Kira sat there staring at a book in front of him. He was trying to do his best at this assignment they'd given but he just found that he couldn't concentrate on what he needed to do at that moment.
It wasn't the first time in the past few weeks that it's been like that for him. He's just had so much to think about that it's starting to drive him nuts. Fllay, Lacus, Tolle's death; it was like one big swirl of information in his head that made it harder and harder to concentrate by the day.
Fllay, that name rung on his mind since he found out the truth about her. They might not have gone out for very long time but it made him wonder if he'd done something wrong to push her into cheating on him like that. He'd always thought that he was a good and caring boyfriend. 'Maybe I was wrong,' he thought with a sigh while balancing a pencil on his nose.
Lacus, there was one of the biggest enigmas to him. He could almost never figure out what it was that she was thinking. She held her feelings inside of her so well. Yet what he heard was probably one of the most distressing things for him. Sure he had feelings for her but he didn't know if it was the type of feelings that she had for him.
Kira groaned as he just gave up on his homework. It wasn't like he'd be able to get it done with all these weird thoughts that were running through his head. "Why has everything gotten so difficult for me?" he muttered to himself as he grabbed a lightweight coat and left his house.
Kira could see the sun starting to set in the horizon. They were entering spring by then but the days seemed to be becoming more and more dismal. Kira had to say that they probably hadn't had one cloudless day in the past two weeks. It was definitely an improvement today though as they sky seemed to clear a little.
Kira decided to take a stroll through a nearby park just to take in the fresh air and try to clear his head before he decided to head back and finish his homework. He somehow doubted that was actually going to happen.
The weeks following Tolle's death were particularly odd ones in Kira's opinion. It was strange when he saw that Dearka and Miriallia actually seemed to be getting along and talking to each other without yelling. It had to be a first in Kira's opinion. He was very curious as to what it was that went on between them to make them the way that they were.
Kira came to a stop at a bench and took a seat at it. He watched as the stars started to appear in the sky as the sun continued to disappear more and more along the horizon. It was a very beautiful sight to Kira.
"Kira," a voice that sounded shocked said. This caused Kira to sit up and look at the person but he scowled a bit before laying down on the bench and looking towards the sky once again, just hoping that the woman would go away.
It didn't go the way that Kira wanted when she just remained there staring at him waiting for something. "What do you want Fllay?" he finally asked a little rougher than he normally would but the woman before him was the cause of many of his current problems as it was.
"I… wanted to talk to you Kira," Fllay said quietly but he made no movements at her words. "I'm… sorry about what I did Kira. I want… I want you back Kira," she said feeling ridiculous at doing this.
Kira just snorted not wanting to listen to her lies anymore. She'd been lying to him from day one and he didn't want to go through that again. "Forget it," he said with a sigh not taking his eyes away from the stars. "Why'd you want to go out in the first place if you were just going to cheat on me?" he asked in a calm voice but his eyes held sadness within them.
"It's nothing like that Kira I swear!" Fllay said a little too quickly. "That's not how I wanted things to go between us Kira. What happened was an accident that I shouldn't have let happen," she said actually a little remorseful over the situation.
"Why do I not believe you?" Kira asked as he stood up and started to walk away from Fllay. "It's over Fllay. I'm not coming back to you no matter how much you beg me," Kira said disappearing around a corner before Fllay could even catch up to him to stop him. 'If you really cared then you would've come.'
"You know Lacus, if you want him, then you should take a little bit of initiative," Cagalli said stuffing her face with a hamburger. "Maybe then it will get through his thick head just how much you like him and you might be pleasantly surprised at what happens," she continued taking another big bite.
Lacus just looked at Cagalli and smiled. "Kira's going through a very tough time right now. I can't just push this stuff on him. I'll stay with him until he gets over it though," she said with a big smile on her face.
"You're way too nice sometime. Did you know that Lacus?" Cagalli asked as she finished her hamburger. "You can't get anything good without taking a few risks," she continued as the two of them stood up and left the restaurant.
"Coming on too strong right now might just push him further away," Lacus reasoned and she knew that Cagalli had no choice but to agree. They both knew him too well to know that might have a possibility of happening. His friend dying, him catching Fllay cheating on him, everything that was making his life so messed up right then.
Cagalli sighed in annoyance before taking another large bite. "I guess you're right in some ways," she muttered and Lacus just nodded her head. "Just one question. Are you ever going to say something about it to him?" Cagalli asked stressing on the word ever.
