Author's Note: Here we at last begin to get into the more canon events. Now, this habit of mine may have caused the chapter to seem rushed, or in places over-simplified, but I have this problem with rewriting events that have already been seen in canon. Since most of you readers have already seen certain events happen with Mello, and how he acts during them, to me, relating them again in such a way that wouldn't be boring and that wouldn't dissolve into a complete monologue seems difficult. Basically, the point of this particular story is just "behind-the-scenes" stuff; that is, everything that wasn't seen in the mangas or anime. So events that have already been seen to happen in canon are not related here in an in-depth way :)

Haha, though I must say it frustrated me a great deal trying to figure out how Mello and Near found out what they did about the notebook, especially Mello. Perhaps if I'd gone back and reread every manga thoroughly I could have developed some answers, and figured out where L let information out the public and such, but that is just too much work x.x Luckily in the mangas when Near is talking to the U.S president a bit is revealed about how he discovered his information, so that made me happy :D

The Death Note.

According to Near, this was the instrument used to by Kira to kill his victims. He had discovered information on this notebook from a police source who spotted it at the scene of the Yostuba-Kira's arrest, and heard it talked about by this 3rd Kira himself. It was said to look like a perfectly average notebook, black, with the words "Death Note" upon the front, written in English. Write a person's name in the notebook, and they die. It was as simple as that. Near was even aware of the location of the notebook. It had been taken from the scene of Higuchi's arrest by L, and, with L gone, this notebook therefore resided with the Japanese Police, with the small group of officers who had been working with L. That meant…

There were two notebooks. One with Kira, and one under lock and key with the Japanese NPA.

It was more than a relief to have this information at last, and we began making plans to get these notebooks immediately. Near and the SPK would be going after them as well, and now the final stretch of the race had begun. One of us had to reach the notebook first, and I knew well how Near would go about it. Thinking and talking. That would be his method, as it was just about the only thing he was capable of. He knew my own method would be significantly different, and also, doubtlessly, far more effective. What was I planning?

Kidnapping the Director of the NPA of course.

We sent some of our best men to Japan to carry this out. It wasn't so very hard to get what we wanted. Within a week our men were returning, and the NPA Director was with them. I wasn't interested in the interrogation Rod wanted to carry out; I only wanted to use the man as a bargaining chip for the notebook. We already knew where it was, so what was the point in torturing the man? But Rod insisted, so I didn't protest it. While some of the other men carried out the questioning I personally delivered the ransom notice to the NPA headquarters, via a phone call.

Ahh, so here it was, a first for me. I held so much power it was almost overwhelming. I had others skittering in fear to obey my demands. And it was so easy! A snap of my fingers and I could have someone killed, tortured, kidnapped, anything! I had only to ask it, and I could be on the phone with any government in the world. I was one of Rod's most trusted advisors; there was no meeting he went to, no deal he signed, without me being there.

Had this been what it felt like to L? Having this power, this influence? And I wasn't even at the top of my game yet! When I held the notebook in my hands…yes, I could imagine it now! Then I would be good enough for anything! I would never be second again, I would never fail again! Mihael, the avenger, the Angel of Death…

Yes, they were silly fantasies and imaginings that went along with my newfound power. I couldn't help it, I was vain. I loved to imagine myself being able to control anyone I wanted; it made me feel good even if it was childish. I still had to answer to Rod's orders, but that didn't even matter to me anymore. I was feeling what should have been mine all along, what I'd worked years for!

L had never used his power to get others killed. He hadn't abused it. True, there were times when he had slipped outside the law, just as I was. But he wouldn't have killed people. It was true enough that I had killed Tony De Luca, but I insisted to myself that had been a nessesity. That was the price of being in the mafia, and the late De Luca had known it. It was all part of the business. But I had no interest in killing the NPA director, and I told Rod so.

Only, the director still ended up dead. The wretched man committed suicide, and there went our bargaining chip.

