"Hunger, love, pain and fear are some of those inner forces which rule the individual's instinct for self preservation."
- Albert Einstein
Chapter 12
Mayuri paced back and forth in front of a large one way window while long reams of paper spilled from his hands. They spewed all sorts of data, reports, results, conclusions, hypothesis, re-hypothesised hypothesis, still images from footage that reeled on the screens behind him, spoken words…it was all there. All of it.
Every single thing that the Novena Espada had wanted to prove or disprove…it was a phenomenal find. So rare; just like the Espada themselves. But there was more to it than that, so much more. The relationship between Hollow and Shinigami would always be the same, but now it seemed that Arrancar weren't Hollow. They were the full process of evolution without a generational gap, with natural selection but by their own adaption…
And yet…
The view from the window was of two rooms, separated from each other entirely. Both were whitewash. In one was the Novena, in the other was the Sexta. There were futons to be unrolled and slept upon, tea to be drunk, mats to sit on and every other basic comfort. The last experiment. The final one.
Such curious creatures. Such curious thoughts. Such curious lives they had led. It was like a riddle when you already knew the answer. And that was the most complicated unknown.
In the background, behind the scientist, screens rolled images by.
The same balcony. The same view. The same woman.
"My Lady, you should be in bed." A small voice came from inside.
"No." She wrapped her arms around herself, holding her elbows in each palm. "No, it is my duty to wait."
"…hai, I understand."
"But you still don't approve?"
"No."
"How long have you been my teacher? You have guided me, shown me the art of conversation, of art, of calligraphy, of music, of dance. You have even shown me self-defence and allowed me to wander and ride out on my own. This person, standing here and standing against what you propose is the person you shaped from infancy."
"I did teach you all of these things, but I also taught you about self-preservation."
"You are not my mother, though it often felt like it. My mother is sleeping beside my father. I must wait before I can sleep too."
Silence.
"Please, I brought you here because you are dear to me and because it is quiet and solitary, your aging bones would find rest here. I will find no rest until this wait is over."
"Hai…" Pause. "Would you like me to bring you tea or a book?"
The young woman turned around. "The book. One I have not read. One that is not a novel. Then you must go and rest yourself."
There was a small nod and then silence.
Mayuri looked at the fuzzy vision as it faded out. The memories or dreams or whatever they were…they had a sequence but not a coherent one. It was as if only important pieces were there, but the pathways to them were missing. It was like looking through a photo album and not knowing where the pictures were taken or what it had taken to get them.
The next set of images clicked into place. They always started hazy, got clear and then just faded out like the sad end of a sad movie.
It was the woman again in her platform seat by the balcony. She was leaning against one side, her legs bent neatly against the back of the chair. The pale cream of her kimono was light enough for summer and graceful enough for sleep.
And asleep she was, her head resting against the corner of the arm of the seat. In one of her hands was a book half in and half out of her grip.
The sound of footsteps did not stir her. Their pausing didn't either. The book leaving her hands didn't cause a change. The young woman was lifted from her seat and placed carefully under the folded blankets of a futon.
And there she was left. The sounds of water splashing and the padding of bare feet drifted around. The footsteps wandered away and then back again. There was a soft noise of something being placed nearby. A large white lantern.
The girl stirred. "I've been waiting a long time."Her voice was husky. "I nearly got worried."
No reply.
"Should I be worried?"
The mattress of the futon shifted as another weight entered the bed. "Only if it kills you."
The woman smiled. "And you?"
"I can't be killed."
"I will drag your stubborn body across the country before I let you come close."
A low laugh broke the early morning. "Go back to sleep." His words were hard. Basically a 'shut up'.
The woman rolled over. "I will keep the lamp lit so you can see it from the road. I'll make you feel guilty if you're late."
"I told you to go to sleep."
"That's why you bought it, isn't it?"
"Hush up." His one arm manoeuvred its way under her shoulders and bent her into his side.
"Thank you."
"Shhh."
Silence.
They had become increasingly interested in tracing the past of the Espada. They had found little evidences, little proofs that maybe the life of a Hollow was not a life separate from the soul they had once been. It was different to that of the souls that had been saved which retained their Chain of Fate and the chance to start a new life in a new world. It was different, it was…worthwhile.
Kira ran her fingers though her hair and sat at the side of the table in her solitary room. She poured herself some tea and thought. She felt calm, she felt alright.
She wanted to know what they had found. She knew it was close.
Kira put the ball of her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. The days had seemed to blur, though they could not have been many. They had been fighting Shinigami and each other. They had denied the researchers permission to see their release form; there was no need outside of battle. The force of the release itself would take down the entire research facility. And the Shinigami understood, finally, the force they were dealing with; how this force was able to create havoc but was not. The only thing they had destroyed was the training ground.
