XIV

Doing the man's job

As the sunlight was slowly starting to appear at the house, she quickly ran to Arnold's grandparents room and searched for their clothes. She found and took one of Phil's blue suit, and tried it on. She suddenly looked so weird in a man's suit, but she needed it in order to start looking for new people. As she recalled, this operation was business, and business always required a suit. A thing she learned from her own father, Big Bob. As she added a bowtie to the seemingly white but almost yellow shirt from the dirt, she looked at herself in the mirror. Helga looked up and down and smiled, thinking she only needed a few arrangements to the pants, but felt relieved Phil's size was almost the same as hers. It would have looked horrible if she had to search for new boarders at 9-years-old, but at 18, suits looked good, and sexy. She wondered through Gertie's old shoes, and found out a pair of blue ones to combine. She was glad Phil preserved her wife's wardrobe, or she would be forced to use one of his large shoes.

Arnold was waiting, sitting on the large table in the living room. He watched as Helga came out with his grandpa's suit on and smiled, when she looked at her face covered in makeup and her pigtails again sticking out. "Wow, Helga, you look hot!", he said, as his smile widened.

She glared back at him. "Don't you dare laugh at me, football head! Remember I'm doing this for you because I care!".

He looked serious this time. "Yeah, I get it, you're the man boss now", he nodded, trying not to roll on the floor and guffaw with all his might.

She snarled. Knowing him was going to be a part of her life, and dealing with him was going to be a huge problem for her. But as long as they loved each other, she didn't care. She sighed in defeat. She was not mad at him. Right at the moment, she wanted nothing more than rip Princess's head off and give Curly's dead body to the wolves, rather than doing… this.

She shook her head and sat beside him on the table, with a notepad and a pen. "Alright, Arnoldo, listen up! Before we have to search for new boarders, I suggest you give me some data of your former boarders. How did they live, how did they pay your grandpa, and who exactly they were. I have to make a profile of who your new boarders will be. Also, I suggest you put an advice on the papers tomorrow and stick a note on the door outside".

Arnold nodded at each of Helga's words. He smiled when she finished. "Okay, let's start with the Kokoshka's then. Oskar was never the type of working guy. He said the military left him mentally disturbed, which might be not true, because his stories always involved ice-cream truck fights, and lawsuits everywhere. He was always hungry, and the rest of the boarders laughed at him". As he told her that, he saw her writing on the notepad 'LOSER. EXTREMELY SISSY. WEIRD-O'. He shook his head and continued. "Mrs. Kokoshka, on the other hand, was a good and hardworking person. Not only she had to work, but she also had to make Oskar's laundry, make him a sandwich, and deal with his laziness. And when on the table, she was always trying to find words that he was a good guy". She wrote 'SLAVE. BEATEN WIFE' on her notebook. "She always paid the rent, not him, even if he was delivering newspapers, he always kept the money for himself". She wrote down 'MANIPULATED'.

He continued. "Ernie Potts was obsessed with his job on demolition. So much he was talking about it always at the table. He had a collection of dynamite boxes in his room…", as he said that, Helga looked up at him from her notebook, wondering why the house never exploded. But she shrugged it off. Then she wrote 'DANGEROUS MORON'. "…and he had always a discussion with Mr. Hyunn that endured hours and was always bossy over Oskar, who demanded him to be a man and go to work. He also had a wife and a daughter, but divorced. He always paid in checks".

She wrote 'POSSIBLY GAY. JEALOUS TYPE. BETS ON HORSES'. Arnold raised an eyebrown, but continued.

"Mr. Hyunn was an Asiatic with a high pitched voice, and a weird love for poetry and junk food". She wrote down 'GAY' three times. "He worked at a laundry shop and was always telling us how to care for the machines we had in the basement, and how to combine our clothes to wash". She wrote down 'LOSER'. "He once dressed as a damsel to help me with the play of 'Romeo and Juliet' in 4th grade.". He regretted this last comment, as she raised her head and an eyebrown at him. Then she wrote down an overextended 'FAG'. "Oh, he always paid on cash but always wanted a discount on the rent". She wrote 'POSSIBLE MAFIA DEALER'.

She spoke up. "Okay, it seems your grandparents were not noticing the guys living at your house were none other than crazy lunatics! It never occurred to your poor folks on their head that they were always dangerous, and you should have never had to grow up with such extreme losers".

"I know what you wrote down, Helga, but I don't think they're so-".

She cut him off. "Football head, you think you know them so well, but once they start mutiny on your own house, anything could have happened. They could've killed you off and take the boarding house for themselves, claiming the benefits, and saying it was an accident. They didn't do it of course, because they've respected you and your grandpa all this time as they had a home or they weren't clever enough and were so stupid not to do it! But if they were so much than ungrateful bastards…".

Arnold was surprised at Helga's words. She was right, always was.

She looked down her notebook and back at him again, pointing out the details. "The reason I had to get some information was because I wanted to look out for better boarders, people who could pay and rent a room without any issues with themselves in their heads. I'm sure there are a lot of wanna-be actors out there, or students looking for a study place, or recently married couples. I don't know, help me here, hair boy".

He curtly nodded, and started thinking. "Mmmmh… Well, there's always Dino Spumoni, for example. He lost his singing voice because of a bad operation, but he was well at the piano and the guitar".

"Yeah, well, we could call him or make him a visit but only if he doesn't practice his instruments here, only when needed. It would be annoying to have to deal with neighbours at 3 am in the morning 'cause he wouldn't shut up", she wrote down 'ASK DINO SPUMONI'.

"Mr. Green's wife passed away last year and his home makes him remember her everywhere", he suggested.

She raised an eyebrown. "He had a wife?".

"Yeah, why?", he asked.

"I always thought pink boy Harold would be his heir and-".

"He married a couple of years ago to a 70-year-old woman. He finally got out of his meat shop, leaving the co-managing to Harold. His job was his life, so, he didn't have any time to fill his heart. But what he didn't know was that she was sick and dying of a battle with lung cancer because of the smoke", he explained.

She wrote down 'ASK MR. GREEN'. She sighed. She didn't want to hear Harold Berman's voice mocking at her suit. "Those are two, one remains".

"Well, you of course, and we're three", he said.

"I know, Arnoldo! But I don't pay and we could use your room for rent", she said.

That took Arnold off guard. He raised from his seat, slightly scandalized. "My room? W-why? Why?! And where would I live?".

She smiled. "I knew you would get pissed off. First things first. If I will be co-manager of this building, I should be living with you. But Oskar's place is more adequate to start a more serious business, and your room looks like a playground for children, which it's not serious. We could put Dino Spumoni with his instruments there, and no one would notice the difference between you making a fuss and him making it. Besides, I may have to turn down my college education for a year to help you settled with this, and live with your addiction, so shut up and kiss my ass!", she said as she banged a fist to the table.

He looked wild eyed at her, as he approached her and took her in his arms and caressed her hair. He kissed her, slightly on the lips. "You… I mean, you would do that… for me?".

She became dizzy from his sudden act of love, but shook her head. "Doi! I love you, football head, of course I would do whatever floats your boat. Criminy, I don't want to be all fuzzy again! Yeesh!", she shrieked as if a sudden cold wind spread across her body.

As he kissed again, she melted. A sudden knock on the front door stopped them. They glanced at each other, then Arnold answered. She heard a gasp coming from him.

"Gerald?!".