Lacus just turned towards Cagalli with a smile. "Are you ever going to tell Athrun how you feel?" she asked with a smile and tried to hold back her laugh when she saw that Cagalli was blushing. Lacus had to admit that a blush looked strange but pleasant on Cagalli's normally angry face.
Cagalli stuttered while trying to find the words needed to say something. "T-this isn't about me and Athrun! We're talking about you and Kira here!" she yelled at Lacus who managed to keep a smile. Cagalli just wanted to rip it off her face at that moment.
"I see it as being exactly the same," Lacus said as her and Cagalli stood up and headed out of the restaurant. "In reality, we are just two women who can't admit how we feel to the ones we love," Lacus admitted honestly as they started walking home.
"Lacus," Cagalli muttered which caused Lacus to look at her again. "I hate when you're right," she muttered as her arms crossed over her chest. "The question is what are we supposed to do about it?" Cagalli asked and Lacus just shrugged her shoulders walking along the sidewalk happily.
"I don't know," Lacus said before coming to a stop as she saw two figures approaching them from the opposite direction. "Hello Athrun, hello Kira," she said with a smile at them which caught their attention.
Athrun turned and saw Lacus and Cagalli walking towards the two of them. "Hey there," Athrun said waving as Kira did the same. "What are the two of you up to?" Athrun asked when they finally reached each other.
Cagalli didn't want to but ended up thinking about the conversation Lacus had a few moments ago. 'Not like I'm going to tell him about that,' she thought putting on a smirk. "We were just getting a bite to eat. What about the two of you?" she asked as they walked over and took a seat on a bench in the middle of a park.
"Same," was all that Athrun said. He then looked at Cagalli and then towards Kira and Lacus. "Hey listen Cagalli, can I could talk to you about something?" he asked and she nodded and the two of them stood up leaving Kira and Lacus alone.
It was kind of weird for the two of them for a while. Neither seemed to know what to say to the other. Kira finally looked towards Lacus and decided to say something. "Been really weird lately, huh?" he asked her and she nodded her head.
"Have you seen Miriallia and Dearka?" she asked and him and he nodded his head shortly. "Seems weird but she actually seems to be talking to him more. I wonder what it is that changed between the two of them for it to be that way," she pondered but it just seemed to confuse her more.
"I guess we should just be happy that they aren't at each other's throats like usual," Kira said and Lacus nodded. "It may have only been two months but it looks as if she's getting better. I wonder if Dearka might have a part in that," Kira said and Lacus just shrugged.
It was then odd between them again since they couldn't think of anything else to talk about. Kira had something but he wasn't sure how he wanted to talk about it. "Lacus, there's something important that I need to talk to you about," Kira said deciding to just get down to it.
Lacus looked at Kira a little confused for a moment before she nodded her head. "Why don't we go for a walk? We can talk then," she recommended and he nodded. It was a lovely day to her and a walk through the park with Kira was just what she thought she needed.
The two of them stood up and started to walk in a different direction than Athrun and Cagalli. The four of them knew they would just meet up again later so Kira and Lacus didn't have any real worries.
The two of them walked around the park for a while but Kira didn't bring up what he wanted to talk about immediately. It was something that was hard to discuss and he didn't know how he was going to bring it up with Lacus.
The two of them came across a small lake and they sat down upon a rock that was on the shore. The water was crystal clear and their reflections shone brightly back at them. It was the perfect scene of peacefulness.
Kira looked out at the water as he tried to decide how he was going to talk to Lacus about this. He knew that it might hurt her a bit but he knew it had to be done. But by being at this lake it brought back a small memory to him. Something that seemed like it happened so many years ago in this exact spot.
Flashback
Kira and Lacus were sitting on the rock staring out at the lake. They were ten years old at the time. There was hardly any time that anyone could really see the two of them apart. If they were just a little older, people would probably consider them a young couple.
Lacus sat there with her feet lightly splashing around in the water. She then looked to the side of her and then at Kira. Their mothers went to get them something to eat but they didn't go very far so the two were allowed to just stay there.
Lacus looked to the side and saw a young couple on a bench kissing each other. Being as innocent as she was, she didn't know what they were doing. "What are they doing Kira?" she asked in a soft tone looking at the couple.
