Today, the day following mine and Draco's potions conversation, has been, to say the least, uncomfortable.
I walked into the Great Hall this morning, feeling jovial from the Christmas decorations covering the castle from the Slytherin dungeon to Gryffindor tower.
Strings of red-berried garland hang ornately from the rafters, and fake snow is charmed to float lazily down from the ceilings. My peers buzz with excitement for the feast tonight, and the opportunity to visit home for the holidays the following day.
I sat down, as usual, in my spot between Ron and Dean, greeting them happily. The ever constant buzz in my chest had been replaced with a dull throb; even my 'problem' wouldn't ruin my good mood this morning.
I looked up from my peppermint hot chocolate to glance, (purely out of curiosity) at the Slytherin table. My breath involuntary caught in my throat when I saw the pale hair of Draco from across the room.
And I hated myself for it.
I quickly turned back to my friends, trying to forget my immediate reaction to just seeing him.
God, I wanted to wipe my brain of the past few months because without them, I could just glare at him whenever I wanted. But now...
God I could hardly control my inward anger.
I refused to believe he had made his way into my heart.
I silently beat myself up for the next few minutes, the throb in my chest increasing, because of Draco being out of range. Of course, it had to be Draco that is my calm.
But anyway, Hermione tapped me on the shoulder (rather roughly) and got my attention.
"Harry, I need to talk to you." She gave me a blazing look. "In private." She added, as Ron looked up from his food. He then shrugged, and continued eating.
"Uh... sure. Sure Hermione." I agreed, before she took my hand and led me from the hall.
Which brings me to my present situation, sitting outside an empty classroom cris-crossed on the cold stone floor. Hermione is giving me an unreadable look, which is, to be honest, scaring me more than her threatening ones. I decide it's time to break the silence.
"Okay, so... what did you want to talk to me about?" I ask her, and she jumps a bit. "Is this about-" I bring my hand to my chest, ghosting it over the place where the locket horcrux burned a permanent mark in my skin.
"No, Harry-" she gave me a softer, more embarrassed looking face. "this is about... you."
I look at her in surprise. She takes a deep breath, visibly stabilizing herself.
"Look, I know this going to make you uncomfortable, and that's why I didn't invite Ron-" her face is steadily turning crimson, which is worrying me because Hermione doesn't get embarrassed easily. "a-and I just want to get the main accusation out of the way now." She takes a deep breath, and steadies herself, as I raise an eyebrow.
"Just get it out of the way. Like ripping off a bandage." I offer with a smile, and she gives me a small one in return.
"Harry-" she starts, her face now beet red. "I think... you may have a crush on Draco." She says, and takes a deep breath.
I say nothing for a moment, because... well because I don't know what to do.
"Look, I know it's hard for you talk talk about your feelings-" I decide that the right emotion to feel is anger, and the buzzing in my chest agrees. I force the buzz down the best I can, and try to shut one of my best friends down.
"Hermione, that's ridiculous. INSANE, really." I say, in an unwillingly shaky voice, causing her to raise an eyebrow. She sighs.
"Harry, you may have hidden it well enough for Ron to miss, but you haven't tricked me." I roll my eyes. She leans forward and takes my hand. I look into her deep brown eyes, and I know that she truly just wants me happy; she wants my troubles to end because I've already suffered so much. "I see the way you look at him. It's more obvious than you were with Ginny in sixth year." My ears burn, and I push my glasses up the bridge of my nose. "You look at him like he's the missing piece to the puzzle... like he's saving you..." She stares me dead in the eyes. "Harry, you look at him like you're in love with him."
I stand up.
"Hermione, I can't be in love with him. I just can't..." I push my hand nervously through my hair, the sleeve of my robe falling and my arm catching the light so that the small white scars are visible.
"Well, why not?" She asks me, standing nearby with well placed frustration for me written all over her face.
"Because I could hurt him..." I whisper. "I-I don't want to put him in danger. From ridicule, from the Wizarding community..." I turn to her. "From me."
She puts a quiet hand on my arm.
