A/N: Sorry about the longer wait- I've had a busy week! I own nothing except Faolan without her Gifts and other such non-Mercedes Lackey characters except the Companions. Hugs and since this month includes St. Patrick's Day, also lucky clovers to those who reviewed the last chapter! They are...
Glaciours and Stormy Phoenix

Classes with Rathmir went on, and Faolan found herself enjoying the second half of her day to a great extent. Rathmir taught her the normal things, like having her read and do sums and review the things that had grown rusty in a Scout's life, but she was also learning in depth geography, all the sort of things she had known as Carry Rolf but never been able to put a name too, and History, especially the History of Heralds, and every once and a while something really weird came up, like Anatomy- which Rathmir said they'd go into greater depth farther on in her education.

And so the weeks slipped by and turned to months. Her memories came up sporadically, when something inspired them- the flashes that is. As for the rest she had a general idea of events, the same way normal memories are. Until one night a certain memory came up that wasn't one of a past life…

"FAOLAN!" a deep and angry voice shouted and I scooted farther back in the closet, hoping he wouldn't find me.

"Anne, where is your daughter?" the voice asked in a drawling, sarcastic tone.

A whimpering woman's voice answered, "Please…"

"Isn't that your JOB, woman? To raise kids?"

"She… I… Please John…"

"Damn! I live in a house of idiots!" the voice raged and there was the sound of something breaking. It sounded like wood.

"FAOLAN! You little rat! Stop hiding! I've got a chore for you- and this one I think you'll like…"

I won't like it, I knew and I tried to press myself up against the back of the closet even more, holding in a whimper, Last 'chore' I'd like when he was like that took me all day without meals…

Suddenly there was a scream and I jumped, swallowing hard and closing my eyes. There was another scream and the sound of furniture falling, and a thud.

"Please John! I'll find"-

"Shut up," I whispered, my eyes squeezed shut.

"No! Please I can find her! Just don't"-

"Shut up shut up," I hissed through clenched teeth.

There was another scream, this one long and drawn out. But no one would hear it. Not out here, away from everyone else. If only we lived in town Papa wouldn't be able to… I thought miserably.

"Shut up!" I said loudly as the screaming continued and then I couldn't take it anymore and I jumped up, pushing open the closet door and running down the stairs to find my father standing over my mother, his hand made into a fist. She was laying against the wall, have slid down into a sitting position, blood running from her lip and her face all red.

"STOP!" I screamed at the two of them, "PLEASE JUST STOP!"

"Ah…" he said, his dark eyes glinting, "You finally decided to show your face, Faolan."

I didn't say anything, just glared at him in silence. Anything I said would just make him madder. Like a bull. He once said bulls hated red, and would charge at anything red and that in some places they killed bulls for sport after making them charge all over an arena. Papa was like a bull when he was mad; he saw everything red. Sometimes I wished someone would kill him.

"Come down here, Faolan. I won't hurt you, I promise," he said, but a smile was on his face and I knew he was lying so I shook my head no.

"GET DOWN HERE FAOLAN!"

I got down there. Standing before him, I ignored Mama and kept my eyes on my toes that were sticking out of my boots. My socks almost had holes in the toes again.

There was a sliding sound and I heard the snap of a belt. Uh-oh, I thought, closing my eyes as I heard the sound of leather swishing through the air…

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Faolan was screaming as she jerked awake and the scream was cut off with a short hiccup.

There was a bang and her door flew open. In a sudden, unreasonable fear, Faolan leapt off the bed on the side furthest from the door and in a quick movement slid under, the sharp sting of the belt on her sides, back, and face still haunting her skin.

"Faolan?" a soft voice asked and for a moment Faolan, expecting it to be her Father so badly, almost didn't recognize it.

"Rathmir?" she ventured cautiously.

There was a sudden loud thud against the window and Faolan closed her eyes- but then a voice emerged in her head, :Faolan:

"It's me Faolan," the person in the bedroom said and Faolan, opening her eyes, saw Rathmir's face, her long hair untied and falling around her face, peering under the bed at her.

:Raul?: Faolan asked inside her head, venturing a mind thought towards the thing outside her window.

:I'm here Fao: the voice said, wrapping warm mindvoice arms around her and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"It was just a bad dream," she said, rolling onto her back and staring up at her mattress above her.

"Come here Fao," Rathmir said and Fao glanced over at her.

:Go to her Fao: Raul ordered and surprised, Fao's eyes flickered in the direction of the window.

:Why?:she asked.

:Just do it: Raul ordered.

With a nod she knew Raul couldn't see but would sense, Fao pulled herself out from under the bed, feeling embarrassed as she did so, and then moved around to where Rathmir was sitting on the floor.

"Hi," she said, feeling awkward and uncomfortable and just like going back to bed. But suddenly the idea of being all alone in her bed with such dreams wandering around her head didn't seem so appealing.

"Hi Faolan," Rathmir said. She was wearing a nightgown, its color undistinguishable in the darkness and her hair looking strange- Fao had never seen it dry and down.

"I'm okay," Faolan said, leaning up against her bed and running a hand through her hair that was no longer tangly since the gift of a good hairbrush from Dunne.