It was so very convenient for the opposition, I had to wonder…had Kira had anything to do with his death? If he did, then my earlier suspisions were confirmed, that Kira was in the NPA, most likely in the small task force that L had worked with. But there was no time to consider that now. I needed a new ransom, and I needed it fast, before the NPA had any time to recover. Luckily we had gotten some useful information out of the Director. He'd given us the names of the police members on the task force, and the highest ranking among them had been Yagami Soichiro. Therefore we suspected his authority would still be in place now, even though these officers had quit their jobs with the NPA for the sake of working with L. Our research on the matter was quick and hurried, but we swiftly found a new bargaining chip.

Yagami Sayu, Soichiro's teenage daughter.

Was this kidnapping any different to me than that of the Director? No…not at first. I didn't care any more or feel any different when ordering it to be done. Sayu was even easier to capture than the Director, understandably, and I passed along the new ransom message. But when Sayu finally arrived at the headquarters, bound, gagged, terrified…I didn't like the sight of it. I hated it in fact. Of course I kept my composure, I pretended not to care. But the men were taunting her, touching her…they would have raped her, I had no doubt.

Why did it matter to me? This was a first too…the first time I'd brought an innocent into my scheme. The first time I was causing someone undeserving and uninvolved harm for my own wants. The sight of that girl weeping, confused and terrified by her captors cruel comments, the way they groped at her blouse. I turned away from it, I occupied myself elsewhere. But guilt followed me, clinging to me. It put me in mind of my mother, that kind woman who had been used herself, who had gone through her life so sad, whose son suffered even now, both of them on the account of one selfish man who had acted for his own desires and used another like a toy-

I wasn't going to be like that man. The very idea, that I could in any way be like my father, was revolting. I rejected it with everything in me. There was no avoiding that Sayu was now a pawn in my game, but that didn't mean she had to suffer any worse than she already was.

"Stop touching her!" my voice was like a shot through the room, emotion I now rarely let show coming to the surface in light of my memories. Old black and white photographs, my mother draped in his arms, smiling, happy, while he looked at her like an object to be won, used, thrown away. No! I would not have that. I had grown up detesting it, hating it with everything in me, every time I saw my mother crying in her room, every time she choked up when reading the letters "from my father" that she had written herself for my own comfort. My hands were shaking, everything in me wanting to explode out of sheer anger and remembered hurt.

But no. I was quiet, I was calm. I walked over to Sayu, who cringed from me, and pulled her to her feet, my grip harder than it needed to be on her arm. I led her away, and let the others think what they would of me. I heard their grumbled comments; yes, go ahead, think I want her for myself.

I simply took her to my room, and my harshness with her was only because I wished she would just stop crying. I couldn't stand the tears, they tormented me, the way she tried to hide them behind her hands when faced with my anger. Damn, it was just like my mother, I could never make her stop crying either, not for long, and she cried for so many years and years until it grew too much and she-

I just left the room. I let Sayu cry herself out where at least she was safe from the bastards downstairs, while I sat against the wall and cursed the world for a while. I'd thought I was long past angsting over my mother's death. Heh, yeah right. I still carried the damn rosary after all. I wasn't over it. It still haunted me, that I hadn't been enough to save her.

I left Sayu locked in my room, not that she could have gone anywhere with all of us close by anyway. I trudged back down stairs, in a sour mood, still swearing about it. "Damn girl…all her fucking tears," were my words upon coming back downstairs to where we had our main computers and couches. Most of the men were gathered here, and Rod smirked as he heard me.

"Haha, they all cry," he said, as I took a seat upon one of the couches and pulled my chocolate bar out of my pocket. "You get used to it, there's just no reasoning when it comes to virgins. You cried too."

I glared at him furiously, but didn't bother with any denials, save that, "I didn't cry." And as far as I remembered I certainly hadn't.

The events that followed over the next few dozen hours went quickly and chaotically, but perfectly my way. Sayu was transported out to another location where the trade for the notebook would take place, and everything was prepared and ready.

Just watch me surpass you Near.

