A/N: So how we go again, thanks for reading! :) After this one I only got one more chapter left for you, more like a short epilogue. So we are finally getting things together, perhaps….

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Chapter 14: The Lies, the Truth

James looked like he had done all the pranks in the world and gotten away with them.

'So?' Peter asked.

I stopped eating the porridge to stare at James, who seemed to be barely able to sit down in between me and Peter.

'I'm the happiest man alive,' he whispered.

'We can see it, Prongs,' Peter said. 'Do you think you could tell us why? Or…' and his face went all white, '…really? Did you? Did you and Lily…?'

James smiled at his pumpkin porridge. Peter looked more shocked than he probably should have.

'Congratulations,' I said, patting James on his back. It would probably have been rude to ignore man's great achievement even though you yourself were having the biggest messiest problem of your whole life. 'That's great. So, how was it?'

'Can't really talk about it,' James sighed.

'Why?' Peter frowned, still looking quite astonished. 'Lily isn't here.'

'No, it's just beyond the words.'

'That good?' Peter barked.

James sighed again, then shook his head like trying to get his thoughts together and finally threw a sane smile at us. 'Well, not really,' he said with a low, husky voice. 'It was… over quite quickly. I had been waiting for that for ages, you know. But I'm just… I'm just…'

'Happy?' Peter asked, sounding serious and somehow quite small.

I knew how he felt. He felt like his pumpkin porridge was so messed up and so confusing and he wasn't sure if his porridge could never be as great and simple and awesome as James'. I took another bite and then just let it be.

'Yeah,' James said, still smiling stupidly. 'I'm just so happy. I got the girl that I want. It's like everything is just fine.'

I patted him again and then just left. For some reason, I was quite sure that I would never find a girl who would make me feel that happy.

xxxxxxx

Remus had been gone for the whole morning. I hadn't seen him after the last night and that… kiss in the Astronomy Tower. As I walked through the corridors back to the Gryffindor Tower, I couldn't help feeling that maybe the universe was trying to make a point here. Maybe there was a reason for why this weird stuff was happening between the two of us.

Remus wasn't in the common room, though I hadn't expected it. He also wasn't in the dormitory, which made me feel a bit uneasy. I couldn't help wondering had he really gone to break up with Sarah last night, and if he had, how had it gone, and had Sarah possibly kidnapped him, refusing to let him go. The thing that I didn't wonder was how us kissing in the Astronomy Tower had leaded two the conclusion that Remus decided to break up with his girlfriend.

I got worried, when Remus didn't show up in Potions. I was even more worried, when he didn't come to lunch and even in the afternoon he still missed classes. James and Peter asked me where he was and I didn't know, and all of us were feeling quite uneasy. Then there was a Quidditch Practice, and the dinner, and all I could think of was Remus missing.

After the dinner James refused to look for Remus, because he claimed that there was no way Sarah would have kidnapped him, and also he himself had agreed to meet Lily in the library. Peter didn't want to look for Remus, because he thought that I was going nuts as a hedgehog – his words, not mine. I told them both that they were being crappy friends and walked alone back to the Gryffindor Tower, and there Remus was, sitting on the sofa and reading a book.

'What?' I barked, stopping at the doorway and just staring at him. There were some younger students in the room but I really didn't care about them at the moment. 'Moony, you can't disappear like that! I thought you had been kidnapped.'

Remus had put the book aside and was now staring at me, and I swallowed when I remembered why Remus had disappeared in the first place, and where I had last seen him.

'Pads,' he said with a voice that was far more serious than I'd had liked, 'we really need to talk.'

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'So, you broke up with Sarah?' I asked, not sure if it was the right thing to say.

Remus nodded. We were in an empty classroom, Remus sitting on a writing desk, I walking a small circle.

'You really did?'

'Yeah.'

'How did it go? You didn't come to breakfast, or classes, or dinner, you never do that! I thought she had killed you – '

Remus frowned, apparently not bothering to laugh. 'I had to think. Sarah was fine, I suppose.'

'Fine?'

'Well, I think she had kind of seen it coming. Or we both had.'

'So,' I said, suddenly unable to keep on going. And it was Remus who had said that we should talk, so shouldn't he be the one talking?

'So,' Remus said, inhaling deeply, 'we need to talk.'

'Yeah, I know,' I barked out. I was unhappy to realize that I sounded quite nervous. 'Could you do it? The talking, I mean?

