A/N: Hey everyone! I am so glad to be back writing this story… The muse is finally in the house and I actually love how this chapter played out. It was supposed to go very differently but somehow the words morphed into something better Hope you enjoy the extra-long chapter!

Ch.13

Not A Date

I am such a fucking idiot.

Sakura was currently in the middle or berating herself as mercilessly as the many dummies she destroyed around Training Grounds Three. The sun was high in the sky and giving the angry kunoichi some added heat aggression to her already raging temper.

She knew that this was the first place "The Shadow Man"…masked man… or whatever they were calling the threat now, had been seen. She shouldn't be out here alone… However, at this stage in the game Sakura was so over the whole thing that she welcomed a furious battle with him. If only to regain some sort of meaning to her quickly deteriorating sense of self.

Truth be told she had been there for quite some time…sitting crossed legged on a tree stump, focused now on whittling a once 15 foot tree into ten wooden kunai with only her bare hands. The intricate work gave her shaking fingers a task and therefore focused her mind to think more freely. With all the practice she had at it, Sakura had gotten quite skilled over the years and decided she would keep said models to give to Sarada to paint and also as a welcome home present of sorts.

But first, she had to make some kind of headway in this muddle of trouble she had found herself in.

It's obvious Sasuke has a game plan. He should know that Naruto would put me in charge of eliminating the threat since I was the one who first encountered him…so why is he shutting me out?

It's obvious the jackass doesn't think you're capable! Why are you still trying to give him excuses after what just happened? You and I have known for a while he doesn't care about anything that he doesn't deem capable. We are expendable in his eyes. That's it.

Green eyes glared harder at the objects in her hands. Part of her knew her Inner was right. Sasuke had always made it clear that he was only putting in just enough effort to make sure his goals became a reality. Sarada was his pride and joy…his wife was the tool he used to make sure his progeny was happy, healthy, and in the position to be used when the time came.

During the pregnancy, Sasuke was the epitome of a doting father to be. He had made sure Sakura was comfortable and carried out any request asked of him without complaint; even getting her late night shrimp tempura and bean paste cravings. Back then, those gestures of love had given her so much hope.

Hope…

Hope that was slowly killed by the truth of the situation.

After she birthed their baby girl, she was just another hardship that had to be endured; just another kunai that needed to be maintained in order to work properly for its master. Ask about her day here…give a little affection there…make sure to drop by every once in a while to make sure all facets of the plan are efficiently working in tandem to the master scheme.

Sakura emerged from her musings when she felt a sharp pain in her hand. Some of the once pristine wooden kunai she had painstakingly made were now splinters in her palm. The remaining six were stained red with blood from the small gash she made in an uncovered finger, but somehow it made the kunai look comelier.

They remind me of us.

Sakura lightly snorted. "Sullied but still pretty in a way…" Yes, she supposed they did remind her of her in a sadistic sort of way.

"Yo."

A voice to her left made her look up from the carnage in her hands to confront a different sort of mess, sadly a no less confusing mess. Kakashi was walking up to her, surveying the damage her tantrum had caused no doubt, but managed to do so with a gleam of laughter in his eyes. It cheered her up a little that he found her quirks endearing instead of a nuisance like others.

"If we hurry I think we can raid a supply closet and replace all the practice dummies before someone complains. The tree may be a lost cause though."

Sakura couldn't help but laugh at his subtle way of getting her mind off things. She didn't know where he had run off to but he came back; he always came back to help her when she needed grounding. Even if he did still seem a bit awkward with her after what happened last night. She could tell by his slight fidget.

Kakashi would be horrified to know that she had cracked the code to most of his emotionally charged gestures a long time ago. Whenever he was nervous he would sidestep slightly back and forth. When he was angry his eyes tightened a tad and he clenched his left hand in a light fist. When he was caught in a lie, trying to lie, or really embarrased he would scratch the back of his head.

Yeah…you really just started having feelings for him huh? Inner Sakura filled her head with gloating and "I Told You So's".

So what if she knew all of that about the things he let show? That was just what happens when you have been around someone for so long right? It's completely normal to have butterflies when thinking about someone that you care for. It's normal to want to feel a connection with someone after so many years of neglect; especially with someone you trust and love. Sex between two people with deep bonds was bound to happen eventually, especially considering the circumstance right?

