Chapter Three

The Vase Incident

Martinez walked into his house to find that everything was just as it was before. Jorge and Ophelia were on his back, both of them having falling asleep in the hospital. Martinez decided to call John Valjean to watch the kids, John Valjean happily agreed for if there was anything he loved more than being Martinez's friend, it was Martinez's kids.

Martinez felt lucky that he had a friend like John Valjean for he was sure that John Valjean had other plans to do that day. Of course Martinez said nothing, for he was not good with words, he believed that actions spoke louder than words in the most literal sense of the statement. Once it was settled, Martinez made his way to Jose's tree.

The inside of Jose's tree was in many ways like Martinez's, big, spacious and with plenty of room. The only difference was that Jose had one bedroom on his second and instead of an attic on the top floor, he had an observatory.

Martinez looked down at the mat and wiped his feet, for he wanted to be a good house guest. At that moment the phone that was on the coffee table in front of Jose's couch rang, Martinez initially wanted to let it go, but curiosity got the better of him and so the vulture answered it on the fifth ring.

"Jose!" a voice screamed, "Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick about you? Did you know that you father is dead, as in never coming back!"

It was Jose's mother, Zaphora. That wasn't her real name; her real name was Beatrice Mahoney, Jose's mother being an American who was originally supposed to stay in Brazil for six months on a work visa and ended up marrying Jose's father, who was also named Jose Carioca. The reason why Beatrice changed her name to Zaphora was to make her feel more exotic than she actually was. She did however develop an accent, quite a feat for an outsider to any country.

"Zaphora" Martinez answered, "Jose's not home. This is Martinez Melendez Francesco Lupez."

At the mentioning of Martinez's name Zaphora groaned in annoyance.

"Oh it's you" she replied, "Are you done extorting my son yet? Or did you finally grow a brain and stop harassing people out of their hard earned money like the criminal that you are?"

Martinez would not deny her, for he was the Don of a mafia and thus still considered by many to be a criminal. He only shook his head and rolled his eyes in response. Zaphora took this silence and interpreted it as Martinez hanging up the phone.

"Good he's gone" she said to herself, "Seriously where does Jose find these people? I don't know. But its guys like Martinez who need to be locked up and given the death penalty."

"That's a little extreme isn't it Mrs. Carioca?" Martinez replied, catching Zaphora off guard.

"Oh" she said, obviously embarrassed, "You're still here Mr. Lupez. Well let me tell you that I cannot stress enough how sorry and embarrassed I am."

Martinez huffed, "Save your breath lady" he answered, "You're lucky that I'm on good terms with Jose."

"And how long will that last I wonder?" Zaphora asked curiously, "Until Jose runs out of money to pay you and your goons that you people call a mob?"

Martinez shook his head in disbelief, for there was absolutely no reasoning with her, still he couldn't rule out the possibility.

"That's a long way away" Martinez answered, "He did me a personal favor, as long as he stays on my good side all of his debts are cleared."

Zaphora laughed sarcastically, "And how short is that fuse of yours on the top of your head Mr. Lupez? An inch, less? As soon as Jose does something that is the least little bit out of your favor you'll snap and pile the debt back on. I know your type, only in it for the money; people mean nothing to you, less than nothing."

Martinez said nothing and hung up the phone, cutting off Zaphora just as she was about to continue the conversation that had become pointless and entirely in her favor. For a moment Martinez wondered if she was right, if he really was in his friendship with Jose for the money. Martinez had put himself in the hole when he voided Jose's debts and was now forced to earn money doing his other job. But then again he was always a mob boss to begin with.

"One of these days I'm goanna go straight" Martinez said to himself, "Get out of the mob business all together. For the sake of my kids if nothing less, they don't deserve this life; they're too good for me for that."

Martinez casually leaned on a small table with a vase on it. The vase was elegant that was to be sure and was the only thing that Martinez had saved when he chucked Jose's things out of his house when he evicted him. Martinez accidentally put too much weight on the table, causing the table to fall over, sending himself and the vase to the ground. Martinez stood up without a scratch, the vase however was broken in a million pieces.

Jose, Donald, Maria and Panchito walked through the door. Martinez, in a panic, flew up to the observatory to watch them from above.

"Wow this looks really nice" Jose said as he looked around, not noticing the broken pieces of vase that were scattered across the floor, "Did you guys do this?"

They shook their heads

"Well someone sure did" Jose said impressed at his house. "I mean this is amazing!"

Jose then looked down at the floor and saw the broken vase, at this he began to laugh like an insane person.