'Pads,' Remus said with an oddly gentle tone in his voice.

I stood there, looking at him. He looked almost calm, which seemed weird in the situation and also a bit unfair. I felt myself everything but calm.

'I think I have a thing for you,' Remus said.

I swallowed and waited for him to keep on going, but he didn't. He just sat there. Fortunately, now he looked at least a little nervous. There was this restless stare in his eyes. I thought that I would have been so much happier if I just could have been a dog now, but there was a chance that Remus would have got angry with me if I had listened to him with four paws instead of two legs.

But then again, as a dog I could have just put my head onto his lap and let him caress me, and everything would have been so much easier.

'What do you want me to say?' I finally asked.

'Well,' Remus said slowly, 'what are you thinking about?'

'I'm thinking about turning into Padfoot.'

Remus laughed out aloud. 'Ah, that would be a really great way to avoid a conversation.' Then he was all serious again and kept on going, 'look, I feel really weird even talking about it. But we can't keep on doing this, this… whatever it is that we're doing. I'm sorry. I just can't. I have to know what is happening. I have to know if you are just playing with me.'

I stared at him. 'I'm not playing with me. Of course not.'

'So, what is it, then?' Remus asked, his voice beginning to crack a little. 'Are you using me?'

'Using you?' I barked, offended that he even could say so. 'For Merlin's sake, Moony, you're my friend!'

'Did you mean it? The kiss? Everything?'

I couldn't resist the temptation anymore. Of course it was a wrong way to solve a problem, and Remus looked a bit disappointed – and smelled a bit disappointed, too – but I felt so much better right away. I barked gently at him, for real this time, and put my head on his lap. He sighed, not touching me at first, but then he relaxed a little and started scratching me behind my left ear – the best place ever to scratch. And I was happy. Remus smelled familiar and friendly and beloved and I was just happy.

'You really should talk to me, Pads,' Remus said after a while. His voice was now almost sad. 'I think I'm going nuts with all this. I really, really need you to tell me what you're thinking.'

'I don't know what I'm thinking,' I answered. Remus flinched as I was back being a human and stumbled to get up on my feet from the ground. 'I really don't. But I'm not definitely playing with you, and I'm not definitely using you. I just don't know what the heck is happening.'

'I just broke up with my girlfriend because of you,' Remus said, sounding almost frightened.

'But you weren't getting along that well, anyway, right?'

Remus shook his head, 'yeah, we weren't, but… I suppose it was because of you, too.'

'Moony,' I said, whining, 'you can't really expect me to find a right thing to say here.'

He stared at me, not even bothering to look disappointed. I really, really wished that he would find something great to say, something that would solve the whole problem without me having to try to figure out what I was thinking. I had a faint feeling that maybe that wasn't going to happen, but it's always good to be an optimist, isn't it?

Of course there might have been something that I could have said aloud. I could have said that there had been a small, tickling feeling of joy when Remus had told me that he had a thing for me, or whatever it was that he had. I could also have said that I would never want to lose him and I was horrified that I would do or say the wrong thing and this, whatever it was that was going on between us, would break our friendship. And also I could have said that I was really happy that he had broken up with Sarah.

But I didn't say anything. Remus kept on looking at me and I kept on avoiding his eyes and finally he sighed, 'Fine. I changed my mind. You suck at being a human, Pads. Would you mind being a dog for a while?'

I felt myself smiling broadly, and then I was already back putting my black, furry head onto his lap. He sighed again and pulled me closer, which was a bit difficult because I really wasn't a poodle, but also somehow really comforting. Remus hugged me and pushed his face against my fur and I licked his ear, refusing to feel odd, because well, I was a dog.

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It took me a few seconds to realize who was sitting on James' bed. For some reason, the first thought coming into my head was that Sarah had come for Remus and they would make up and get married, but then again, Sarah didn't really have red hair and a noisy habit to read a book on someone else's bed.

'Hi, Lily,' I said, stopping at the doorway. 'Where's James?'

'Went for a shower,' Lily answered without looking at me. 'How are you?'

'Fine,' I said automatically and then frowned, because Lily didn't tend to ask how I was doing and also because 'fine' probably wasn't the right word to describe the whole lot of mixed feelings that I was trying not to feel all the time nowadays.