How many times do I have to listen to you say you don't know him at all, this is all so sudden blah blah blah…but then you monologue constantly about all of his quirks, his likes/dislikes, basically everything he is? I knew you were in love with him for far longer than you realize and this hesitation you insist on keeping is just ridiculous!

"Awwweee, come on Kakashi…be a gentleman and take care of it for me."

Sakura smiled up at her friend turned lover and realized much too late how her sentence could be misconstrued. At the look he was giving her, her heart was frantically trying to restart. Kakashi's normally tired looking eyes held none of the lazy man she had always known. Instead, he had a very masculine, intense look. The age old look of dominance that never seemed to fail at knocking a woman straight on her metaphorical ass.

Well shit… Can you blame me for feeling like I do? He's deadly, caring…most of the time… and gorgeous!

Hah! You admit it!

….Shit.

Suddenly, Sakura just wanted to do something out of the norm; bring him close to her, rip that fabric off his face, and indulge herself right in the open. However, she knew he wasn't ready to initiate a situation that would bring up what had happened between them. But damn it… that should include not sending her confusing "I want you" messages via blazing grey eyes!

"We've already established that doing things together is much more fun." The combination of his purring innuendo and those eyes had Sakura scrambling for a response. Instead of saying something equally dirty she wimped out and avoided his gaze…choosing to heal the cut on her hand than make a fool of herself.

Smooth girl.

Kakashi gave her a forced eye smile before crouching to summon Pakun. Said dog appeared in a poof of smoke and a grunt of what she could only assume was annoyance.

"What's up boss?" The little pug always looked so sleepy…just like his owner she supposed. "Gather the boys and start setting up the extra training dummies where the destroyed ones lay. After that, patrol the area on standby in case we get into some trouble later."

Sakura was curious about what he had planned for the day and was also tremendously thankful he was cleaning up her mess. He was always saving her hide. In this case, she'd let it slide.

Pakun nodded his head in the affirmative and let Sakura pet the top of his head in gratitude for helping her out. The little pug left with a bounce in his step after she told him she'd bring him treats and belly rubs the next time she saw him.

"I don't think I've seen Pakun react that positively to anything lately." Kakashi bit back the laugh that formed thinking of the jokes he could get on the old war dog and his puppy eyes towards the Head Medic of Konoha. "Well that's funny. I guess I have that effect on old war veterans." Sakura couldn't help it after the comment he made previously. The blush that covered his ears was an added bonus.

Maybe he's not so immune to my charms after all.

"Right…well we have a busy day ahead of us. I just got back from reporting to Naruto and he gave me a list of all locations The Shadow Man has been spotted. It's not much…since most of the spots are probably just reports from paranoid civilians, but it's all that we have for now."

Sakura nodded her head and looked at the scroll he had handed her. As always, his prediction was spot on. She couldn't see any rhyme or reason to the list.

It did concern her though that most of the locations were in populated areas.

"We'll have to hurry if we want to scour every spot before sundown." Kakashi's words popped her out of her thoughts and she followed him to the first marker.

Some Time Later…

"I can't believe this."

Sakura had just about had it with these so called "shadow sightings". The first five were nothing but hidden objects making random human like shapes whenever the wind and sun hit just right. There was nothing of import with the next three sadly. The final location happened to be only a stray cat they had been stalking for the past half hour thinking it was a lead. At least the dogs had fun with that one, but it was the last straw in Sakura's book.

"That's it! I've had enough of these false reports…if I have to hear one more person's silly superstitions I'm going to become a rouge ninja!" She exclaimed this all while trying desperately to wipe off all the dirt, dust, and various items that had settled into her hair after their wild goose chase. The urge to rip the same pink hair right the fuck out was not far off after getting nowhere in her investigation. She needed to find some answers and soon because Sarada was depending on her as well as the entire town.

The only thing that actually bothered her about the list was that a couple of locations were close to the living quarters of elite shinobi or people that were important to the elites. People who would know things about the inner workings of the village…

Sakura had worn the scroll out with all of her chicken scratch, lines, and circles. There had to be some sort of pattern… she just had a weird feeling.

"Kakashi, I don't think we're going to find anything else today…but I really think ANBU should be stationed around the points I circled on the scroll just in case."

Kakashi studied her writing and rolled it back up with a nod. Without even asking to explain her reasoning, he called Pakun back over and told him to inform Naruto of their findings and request ANBU on said spots ASAP. When the pug dashed away and the others had returned to their realms, he turned to her with a hand in his hair and an almost hesitant look.

