodle shop around SE 80th. Anna had never heard of it and wasn't incredibly keen on the neighborhood, but since she wasn't taking Olaf, she supposed it would be fine and responded in the affirmative. What is she up to? She's not trying to get back together is she? Ugh, Anna, don't even start down that path, you have enough to deal with in that area without trying to get back together with the only person to ever dump you.
"Mama, did you hear me?" Olaf was looking up at her expectantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, honey, I was distracted. What was it?" Anna forced a smile onto her face; Olaf didn't need to worry about her.
"I asked if you wanted to play co-op with me. You can be Peach!" He grinned, handing her one of the controllers to his Switch.
Her smile became genuine; she hadn't played with him in ages, and it would be a nice break from all the stress. "I would love to."
She took the controller from him, and they proceeded to attempt to save the Mushroom Kingdom from tyrannical rule. Olaf had been stuck on this level for several days and Anna was able to help him get to the end. They made it through several more levels and finished the world. She made sure that Olaf was able to land the final hit on the boss.
She checked her phone before they started the next level. She had less than half an hour to meet Esmeralda for dinner. Where did the time go? She texted Kristoff to make sure that he was on his way home and to tell him that she was leaving to meet some people for dinner, then checked her makeup in the bathroom mirror and fixed her eyeshadow.
Kristoff had messaged her that he'd be home in about ten minutes. "All right, Olaf," she said, kissing the top of his head. "Mario's in charge until your daddy gets home, it should only be a few minutes. Don't do anything Lilo would do."
He giggled and wiped at his head. "I'll be good, Mama."
Anna gave him a quick hug before grabbing her purse and walking out the door. What the hell am I doing? Traffic was heavy and she ended up ten minutes late, meeting Esmeralda at the door in her leather biker outfit. Why did she have to look all sexy? I thought we were just meeting as friends.
"Hey, sorry I'm late." Dammit, Anna, put your tongue back in your mouth.
Esmeralda flashed a grin. She definitely noticed that. "It's okay, I just got here too. Shall we?" She opened the door and gestured for Anna to go first. This isn't a date, right?
They took one of the few seats in the small restaurant section of the store, and Anna marveled at the peculiar shop. "Pretty great, right?" Esmeralda asked with a grin as she set her helmet on the seat next to her.
"It smells wonderful. How do you find out about all these places?" I need to be able to find them without her.
"Yelp, friends refer them, I just wander around, it really depends. This place I found when I was walking around here."
"Wait, what?" She was walking? On 80th? Isn't that where –
Esmeralda doubled over laughing. "Not like that. Not that I'm against it or anything, just never really felt comfortable doing it myself."
"Oh." Well I feel silly. What other absurd ideas am I imagining about people which are definitely wrong? I'm sure there's something...
"Mind if I order for us? The specialty here is so good."
"Sure, I'll eat whatever." Gah, tell me what is going on! Why am I here with you?
In a matter of minutes, Esmeralda returned with two steaming bowls of noodles. "Careful, it's hot."
"Thanks." Anna studied the food suspiciously as she blew on it. It does smell amazing.
"Don't worry about it, it's the least I could do after –" she stopped, not willing to finish that sentence.
"Esmeralda, what's going on?"
She bit her lower lip and gazed into her bowl. "I don't like how we left things. I think you're really cool, and I hate that you're not in my life anymore."
I don't know if I want to be in your life anymore. "I don't know how to feel about any of this. I don't want to get back together."
Esmeralda's head jerked up, staring into Anna's eyes. "You think – Anna, I just want to be friends. I mean, maybe sometime in the future, when we're both in a way better place, and when I'm a lot more capable of commitment (if that ever happens), but otherwise, I don't think that's good for either of us. I mean, if you want to sleep together or something I wouldn't be against it, but I'm not looking for anything more. I've just really missed you."
Sighing, Anna met the younger woman's gaze. "I've missed you too. I just don't know if I'm ready for this."
She nodded. "That's fair. I shouldn't have rushed things. Most people can't move past things the same way I do. Will you let me know when you're ready?"
"Of course." Anna saw Esmeralda glancing away, like she didn't quite believe her. "I promise. I'll tell you when I can handle being friends again."
"All right. I'll leave you alone to enjoy your soup." She started to get up, but Anna's hand caught the sleeve of her jacket.
"Wait. You can stay. Give me some space after this, but it is really nice to see you, we can at least finish this meal."
A smile formed on Esmeralda's face, her eyes crinkling as she sat back down. "So, how've your classes been going?"