"That-that-that" Jose began, "That was my mother's vase, my mother's $50,000 vase."

"Your mother bought a $50,000 vase?" Donald exclaimed, "That's stupid. Who would spend that kind of money on a pot?"

Jose nodded in agreement, "I agree it is stupid and a waste of money. But it's my mother's vase. And if I know my mother she'll be here in..."

Zaphora appeared at the door

"Now" Jose concluded.

Zaphora's eyebrows were furrowed, her eyes were burning red, in her talons was a rat, it looked slightly familiar.

Donald stared at the rat in Zaphora's talons, he recognized it immediately.

"Remy?" he said surprised, "What are you doing here?"

Remy huffed sarcastically and pointed up towards Zaphora.

"Let's see Donald, what am I doing here?" he replied with equal sarcasm, "What do you think! This crazy bitch grabbed me from my restaurant! I have customers to serve and she walks in like she knows something is wrong and kidnaps me!"

Zaphora laughed and brought Remy close to her face, "Don't pretend like you're not enjoying this. You are."

Zaphora then kissed Remy on the cheek, the rat spat out of disgust

"Disgusting!" Remy exclaimed helplessly, "Now I'm going to get some weird bird disease."

Jose shook his head, "That's racist" he said to no one in particular

"Yeah?" Remy answered, "How about instead of standing there you actually do something and HELP ME!"

Jose sighed deeply, for he absolutely hated confrontations with his mother, mostly because he lost every single time. Jose slowly walked towards Zaphora, his head hung low. When he was within slapping distance Zaphora punched him in the face.

"Slapping dance uh" Zaphora grumbled under her breath as she turned to her left, "I'll show you slapping distance!"

Zaphora punched the air to her left, hitting the author in the nose, to everyone else present she punched nothing, but Zaphora smiled as she felt a wave of satisfaction wash over her at seeing the author's pain. Zaphora turned back towards Jose; Remy was struggling at this point.

"Any particular reason why you broke my vase Jose?" Zaphora began, her voice getting more and more sinister with each passing second.

Remy stared at Jose glaringly, "So you're the one who broke the vase she hasn't stopped talking about?"

Donald looked down at his watch; he was due at the airport in an hour. Donald quickly said goodbye to his friends and ran out the door promising to back in a few months.

"I didn't break your stupid vase" Jose said answering his mother, "I found it like this."

Zaphora shook her head in disbelief, "Right like I'm supposed to believe that. What do you think I am, stupid?"

Remy wanted to say something but decided against it, for he had no interest in getting beaten by Jose's mother. Panchito, to save the rat further grief, walked over to Zaphora, who was so angry that her vision was funneled and so she could focus on one thing at a time, that thing at the moment being Jose, and motioned for Remy to crawl up his sleeve. Remy slowly wriggled himself out of Zaphora's grasp and scurried up Panchito's sleeve and breathed a sigh of relief, this was immediately followed by the rat vomiting, for he also breathed in Panchito's body odor, the rooster having neglected the basic rules of personal hygiene.

"That's racist" Panchito said down his shirt, "It's not that bad."

"Are you kidding me?" Remy replied as he cleaned his paws by licking them, at the moment they were the cleanest thing on Panchito, "When was the last time you showered, 1945?"

Panchito laughed, "No you idiot, 1957. It was a good shower."

At this Jose, Maria and Zaphora sniffed the air, they suddenly smelt a foul presence in the air, their noses led them to Panchito. They immediately ran to the other side of the room, Remy tried to the best of his ability to escape, for even Zaphora was better than this, but alas, Panchito's shirt was constricting, he was slowly suffocating.

Martinez flew down from his perch and landed on the ground floor. With no time to ask question, Martinez lifted his talon and cut Panchito's shirt open.

"Hey be careful!" Panchito whined, "This is my only shirt!"

"You can borrow one of mine" Martinez answered, "But right now you're killing this poor rat."

Remy fell to the floor and immediately ran towards the others. Martinez, who was unaffected by Panchito's odor at the moment, his nose not settling in yet, immediately grabbed the rooster by the nape of his neck and flew outside.

"What are you doing?" Panchito asked as he looked down, not fearful but clearly no comfortable.

"This" Martinez answered, who immediately the rooster in Jose's pond.

Martinez then pulled out a bar of soap, shampoo and conditioner and threw it down to Panchito.

"Don't come out of there until you clean yourself up!" Martinez screamed, "And to make sure that you do-"

Martinez snapped his wing, Pedro and Nico appeared instantly.