"Huh?" Kira asked as looked at what Lacus was looking at. He made a face at the sight that he was seeing. "They're kissing I think. That's disgusting though!" he said sticking out his tongue in disgust.
Lacus looked at it again and thought it looked kind of neat. "How do you know? Have you ever tried it?" she asked and Kira just shook his head no. "I have an idea! Why don't we try it?" she asked looking a bit excited.
Kira was shocked and ended up falling off the rock and onto the soft grass beneath him. "W-what!" he asked pulling himself back to his feet and he took his seat again on the rock next to Lacus.
"I said I think we should try it. It looks kind of fun. I just want to see what it's like," she said innocently. She was young and kind of pampered but she was a very curious young girl. She was always eager to try new things if it was possible. She knew what was wrong to do also but this didn't seem like some of the bad things her parents told her about.
Kira was a bit flustered at her request. He didn't know what to do but he ended up nodding his head anyways. He remained still as Lacus slowly brought her head in and gave him a short peck on the lips. He thought it was strange but kind of nice.
Lacus pulled her head back in a fit of giggles. "That was weird but kind of nice," she said sweetly and all that Kira could do was nod his head as the two of them stood up and walked back to their moms as the two women came walking back with food in their hands.
End Flashback
Kira couldn't help but wonder if that was where all his confusion began. 'No… I know that was when it all began,' he thought remembering what happened that day over eight years before. That was where his confusion began and he hoped it would be where he got some answers as well.
"Like I said, there was something really important that I needed to talk to you about Lacus," he said seriously and she turned her head to look at him. "I heard you… when you said you loved me," he admitted and a look of guilt crossed Lacus's face.
"I see," Lacus muttered as her hand glided over the surface of the water. "I'm sorry Kira but it was just something that happened. I never thought you would find out about it though. It's the truth though, I do love you," she finally admitted and it felt as if a great burden was lifted off her chest. In some ways she was glad that he knew about it. It just made it easier to say. This wasn't the way she ever thought she'd say it though.
"I… guess I understand," Kira muttered staring at his reflection in the lake. All he saw was a really troubled version of him. "Listen Lacus. You probably wish I could say the same thing but to be honest I can't," he said and he heard her just sigh.
Lacus knew that she couldn't get her hopes up anyways. It didn't stop the words from hitting her rather hard. She had always hoped that someday he would but to hear him say that just made her feel bad. "I understand," she muttered as her hand lazily glided across the water some more.
Kira sighed wishing he didn't have to tell her that. His meeting with Fllay the night before was just on his mind and he knew he had to talk to both her and Lacus about his feelings if he was ever going to be able to get over this. "It isn't as if I do or don't. It's just that I don't know. I'm just… confused," he admitted to her.
Lacus sighed and lightly swatted at her image. "It's alright Kira. I understand all the stress that you must be going through lately. I guess that I never wanted to put anymore of a burden on you with my feelings. I also just didn't want to ruin our friendship because of it," she said with a sigh as she fell onto her back and stared up at the sky.
Kira looked towards Lacus and saw that there was a pained look in her eyes. "I don't want anything to happen to our friendship either but I also know it will be kind of weird either way," he said with regret knowing that it would strain their friendship a bit. He just hoped that it wouldn't hurt it too much. Lacus was still his best friend and he didn't want to lose that.
Lacus said nothing as she sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees. "I never expected for you to love me but I don't want anything to bad happen between us either. Please don't let it. Just having you near is good enough for me," she said in a pained voice. The idea of him not even being her friend was too much to think about.
"I may not know how I feel. But please give me some time. As confused as I am right now, maybe eventually I can actually tell you whether or not I can or can't love you. Can you give me that time?" he asked her in a pleading voice.
"You could take forever if you like but I will always stay by your side," Lacus said with a short smile as she gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Maybe we should go back and find Athrun and Cagalli," she recommended with a smile. She knew that she should be thankful that it was only as bad as it way. She had hope though even if eventually that hope could hurt her.
Kira nodded as he stood up and the two of them started to walk in the direction that they left their friends. He stole a quick look at Lacus and gave her a grateful smile. Uneasily, he grabbed her hand and felt her entwine her fingers with him.
Sure, he may not know of his feelings for the pink haired beauty beside him but he hoped that someday he could figure it out. He was at least glad that she was here for him right then. He felt that there was a chance that someday he could fall in love with her but he just needed some time and he was glad that she could give it to him.