Disclaimer: One Tree Hill, Nathan, Haley, and the others belong to Mark Schwahn, Warner Bros, The CW, etc..

Note: First of all, whenever I think you all couldn't get better with your reviewing, you go and get better. I love that you're so excited for where this is heading. I hope you like this chapter, it was a lot of work and I hope I did what was necessary for it.

December had flown by. Both Nathan and Haley had been incredibly busy. Nathan had been gone half the month on away games. The team wasn't first in the league, but they were the best team in the western conference.

Haley was just as busy. She and Peyton were finishing up work on Mia's new album. Haley had been nominated for a Golden Globe for one of the songs she had written for Julian's movie. He and Brooke were certain that she'd be nominated for an Oscar as well.

Their relationship was basically in the same place it had been a month earlier. Haley could tell that Nathan was getting frustrated with her, but he was doing his best not to pressure her. She wanted to give him more, but she couldn't bring herself to explain why she couldn't give him more. Luckily for Haley, she didn't have to worry about that much because neither really had time for a serious conversation like the one that needed to take place.

Still, it was on her mind. Whenever they were together she could tell that Nathan was noticing that she was holding back. How could he not? She saw the frustration and confusion etched on his handsome face, as much as he tried to hide it from her. He acted as though everything was fine. She knew he was doing everything he could not to pressure her.

They spent Christmas with their respective families. The Scotts all came out to California. Haley, Brooke, Julian, Peyton, and Sam went to Nebraska, though. Nebraska is where Eli James, his wife, and their two children lived. Ever since all of Jimmy and Lydia James's kids had left home, their plans for the holidays were always to get as many people as they could to the same location. This year, most people found that they could make it to Omaha, Nebraska.

Before Haley had to leave for Nebraska they spent a nice afternoon and evening together with Sam. The three exchanged gifts and Haley cooked for them. It had been perfect. It was the first time in a couple of weeks that Haley saw no signs of frustration with Nathan. Nathan hadn't enjoyed Christmas as much in several years. He liked the time with his family, especially since Dan had gone to prison. Something about spending it with Haley and Sam, though, made him feel completely right. Haley cooked a delicious meal. Nathan even asked if he could take some leftovers home with him.

Nathan got Sam a couple of video games for the Wii Brooke had gotten him for his birthday. The two spent some time trying to figure out one of the games and also boxing each other. Haley took several pictures. The image of Nathan and Sam Wii boxing was one she wanted to save. Nathan had agonized over what to get Haley. He didn't want to ask Peyton, Brooke, or even Lucas for advice. This was the first gift he had gotten for his girlfriend and it was so important for him that he get the right thing. He finally decided on a silver locket. He had it engraved with Sam's name and birthday and with some help from Peyton, he got a picture from right after Sam was born to put in it. Haley had actually cried when she saw what it was. She'd been wearing it every day for the past week.

They weren't able to spend New Year's Eve together because of a team commitment Nathan had. Haley had gone to a party that the record company had to throw. She slipped out before midnight, anxious to get back to Sam. The year before she let him stay up to watch the ball drop in Times Square. He had fallen asleep around ten o'clock, but Haley woke him up in time. They did the same thing this year.

New Year's Day Nathan was included in a tradition Haley, Peyton, and Brooke had. It was also Lucas's first year being included. Every year on New Year's Day, they would celebrate the New Year at Brooke's house. It was a small event. Haley, Sam, Brooke, Julian, Peyton, Lucas, and Nathan were the only ones there. Brooke had snacks and drinks. It was a time for all the friends to sit together and just enjoy each other's company before heading back to work after the holidays.

"So, what exactly is this?" Nathan felt touched that he was being included in a tradition that existed between Haley and the two women she considered sisters. They arrived together, hand in hand, with Sam.

"Every year on New Year's Day we get together and basically it's like brunch. Even if it isn't a Sunday. It's just a nice way to welcome the New Year. Friends and good food, no pressure. We just relax and have a good time."

"Oh, okay. Thanks for inviting me."

"Of course you're invited, Nathan. It may be small, but if someone's important to us."

"So, am I the first guy you've brought here?" Nathan was joking, he knew he was.

Haley cocked her head to one side. "Well, actually you're not." She saw Nathan's confused expression and smiled. She nodded down to Sam and the boy smiled too.

"Right. Good one, James."

"Couldn't resist." Haley opened the door to Brooke's house, letting them in herself. Sam ran down the hall to where Brooke and Peyton were in the kitchen.

"You look really good today, Nathan." He was wearing a pair of dark slacks with a light blue dress shirt, untucked so that it wasn't too formal.

"You look beautiful, Haley."

"You said that when you got to the house."

"It's still true."

"Thank you," she leaned on her tip toes and kissed him. Nathan tried deepening the kiss and at first Haley responded. She pulled away, though, and looked away. When she looked back at Nathan the frustration was back.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"About what?"

Haley ran a hand through her hair. "You know what, nevermind. Let's just go in and have a good time." Without letting Nathan respond, she took his hand and led him to Brooke's living room where the others were already gathered.

Sure enough, Brooke had an entire buffet of great food waiting for everyone. Nathan found that this event was exactly as Haley had described it. The seven of them talked and had a good time. It wasn't how Nathan usually spent the first day of a new year, but that way wasn't doing him any favors. This was something he could get used to.

