Chapter Fourteen
When Nessie arrived back home she threw herself down the couch, grabbed a pillow, and began screaming into it as loud as she could. Edward happened to wander into the living room in the middle of her procedure, and frowned.
"Is this some new teen fad?" he asked.
Nessie sat up, throwing the pillow violently across the room. Edward snatched it before it could hit anything, carefully placing it down on a nearby armchair before approaching his daughter.
"What's wrong?" he asked cautiously.
"Griffin found out that Jacob and I are together, and now he hates me," Nessie said miserably. Edward frowned.
"Whoever this Griffin boy is, he's obviously a fool. No one in their right mind could hate you," he said.
"Oh yes he can. And he has every right to," Nessie moaned.
"You're not supposed to say that," Edward said suddenly, a look of shock crossing his face. "When you're upset, I'm supposed to say comforting things to cheer you up, and they are supposed to make you happy."
"I was stupid. I led Griffin on, even though I knew it was wrong. I just couldn't bear the thought of losing him. That backfired in my face," Nessie muttered.
"This sounds familiar."
Nessie and Edward both looked up to see Bella standing before them, looking at her daughter sympathetically.
"Bella, I am trying to comfort Renesmee and it's not working," Edward said, staring at her imploringly. Bella rolled her eyes.
"Sometimes there are things even compliments can't fix, Edward," she said.
Nessie leapt up, throwing herself into her mother's arms. Bella hugged her back, and Edward frowned.
"What did you say?" he grumbled.
"Nessa, I understand what it's like to have a friend who wants more than you can give," Bella said, stroking Nessie's hair as she spoke. "Your friend is hurt right now, and you need to let him have some time to calm down."
"But I can't stand the thought of Griffin being so miserable, and all because of me!" Nessie moaned.
"It's not easy. But you need to leave him alone to think," Bella said. Nessie looked up at her mother for a moment, and nodded.
"I know," she sighed. "Thanks, mom."
"You're a good friend, Nessie. No matter what happens," Bella assured her. She kissed her head. "Now I'm sure Jacob is waiting anxiously to put a smile on your face."
Nessie grinned slightly as she hurried from the room. Bella turned back to Edward, who was still frowning at her.
"How do you do that?" he asked.
"Well, she's in the same boat that I was only a few years ago," Bella remarked.
"But I've tried it so many times, this whole 'comforting' thing. And it never seems to work with Renesmee the same way it used to work with you," Edward remarked, completely puzzled.
"Because Renesmee is not madly in love with you and hanging off your every word," Bella snorted. "Edward, she's not a normal teenage girl. When she's upset she doesn't want flattery and comfort. She feels she deserves to be punished."
"What have we done, raising her so foolishly?" Edward joked. Bella laughed, joining Edward on the couch. He quickly wrapped her in an embrace.
"Hearing her talk that way about not being able to love her friend back... it's like reliving that year with Jacob," Bella sighed.
"That must be difficult for you," Edward said. But Bella shook her head.
"Surprisingly, it's not. That time seems so distant now. As if it were a separate life completely. That wasn't me and Jacob, those were two completely different people living in some story. It's like remembering a dream, almost as if Jacob and I - the thought of anything between us - never even really existed at all," she explained.
"Maybe your mind has pushed those times to the back of your memory intentionally to make things easier," Edward pondered aloud.
"I thought that too," Bella agreed, "but then, when I tried to bring up memories of Charlie, and Renee... it was the same. I don't feel attached to them the same way that I did back then. It's as though that Charlie and Renee were merely outlines, silhouettes, of the people I know now. And the Bella that was their daughter - she's all grown up."
"Do you ever regret your decision?" Edward asked, after a long silence. Bella turned to stare at him, her eyes wide.
"How could you even ask that?" she demanded.
"I'm just curious. Have you ever wanted to return to the way things were? Even for a moment?" Edward asked.
"Everything about this life is so much better. I can't think of a single thing in my human life that exceeds the feelings and sensations this life has brought me," Bella insisted. "But there are moments... sometimes just a fleeting memory... and that makes me sad. Eighteen years of my life, all reduced to nothing but fleeting memories."
Edward looked over at his wife sadly, stroking back her hair, though her expression was not one of sadness.
"Do you ever wish that Nessie could have things differently?" he asked. Bella looked into his eyes.
"Sometimes I wonder... if Jacob hadn't imprinted, and she actually had the chance to be with a human boy. A normal boy, with a normal life..." Bella sighed, trailing off. "I think that's why I've been so excited about her friendship with this Cody kid. I just want her to be able to have that kind of normal, teenage experience."