'Good,' Lily said, now looking at me. 'I hope you don't mind me being here.'

'Well,' I began and then swallowed and inhaled deeply, 'well, maybe I don't. But I'm kind of surprised that you'd be willing to hang around with us without James.'

'I'm not really hanging around with you, I'm reading a book,' Lily smiled. 'Okay, Black… Sirius. I get what you mean. I'm kind of sorry that I've tried to get you a detention whenever I had a chance, if you are kind of sorry that you've been pain in the ass.'

I had to laugh at that. 'It sounds like we're even.'

'I really like James, you know.'

That was a bit surprising. Also, I began to realize that this was going to be a real conversation, about feelings and stuff, and that it was the second time today that I had ended up in a situation where you should be able to talk about feelings. Fuck. And I had been so happy to find a way to escape the conversation with Remus just a few hours earlier.

'Do you want my blessing?' I asked, when Lily kept on staring at me. 'For you and Prongs, I mean. Because if that's what you want, you can get it. Prongs would kill me in so many different ways if I tried to stop you being with him.'

'I know,' Lily said and for a moment she didn't like that though, smart girl that she usually was, but more like a pretty seventeen years old girl who had just fallen in love. I had a weird feeling that might have had been envy. 'I think it's more about…' Lily kept on going, 'you liking me.'

I blinked. 'Excuse me?'

'Could you like me?' Lily asked, now sounding quite serious, 'I would really much like to know that you're okay with me. I don't think I'm going anywhere anytime soon.'

'Yeah,' I said slowly, 'I can like you.'

'Thanks, Sirius.'

'You're welcome.' I was frowning again. 'Really, this is what you wanted to talk about with me?'

Lily shrugged, 'not really. You just walked in and it had been on my mind a few days. Peter is fine with me, Remus is fine with me but you've been kind of weird.'

'Ah,' I barked. 'Well. I can admit that Prongs has been so annoying after he finally got you, but he already was when he was just chasing after you, so that it's really fine. And I… I might have been weird for other reasons. Not you. It has nothing to do with you.'

That clearly was a mistake, because now Lily was really staring at me. I could almost hear her brains getting more and more nosy. Shit, this really wasn't a way to avoid a conversation. How long could it take for James to take a shower?

'Are you having troubles?' Lily asked, surprisingly with a genuine worried tone in her voice.

'Not really, I…' I sighed, comparing in my mind if it was better to walk out or turn into a dog. 'In fact, someone just told me they have at thing for me.'

I winced. Lily was now leaning towards me. 'Really? You have love troubles? You?'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Ah, it's just that… you seem like you don't really care about anyone. Besides your friends, of course.'

'Yeah,' I said, sighing. That seemed to be the problem. 'But well, now that Prongs is apparently fixing his hair or something else weird and we have somehow ended up talking about me, which will never happen again, what should I do?'

Lily frowned, 'what do you mean, what should you do? What did you do? When she told you she likes you?'

'I turned into a dog.'

Lily burst into laughter. 'Oh, I see. That's a good way to deal with the situation. So, do you like her?'

'What does it even mean?' I barked. 'Of course I like… her. A lot. Really lot. But we're friends.'

'So, tell her that you only want to be friends with her.'

'But…'

'So, you don't want to be just friends?'

'I don't know! This weird thing is happening and I kind of like it but it's so weird for us to do it, and – '

'Weird thing? Like kissing?'

'Yeah, I suppose.'

'So, maybe you have a thing for her, too, and just can't make yourself admit it?'

'I – '

'What the heck are you two talking about?'

Lily dropped the book that she had been holding and I almost fell onto my face as I turned around to see James standing on the doorway. He stared at us with a sneer.

'Sorry if I interrupted,' he says with a deeply suspicious tone. 'I just thought that you were talking… talking about… feelings.'

'Well, we kind of – ' began Lily.

'Weather,' I snapped, 'we were talking about weather. I have to go.'

'Where?' James asked.

'Just… Things…'

I think I could feel how James and Lily were looking at each other in a confused silence, but fortunately I was already in the stairs and definitely not going back.

xxxxxxx

I don't know if I was looking for Remus or if I found him by accident, but he was sitting on a bench near to the Great Hall and when I saw him, I didn't think about running into the opposite direction almost at all.

'Hi, Moony,' I called him.

He looked at me, not really surprised. 'Hi. I was thinking about dinner.'