It was perfection in every way. Extravagant, yes, but perfect. I loved every moment of it. The notebook was relinquished, it was tested…it was true! The victim fell dead just behind me. Unbelievable…impossible…but it was real. And when, at last, I held that notebook in my hands, it was as if I was beholding all the riches of the City of Gold. I could hardly believe it, that I was really holding it, I really had it…

I'd beaten Near.

We read through the rules, and we tested the them. We discovered the thirteen day rule was a lie, but why? Why would that be put there? Who would put it there? This notebook could not possibly be anything scientific, it had to be supernaturel. So where had it come from? How had it gotten here? And how were we to get the second notebook, the one we had now confirmed to be in Kira's possesion, as his executions were continuing?

It was a power rush like no other. Perhaps I could understand how Kira had become what he was. Perhaps I too could feel the draw of this thing, this notebook, the way it begged to be touched even as it sat upon a table, or yards away from me in Rod's hands as he examined it. I had yet to even use it myself, but I felt that temptation. Just try it…just try it once…

One night, I crept out of bed to take the thing from its locked case, sitting in the couch staring at it by the light of the security monitors. It was still murder. It was an easier method of murder certainly, as one didn't have to be there to witness the life taken away, and you could make one die however you liked. You could make it gentle, swift, and painless, or you could make it agonizing and slow. But it was still killing, and the way in which this instrument allowed one to play God…even now I was sure no human could have that right, to judge others in this way and administer "divine" punishment. It was all just murder on a massive scale. Yet I was sitting there with a pen in my hand and a little slip of paper in front of me, on which I'd written the names of the agents working in the SPK. Why was I considering this?

Heh, why not? I'd called Near up before just to say "fuck you". This was simply a stronger way of saying that. And I was so curious, curiosity burned in me with unbearable temptation. There had to be something about this notebook that made every human want to try it…just once…

I didn't kill all of them. Of course it would have been perfectly fair of me if I did, but if I left only Halle then Near would know she was the informant. It was just a way of covering my own trail, I told myself. It was nessasary.

Indeed, it was so much simpler. I felt nothing as I wrote down those names. Absolutely nothing.

…

Three days later, Near called my cell pone.

I hadn't expected it at all. When I pulled my vibrating phone out of my pocket and saw the number I started a bit. Why on earth was he calling me? If we'd already agreed not to work together – and I certainly had agreed to that – then what was the point in this? Surely he had to know that I wasn't going to just give him information about the Death Note. And…and this couldn't be about them,those members of the SPK I'd written into the notebook, who would have died days ago. Near wouldn't bother to call about that would he? I'm sure he suspected me, along with Kira, but what could he possibly say on the matter?

I hadn't talked to him in…how long had it been? Nearly four years…the last time had been right after Rod and I…right after things truly changed.

I pressed the talk button, and brought the phone up to my ear. "Yeah?" I said, and my tone of voice was cold and calm, the kind of tone that accompanied eyes narrowed in a glare. It was the way I tended to speak during business meetings. "What is it?"

"Mello," the same voice I'd always known spoke back to me. Utterly unchanged by age. "I received your message."

Message? What message? I hadn't sent him anything. Was he referring to the deaths of the other SPK members? "Did you? That's good."

"Good for you, yes," he said, and his voice was strange, as if he was trying especially hard to figure something out. "I would like to meet with you soon Mello. I want to see…I would like to understand something better."

Rod was giving me a questioning look, and I shrugged my shoulders at him. I hardly knew the point of the call anymore than he did. "I won't give you any information Near," I said. "I got to the notebook first. It's your loss, you just weren't good enough." Ah, how good it felt to say those words to him! "What's the point in us meeting?"

"I will not question you about the notebook," he said. "I simply want to understand. I don't want to forget you Mello."

It would have seemed an almost romantic thing to say, coming from anyone else. But Near's voice was so even and emotionless it took all such fluffy feelings out of it. I frowned. "When? And where?"

"Are there others hearing this conversation besides you and me?"

"No," I said, and it was the truth. The phones here weren't bugged.