"So now that that's out of the way…I'm pretty hungry. Do you want to hit a restaurant like old times? My treat."

Sakura had to look away into light of the setting sun so she didn't show him how much his flippant comment meant to her. Her bubblegum hair hid her red face seamlessly in the way she had perfected when young. She had not expected anything to change between them seeing as how he had been avoiding the topic like the plague. But, he was trying in his own odd way to get back to an easier relationship. It meant more to her than it probably should…

But hey, they had broken more than one rule in this odd little dance they had choreographed for themselves…dinner shouldn't be too hard.

"Sure Kakashi. I'm starving!"

After deciding on a small barbeque shop, both were sick of ramen and had been for a while, they started walking to their destination. Sakura discreetly looked down and wished she had the time to put on something less dirty and more flattering, but it's not like this was a date or anything so she had to suffer in silence. She looked over at her companion as she discreetly tried to make herself more presentable…she hoped there wasn't anything left in her hair!

Kakashi, on the other hand, didn't look at all like he had been chasing false leads for the better part of the whole day and that kind of irritated her in some small fashion. How did Sasuke and Kakashi manage to always look so dashing?

Probably not the best idea to start thinking of how similar they are.

That statement was so true though... It will never cease to amaze her how she always had a soft spot for mysterious men and impossible relationships. You would think she'd have learned by now…

She looked over again at Kakashi and found he had already been staring at her with one of his undecipherable looks. He quickly stuffed his nose back in his book when she met his eye though.

No…her erratic former sensei was nothing like the brooding Uchiha she thought with a small smile. He acted like he didn't care, but that was just to hide how much he really did. She had to cough to mask the laugh that almost came out at realizing he couldn't possibly be reading when his nose was hitting the pages.

Sakura was never one to push so she really didn't know why he kept people at a distance. However, she was also content to learn anything he was willing to give knowing she would be able to see through his mask, in more ways than one, eventually. It would come out with time like when he told her the full story about Obito and Rin.

She always had been one to wait forever for what she wanted. It was just…sometimes she didn't always know what was best for her; obviously.

They made it to the restaurant in record time since the silence spurred them to walk a little faster than normal. It was silly that they had acquired this weirdness from one romp in the sheets. Sakura just felt like getting the dreaded "talk" over with and going about her business. The vein in her temple was throbbing by the time the young waitress got them seated in a brown leather booth with low lighting in the way back. It felt very private…dare she say intimate? They were handed their menus by said waitress that looked to have just turned sixteen and typically bored with life in general.

"So what can I get'cha lovebirds?"

Kakashi turned bright red and started stammering incoherent ramblings while Sakura almost died on the sip of water she had been drinking.

"No, no you misunderstand. This is not a date! We're just friends going out to eat." Sakura said in between the coughing fit that threatened to take her out. One of the heroes of the last Great War felled by a sip of water…what an end. The uninterested teenage girl looked at them and deadpanned, "Whatever. What do you want to eat?"

Kakashi had the decency to at least recover enough to order some miso soup with eggplant and barbeque pork…which Sakura hurriedly voiced the same. The waitress looked them over one more time while flipping her dark hair, shrugged her shoulders and walked away to put in the orders.

Disbelieving grey eyes met wide emerald green in a silent conversation. It was so weird to not be recognized as very important and iconic shinobi. The younger generation seemed to be forgetting all about the former generation's accomplishments if this girl didn't recognize them at all. Honestly, it was kind of exhilarating to be unknown in her opinion…it eased her burden; at least for the moment. Kakashi's drooping eyes told a different story however. She could read his thoughts loud and clear…

"I'm getting old if this girl doesn't recognize the ex-hokage."

At the look on his face and her own projected thoughts, Sakura couldn't help but burst out laughing. She laughed so hard tears were running down her face…the young waitress in the corner of the room kept rolling her eyes at the older woman's antics. Kakashi couldn't help the small chuckle that came out of him at seeing Sakura so unguarded.

"It's ok grandpa… You did look more intimidating in the Hokage robes!"

The previous tension that had surrounded the whole day seemed to slip from both their shoulders at the surprising encounter. Kakashi seemed more open and relaxed in his body movements which Sakura's keen eye did not miss even through her giggles.

"I'm happy to see you let loose Ms. Uchiha." His small comment brought her out of her childish euphoria and replaced it with a small smile.