'It's still half an hour away.'

He shrugged. 'This is as good a place to be than any, I suppose.'

'Let's go somewhere,' I said and stared at him so that he would get the rest without me having to say it aloud, we need to talk.

Remus followed me. I didn't really know where I was going, and after a minute or so I realized that I was going there quite fast, because Remus was half-running and breathing quite heavily.

'Sorry,' I mumbled, trying to slow down. 'Where should we go? Stupid people are everywhere.'

Remus' mouth turned into a crooked smile. 'Don't know, maybe the greenhouse?'

'What? Oh…' I shook my head, thinking about the last time when I had been there with Susie. It seemed like it had been such a long time since. 'Let's go out. It can't be snowing that hard.'

Well, it was. It was a crappy snowy weather of March, when the white thing coming down from the sky resembles as much water as snow and still it's freaking cold.

'I don't like this,' Remus complained, trying to keep up with me. 'We could have just gone to the dormitory – '

'Prongs is there with Lily. I… Lily… Lily wanted to talk about feelings with me.'

'What?' Remus barked. I had to stop, because now he was just standing there, really confused and also apparently really cold.

'This was a stupid idea,' I admitted, 'we're going to freeze out here. Let's go the to greenhouse.'

'What was Lily saying to you?' Remus kept on asking, his voice tense. 'Did you talk… about us with her?'

'No! Or, yeah, maybe, but she didn't know what we were talking about – '

'Why the heck would you talk about me with Lily?'

'Because I'm just so fucking confused all the time! Really, Moony, I can't handle things like these! I don't do feelings! I don't do talking! I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to do with all this!'

'There's the greenhouse,' Remus said pointing to the glass building that had a sweet green light coming through the walls. 'So, what did Lily say?'

'About what?'

'About us.'

'I didn't talk about us, I just… She said that I like you and just can't admit it to myself.'

'Or me,' Remus mumbled and then froze, 'what? Like me how?'

'That's pretty much what we're about, aren't we?' I snapped at him, finally getting into the greenhouse that luckily was empty, besides the plants, of course. One weird-looking reddish plant tried to snap a bite of my ear and I stepped away from it, trying to figure out what Remus was thinking. He looked at the ceiling, his hair dripping out of water, his hands doing nervous circles with each other. 'We keep on kissing, for Merlin's sake! Kissing, Moony!'

'Yeah, I know!' Remus almost shouted back at me. 'And I already said that I have a thing for you, and I can't believe I would say a thing like that, and that you said nothing, just turned into a fucking dog – '

'You told me to!'

'Because you wouldn't know what to say, anyway,' Remus sighed, looking suddenly just really tired. 'Please, Pads. Say something. Say what you're thinking. Why do we keep doing this? Why wouldn't you push me away?'

'I never wanted to push you away, you stupid prat,' I said, 'but this… talking is more than I can take – '

'You told me to come here!'

'I have a thing for you, too!' I snapped at him, staring at him turning pale. 'So, I said it! Are you happy now?'

'I'm…' Remus said, pausing in the middle of the sentence and never finishing. His arms dropped to his sides and he was frowning, and then frowning a bit more, and swallowing and breathing quite hard. 'Pads…'

'What do you want me to do with it?' I asked, sounding somewhat quite stupid. 'I hate talking, it never fixes things – '

I had to stop. In fact, I had to stop because I had Remus' mouth on mine. It was wet and clumsy and stumbling and I was about to fall straight to border full of angry-looking plants, but Remus grabbed my arm firmly and pulled me closer.

I kissed him back. Of course I did, this was what I had wanted to do all along, apparently, my fingers caressing Remus' neck and his short messy hair and robes that were wet of snow. Remus was mumbling something against my mouth and he was so close and so familiar, and it felt odd and great at the same time.

'You really mean it?' Remus mumbled, grabbing my cheeks and looking straight at me. He was just a few inches shorter than me, and I wondered if I had ever been that close to someone else and felt that good about it. 'That you have a thing for me?'

'You're my favorite person in the whole world,' I said clumsily, 'though I really don't know why.'

He gave a laugh. 'Really? Like this?' and he kissed me again, less awkwardly and more firmly.

'Yeah,' I mumbled when I could catch my breath, 'it's so weird, I never thought – '

'Shut up,' he hissed, 'we are done talking.'

And so we were.