"Oh, you know, the usual. My students are terrible. Teenagers are just the worst."
"I keep telling you, gimme the word, and my students will beat them up."
"I know. How're your goats? Do they miss me?"
She giggled. "They haven't been quite the same since they met you. I think they're upset that they never got the chance to eat your hair."
Anna laughed. "Well maybe they'll have the opportunity to try again sometime."
"I think they'd like that." Esmeralda slurped at her noodles, showing a mastery of chopsticks the likes of which Anna could only dream.
They talked until the shop closed and went their separate ways. I actually feel a lot better. Maybe I needed that sense of closure. I hope it won't be too long until I'm ready to see her again.
"I just got into town, about to pass out, we still on for today? How about you pick me up for dinner around 7? I'm at the airport Hilton." Anna read the text a second time as she rubbed at her eyes, trying to finish waking up. What? Moana's back in town? Wait! Moana's back in town! Today's the day. How did I forget? Wait again – dinner? This still isn't a date right? I mean I have dinner with Giselle all the time, there's nothing weird about this. It just feels weird because of that dinner with Esmeralda the other night. But it's a Sunday, it's not like lunch would've been cut short, so why dinner? Anna, you're overthinking this!
Before her thoughts could circle around any more, the patter of tiny feet running towards her door drew her attention before it burst open and a small boy and a large dog leapt onto the bed. "Olaf! Sven! What are you doing?" Anna shouted, as the two piled on top of her.
"Good morning, Mama! We missed you. Papa and I just gave Sven a bath, so he said he can go on the furniture now and I wanted to surprise you." He was beaming down at her and Anna couldn't manage to stay annoyed.
She strokes her son's head and scratched behind the ear of the excited mutt. "How about you let me get ready and we can have breakfast?"
"It's almost lunch time, Mama," Olaf responded, giggling.
"Oh." She paused. "Lunch then?"
He grinned ear to ear. "You're gonna go with Papa and me to McDonalds?"
Lunch with Kristoff? Am I mature enough for this? She took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "Yes, I am. If that's all right with your father. Give me thirty minutes and I'll be ready."
"Yay!" He and Sven ran off to tell their father.
Twenty-five minutes later, she joined them. "Everyone ready?" She asked, wearing the outfit she'd bought when she first met Moana. I'm not being petty, I just figured I might as well get ready for my date – hanging out too.
"Jesus, Anna," Kristoff grumbled, glaring at her. "You really have to flaunt it that much."
"Do you have a problem with my clothes?" Anna met his glare. Didn't you just decide you were mature?
Shaking his head, Kristoff shrugged his shoulders and turned towards the door. "Of course not, let's get going, you can wear whatever you want, not like I have any say in it anymore."
"That's right you don't," Anna found herself saying. Not petty at all.
Olaf called shotgun as he ran ahead of them towards Kristoff's SUV. Anna was more than happy to sit in the back. "I'm so excited for the game tomorrow!" Olaf squealed from the passenger seat.
"You didn't tell me you were taking him to a game," Anna insisted, turning towards her ex.
He chuckled lightly. "I'm not, this new indie game from Fa Ping Studios comes out tomorrow, I promised Olaf I'd spend the whole day playing it with him on my computer. It's an old school twin stick shooter, like when we used to play Smash TV at the pizza parlor back home."
"Oh," Anna sighed, annoyed with herself for not knowing this. She always tried to keep up with Olaf's interests. I do remember those days. Back when we actually liked spending time with each other.
When they arrived at the restaurant, Olaf ran to the play place while Anna and Kristoff waited in line to place their orders. "I have a meeting with Ms. Swann next week, she looked over all of our papers and she should be getting back to use with a court date soon."
Kristoff muttered something under his breath.
"What was that?"
"I just don't see why you need her? Fine, you're leaving me, I get it, you're gay," he glared at the flannel shirt again, "but why can't we just handle this ourselves? I'm not trying to cause you any trouble, I just want what's best for our son."
Anna sighed and looked up at the man she'd spent half her life with. "I know, and I'm sorry, but we have fifteen years worth of assets to divide, I want to make sure we do everything right."
"You mean you want to make sure you get everything," he snapped.
She reached a hesitant arm toward him and settled it on his shoulder. "I'm not trying to hurt you, I just don't trust myself to handle this without her. I think you should hire a lawyer too. I don't hate you and I just want you to be happy, that just can't be with me, I'm sorry that's so painful for you."
He growled and turned towards the counter, it was almost their turn. Anna's hand fell back to her side as she waited silently beside him.