"He's been my worst enemy from the moment I met him. He was a Death Eater... a killer, a villain-" tears have started gathering in my eyes. "I can't be in love with someone who took so much, and want to let him take all of me because I want to give him all I am and all I have..." Hermione has silent tears running down her face when I turn back to face her. "I can't..."
"You can." She says, sniffing, and trying to compose herself. "I didn't take you out here to force you to act on your feelings-" she sighs softly, putting her head on my shoulder. "I just want to let you know that I will always support you, no matter who you love." She smiles. What a rollercoaster of emotions we've been through in the past ten minutes. "And... I don't want you to be afraid to act on it. He's probably just as afraid as you are." She says, before we start walking back down the hall, making our way up to the common room, with any notion of completing breakfast forgotten.
Throughout the rest of the day, I think about Hermione's words. Ron and I have just finished our second game of Exploding Snap, (which nearly ended in a trip to the infirmary because of Ron's badly singed eyebrows) and I let Hermione take my place.
"He's probably just as afraid as you are..." She'd said.
The whole conversation made me thoroughly terrified to even think of the young Malfoy for the whole of the afternoon. I'd been afraid, as I am now, that I'd come to the sudden realization that I AM in love with him.
And that just can't be.
By the time Ron, Hermione and I are headed back to the Great Hall for the feast, my head is filled to the brim with thoughts of Draco Malfoy and the wizarding community and reactions it would cause.
"Harry-" Hermione shakes my arm, capturing my attention as we walk to our seats through the sea of rowdy and gleeful students. At least a dozen giant Christmas trees are scattered around the outskirts of the hall, alternating between themes of house colors.
"What is it?" I ask her as I see Moony swoop in through the window, tweeting madly and holding a tied bundle of about twenty letters in his claws and looking for me. When he finally sees me, he hoots happily and drops the mail with me, perching on my shoulder for a moment as I pet him, before he affectionately bites my ear and flies off through the window that he entered through.
"Look who just walked in." She winks and nudges my shoulder in the direction of the Slytherin table. As I sit down, I catch a glimpse of sparkling grey eyes and a pearly smile, which sets my heart at racing pace, even though the smile isn't directed at me.
"I can always tell Harry." Hermione whispers in my ear, before grabbing a goblet of water from in front of her and taking a sip. My face heats up.
"Oi, what's got you so red, Harry?" Ron asks, taking his seat next to me. He smirks. "Someone caught your fancy?" He says, winking suggestively. I laugh, and shake my head. Ron opens his mouth to make an additional comment, but before he can, McGonnagal taps her fork against her glass, signaling the student body to quiet. She then launches into the standard Christmas speech, one I'd heard six times from Dumbledore, and yet hearing it her way made it nearly interesting.
Soon enough the mountains of food was perched on the table. Swimming pools of potatoes and gravy, tilde waves of roast and fish, and oceans of desserts of every kind sit in front of me, and I gorge myself happily for about a half hour. It's quite enjoyable... until now.
I hear something. A quiet whisper in my ear.
"Hello, Harry... it's been a while..." I drop my fork, but it's lost in the sea of sounds of clattering plates and cups.
"I'm glad to see that there's still a part of me inside you... if maybe not in the way either of us thought it could get there." Voldemort's high, cold voice makes me shiver. It's a voice I thought I'd never hear again. "I may never again be able to take physical form, but I will fight to take over yours. It's taken me months to be able to cause this short whisper, my dear Potter-" I'm completely tense, and it feels like his presence is directly behind me. "And now, unfortunately, I must leave to draw my strength back. And in the meantime, I leave you a gift." He says, before laughing his terrible, cruel, disgusting laugh, and leaving me, just for a second, back in the real world, before it all turns to hell.
The Great Hall is fading from my view, red tinged blurs taking over my vision. The hundreds of voices are mixing together and blurring into an incomprehensible whirlwind of sound, which is making it even harder to fight the feeling.
My Gryffindor friend's faces are becoming distorted, and I can vaguely feel myself clutching my aching forehead, and fingering my burning chest. In the back of my mind, I can hear them asking me what's wrong. A subconscious embodiment is trying to fight the inevitable possession, but it's too late. My hand drops from my forehead and clasps my wand, and it's almost as if I'm under the Imperius curse; only unlike the curse, I can't fight this off.