"Very well. Tomorrow you will receive a plain envelope in the mail, addressed to 'M'. I would appreciate it if you were the only one to look at the contents of that envelope, but of course I can not stop you from showing it to others. Within the envelope will be a piece of paper on which a phone number is written. Call the number, and a robotic system will answer and ask for a password. You are to respond with 'Ole Kirk Christiansen'. If your voice and the password are properly confirmed, you will then be given a date, time, and address. Be prepared to copy it down immediately, as it will only repeated once, and the number can not be called again. I must also request that you do not bring any of your…cohorts…with you. Though you may hate me Mello, I know you understand why these security procedures are nessasary."

"Of course," I said, waving my hand dismissively though he couldn't see it. "But what the hell is with the bizarre password?"

"Oh," he said. "It is the name of the man who created LEGOs."

I couldn't help laughing. "I should have figured. You're never going to grow up are you?"

"Good-bye then Mello." Click! went the other line, and Near was gone just like that. Well. I guess that was a "no".

…

Everything went as Near had said. The following day I received the envelope in the mail, which carried the phone number I was to call. I called it, gave the ridiculous password, and quickly jotted down the given date, time, and place. For a few moments my mind mused upon the idea of the phone doing the whole "this phone will self-destruct in 10…9…8…", but of course, it didn't do that.

Shit, Near. Why did he have to be all the way in New York? And he wanted me there by the next day at 3pm. Agh, what did he think I could do, just buy an expensive plane ticket on short notice and fly to New York that easily?

Well…certainly he did. Because I most certainly could, and it still thrilled me to know that. I had always wondered what it would be like to just buy a short notice plane ticket and fly off somewhere for a day. Call it ridiculous, but I loved it.

I'd convinced Rod that I was the most trustworthy person to carry the notebook, so I had it under my shirt as I arrived in New York around midnight that night. I'd told Rod I was going to see an old friend, and he hadn't questioned me. I got myself a hotel close to where I was supposed to meet Near, in a highrise right in the midst of the city. I supposed the whole building must belong to the SPK. When I went close to it early the next morning to inspect its entrance I found the doors locked and saw no one within. There was a small pad for a number password beside the doors however. Bullet-proof glass too, if my eyes and the sound of my fingers tapping upon it didn't decieve me. And there were security cameras everywhere.

A building perfectly designed to keep people out…people like me, specifically.

No matter. I'd be in in just a few hours, and I'd see what Near wanted with me. I was really questioning his motives this time. Since he was part of an offical government organization it wasn't as if he could do the whole "capture and torture" thing, and he had to know I wasn't just going to talk on my own. What was it then? What was this nonsense about "not wanting to forget me"?

…

I spent the hours leading up to our meeting primping. Although I never would have said the word aloud in reference to myself, it's what I was doing. I wanted to present an impressive personage after all these years. I'd grown up, and I'd been well off for some time now. I didn't want to leave one last thought in Near's mind that I had made a "foolish" decision, or that I was struggling. That was all behind me, and I wanted it to be obvious. I got my nails done and painted shiny black , a new habit I'd developed, so they matched the leather pants I wore. A tight leather vest accompanied the pants, along with knee high lace-up boots with white dragons stitched into the leather on the sides. Then oversized black sunglasses, which I'd picked up a liking for in California. To complete it I put a single silver band around my first finger, my rosary of course, a few extra cross-adorned necklaces, and a white belt with a thick buckle.

Damn right, the world better look at me!

3pm grew ever closer, and then it was upon me, and I was walking down the street from my hotel. Even here in New York a path cleared for me, people conciously or subconciously just making way. I was certainly feeling impressive, especially since the two inch thick soles on my boots had put me up to five foot eight inches, a height I was much more pleased with than my real one.

As I approached the building where I was to meet Near, I noticed a dark haired young man in a nice suit standing just outside the doors, looking about as if waiting for someone to arrive. I walked straight up to him, and he took a slightly startled step back as he saw me coming up so suddenly, before he quickly recovered himself.

"Ah," he said. "You must be Mello. Near said I'd know you when I saw you." He looked me up and down a moment, clearly with distaste.

