I hope you guys still like me after the what hapened last chapter! Anyway here's another one to the story and I hope you like the way Mini see things (well at least that's what I imagine hapens in her head)... I know I took a bit to upload again, but it's here now! LOL. Thanks again for the messages in tumblr, you're really lovely :)

Disclaimer: What?

That's What You Get

Chapter 14: Mini

I've tried to love her in any kind of way. But it wasn't enough for her… for me.

When you spend so much time hiding and seeking like you own the world sometimes you forget life's not like that at all to people who aren't the same as you.

She was so fresh, so new… so beautiful. She was a threat, a big one.

So what did I do? I pushed her far away, treated her like nothing, and I felt bad about myself. I thought that maybe by doing that she'll crumble, she'll break into tiny pieces and I wouldn't see her anymore. But I was so wrong. She is strong, unique and she embraced being herself. And I was jealous of that. She had something I knew I lacked of.

I didn't even realize that I wanted to be around her. My mind didn't register that fact. And when it did it was too late, because I thought I was being careful, that I wasn't showing my cards. But I was. And the people who noticed first laughed it off.

I was angry at myself and at them.

But it didn't matter, because she was talking to me again. She had forgiven me, even when I didn't deserve it.

Then school was over, and the holiday came… And I just knew I had to see her. I told myself 'At least call her to meet with you…it'll be one time' But deep inside me, I knew I wanted to see her face every day. See her smile, those eyes… See her.

So I took my chances and called her, by my surprise she said yes and we went out.

I was so nervous; I couldn't talk the whole way to the club. But I tried to shrug the nerves off and started to 'act' the way I did for everybody else. Thankfully the guys we met that night served my purpose and everything went ok. Except for when that horribly cute couple of lesbians asked us if we were together; as if! She's more than I deserve. But anyway my poor Franky almost chocked on her drink and I gave a few pats to her back. I answered them with a 'no', but it seemed like they were trying to dig in the subject a bit more with those looks they gave to us all night. But I guess it was kind of my fault too, because the stupid of me couldn't stop talking about her with Emily and Naomi…obviously when she wasn't listening, I'm not that stupid. Apart from that, the night went well, we said our goodbyes and I left…

The thing about me is that everyone wants to be with me, be like me, or pretend either of those… It sounds selfish but it's just how things are. But she was the exception of those basic rules of my life. She broke them, tore them apart and fucking burned the piece of paper where they were written. With only an action: looking at me.

She really looked at me, found me, and summed me up in seconds. She knew what I was, who I was… even when I myself didn't.

But she didn't want to be with me… I suspected it at first. At times she wouldn't dare to look at me, but then she looked and said hurtful, but truthful things to me. Then she wasn't listening to me, she listened that-that mother fucking Levan, the weird one. I was angry, and told him to fuck off. I was trying to protect her, but she-she didn't see it that way, and instead ran away from me and it hurt so bad… because I was waiting for the moment she let me down like everyone else did.

And I am so fucking stupid for believing Grace when she told me Franky wanted me to be there, that fucking night at the club, when I-I saw her with… ugh! That fucking bitch! She was all over her! And she had no right! She didn't know her at all, she was just some random fucking awful and disgusting girl…fuck, she even was a bit pretty… And I thought I was day-dreaming about getting her the fuck off Franky, but I actually did it, and I wish I hadn't done that. Because I made her angry at me and she looked so desperate to get out of there, she couldn't look at me…she never looks at me anymore.

She's kind of an oddball, and I really like that. I noticed it first the day she made me fall at the ground in Lacrosse. I gave her a piece of my mind, but she did nothing but to stare at me with big surprised/angry eyes. No-one had given me that look in ages. I found that interesting, just like the way I found interesting she was sitting with those weirdos we now call friends in the cafeteria later that day, while she was playing with sugar spread around the table. And the way she left, that interested me even more.

She proved my thoughts right when she called me the next day about meeting in the park near her house… I tried to play hard to get, but who the fuck was I fooling, I'd say yes to anything she asked me to do. So I went there, I listened to her, because whenever I open my fucking mouth I hurt her. But her words didn't matter, because I knew those words couldn't be true, wouldn't be. As I was walking away from her and those feelings trapped inside my chest, she made me explode and felt more alive than ever with a simple action. A kiss.

But as any functioning human being, I act by inertia. So what do I do when I feel scared? I run.

I fucking ran away from her, from my feelings, from me. And it hurt so bad, physically and emotionally… But I didn't know any other way.

I felt so alone. I've always been alone. But I felt broken when I did what I did, and when she wasn't there I felt like I was being buried in a deep and dark hole. I always thought I've seen a light in there, but that light wasn't there anymore, because she had it in her, but now that she wasn't there anymore, she wasn't at arm length away, and she's faded and that light faded away too.

I don't know how, but I started to see the same light again, and I stopped my old habits and followed it. It led me somewhere I didn't know I could be in. Somewhere scary but, at the same time safe.

I plugged up the courage and went to see her, to confront her for what she did. But she-she brought me back to that fucking hole in a second. She was so distant, so not herself. And it was bloody strange. As time and words passed between us I felt like I was in no place to demand anything, so I did everything she told me that afternoon. But she laughed off all my honesty and my old self was starting to go to the surface. I slapped her. And I felt so sorry, but I wanted to. I needed to. She needed to feel my pain too, to see it. I do feel stuff, I'm not a robot. I tried to be, but it's so fucking difficult.

So I left. Again.

Just as I was reaching the door of my house, my mobile rang. It was Grace. 'Franky, she-she got hit. By a bus. By her house.' she said crying.

I ran. So fucking fast my feet hurt. I needed to be there. With her.

When she fucking needed me, I left. I'm so horrible. I shouldn't have left her. If I didn't leave maybe she'll be still there. With me. Safe.

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