had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.
All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!
"Bella, they're home!" I called, excitedly up the stairs. I was thrilled that they were home, I had missed Mama a lot. But I was also dreading them walking through the door. I felt like they were never going to leave again. That was an extremely depressing idea.
"You're mom's home!" She yelled back. What? Wasn't that what I just said.
"Yes, I know she is. I just told you that." I said back.
"You're mom just told you that!" She exclaimed, coming down the stairs. She had some kind of bowl in her hands. What the devil was that flaky black substance?
"Bella, are you alright, love?" I asked, concerned. "Bella, is that a bowl of ashes?"
"Love? Ooo, Eddie and Bellie, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" Bella sang, skipping over to me.
"There better not be any kissing going on!" A voice thundered.
I spun around. Charlie was standing there with his arms crossed. His luggage was at his feet. Bella look horrified.
"Edward!" She cried, stamping her foot. "You ruined it!"
She mumbled to herself a bit, and ran to close the front door. Charlie sighed and muttered something about drugs and sex and the legal drinking age.
"No, no, wait! There might still be a chance. Edward, get in the closet!" She ordered me.
"What?" But it was no use. She was already pushing me into the nearest closet and locking the door. "Bella!"
"Relax, Red! You'll survive. Just shut up and stay in the closet!" She growled. I heard the front door open and a loud, perky shriek.
"Oh, Bella! It's so good to be home!" Mama sighed.
There was sniffling. There was some shuffling of feet and some gasps for breath. Was Bella crying? What in God's name was my girl doing? I smiled. She was my girl, after all.
"Bella? Darling? What in the heavens is wrong?" Mama asked, worriedly. "Where's Eddie?"
"Liz, I'm so sorry. We tried to save him, we really did. But it was too late." Bella sniffled.
"Too late? Young lady, what is going on?" She demanded.
"Its Edward. There was...there...there was an accident." Bella sobbed. She was an amazing actor. I'm signing her up for Drama Club on Monday. After school activities are good for her college application.
"An accident? What kind of accident?" Mama asked, frantically. I heard Bella let out a heartbreaking cry. There was some deeper, weepy murmuring. Was Charlie actually going along with this blasphemy?
"There was a fire. Edward...he, he...was cleaning the counter with the Clorox...its real flammable...and, and...the candle fell. His sleeve was first...and then his whole arm and chest...it spread to his legs...and before we could do anything...he was gone." Bella cried.
I heard Mama gasp. I heard the bowl drop. There was silence and gentle weeping when I heard...
I heard laughter?
"Holy fucking hell! Hello, Drama Club! I could go to Broadway with my mad skills!" Bella chuckled.
Mama burst into tears. "You're laughing? My son is dead and you're laughing?"
"Liz, simmer down. Red is in the closet. There was no fire. He's fine." Bella sighed. I heard a frantic click of heels and the door slammed open. Mama stood there in a flurry of tears.
"Oh, Eddie!" She exclaimed. She pulled me in very tightly and squeezed. "You're alive!"
"Alive like the fucking wind!" Bella said, annoyed. "Daddy, what did you bring me?"
"Bring you? You just told a big fib and told me my son was dead and you expect us to reward you? You have a mommy dot on you're forehead! Go to your room, young lady." Mama screeched.
"What, what the hell is a mommy dot?" Bella demanded, bewildered. "And newsflash, lady, I don't have a mommy. And you don't have the power to send me to my room. Only this good guy right here does."
Charlie looked around, shiftily. He looked nervous. You could practically see the devil on his shoulder. Wife or daughter, wife or daughter? He looked at Bella finally and sighed.
"Lizzie, it was harmless joke. The kid is fine! No sweat." Charlie shrugged. He seemed to be going out on the farthest limb here. "Now, we can either be mad about it, or we can have some nice family time and tell them about our trip."
Mama glared at Charlie and let go of me, reluctantly. "This isn't over, Charles." She hissed as she walked away.