Grimmjow and Kira had both fired very large Cero at each other. The Novena had been thrown against the far wall after tumbling head over heels through the dust. Grimmjow had simply skidded back a few feet, his smile gleaming as he did so.
The balcony and staircase of the building where the Shinigami watched had to be repaired and the healing centres were full of bruises, cuts and other minor wounds caused by the force. After that, fewer spectators came by.
The Novena shook her head, the moments they had captured fleeing past her entirely. She knew she was seeing something; memories or dreams. But they were not yet hers to see.
Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.
Gosh, she had been chasing them for years. Trying to just taste or smell or see or hear the slightest comfort of the life before. The same life as now, just in its different form.
The same life as now. No.
No. It…no.
Maybe.
Kira picked her cup of tea up and sipped it slowly. There had been a lot of different experiments. One had been conducted in a dark room, pitch black. A lot of little balls would be shot out from different directions and the point was to see if the Espada could sense them.
Grimmjow caught every single one.
Kira got every single one except the one that she caught with her shoulder-blade.
0
Mayuri continued to watch, Nemu his pair of back-up eyes.
An hour passed. The Espada went about their solitary lives in their very solitary, single room environment. The Novena drank tea before standing and stretching her form out. It was nearly an elegant routine, the way she lengthened the muscles in her back, the way she moved her arms; it was like Yoga. But not the same at all.
In the other room the Sexta sat. And sat. And stared. And sat. And brooded. And otherwise remained a solitary, unmoving pain in the ass to observe. He did have a drink, but only after requesting Sake. He did roll his shoulders, his neck and move his hands into his pockets when he got bored of having them on his knees.
But the time for sleep was nearing.
The Novena went to fetch her futon from where it was waiting for her. She picked it up, looked around the room for a suitable place to sleep, found one and set the mattress down. She brought over the blanket and the pillow and set them down. For a moment the woman stood above her bed and where it was located. Once satisfied she lay down in it.
Nemu, a small hand-held remote in her hand, turned the lights of the room down. Not out, just down.
Kira was tired of the research now. Or rather, she was tired of not having an answer. She was so tired so felt relaxed. The same thoughts drifted in and out of her head. She knew they were either right or wrong now, but no one was telling her. She didn't know why.
She didn't know.
But then, she did. She did know. She knew it all, but…the girl rolled over. She couldn't find it. What was hidden…she couldn't find it. She couldn't catch it. She didn't know where to look.
Kira stared across the room at the source of light that had been left on. It had been there all the time, but now she really noticed it.
It was a white paper lantern.
She stared at it and felt an emotion that had no name for her. Though it was the same white as everything else, it stood out. It was there.
Mayuri, standing high above, smiled every so vaguely and asked to be read the data of the moment. Sensors around the room were monitoring the physical functions of those inside. They knew how the body was reacting. The Novena's heart had sped up momentarily; she seemed nervous, anxious and sad for a fleeting second. And then it was gone.
The Captain of the twelfth division took a step back from the window to see both rooms down their centre edges.
On one side, the Novena Espada lay in near sleep. On the other side, the Sexta did the same. Without knowing that their comrade was in the room opposite, they had both lined where they would rest alongside where the other would be.
They lay beside each other, even though it was through a wall and beyond their conscious comprehension.
0
"Are you not nervous?"
"Of course I'm nervous."
"Today is one of the days all women wait for."
"Just one of them?"
"The others all follow this."
"I don't believe that. Today is not the start of my life. My family had me betrothed to this man before he or I even came into being. Before conception. Such is the tradition of his family and mine. They were not to know his temperament then and I am glad that they have accepted it now. A woman may love a man after seven minutes or a woman may not love a man after even seven years. I don't know if we even had seven minutes, but I was not afraid. I was not afraid then and I am not afraid now. If I do not fear him, then I will not change him. He knew that the first time I spoke. And I…I knew that if it were not him it would be no one else. Not the peasant, the prince, not the journey man or the apprentice . Not even the Emperor himself. I don't have to like him, I will have to learn to love him and I'm going to be with him. Neither of us had a choice. Neither of us argued against that either."
"You'll have to move away."
"And you will come with me; you will be near me as you always have. I hear the house is on the side of a hill with a view of the mountains. There is snow on the balcony in winter and sun in summer. And there are Sakura Trees to read the books from the library under in spring."
"His family is very powerful. He has inherited their power."
Silence. "I know…and…I fear that his power, the threat that poses to other powers may just…"
"Don't think of that sort of thing today."