I screw my eyes shut, trying to fight the inevitable blackout, but I just find myself unable to open them. My soul disconnects from my body, and I black out.
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"Neehashaseee..."
"Seeenahshaaaaahhsssssseeeee"
"Hessshhhaaaaaasenaaaah"
"Haaahseeehasheeee"
The sound of someone speaking Parseltongue permeates my ears.
'But I'M the only person alive who can speak Parseltongue' I find myself thinking. But then it hits me, like a bludger to the face. 'It is me...'
I'm fighting to regain control, fighting to get back to the real world, but this isn't like when I attacked Ron. There are hundreds of people in the room, and the more people there are, the harder it is to fight off.
"Ha-Haseeehe" My conscious self continues to speak the inane snake-language. I don't know what to do.
"Help..." I try to say, but it just comes out in the real world as more hissing.
And then it suddenly stops. My vision instantly clears, and I'm back in my body again.
I open my eyes to see a distressful scene. Students are backed up against the wall by some of the professors, and everyone's wands are pointing at me.
The students look petrified, their eyes wide in fear. I turn my head slowly to see Professor McGonnagal pointing her wand at me, the tip inches from my nose. Ron is standing behind her, with a bloody gash up his side, and on his chest. A look beyond him shows Madam Pomfrey nursing someone that I don't know from what looks like the 'Sectumsempra' curse...
A curse that only I know, now that Snape is gone.
I'm shaking, and I throw my wand away, causing whoever is holding me to jump, along with Professor McGonagall, Ron, Hermione, and everyone else. I turn to see none other than Draco Malfoy, holding me in his arms. He has bruises on his face, and the arms of his robes are ripped. He has a grim smile, and his moonlit eyes look relieved.
After a few more moments of agonizing silence, the Headmistress speaks.
"Heads of house, I would like you to lead your students back to your common rooms, and stay there." She says quickly and in a hushed tone. "Gryffindor, follow Ms. Granger." Hermione nods to Professor McGonagall, and leads the younger Gryffindor students out with the rest of the school population. She turns her attention to Ron, who is still standing behind her, blood running down his face. "That includes you, Mr. Weasley. I'll send Madam Pomfrey up to Gryffindor when she's done with Ms. Ashten." Ron nods reluctantly, and walks slowly past me, shooting me a look of unease and apology. I know what he's thinking: 'I tried, mate. I tried.'
I stay silent, curling farther into Draco's arms, wanting to disappear.
"Mr. Malfoy-"
"No." Draco says. My breath hitches by how strong he says it. Professor McGonnagal looks taken back.
"No? I hardly think you would want to stay-"
"Yes, I do. If you haven't noticed, Harry only came to when I got to him." He says. "Ron wouldn't have gotten hurt if your staff hadn't been holding me back." He smirks at her obvious discomfort. "I think punching me and holding me so forcefully that my robes ripped was a bit excessive." He says, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
So Draco's wounds weren't my fault...
He looks down at me.
"You're going to be fine, Harry." He brushes a stray hair from my cheek with a classic Malfoy smirk, though this one is meant to be comforting. "I promise."
I look up at his face, still set in grim determination.
I look at his eyes, weighed down by dark thoughts that are now surely swirling through his mind.
I feel his hands, gripping me fiercely yet gently, protecting me from an invisible enemy that he thinks he can beat.
And I know.
Despite everything that's just happened, and everything that I should be thinking about, all other thoughts are shoved out of my head.
Voldemort.
Possession.
Pain.
All leaving my mind, my brain needs all the space it can get for this next thought.
I am in love with Draco Malfoy.
And he will help me defeat the monster that sleeps inside me, because there is just something about him that makes it all go away.
I close my eyes, and lie back in his arms, even through all the chaos and fears I've caused, in this moment, everything feels like it could be all right.
I hope everyone liked this extra long chapter! Think of it as kind of an apology for having such a long hiatus. I love y'all!
Please don't forget to leave a review, they mean a lot to me!