"Yes, well I haven't had much to laugh at lately considering my duties and the current circumstances, but I guess I have been having a little more fun now that you're around." Sakura took another sip of water to clear her dry throat as he smiled widely at her. Now that she had seen his face, she could guess better at what was hidden beneath. Inner Sakura was currently a puddle of mush much to her chagrin, but still this feeling was… nice.

"I like this place Kakashi. It's very quaint and homey."

Actually, it was more than nice. It was downright crazy the exhilaration she felt at being alone with him in a secluded place where no one knew them. Normally, they would have been approached by now and joined by numerous shinobi wanting to swap stories. Looking at him now, she felt a little of her former mischievousness emerging beneath the soft smile she gave him. Inner Sakura was also doing her best at keeping her mind free from the guilt she would have normally buried herself in.

"I'm glad you like it. I found it by accident a couple months ago and liked the atmosphere…although the waitress is a new addition." He said this under his breath as said waitress was coming over with their food. She set it down with a rattle and left just as quickly.

What service…

Inner Sakura snickered at the obviously clueless girl and refocused her attention on more important matters…like how Kakashi was slowly pulling his mask down right in front of her.

What is he doing? Well I guess we are away from prying eyes…

Sakura sat there with her food falling off her chopsticks watching his every move. He never took his intense gaze off of her as he started eating with his mask down. It was strangely erotic to see him eat… his mouth moving and his throat swallowing was turning her on so much it was kind of ridiculous…not to mention embarrassing. I mean who does that?

Women with love-sick crushes I think.

….Ugggghhhhh

Halfway through his meal, he stopped for a second to give her a cheeky smirk before saying, "Sakura you've barely touched your food. Is something wrong?" He regrettably had to say it twice before she understood because the shape of his canines in that glorious mouth was making her think naughty thoughts…

Sakura's skin turned a nice shade of pink once she came back to herself, but she was not going to chicken out a second time. Just because he was using his new found power for evil doesn't mean she was going to back down. "Nothing's wrong Kakashi, aside from the fact that I feel like you're trying to seduce me." His quiet laugh made her insides turn to jelly just as much as his predatory smile.

"Now Sakura, remember this is not a date." His wink made her raise a pink eyebrow and snort as she finally started in on her food.

The rest of their meal was eaten in relative silence now that his mask was back in place. A comfortable aura had been reestablished between them. It felt oddly satisfying…

Kakashi the cheapskate had even splurged on dessert for the walk home. His reasoning was he "vaguely" remembered she always saved room for dango…she knew he secretly watched her eat the whole thing so she made a show of deliberately licking her fingers of all the sticky sweet goodness. Actually…back then, he would tease her about her copious eating habits all while watching her lick her fingers in bliss. She would retort that the extra calories helped her deal with his "copious amounts" of bullshit every day. Now, looking at his dark eyes as she sucked the last finger of glaze had her wondering if maybe he used to get her them for more scandalous reasons.

The darkness had fully blanketed the sky while they had been inside the restaurant. The moon and stars were shining brightly in a very pleasing way, or maybe Sakura just thought that because she hadn't felt moved by them for a while; not like she had in her youth. It was calming to be indulging in one of her favorite past times…walking leisurely and gazing at something beautiful.

"Ahhhh I haven't seen you do that in ages."

Sakura turned to see Kakashi giving her a weird look. If she didn't know any better she would say those eyes of his were shining with warmth, but also a little sadness. A look that spoke of the bittersweet… Just as quickly though, it was wiped away and replaced by his usual look of playful boredom.

"Remember when I used to walk you home and you would nag me until I stopped and watched the night sky with you for what felt like forever?"

Sakura giggled sheepishly at her then twenty year old self and kept walking, looping her arm with his as they walked down memory lane.

"Yeah, you would grumble and take out your porn, but you never failed to let me have my way!"

Kakashi gave her an eye smile before turning his head and running his fingers through his endlessly tangled hair. "How could I say no to my favorite ex-pupil?"

She sighed in a halfhearted attempt at indignation, knowing nothing she would say would change the fact that she was his student once upon a time. Kakashi's arm around hers tensed a fraction of an inch as he cleared his throat. It was like he wanted to say something more but couldn't find the words.

Suddenly clouds started forming around the once bright stars and one lone clap of thunder sounded before the onslaught of water began. Both ninja covered their heads and groaned, which only made them laugh as they raced to the Uchiha Complex. While running to the looming gate, Sakura was so caught up in hearing Kakashi's belly laugh she stupidly slipped in a forming puddle and landed butt first in the muddy water. This only made her friend laugh harder at her misfortune.