Charlie smacked Bella on the back of the head. "I'm officially disowning you. Pack up your shit! You're going to foster care."
"You're word against mine. I can bring on the tears faster than you can say 'Screwed!' Plus, I have social services on speed dial." Bella chirped.
"Why the hell do you have social services on your phone? I've never hit you." He argued.
"You're right, you haven't. But, Daddy, we've lived with some scary people. You never know when you're going to need it. 911 is second in command." She shrugged.
"Good thinking." He murmured. "I'm guessing you added 911 during our ghetto time slot?"
"Ah, you are very wise, grasshopper." Bella grinned. "Social services was added when we rode around with the bikers."
"Oh, yeah! Big Jimmy. I never did like the way he looked at you." Charlie agreed, shaking his head.
"Lemme tell you, Big Jimmy had a brother named Big Johnson. If you know what I mean." She nudged me, suggestively. I knew right off the bat she was talking about his penis. Bella got very angry when I used the word penis. She said it was creepy. But I was very disturbed when she called my penis a cock. A cock is a chicken. Not my male anatomy.
"How the hell do you know that?" Charlie demanded. "You were what? Eleven?"
"He used to flash those girls in the bars. He flashed me a couple times too. Well, actually he just yanked it on out in my direction. It could have been for you." Bella told him.
"Do they make condoms for your eyes?" Charlie sighed, sitting down on the couch. He ruffled through a duffel bag and pulled out two shopping bags.
"They're called eyelids." Bella nodded, sitting on the floor in front of him. I just stood, awkwardly.
"Alright, alright. For my darling daughter, I have brought a snow globe. See, it says, 'Welcome to the Islands'." He tossed it to her.
"Funny, seeing as how I never went to said Islands." Bella smirked.
"Hardy har har. For little man, I brought you a very special present. You seem like the kind of kid that would be nervous opening what I gave you in front of us, so we'll close our eyes. Bella, come here, I don't trust you." Charlie ordered. Bella grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it, annoyed.
I took the bag, uncertainly. I peered inside and pulled out a semi small box. It had some kind of Spanish/Dominican whatever label on it. I looked closely at the picture. Was that......Was that a condom?
"Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year." Charlie said, gruffly. "My girl better not be seeing your joystick any time soon. Covered or uncut."
"Yes, sir." I gulped. I tossed the box back in the bag, quickly and Bella opened her eyes, bored.
"Lemme guess? He gave you condoms?" Bella guessed.
"How did you know?" My eyes widened. Was she peeking? We learned that was a bad move in Kindergarten!
"That's been a favorite stocking stuffer of mine." Bella grinned. "Always get some use out of them."
"Bella!" I gasped at the same time Charlie yelled, "Close your legs!"
Bella shrugged. "Hey, I know how to take care of myself. I play it safe. Sometimes."
Charlie was fuming. I think my Grinch eyes grew two sizes that day. Bella laughed at my expression.
"It's always better raw." She said, lightly. She got up before Charlie could have a stroke and left the room.
"Raw ain't in your future, buddy." Charlie warned me. "Neither is cooked or medium rare."
"Yes, sir. Again, yes, sir." I stuttered. I grabbed my bag and ran down the hall and up the stairs.
"Hey, titty bopper." Emmett greeted me. I had English with him, unfortunately. He made Newton switch seats with him, so we could converse. And I ain't talking about no shoes.
"Hey, junky trunk." I responded, writing down the verb predicates on the board. "Any word on Rosa-not-so-lucky?"
He sighed. "She won't answer my calls. And I'm not about to haul my ass out to the burbs. I have to work."
"Pimp it up, home boy." I nodded.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not a pimp!" He exclaimed.
"Damn straight." Alice mumbled, sliding into the seat behind us.
"What's the matter, Mary? Jasper's jazzy jizz ain't jazzy enough for you these days?" Emmett turned around in his chair, mocking her. Alice's mouth fell open and she gave me the death stare. It was an expression she used quite a lot, if I do say so myself.
"You told the bastard?" Alice growled.