"We are human. All we do from birth is fall and fall and fall towards death. Soon we learn to glide, to pretend to fly and the best thing we can do is enjoy the view and enjoy holding the hand of those who are pretending to fly along side us."
"You have always had a strange train of thought."
"Maybe I should have been born a man."
"But then I would never get to dress you for your wedding day."
0
Kira woke up, sat up and sighed. She felt fuzzy, like she needed a toothbrush, a hairbrush and a body brush. The Shinigami had only provided basic sanitary items for the evening; basically camping items. Everyone feels fuzzy on the mornings they wake to on a camping trip.
The Novena scratched arm unconsciously and stood. She walked straight to the door, banged on it and waited.
Nothing.
She banged on it again, a sleepy expression on her face. Sleepy and long suffering.
Finally the door opened. Mayuri stood there with the same creepy smile plastered on his face.
"I'm going back to the house." Kira said as she stepped past him. "I am going to have a bath. I am going to eat some real food, and by that I don't mean one of your men. If you need me, come in an hour and a half. I'm out to lunch."
"Hai, hai, Novena. Our research is done. All that is left for you to do in Soul Society is await the results and train the Shinigami. They wish to know how to fight from you. This observation technique takes down buildings." He laughed in a crackling tone. "An Espada to be a teacher of their mortal enemy."
"Glad to know you're mortal." Kira replied as she walked down the hall. "Do I get the cavalry to guide me back or are you finally aware of our power?"
"We're aware of your power. We're turning a blind eye."
"You're not blind."
Mayuri's smile grew sinister. "No, we are not blind. But you are not a baby. You can walk alone."
"Right." Shinigami crawling on the rooftops, hiding behind corners and standing outside her front door was not 'alone'.
"You will find the Sexta there already, if he has not taken down half of Soul Society."
"He was here overnight?"
"You're not so special as to inherit individualistic treatment."
Kira waved the man off and turned a corner, she walked down a hallway, through a door and into the sunlight of early morning where things were visible but not quite understood.
0
The Novena dully walked past the Shinigami posted at the entrance to the house they were lent and shut the door with a very normal thud.
"Yo."
"That's my line." Grimmjow said from where he sat at the door leading to the garden. He wasn't looking at the view; he just had his back to the wall beside the door, his head easily resting back.
"How long have you been back?"
"Longer than you."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious."
"You're welcome, Lieutenant Sarcasm." He half grinned, still in a lazy mood.
Kira raised a half amused eyebrow at him. "What sort of tea do you want? I'm going to make a pot and I won't finish it."
"I don't care."
"Okay. My choice then."
"Csh."
Kira smiled as she headed over to where the tea was. She glanced over at the Sexta Espada as she lit a small fire and put the pot of water over it. It was quiet. It was quiet until the tea was made, poured and carried over. The Novena handed a cup down to Grimmjow before lowering herself down against the wall beside him.
She put her head back and closed her eyes.
"You chose jasmine?" Grimmjow said gruffly.
"What would you have chosen?"
"Not jasmine."
Kira laughed once. She was tired. He was tired. The research was over and it had been quite a draining experience. The time they had now was the time they had to breathe in space.
"Sake?" She said smoothly.
"That's what I would have chosen." Grimmjow replied.
"Its not tea."
"I don't care."
"Are you going to get it?"
"No."
"Well I'm not going to get it."
Silence.
"Go get it."
"Piss off."
He growled at her.
"Ooo, scary." She glanced at him.
He put his hand over her face and shoved her lightly away. Kira recovered herself after nearly landing on her side and folded her legs under herself so she could face the other Espada.
In a smooth movement, she slid her hand behind his neck and leant forward. She didn't kiss him, she just lingered there, her eyes shut, the sides of their noses touching ever so slightly. Kira felt his hand on her hip. The girl pressed the side of her cheekbone against his jaw and moved herself ever so slightly closer to him.
Grimmjow hadn't even turned to her. But he'd acknowledged her.
The Novena breathed easily and let her fingertips slide silently through the back of the man's hair. She could feel him breathing normally against her neck. It was warm and it drifted through her collarbone.
"When did this happen?"
"About a minute ago." Came the smooth reply.
Kira smiled and leant back. She met Grimmjow's eye and held it steadily.
"Are you getting the sake or do I have to dislocate your hip?" The warmth of his hand could so easily be a threat.
She shook her head. And she kissed him.
0
It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope, which then turned into a quiet thought, which then turned into a quiet word.
And then that word grew louder and louder until it was a battle cry. I'll come back when you call me.
