I don't want to let go of him, as we hug goodbye
at the airport. I squeeze him tight, not wanting to
let go, in fear that I may lose the wonderful days
we spent together if I lose sight of him.
"It's only for a little while." He says. "I just need
enough time to go home and settle some things."
I could tell he was trying to be strong for me as I
say, "I know, but I miss you already. I don't want
you out of my sight. We haven't been apart in
over a week and I just don't know how to breathe
without you around."
I look back as I board the plane and he smiles his
fantastic sparkling smile, and waves. I think to
myself "Damn he's beautiful. And he's all mine."
It feels great, and somewhat foreign to be home.
As I walk in I'm enveloped in all the familiar
smells, and I know I'm truely home. The house is
empty as I unpack, and suddenly I feel so very
alone. I miss Edward terribly and have to fight
with myself to not pick up the phone and call, just
to hear his voice. I don't want to smother him,
and now that we are apart my old insecurities try
to creep back in. I begin doubting his feelings for
me, wondering if he still feels the same for me. I
fight it with all my might and realize that I am
being foolish. Of course he still loves me.
I check the answering machine and hear his
velvety voice come across. "I hope you had a safe
trip home. I miss you already love. It will be late
for you when I get home so I won't call until
tomorrow. Oh, and I love you babe."
I smile. Sasha walks in and says, "Who was
that?"
I turn around and grab her into a hug. She
squeezes me back and says how happy she is
that I'm finally home. "Dad has been impossible
mom. He wouldn't let me go anywhere. I'm so
glad you're home." She says
I fall into my old routine, and decide to tackle the
mail, then order a couple of pizza's for dinner.
The kids and I sit in the living room floor and
watch television and talk. They tell me about the
last few weeks and ask me about my vacation.
Sasha looks at me and says "Oh, mom. You
wanna hear something hillarious? Nicole and I
were looking through a magazine the other day
and there was an article on Edward Cullen. You
know who he is mom, he's so hot. Anyway, there
was a picture of some girl that he supposedly is
dating or something. The picture was really
crappy, but Nicole and I laughed our butts off
because it kind of looked like you. Isn't that
funny. I mean, come on, what would he want with
someone your age. He can have any girl he wants.
No offense mom."
My heart drops and my palms become sweaty. I
wasn't ready to have this conversation with my
kids, but knew I had to, so I dove right in. I tried
to explain how we had met and tried to get them
to understand just how deep a connection we had
formed. All they could do was look at me with
their mouths hanging open in shock. We talked
about it for quite awhile and once they went to
their rooms for the night, they said they were
alright with it. I hope they are, I worry they won't
understand it all.
I take my glass of wine and sit on the sofa, and
think over the last few weeks. I close my eyes and
I can see his face before me, and feel his soft kiss
on my lips. I ache with the abscence of him, and
desperately wish he were here with me.
My dreams that night are full of passion and
sadness. I can see Edward looking at me and I
run to meet him, but as soon as I reach out for
him he disappears. I crumble and cry, then I
realize in my sleep that the phone is ringing. As I
open my eyes out of the dream, I see that its three
o'clock, and I immediately fear that something is
wrong. I croak out a hello, and hear Edwards
voice. "I am so sorry to wake you, but I just had
to hear your voice. I am missing you like crazy."
"Oh Edward, I'm so glad you called. I miss you
too. I wish you were here with me right now. I
have thought of you all day." I reply.
He tells me of his flight home and his up
comming engagements. The rental house will not
be ready for two weeks, so it will be some time
before I see him again. I want to cry.
As we hang up, I begin to wonder if this will really
work. Two different worlds trying to mix, we shall
see. All I know is that I will give it my all.