"You certainly had plenty," Edward said, with a small grin. "I wonder how Mike Newton is doing these days..." Bella sighed, as the memories of her own human friends crept back into her mind.
"In the end, Renesmee is only as normal as you and I," she sighed. "And she and Jacob are even more unnatural. Her whole life is controlled by fear and limitations. And that's what I wish I could change. I wish she could just be safe, if not normal."
Edward grabbed Bella's hand in his own, squeezing it tightly. Bella leaned her head against his chest, letting her body melt into his.
"We gave her life. Our beautiful child was never supposed to exist... but she does," Edward said.
"Maybe it would be better for her if she didn't," Bella muttered.
"Don't say that," Edward hushed. "Renesmee loves Jacob with all her heart, and he loves her even more. When all else is forgotten, they have each other. And together, they are perfect."
"I know," Bella sighed. "Sometimes I just feel guilty."
"Until the day Renesmee no longer loves Jacob Black, you have nothing to feel guilty about," Edward stated. Bella grinned.
"It looks like I'll be guilt-free for a while then."
The minute Nessie stepped outside, Jacob's arms were around her. She smiled, burying her face into his chest.
They remained silent for several minutes, simply embracing the cold October wind.
"So, you wanna tell me about your day?" Jacob finally asked.
Nessie quickly reached up, touching her hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes, letting all the images from her day flow into his mind.
"Wow," he muttered, as Nessie pulled her hand away. She stared up at him sadly.
"I deserved it all," she insisted.
"That's not true," Jacob countered.
"Yes it is. I was a jerk. I shouldn't have led Griffin on the way I did," Nessie said. "And the same thing is bound to happen with Cody if I don't cut things off now."
"Hey, I'm all for you cutting things off with Pretty Boy. But don't be so hard on yourself," Jacob said.
"That's a surefire way to get rid of every friend I have," Nessie muttered bitterly.
"Hey, hey," Jacob hushed, quickly stroking her cheek with his giant, warm hand. He looked into her eyes, offering a sympathetic smile. "Griffin will get over this. You're his friend, first and foremost. He's not going to let you slip away."
"He might after what I did," Nessie sighed. "I can't believe I let it get that bad, Jake."
"Griffin's a drama queen. So you kissed him one night. It's not like you married him and then told him you were a vampire," Jacob snorted.
"Then why do I feel as bad as if I had?" Nessie moaned.
"Because you're an incredible person, with one of the biggest hearts on the planet," Jacob replied. "I'm serious, Nessie. Just give it time - Griffin will come around."
"And Cody?" Nessie asked, looking up at Jacob imploringly.
"Cut things off," he said immediately. Nessie frowned.
"Well that was pretty straightforward," she remarked.
"You're damn right it is. That kid is madly in love with you, and he's not subtle about it either," Jacob growled.
"That's ridiculous. Maybe Cody has a little crush, but really, we're just friends," Nessie insisted.
"Trust me, Nessa. Friendship is not what he wants," Jacob muttered.
"Oh, stop. You and Bree sound just alike sometimes," Nessie moaned.
"Whoever this Bree girl is, she obviously has some sense," Jacob said. Nessie giggled.
"That's something she probably doesn't hear very often," she teased. Jacob grinned too, glad to see Nessie in a lighter mood.
"Hey... you wanna come down to La Push tonight?" he offered, watching as Nessie recovered from her little giggle-fit. She looked up at him apologetically.
"I have a Physics Lab to finish," she said. Then she grinned. "So my parents will think I'm locked up in my room quietly."
"Yes!" Jacob laughed, pumping his fist into the air. "I love when you get rebellious."
"You must be rubbing off on me," Nessie mock-sighed. Jacob grinned.
"Quil, Embry and I will swing by in the Rabbit at 9:00 to free you from your ivory tower," he said.
"Why thank you, sir," Nessie replied, with a curtsey. Jacob bowed greatly in return, and the two burst into laughter.
"I promised Billy I'd be home by sunset tonight," Jacob sighed, looking up at the orange sky. "Take care of yourself, okay?" He grabbed Nessie's head, kissing it gently.
"Thanks, Jake," Nessie replied, gazing up at the amazing young man before her. Jacob flashed his gorgeous smile - and it beat Cody's by a longshot.
And Jacob was off, not towards the woods as usual, but towards his bike in the driveway. Nessie watched him go, a pang of sadness stinging her heart.
She would miss the patter of paws and the howl of wolves through the woods.