"Come here," Rathmir said, holding out her arms and after a moment's hesitation (I'm too old for this…), she moved over with small steps, sitting down into the woman's lap and resting her head up against her chest.

Strong, warm arms wrapped around Faolan in a way that Raul had never been able to and suddenly a lump was in Faolan's throat and her eyes were wet. I'm not going to cry, she thought, NOT going to cry. I may look four but I'm not and I've got to control myself…

It didn't work and Faolan found herself sobbing into Rathmir's nightgown despite her embarrassment. The older Herald's arms simply enclosed her and Rathmir's warm breath stirred up against Fao's hair.

"Sorry," Faolan whispered what seemed like candlemarks later and her eyes had dried.

"Good heavens Fao!" Rathmir whispered into her ear, "There is no need to be sorry!"

Faolan looked up, feeling too small and, at the same time, hundreds of years old and only four years old. The expression on Rathmir's face was nothing but love. And Faolan found herself smiling and then she closed her eyes and leaned back up against Rathmir, despite the many adult selves inside her screaming, "Ack! No!" in horrified embarrassment.

"Now, do you want to tell me what your bad dream was about?" Rathmir whispered softly and Faolan shook her head.

"It isn't important," she said, "Just a memory. A bad memory, but just a memory. It doesn't bother me."

"If it doesn't than why are you here crying in my arms after screaming loud enough to wake the entire Palace if they could hear?"

"Uh," Faolan said, looking back up, her cheeks flushing red, (although Rathmir couldn't see), and then she asked, "Uh- I was screaming out loud?"

"No actually…" Rathmir said and Fao heard a chuckle and imagined the smile that would be playing about the Herald's lips, "You were screaming mentally. But not powerfully enough to reach farther than the Heraldic Collegium and anyone who could hear that, is shielded right now."

"Then how did you hear it?" Faolan asked, thinking of Raul- Raul would hear anything, but Rathmir?

"I've been keeping a mental eye on you," Rathmir admitted unabashedly, "I knew your Gifts were surfacing… you'd start Projecting sooner or later."

"Did you see…?" Faolan asked in horror, her fingers tightening on Rathmir's sleeve.

"No," Rathmir shook her head, "I didn't. If it was just a memory what makes it so horrible that I couldn't see?"

"Uh," Faolan flustered, "It's just… not something I'd want you to see… Or anyone…"

:Faolan are you ashamed of your family?:Raul suddenly poked in, making Faolan momentarily jump, :To admit that your Father was abusive?:

:Well when you put it so bluntly… did you see?: Faolan didn't feel bad about Raul seeing- she'd already told Raul about her life before the Wolf, but somehow the idea of anyone else knowing… It seemed more embarrassing than scary because everyone would want to comfort her, they'd pity her. She'd seen enough in her lives to know how people reacted to abused children. And she didn't need that. In truth, Faolan didn't feel like an 'abused child' because her experience allowed her to see past what had happened to her…

:Any experience is still an experience: Raul put in, nudging Faolan's mind, :It is like any memory from your past life that you wouldn't care to remember, except for one thing Faolan. It happened to Faolan. Not Carry Rolf. Not the Baker. Not the Noble, not the Village Healer. Those lives, with the possible exception of Carry, are settled in your soul. This one is not. Now you tell Rathmir all about your dream or I'll come in through the window and tell her myself:

:Raul!:Faolan objected, but then she settled down, thinking over what the filly had been saying, and realizing, as the Companion had spoke, what made the difference between Raul and Rathmir. Raul's voice, as it always had been, rung in Faolan's mind like an older sister, a guide, a loved one, and a friend.

:You mean...: Faolan started to Raul, :That I probably am not 'over' it, as I so neatly said before?:

:I suppose denial is something experience can't help you get over: Raul said lightly and Faolan felt like a cold rock had sunk in her stomach.

:Denial: Faolan mused, feeling even worse than she had after she had first been bitten and then changed, :No… not me. That's just…embarrassing.:

There was a short laugh from Raul and then Faolan, to her horror, felt the Companion moving away, and her 'sense' of where Raul was, was diminishing.

:Don't go Raul!: Faolan said and her head whirled towards the window, but all she could see from her vantage point was stars.

:I'm still here Fao. I'm always here: Raul said and Faolan breathed a sigh of relief. Of course. Raul was always there and when Raul pointed it out Faolan realized that there was a part of her mind and heart that said Raul, and she could always, had always, been able to reach it.

"Rathmir?" Fao looked up and the older woman looked down, (Did she know I was speaking to my Companion? Can you tell?).

"Yes, Faolan?" the Herald asked, her arms still strong and comforting around her.

"I'm scared," Faolan admitted, looking more and more like the four year old that part of her still was.

I want to love you, I want you to love me, but I'm afraid. From some deep, ancient part of me, that scares me. Rathmir stayed silent, only holding Faolan's gaze and Faolan had the feeling that she was taking someone's hand, taking their hand to never let it go, and so she spoke.

"I dreamed about my father," she said, reaching up to touch a cheek that was still damp and then to wipe the crud from her eyes…