Olaf joined them ten minutes later, to find their meals half eaten, and his happy meal waiting for him in front of an empty seat. He ripped it open and dug out the toy. "Awesome!" he shouted, as he flew the small vehicle around the air in his hand, making 'vroom' sound effects. "It's just the one I wanted.
Both of his parents smiled, their general unease in each other's company vanishing for just a moment, as they admired their child's unbridled joy. Once he finished his fries and McNuggets, they departed a far happier band than they had arrived. Neither had said a word to the other, but the simple act had reminded them that no matter how much issue they took with each other, they both cared about Olaf more than anything else in the world.
Walking into the hotel, Anna found Moana waiting in the lobby. She took the moment before she was noticed to admire the way the white suit clung to her form. Before she had time to start drooling, the object of her admiration turned, and ran over to her, a broad grin gracing her face as she approached, stopping short a couple feet away, hesitating over her next action. She drew her hands from her side, but didn't go any further. She's adorable. Anna giggled and pulled her friend into a hug.
"How've you been?" Anna asked.
"Actually really good, I was just in New Orleans for a day, had some great food." She gestured towards the door, and followed Anna back to her car as they talked.
"Your job must be so interesting."
"It is. I love seeing the world. Plus, I get to control a giant machine as a sail through the clouds. Kinda an awesome feeling."
Anna opened the door for her before climbing into the driver's seat. Oh no, my shirt made me butch!
"That sounds amazing. I wish I still felt so strongly about my job. It used to be wonderful, it was everything I'd dreamed of since I was little."
"What happened?"
"Switched from elementary school to a high school."
"Ah." Moana nodded, as if that explained everything. After a moment she added, "Any idea where you wanted to grab dinner?"
"Actually, yeah, there's a pizza place I used to like back when I was renting a place on the other side of town. I'd love to show it to you if you're in the mood. I mean in the mood for pizza. Not like you're just in the mood. I think I could think of something way better to show you then. Wait, I did not just say that." Just. Friends. Get it through your head.
"Now you have me wishing I was in town for more than just tonight. They changed my schedule a bit and I actually have to fly out tomorrow morning."
Anna stared at her for an unreasonably long time before turning her attention back to the road. Did she just? I – What? "That's a shame," she replied. Real smooth, Anna.
"Maybe you can show me that next time." Moana laughed. I didn't even know laughs could be sexy.
Slamming on the brakes at a red light, Anna studied the younger woman. She's just teasing. Neither of us are ready for that, right? I mean it has been over two weeks. Is that enough time to start being ready for another relationship? I have heard lesbian time is faster, is that what they mean?
Moana met her eyes, and completely misread the shock. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I swear I'm not drunk. I promised myself I'd keep it in my pants. You're really hot, and I think we could be great together, but I know we agreed on just friends."
"Are you asking me out?"
A pained squeak left Moana's lips as she considered her own actions. "No. I'm not. Not yet. How about next time in town we try a real date? Today I still need it to be just friends. I can't offer anything more yet."
"That's perfect. I don't want to rush into things again. I seem to have a bad track record with that." It takes three to make a pattern, I don't have any sort of track record yet! "When will you be back?" Don't sound desperate.
"I don't have my schedule for that just yet. Should be sometime after Christmas, as I know I'm booked through then. I have your number though, I promise I'll give you advance notice and we can have our," she hesitated so slightly that Anna wasn't even sure it was anything more than her projecting, "date."
"I can't wait," Anna agreed, beaming. "But until then, this is just hanging out. So as of this moment, no more talk of dating, deal?" Any more and my heart may actually jump out of my chest. I am so gay for this girl. I did not think I'd get to use that term so soon after learning it online.
After the ordeal of trying to find a parking spot, that required circling the block before finding one caddy corner to their destination, the two placed their order before seating themselves in an alcove next to an upside down table secured to the ceiling with plastic food and table settings on its gravity defying tablecloth. "Classy joint, you always take girls here?" Moana joked.
"Seems a good place to take a friend," Anna chided her.
A blush spread across Moana's cheeks as she gazed back. "Good point. Well it smells amazing. How did you find out about this place?"
"I actually found it when I was looking for some trendy Portland place to take Elsa when she was visiting, wow, five years ago."
"Elsa?" Moana raised an eyebrow. "Ex-girlfriend?"
Anna forced a laugh, her eyes widening. Of course not. That would be ridiculous. No way there would ever be a thing between us. She certainly didn't want it and I didn't either. Don't either. "No, don't be silly, she's my sister, what a weird thing to say."