"I didn't tell him, so much as I implied in his general direction." I answered, still scribbling down English shit.
"Bella, I swear, if you do not stop blabbing my business to -"
"To who?" I snorted, looking up. "Pimp daddy over here? I'm sure the hoes are really interested in your humpy frumpy fun, Shmelie."
"One of these says, you're going to drive me into a straight jacket." Alice hissed as the Nun of the day strolled on in.
"How? Will you jump out? Ooo, no, I know! We'll have an eject button, and you'll shoot out of the roof and land in the jacket." I guessed. She glared at me. It made me shudder something terrible. I made the smart choice and turned my ass around.
"I love how people feel the need to stare at us all fucking day." I announced, loudly, as we sat down at lunch. People had been looking at us all fucking week, since word got about Red and I. It didn't help that we were hanging out with Puff Daddy Emmett and his pimped out girl friend, Diamond. Or Wemo Mary Alice. And not to mention, Red wasn't the coolest guy around. Christ, we're like the Breakfast Club. Just call me Molly Ringwald.
"Relax, kid. There just staring at what they can't have." Emmett sigh, popping his collar.
"Or staring at what they don't want." Alice snorted.
"Maybe they just have no lives, and want to stare at us like zoo animals all day. You want some zoo action, bitches? Moo, Quack, Naw, Snort, Bock, Bock, Cock a fucking doodle doo!" I yelled.
"That was more like a farm, Bella." Red pointed out.
"Well, moo you." I pouted. "I hate people. I want to become a shut in. Maybe Meals on Wheels will bring me some chicken."
"Meals on Wheels doesn't care about miserable old shut ins! They visit old people, right?" Alice argued.
"Fuck. I'm screwed then. Red, when I'm a shut in, will you bring me chicken?" I stuck my lip out, pleadingly. In the words of Kim Possible, I was using the puppy dog pout.
"Bella, dear, we live together. You can be a shut in at home, with us. Mama will feed you." He pointed out.
"Not is she smothers me in my sleep. I swear, she was standing over my bed last night with a knife." I shook my head, disappointed. "I think she needs some help."
"We all know who else needs help." Alice mumbled. Emmett shot her a look.
"Keep your mind off my girl. It'll block my psychic signal with her." He growled.
"That explains a lot." She snorted.
"You're one to talk! Screw this, I'm out. Sex ya later, Chicken Wing." Emmett sighed, getting up. He strolled out of the cafeteria. His 'boys' glared at us from across the room.
Ever since I approached Emmett, he'd become a little less, well, angry. He was an incredibly nice guy, he was just...hiding something. I can't explain it, but something is going on. I don't want to sound like a Mary Higgins Clark novel, but I feel some bad mojo going on. With Emmett, you never know. He's stopped wailing on Red though. That was very sudden and unexpected. I honestly never expected him to stop beating my man like an old rug. But he did, and I'm eternally grateful. I did not earn my patch for first aid in Brownies. I like Emmett. Not in the, Oh My God Let's Fuck, kind of way. But in a This Dude Is My BFFL. That's right. I called him my BFFL.
He watched me though. Like something about me made him mad. He was really playful and sweet when he wanted to be. It seems like he's more comfortable with girls. Men seem to make him angry, like he doesn't trust them. It's like he's an old bitty. An old, pissy, man hating bitty.
Yep. That sums Emmett McCarty up.
"Sup, bitch." Max grinned, sitting down next to me on the couch.
"Hello, Max." I smiled. I was watching Jeopardy, intently. Bella was in the shower. Max, Win and Ricky had just come to the door a few minutes ago. It wasn't as if I could ignore them. They're my girlfriend's best friends. It would be insanely rude and it would ruin any relationship we could build together. Max seemed perfectly comfortable next to me, and Win looked at ease. Ricky was shifting, nervously though. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. As much as I hated the idea, I expressed it anyway.
"Ricky," I started. "You can wait upstairs for Bella. She'll be out any second."
It was like a 500lb weight lifted off his shoulders. He looked at me gratefully.