No need to say goodbye
(Regina Spektor, The Call)
0
"Shinigami." A very pleased voice called over a group of black clad, uneasy looking souls. "You want to know how to fight an Arrancar? Well, you're going to learn with the best. Just pray you don't die." Kira crossed her arms and watched Grimmjow very happily threaten the group they had been told to instruct for the day. Soi Fon, Byakuya and Ukitake watched on from close by.
They were in an open area, green grass, blue sky, spring breeze turning chill for winter.
"You don't know when Aizen will come back, or what he will come back with." Kira said coolly from her place. "And we hate him just as much as you, so if you can bring him down, and whoever he has recruited to try slow the process, then I think we'll be even."
"Even for what?" A Shinigami spat angrily.
Kira drew her eyes to him coldly. "For not getting to our souls in time. You wouldn't have to fight Arrancar if you just stopped souls from becoming Hollow." She smiled at him. "Got it?"
The man was silent. All the Shinigami there were seated members, some Vice-Captains and all quite strong in their own right. The Captains themselves had already dealt with Espada and Arrancar, but they would not risk their men to learn in the same manner that they had.
"So, who thinks they can take this ass on?" Kira thumbed Grimmjow.
Ikkaku stood up and stared down the Sexta Espada. "Oh, I do."
"Fine. Go." Kira stepped away slightly.
"What? Aren't you training us?" Ikkaku said curiously. "Train us to fight your type? I can take him on, but you're supposed to treat us the proper way."
Grimmjow laughed.
"What proper way?" Kira was also amused. "What way do you think we learnt? Not in an Academy with fine classrooms and controlled sparring environments. We learnt by fighting over and over and over again. Nearly all of them fight's to the death. Then, after that, we tend to spar to keep the boredom at bay and to extend ourselves. But first you have to fight. Just fight."
"In what posture? With offence or defence?"
Kira shrugged. "Go crazy with whatever you want. Just. Don't. Die." Pause. "You were going to fight Grimmjow?"
Ikkaku narrowed his eyes. "Hai."
Less than ten minutes later, the Shinigami lay in a small heap against a tree. Grimmjow was rolling his neck. It had been boring, that one. A nice Shinigami to toy with, but he wasn't being cocky enough.
And so it went on throughout the day. Kira put men, women and small groups of attackers into states of surrender. Grimmjow nearly put them six feet under, but he smiled as he did it and that had to count for something.
The Sexta was thrashing Shinigami by permission, and gosh, did he enjoy it. He enjoyed it immensely. He hated them and they hated him and he got to firmly put them in their rightful places, face first.
Kira had a slice through her jacket by mid-afternoon. She took the item off and peered at it, then at the Shinigami that had done the damage. The little woman stared straight back. The Novena smiled warmly and nodded in acknowledgement.
The woman blinked as the Espada turned away from her again.
Only the Captains were left.
Grimmjow crossed his arms and eyed them. "Is that all Soul Society can bring to the table."
Byakuya Kuchiki, who Kira only remembered as Rukia's brother, hardly acknowledged the other man. "You know Soul Society can bring much more to the table. Whether it would be worth the while is open to debate."
"Are you saying that you don't think I deserve to fight the best, or that you don't want to?" Grimmjow grinned.
"I'm saying that it's not worth the effort. We have already fought the Espada." The man's voice was controlled. Slightly condescending. "You are just another."
"Oh?" Grimmjow's eyes thinned ever so slightly. "Are you saying you're better than I am?"
"I am saying that you are no better than I. That sparring would be pointless."
The Sexta roared with laughter. "Time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted."
"I never waste time." Byakuya said evenly as he turned to walk away.
Grimmjow scowled. The Captain was high and mighty. He was one to be crushed. "Scared then?"
"Don't taunt me." The Kuchiki said as he continued on his way.
"Entertain me." The Sexta said in a ruthless manner. The moment before Kira could even blink, he had already lunched at the nobleman.
Byakuya turned, drew his sword and met the Sexta's blade deftly. Soi Fon and Ukitake stood aside, the woman bristling and the man wanting to break the fight up.
"I will not waste my time with you." Byakuya swung his sword and broke Grimmjow away.
"Oh, this is no waste of time." The Sexta grinned. "Right now, you're wasting my time by not bringing anything to the table."
Kira sighed and walked over to where Ukitake stood. "Didn't anyone tell his Kuchiki-highness not to give Grimmjow even a thread of a reason to draw his sword?"
Ukitake half smiled.
Byakuya didn't sheath his sword. Grimmjow laughed and went at him again, using Sonido at the last moment to appear behind the Captain. Just as the man moved to block, the Espada vanished again and came at his open side. The attack was met with the cool ringing of metal on metal.