"Oh, I didn't know you had a sister."
"Yeah, she's amazing. And kinda famous. She's dating Tiana. Not that I know that of course, she never tells me anything, but we hadn't really been talking for a while, we're only recently reconnecting. Sorry, I'm rambling."
"Tiana, as in, Tiana Rose? The chef?"
"Yeah, her! I can't believe I didn't know, she's even actually gone on her TV show and everything. I could've sworn I'd seen every episode, clearly I'm just failing as a reality TV viewer."
"How long have they been together?"
"A few years. I can apparently be very oblivious, I didn't even realize I was gay, so how could I have realized she was? Granted she still could have told me."
"Your sister never even told you she was gay? That's kinda cold of her."
"Anna! Mo – Sausage and mushroom calzone!" A voice called from a window a few feet away.
"I'll get it!" Anna insisted, jumping to her feet. Cool it, Anna. You're being weird. What are you thinking going on about her. It makes you sound way too damaged. Especially if she starts thinking I'm in love with her – which I'm not, she's in love with me. No she isn't, stop thinking that! Swallowing and brushing some imagined dirt off of her shirt, she found their orders waiting for her. She retrieved her pizza and her not-date's calzone and returned to their table, feeling slightly less like a crazed incestuous person by the time she sat back down.
"They look delicious." Moana pulled the tray toward her, prodding the mound of food to test its temperature.
"Do you have any family?" Anna asked, trying to veer the conversation away from her, but unable to completely change the subject. She grabbed a slice of her pizza and placed it on a plate in front of her.
"Just my parents back home. I haven't seen them in a few months. I don't get to fly to the islands too often, but they always make sure to come see me when I'm in the area."
"Oh, tell me about them."
"My dad's the mayor and my mom's a defense attorney –"
"Oh, Elsa's a lawyer!" Shut up!
"Maybe they'll meet sometime. I'm sure they could go on for ages about some case that would bore both of us to tears."
How would that meeting ever happen? Even if we lived together that would seem unlikely. "That would be cool."
"My dad actually really wanted me to follow in his footsteps. He didn't handle it well when I decided to be a pilot instead. We've patched things up by now and he understands, he just really wanted me to be a politician. He thought maybe I'd be the first Polynesian president or something."
"You do look good in a suit, I think you could do it." Score, I didn't say something about Elsa.
"I do rather enjoy the way you ogle me when I wear one." She grinned and took a large bite of her calzone. "Are your parents proud of you for being a teacher? What do they do – or are they retired?"
Anna's face fell. She hadn't had to rehash any of this in a long time, she barely even thought about them anymore. "They never had the chance to. They died when I was fifteen."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I had no idea."
"It's okay. Elsa actually took me in, she went to Stanford so she was already staying local for school, so we sold the house and she got an apartment and had me move in with her. I don't know if she was proud of me when I started teaching, I'd like to think so, but even then we weren't as close as we used to be. Once I moved up here, I think she just really wanted to have her own life." Or she was too scared of her feelings to be around me, one of the two.
"I'm sure she was. How could she not be proud of you?"
Anna smiled despite herself. "Thank you. That really means a lot."
Moana chewed on another bite. "This is delicious. Gonna be tough topping this next time."
"Well I'll manage. I'm going to pick the perfect place for our date! You'll be so amazed you'll kiss me on the spot." I never knew I was so good at managing to make a fool of myself on every front. What happened to not mentioning it!
"You don't have to try so hard to get me to kiss you. I already have to try not to."
Anna gulped, almost choking on the piece of pizza she hadn't finished chewing. "Would you like to?" she asked, the words coming out of their own volition.
"Friends can kiss, right?"
"Definitely! That's French or something isn't it? It's totally normal most places, we don't have to be all American about it, I was almost born in Norway, I'm practically European." Elsa is European, does she kiss her friends?
Moana rose from her seat. Anna started to fear that she'd done something to upset her when she felt a hand on the back of her head, and lips meeting her own, pulling her breath away. She met the kiss and pulled her friend closer, her hand on the small of her back, feeling her toned flesh.
When Moana finally pulled away, Anna met her eyes and saw fear filling them. I'm not that bad of a kisser am I? "That was amazing," she admitted, hoping desperately that it was mutual.
"Yeah. It really was, but I don't think that was exactly a friend kiss."
"What? Don't be ridiculous. I kiss all my friends like that. You're a much better kisser than Nani by the way."
Their laughter seemed to somewhat ease Moana's nerves and she sat down again, returning her attention to the calzone, not yet willing to meet Anna's gaze again.