With a frown and a muddy hand full of chakra enhanced strength she pulled him straight in with her as they rolled each other in the offending mud and giggled like children at their predicament.

The laughter soon died down once they realized how entwined they were, dirty limbs holding the other firmly in a crushing embrace. The half-silver, half-muddy hair drooping into his eyes did nothing to hide the longing heat encompassed there. Sakura held her breathe as Kakashi tenderly wiped the water off her face, paying special attention to her seal, with that soul searching look of his.

"Do you remember the night we stopped seeing each other?" he quietly murmured as his thumb grazed over the purple diamond hidden beneath stray locks of dirty hair.

Sakura nodded as her eyes went wide. Where was he going with this?

It was a dark and rainy night like tonight, about six years ago… We were running to my apartment trying to avoid getting to wet. I told him right before we got to there that I had accepted Sasuke's proposal. I had blurted it out because the notion still hadn't hit me as real and I needed to vent. He had stopped his laughing at my continuous almost slips in the rain puddles to congratulate me and then he poofed away. I just believed he didn't want to stand there getting all wet and thought nothing of his abrupt departure.

Sakura couldn't look away from his face inches from hers. His eyes were so expressive in that moment… she almost read the secret that lay there; could almost see underneath the underneath.

As if in a trance, Kakashi whispered. "When you told me you were going to marry Sasuke I panicked. I spent the whole night trying to understand why I felt so angry… we had become such close friends and I should have been happy for you! That was the moment I realized I had foolishly fallen in love with you without even consciously knowing it."

He laughed bitterly under his breath which was carried away by the sound of the thunder rumbling above them. Sakura frantically scrambled for something…anything to say. Both her and her Inner could not fathom a reality where anyone, especially this man, had fallen for someone like her. Sex was one thing… they had needed to let loose some tension and there was an attractive person available.

But, for the famous Copy Ninja to tell her that he was in love with her…

Holy Shit.

"When you told me you were going to marry Sasuke I couldn't stand it. I started taking any mission just to get out of the village. As you know, I did come back for the wedding… I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I showed up and played the part."

I remember now… He was actually on time for once in his life and even left his porn at home.

Flashes of images assaulted her senses… how charming he had looked in his dark blue kimono and the soft look he gave her when they danced together. She remembered not being able to find him after the dance and when she started asking around for him Sasuke pulled her to his side the rest of the wedding party until they left for their new home.

After the wedding I barely saw Kakashi. Only enough contact to wave at him in passing or a quick hello before he excused himself. Honestly, Sarada told me more about his whereabouts than anything. But ut didn't matter…I was concentrating on being the best wife I could be.

You thought he had left you when in actuality…

I had left him.

His deep voice continued even if it sounded more like the words were being ripped out of him by something even he could not defeat. "Even then, I knew I shouldn't feel what I did for you. I decided to distance myself. It had been working perfectly to the point that I thought I was ready. After all the years of skipping out on the team meals, long distance missions, and talking to Sarada when she was around the training grounds I thought it prepared me to face reality. I believed I was ready to come back and be the friend you needed me to be…so I scheduled to have my physical done with you. I selfishly wanted to see you. Then, my curiosity got the better of me; I kept coming around you and not as the friend I should have been… I failed."

Sakura laid there letting the rain wash her clean, unable to do anything but gasp for air at his admonition. This was the most Kakashi had ever talked about himself in the whole time she had known him and she knew it hadn't been easy for him. His unwillingness to look at her now was proof of that.

He slowly got up off of her and extended an hand to help her up. They continued to walk the rest of the way with only the sounds of the storm raging in the back of Sakura's equally uncontrolled mind. Inner Sakura was pushing her to say what she felt say SOMETHING… but her mouth felt like it was cemented shut.

When they reached her house, he stopped just shy of the steps and gave her his signature eye smile… "You should go get cleaned off and head to bed. We'll start fresh tomorrow morning." He lifted his hands up to perform a transportation jutsu.

The vulnerable man he had been a few minutes ago was wiped away from his face. All that remained was the pleasant, closed off shinobi he presented to the world.