"Yeah, yeah," I waved my hand at him. "So where is the little freak?"

"I'll take you to him," he said, turning to input a password to open the doors. I watched him carefully, memorizing the numbers he'd put in. "I'm Gevanni. One of the…few investigators left on this team."

He gave me a hateful glare as he opened the door, and I smirked back. "Gevanni then. Don't go hating me just because I play the game with a little more passion than your boss does."

He looked as if he wanted to hit me, and the look I gave him back dared him to do so. But he controlled himself, and led me inside the cool building. There were no furnishings within, not on this floor anyway. Just a hallway leading back to an elevator, and it was toward that we headed, our footsteps echoing on the tile.

"Do you - " he cut off, hesitating in his question, but then with a rather frustrated sound continued. "Do you have any weapons on you?"

"No," I lied, flat-out, and he knew it. "Are you going to frisk me?"

He looked away from me, pressing the button for the elevator. "I was given strict orders that you were not to be searched," he said tensely.

"So how is it, working for a little boy?" I said, just feeding his frustration for amusement's sake. We stepped into the elevator, and he pushed the button for the 5th floor.

"I feel that it is an honor to be working with Near," he said, straightening his posture a bit. "It is an honor to be of assistance in bringing down Kira. And he is certainly an extremely intelligent young man to be working for."

He gave me a sideways glance as he said that. Oh, looking for a reaction was he? Well he wouldn't get it. I endured the pricks his words inflicted on my pride with utter silence, not giving the slightest hint of a reaction.

The elevator stopped its ascent, the doors sliding open with a soft chiming sound. Before us was a very average looking living room, with the kind of cliché decorations and color patterns that one would expect to find in a hotel, not a home of any kind. No one else was in sight.

"Get out," said Gevanni, and though his words were short they weren't said rudely. "He'll be waiting for you." I nodded, and moved to step out of the elevator, but his hand snapped out and caught me suddenly by the collar. He jerked me close to him, and my whole body tensed up for a fight.

"Listen to me," he hissed. "Don't think I won't be watching. If you so much as raise a finger against him, I'll be here. I'm not afraid to use deadly force." He opened his jacket a bit, revealing the gun tucked inside it, just to prove his point. Then he let me go, I stepped out, and the elevator doors closed.

Bastard.

There was no one in this room, but there was a bedroom adjacent to it, and I could hear soft sounds from within. I didn't hurry, but instead simply took my time to look about. Cliché reprints of old Renaisance style paintings upon the walls, in fancy polished wood frames. Hideous wallpaper, a greenish floral print. Boring lamps, and basic cream colored furniture. Then I began to notice the other things. Toys abandoned here and there. A few little army men upon the couch, a Transformer beneath the coffee table. A rubix cube, a pack of cards, legos, and a puzzle box.

None of it was surprising, and yet I wasn't feeling so calm anymore.

I proceeded toward the bedroom, breathing easy and slow, forcing myself to relax. Damn, it had been four years since I saw him last! How old was he now? Seventeen? I was now nineteen myself, but damn, I could hardly believe it. Near, almost an adult? In age maybe, but surely not in body or personality.

I walked through the bedroom doorway, wondering what I would find. Again, the room was simple, hotel-like, and to me, boring and ugly. But that was Near for you. The bed was one of those stiff kinds with the thin blankets that looked too rigid to be soft, and there was a bathroom off to the side. Between it and myself, crouched upon the floor stacking up a tower of dice, was a white haired boy, looking exactly as I remembered him.

Near hadn't changed.

I think it can be seen throughout the mangas that Mello doesn't like to involve innocents in his plan, most specifically with his behavior toward Mr. Yagami, his insistence upon not wanting to kill Soichiro or Sayu, and his apology to Mr. Yagami in volume 9 page 69. (And of course, his later apology to Matt for getting him killed.) I simply can't make myself view Mello as totally brutal, and besides, it adds more to his character when he isn't :D

Chapter 15 shall be coming soon!