"My friends are going to watch you. Pedro, Nico you've just promoted up the friendship ladder. Welcome to the Brazilian Mafia."

Pedro and Nico gave each other high fives and presumed to watch Panchito's every move. Panchito reached for the soap.

"So are you guys going to watch me clean myself, or just make sure that I don't get out?" Panchito asked, getting more uncomfortable the longer Pedro and Nico kept staring.

"That depends on you KFC" Nico replied, "We do what we're told. And Martinez, the Homeboy, said for you to clean yourself. So get to it!"

Panchito begrudgingly began washing himself. Martinez walked back inside to find Jose over Zaphora's knee, his ass having a large imprint of Zaphora's wing.

"Is this really necessary?" Jose asked to no one particular, "I mean it's a vase, it's not like a baby or anything. Speaking of which I am an adult, this is technically abuse, I could call the police right now and put you in jail."

"You wouldn't dare" Zaphora exclaimed as she brought her wing once again on Jose's backside, "On your own mother? I raised you better than that Jose."

Martinez walked over to Maria and Remy who were sweeping up the vase pieces. Martinez hated himself for laughing at Jose's misery, especially since he was being humiliated in such a way but it was too much for the vulture to bear so laugh he did.

"Why is this funny to you?" Jose said to Martinez, "And how did you get here anyway?"

Martinez laughed, "Oh yeah I accidentally broke the vase."

Zaphora stopped and turned towards him, "You broke the vase?"

Martinez nodded, "Yes I did. What are you going to do about it?"

Zaphora huffed, "I suspected as much. I always knew you weren't any good Mr. Lupez."

"Please" Martinez replied, "Call me Martinez, everyone calls me Martinez."

Zaphora ignored him and continued, "See Jose this is what you get for hanging around ruffians, broken $50,000 vase."

Jose brushed himself off, "But mama please, let's be reasonable. It was $50,000. On a vase, a useless thing that has no purpose other than to look pretty. It's a like a girl!"

Maria raised her eyebrows at this, "Excuse me?" she said, "You did not just say that to me!"

"I wasn't talking to you" Jose corrected, "You are the love of my life. I was talking to my mother."

Maria huffed, "You say that as if that's supposed to be better?"

Remy walked towards the door, for he hated family confrontations, just as he was about to escape Zaphora caught him once again.

"Oh no you don't" she exclaimed, "You're not getting away that easy."

Remy struggled to break free, but his efforts were futile.

"Look lady" he said extremely annoyed, "I'm sure you're great woman. You raised a beautiful son and you still have your looks, all of those are pluses, believe me. But this relationship is not possible. One, I'm a rat you're a bird; technically we should be mortal enemies. Two, I have a girlfriend back at home. It's getting pretty serious right now and we're at the point where-"

Zaphora squeezed Remy, cutting him off in the process; the rat took a deep breath and continued.

"I'm getting married in a few months. I really should be getting back, so if you don't mind taking me back to Paris that would be great."

Zaphora ignored him, "You don't have a girlfriend and you're not engaged."

Remy laughed, it was one of pity. "Um, yeah I do and yes I am" he answered, "Everything's already been planned, we've already got a set date and invited all the people that we wanted to invite."

Jose huffed, "I didn't get an invitation."

"Really Jose?" Remy said turning towards him, "Really? I'm Pixar, you're Disney. I can't stand you people, always telling Pixar what we can and can't do."

"Disney saved your asses and you know it" Jose replied, "Without us you wouldn't even exist!"

"True" Remy continued, "But maybe with more funding, we wouldn't need you to begin with. Maybe if people opened their eyes to what was in front of them, we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

Zaphora rolled her eyes and turned back towards her son.

"Don't think you're in trouble Jose because you are. You're grounded."

Jose sighed, "For the last time mother, I am an adult! You cannot control me and what I do. I did not break your vase. Who do you think I am? I am not a criminal!"

"You're right Jose" Zaphora said finally listening to reason, "It makes prefect that Mr. Lupez would do it. You are forgiven."

"I believe you should be the one apologizing mother" Jose declared.

Zaphora punched Jose in the face and then left without another word.

"Hello?" Remy said as Zaphora walked out the door, "Are you just going to leave me? You can't do this me!"

Martinez, Jose and Maria ignored him, they would get him later. At the moment, they continued picked up vase pieces while Panchito was singing the bathtub song outside slowly torturing Pedro and Nico by singing several octaves higher than necessary.