"Thank you." He murmured before he shot around the corner. I heard his frantic footsteps on the stairs.
Max whistled. "You've got some balls, Chaz Finster. I wouldn't let Dicky Ricky alone with my girl."
"Shut up, Max!" Win exclaimed, throwing a pillow at him. "Ricky ain't gonna try anything. He loves Bella too much."
My head shot up. "Love?"
Win shook his head. "It's not like that. Ricky and Bella have this weird connection thing going on. It'd like there Siamese Twins."
Max snorted. "That means there stuck together, dum dum."
Win glared at him and turned back to me. "They're best friends. Something has Ricky freaking out half the fucking time, and Bella keeps him on his feet."
"It's better then keeping him on his back." Max muttered, shrugging.
"Hey, now!" Win hissed. "Boyfriend in the room."
"What do you mean by keeping him on his back?" I asked, hesitantly. I muted the Television.
Win hesitated. "Bell and Ricky have had some...relations in the past few years. Just casual, convenience relations, don't worry! They meant nothing."
Max snorted. "Yeah, all twenty seven times."
It hit me a like tidal wave. I knew Bella was more experienced then I. But I assumed she'd only lost her innocence! Not made love over and over and over...with anyone. Was my girlfriend a whore? I couldn't even picture it. Bella may be a bitter, sarcastic lady, but she was still a good person! I love her. Granted, I would relieve myself in my pants before telling her that, but still. I do. And I would happily say that any day. Whether we're at an alter, a court house or even Vegas. Though I'd prefer a chapel. Bella deserves the best.
And that's what I'm going to give her.
"It's Christmas time and wouldn't it be nice, to find a simpler way to get the best price-"
I clicked off the TV impatiently and snuggled into Edward's chest. He wrapped his arms around me, gently. I was glad he was finally realizing I liked to be touched. Well, by him anyway. He seemed more and more comfortable with me now. It was fucking refreshable.
"Christmas already?" Edward mumbled.
"Where would you be without Wal-Mart to guide you?" I grinned, turning over to his neck. He shivered.
"I'd be right here, letting you guide me." He answered, sweetly.
"Aww! That was by far the mushiest thing you've ever said to me. I'm burning up." I laughed.
"You'll have to consult the Jonas Brothers for that one." He smirked. I laughed. Tonight had been nice. I pushed aside any sarcastic comments I had saved up and concentrated on being totally here for Edward. I might be the sex guru, but I've never had a real boyfriend. We moved around so much, I never got the chance.
Sometimes I'd tell people my Dad was in the military. That's why we were always moving. Otherwise, they thought he was in the Black Market or on the run. It was embarrassing and kids are harsh. When do you think I grew this backbone. I was born with it, fool! Not really. I was a very timid little kid. The seventh grade put some ointment on those burns though. Ah, the seventh grade. You couldn't pay me a million dollars to go back there. We were in New York at the time. we'd been sloshing around from Queens to Brooklyn. We'd even scored a place in Manhattan for a while. I spent most of my middle school days in Brooklyn though. Can you tell me this? I've always wondered.
Since when are the reindeer in Rudolph from Brooklyn? Seriously. They live in the North Pole. Why do they talk like that? Anybody?
"Hey, have you heard anything about Rosalie?" Edward asked, softly.
"Naw. Listen, babe, I've seen a lot of battered girls in my day. And it's even worse when it's your Daddy. It's his job to protect you and he betrays your trust. I'm betting Rosalie Hale wouldn't give her Father up for the world." I sighed.
Little did I know…
She was doing it at that very minute.
*Important Message*
Hello everyone! Happy Friday! I wanted to let you all know that the Eddie and Bellie awards are now accepting nominations. So, please, go and nominate the story! And when voting starts, vote for it! It would make me very happy! It would also make Bella, Red and Super Dad Charlie ecstatic. Plus, you know, the Brooklyn reindeer. The song at the top is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. If you didn't know that, you've been deprived.
Review!