But that's what their relationship should be right? What was happening between them wasn't real… it couldn't be real in the world they lived in. She was married…the Uchiha Matriarch and he was the ex-hokage…former sensei. They weren't some unknown couple giggling over a nice dinner and a chance thunderstorm. They were not civilians who may have found tentative love. She was an elite shinobi.

Love didn't exist for someone like her.

But…I want it to. I want it to so bad.

"Wait."

Kakashi looked up from his hands just in time to see Sakura's muddy fingers grab him by the arm and fling him into the dark house. She closed the door with a slam and crashed into him.

"I'm sorry… I am not the strong person everyone thinks I am… I caved to Sasuke all those years ago because I am so weak! I am not worth loving! My life's purpose has always been to heal and I committed myself to that cause because I thought no one could ever possibly love someone as useless as me; especially you." She gripped the front of his soaking vest as she went on tip toe to reach his face. "I'm sorry I realized much too late what I felt for you because I was terrified of feeling something for someone so far out of my reach again." At that, she kissed him hard…feeling the softness of his mouth through the cloth that hid him from her.

With a deep growl that made warmth instantly pool in her belly, Kakashi ripped his mask off and slammed her into the wall behind her; grabbing both of her hands and placing them above her head as he ravaged her mouth in the sweetest way. One of the fancy paintings that had been hanging fell off the wall and exploded into a million pieces, but neither cared as they were too busy making passionate mud art with their bodies on the once pristine, white surface.

Sakura moaned loudly once Kakashi reached her neck. His open-mouthed kisses and bites the only thing anchoring her to the ground as she stopped thinking and just let herself feel... And oh did she love the feel of his rock hard erection digging into her, his moans, and the sound of her name.

He was taking over her every sense, all she wanted was to immerse herself in all that he was and make up for lost time.

They started ripping the clothes off each other in a frenzy, desperate to feel more of each other. Sakura wrapped her legs around his bare torso and ground her wetness into his tight abdomen.

"Please Kakashi. I need you inside me right now." She couldn't even wait to get into a bedroom, she was burning for him and knew she would completely fall apart if she didn't have him this very second.

He acquiesced with a low groan, letting her hands fall to his shoulders and grabbing her ass; positioning himself at her opening before ramming into her with his full length. The combination of pain and pleasure left Sakura screaming into his shoulder as he continued to thrust into her like a mad man. In seconds, the walls of her core were already pulsating so hard she saw stars behind her eyelids when she came. He kept thrusting into her over and over that she had no time to prepare for the next… and the next.

Her screams were becoming so loud that Kakashi had to put a hand over her mouth just in case someone heard and came to investigate. This position only further aroused Sakura and she had to fight to hold on to him and not float off in ecstasy.

Luckily though Kakashi tensed and buried his face in her slick neck as he came, also unable to control the low noises that came out of his mouth. They fell in a heap in the floor…holding each other close and relearning how to breathe from the rigorous events.

"First thing in the morning… we are running fifty times around Konoha. We should not be this tired after sex." Sakura wheezed as Kakashi laughed. "Speak for yourself." He got up and carried her to the bathroom. He laid her in the tub then proceeded to turn the hot water on and get the various bottles of soap needed per Sakura's instructions.

They spent quite some time washing and exploring each other's bodies…tracing each line and curve; reminiscing on the scars they had received together and discussing the stories of the ones they weren't. Regrettably abandoning the tepid water to rub each other dry…having an impromptu towel fight that the silver haired menace had cheekily started. She realized that he had finally let down all of his barriers with her, she was seeing the real Kakashi that he had hid from the world his entire adult life…and that meant more to her than she knew how to express. Sakura felt safe, she felt head over heels in love… She felt peaceful.

When they finally were tucked into the blood red comforter, Sakura splayed on Kakashi's side and a leg wrapped firmly around his stomach…his arms enfolding her in warmth while he buried his face in her vanilla scented hair. Sakura Uchiha finally truly knew what it felt like to feel loved.

Dear Diary,

At this point, anything that I would write in you would clearly be so mushy that I don't think I could stomach it. I'll sound just like Ino-pig BLEEEEHHHH.

I will say this though… I have found love… Me, the weird looking girl with the big ass forehead actually found someone that does more than just tolerate me. I am not a tool anymore. I am a woman with desires and passion and the affection of a man that I honestly know I don't deserve.

But, I am here… he is here and I will not punish myself for wanting to be a little selfish for once.

Even if this whole thing doesn't work out someday… I have known love.

And I will always be grateful for it.