Byakuya shot a bolt of Kido at Grimmjow.
The Sexta dodged it and used a very obvious attack. He lunged straight forward. At the last moment, when one would usually take a different direction, Grimmjow did not. It was an unpredictable move. He managed to drive the captain back a few steps, chuckling as he did so.
"I am not a waste of time." He said thickly. "I am of a higher rank than you, Kuchiki. I am better than you and I always will be."
"Don't flatter yourself." The Captain drew his sword back and shot it forward. Grimmjow blocked easily but the force caused him to skid slightly.
Just as the pair parted, Soi Fon stepped in. "Enough." She said angrily. "This is not a time for Shinigami and Espada to bicker."
"When is there not a time for Shinigami and Espada to bicker?" Grimmjow mused.
"The time between Aizen's disappearance and his return."
The Espada growled.
Byakuya sheathed his sword.
Kira nodded once at Ukitake and took her leave. By the time she reached the house, it was raining. Grimmjow didn't come until the middle of the night. He was soaking wet and still fuming.
He was brooding, he was hot with rage.
"Kira!" He yelled.
The Novena pulled the covers she was under over her head as he stepped into the room.
"Get out." He hissed.
The girl rolled onto her side and ignored him. He wanted to be alone. He wanted his territory.
"Get. Out."
Kira sighed. "No."
"What?"
"No. I'm sleeping."
"I'm going to kill you if you don't leave."
"Don't take your anger out on a territorial uncertainty." The girl sat up. "Don't take it out on me. You called me by my name, you are not mad with me. So do not give me cause to be mad at you for being misdirected."
"Shut up."
"You lost, Grimmjow. You lost to Kurosaki. You didn't get to even start a half decent fight with Kuchiki. Yeah, it sucks. Build a bridge, grumble and hiss as you do it, and when you're done with that – walk over it. I'm getting really pissed with you being pissed about crap that can be dealt with later."
Dead silence. "What did you just say?"
"You lost. We've been through this before. I lost too. I took a fall and I fell for a hell of a long time. Sure, its in your nature to be destructive and violent, but please, just…" She stood up. "Please just take this one step at a time. Right now the step you're on is the one that reads 'Defeat that son-of-a-bitch Aizen'. Read it."
Grimmjow stared flatly at her. He was dripping wet. "Csh."
"Look." Kira dropped her tone. "Please, I need you. I know I'm stubborn and seem to be able to think my way into and out of a plastic bag, but…if it weren't for you in Hueco Mundo I would have never made it to Las Noches. So many times I pissed you off, but you didn't kill me. And now I'm here at the end of the world as we know it and you're still pissed, but you haven't killed me. I needed you to be there with me. I need you to be with me now, here. It sucks, it smells of Shinigami, but you are king. You are and I'm your jester. Please, just…use me as your punching bag and try to understand…"
"I understand." He hissed. "I know what this is all for, and I'm not here for you."
"You never were there for me. But you were there. That's what mattered."
"What are you saying?"
"You're a stubborn, egotistical, unnecessarily violent, fight provoking, bastard. I would rather have you kill me before you became anything else and I would rather that you were an ass here, but I wish you would just say it."
"Say what?"
"Say what you want to say to me."
He stared at her. He'd never, ever, ever, ever, ever say anything she wanted him to say.
Kira closed the gap between them and stood right in front of him. "You don't have a gentle heart at all. You are a stone with no soft spot. But stones can be warm once they've been in the sun. Its been raining and you're not warm and those closest to you are getting cold. You let Kuchiki rain all over your parade with his arrogance. You'll show him. Stop raining on my parade though."
Grimmjow growled.
"Please say it? Just once."
Silence. He was still just as mad. He was just less direct about it. Grimmjow put his hand on her shoulder and moved her out of his way. He peeled his wet clothes off while the Novena just stood there, staring at the space he had been.
The man was in bed, silently brooding, his jaw clenched and his eyes set. He needed to punch something. His anger and his mood had not changed. No one could change him because then he would not be who he was, and then here would be no Grimmjow.
Kira waited in the silence. Waiting. Nothing came. She waited. He wouldn't say it; so she did.
I hope you enjoyed the mid-week chapter. I know I enjoyed writing it.
I think you may have worked the memory/dream riddle out, even if you haven't worked out whether its reality or not. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know there is more romance and the usual violent fit of Grimmjow-esque rage; everything is leading to a point. Wait for it. You're nearly there.
Please review the chapter and let me know what you thought. I would appreciate it very much and I value all comments and accept constructive criticism.
Blessings
P.