Their conversation fell to trivial matters, neither one willing to approach anything romantic again. The rest of the dinner passed by uneventfully, and Anna and Moana exchanged a brief hug when Anna dropped her off at the hotel. They continued casual conversation through the occasional text, refusing to acknowledge their kiss or the reality of their upcoming date.
The Tuesday after she saw Moana, Anna had her second meeting with her attorney. She knocked on the door, and the receptionist instructed her to take a seat. Anna fiddled with her phone as she sat on the rigid couch next to an untouched pile of magazines. She had new messages from Giselle and Moana and promptly replied to both, informing Moana that she too had enjoyed the episode of a show that aired the previous night, and telling Giselle that she was freaking out that her kiss with her other conversation partner may have come too soon. Nani would just tell me that it was a bad idea and neither of us were in a place for it, at least Giselle will listen.
Before she received any replies, the door to Elizabeth's office opens, and a scrawny redheaded boy who looked to be in his early twenties walked out. "Your turn" the receptionist informed herin case she needed further clarification.
Seating herself in the comfortable leather chair she'd occupied when she first met the attorney, Anna asked "Is there any news? I don't know how long these things tend to take. Am I at least going to be single again by next year?"
Elizabeth answered with a warm smile as she withdrew a manila folder from a pile on her cluttered desk and offered it to her client. "That contains your court date, time, and room number. It's normally a massive headache to schedule these around the holidays, we're very lucky that we didn't have to wait a couple months. You two did a great job with the paperwork, I barely had to fix anything and as long as he doesn't try to change anything at the last minute, it should be a pretty painless process."
Oh thank god. Relief washed over Anna as she pulled a paper from the envelope. I didn't know what to expect, movies always make it seem like years of hell. I had no idea it would be this easy. I probably would've done it years ago. Her court date was December 20th, at 1:00 PM, in Courtroom 2E. Elsa will be here. I won't have to be alone for this. "Thank you so much for all your help, is there anything more that I'll need to do?"
"Not really. I already submitted all of your paperwork, so barring a very good reason, there shouldn't be any changes to them. You just need to show up on the court date, wait until it's your turn – which could take a while, confirm that you are who you say you are, show your ID, tell them that there's no chance of reconciliation, and wait until they lead you downstairs to receive your official copies. Since you're changing your name back, you'll want a few certified copies so that you can send them off to the few dozen places you'll have to deal with. List every single place that you'll need to change your name with, and then double it. There's always a few you forget."
"I can't just make copies?"
"Some will let you, but just don't count on it. Trust me, I'm talking from experience." She laughed half-heartedly.
"You've been divorced?! I didn't think we'd even had gay marriage for long enough for gay divorce to be a thing."
The attorney's gaze fell on her desk and her arms folded over her chest. "If you really want to pay me forty bucks an hour to talk about my past I suppose I can, but I don't think this is a great use of your time."
"Oh, I'm sorry." Am I supposed to comfort her? What do you do when you make your lawyer cry?
"It's fine. That was all I had to tell you, why don't you go head home." She rose from her chair, and pointed towards the door.
Anna hesitated, watching the older woman, still unsure if she should help her. If she doesn't want me to, I guess there's not a lot I can do. "All right. You have a good day, Elizabeth. I'll see you in just over three weeks."
She nodded, her arm still firmly planted in the air. "I'll see you then."
I hope I didn't ruin everything. Anna stared at her phone, six days after her and Moana's surprisingly magical kiss, reading through their recent conversations. They'd complained about annoying students and passengers, they'd talked about a couple TV shows, and Moana had talked Anna into reading a book. It was a good book at least.
Her phone chimed and she immediately scrolled back down to reply, but Moana hadn't sent her another message. She pulled down the notification to find that she had an email from Elsa.
She composed a quick reply and sent it off. "I can't wait to see you either! I promise I'll pick out the perfect present. My divorce is actually the day after you get here, any chance you'd be willing to join me? I would love to have you there for support. Love you too. See you in a few weeks!"
As Anna was about to exit out of the email application, a line in her sister's email caught her eye. The future of our relationship? What kind of relationship does she mean? She said she was kidding, but is she really, I mean what if she's actually talking about us being together? Anna slammed her hand into her forehead. Get a hold of yourself! What are you even thinking? Why would Elsa possibly want that? She's your sister and she's with this amazing, beautiful, famous, rich person! There's no way she would ever settle for you. Jesus, Anna, get it through your head, you're making it sound like you've fallen for her.