A few hours after arriving Brooke, Julian, Lucas, and Peyton started a game of Scrabble. Things were getting intense during the game as Lucas had begun slowly, but was now clearly winning. Brooke's competitive spirit was not happy with that.

"You know, Lucas, I'm starting to think you're going to have to sit out Scrabble with Tutor Mom," Brooke told him after he managed a triple word score.

"Brooke, he's an author. You can't be surprised by this," Haley laughed.

"I didn't think he'd be as good as you are!"

"Why aren't you playing?" Nathan and Haley were seated on the couch watching the game. Sam was going from player to player helping each of them when he could.

"I-," Haley began.

"We banned her from playing about three years ago because none of us stood a chance against her," Peyton explained. "My boyfriend is getting ready to join her."

"Although, a game between the two of them would be worth watching," Julian speculated.

"Oh, that could be fun," Brooke agreed. "Next round. What do you say? Broody, Tutor Mom?"

"I'm in," Haley said.

"Your ass is mine," Lucas challenged.

"Hey," Nathan objected.

"Language," Haley chided.

"Sorry," both Scott brothers muttered.

"Sorry, Sam," Nathan added.

Haley liked that even though he hadn't used the word himself, Nathan specifically apologized to Sam and she reached up to kiss him. This time he was the first to pull away. Haley looked slightly hurt and it didn't go unnoticed by Nathan.

"Can I talk to you," she whispered.

He nodded and the two stood up. They quietly left the room while the others argued about whether or not the word Lucas just used actually existed. Haley led the way to a small office that Brooke had and she quietly closed the door.

"I'm sorry," she told Nathan.

He was confused. "Sorry for what?"

Haley chewed on her lip. "You're frustrated with me, I know that. We kiss and it's great, but then I stop. Now you're stopping. And I'm sorry, Nathan, I really am. I know you want more from me. I know you want more from this relationship and I'm sorry I'm not giving that to you." Haley felt that her inability to completely be with Nathan was only confirming her feelings that she wasn't enough for him.

Nathan sighed and looked down at the floor, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I'm not frustrated, Hales. Well, I am. But not for the reason you think. I just, I feel like there's more going on here than you're telling me."

"What do you mean?"

"Haley, I think you know exactly what I mean. That concert last August, when I asked you out. You said you had baggage and that I didn't want you."

"Yeah, I remember."

"I just feel like there's something in that baggage that isn't letting you be with me completely."

"I know, Nathan. That's why I told you back then and tried to get you to back off."

"But, Haley, obviously you want to be with me, right? You asked me out. You were the first one to kiss me. You want this, right?"

Haley nodded, a tear falling down her cheek.

"Please, don't cry," he moved closer to her and rubbed the tear away with his thumb.

"I'm sorry, Nathan. I know I keep saying that, but I am. I want to be enough for you."

"You are, Haley. These past two months with you, I've been so happy. I've never felt like this with anyone and I can't believe how great it is."

"But you're frustrated."

"I'm not frustrated because we're going slowly. We both agreed that was best. I'm frustrated because I think there's more to the reason we're going slowly and you don't seem to trust me enough to tell me why."

"Nathan."

"I've told you everything, Haley. Everything about me. The thing with Renee, all about Dan. You know I used to be a womanizing jackass. I trust you, I let you in. I just want you to do the same with me. I'm in this relationship for the long haul, Haley. I want to be with you. I want this to work but for that you've got to trust me."

Haley didn't know what to say. She had expected him to be frustrated because they weren't having sex. She hadn't realized that he could tell that she was holding something from him. When Haley first began getting to know Nathan, she thought that people didn't give him enough credit for what a good man he was. She now realized that she hadn't been giving him enough credit.

"Haley, I'm going to go home."

"I drove us here."

"I know. I'll take Lucas's car. One of the others can take him home."

"Nathan."

"I have a trip I leave for tomorrow night. I'll call you tomorrow, Hales. Tell Sam I said goodbye." Nathan quickly kissed her before turning.

After he left, Haley sat in the chair in Brooke's office for a while, thinking and crying. She finally left the room and tried to enjoy the rest of the day. She knew everyone else could tell that something was wrong. Nathan had to come and get Lucas's car keys and left without saying much. Haley had disappeared. Now she was withdrawn and putting on an act to make everyone think she was okay. Peyton and Brooke knew Haley and they knew that right now, they needed to give her some space.

Haley spent the rest of that night tossing and turning. She knew what was coming and she was dreading it. Nathan was a good man, though, and he needed to know. Whether she was ready or not, she needed to make herself ready. When she found out she was pregnant she was forced to work through the rape before she thought she was ready. She had to so she could take care of Sam, whether she kept him or not. Now, once again, she was forced to do something she wasn't sure she was ready for. Even if she wasn't ready for it, Nathan deserved to know.

Haley hadn't slept more than twenty minutes at a time last night. She dropped Sam off at pre-school and sat in the car for about twenty minutes before working up the courage to do what she needed to do. She drove to Nathan's house and got out of the car quickly, trying to outrun her nerve. She rang the doorbell and took two steps back while she waited for him to answer. She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself. She looked down at her appearance. She didn't think she looked good. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail, she wore no makeup. She had on an old pair of jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and a pair of black Chuck Taylor All Stars.

She could hear his feet echoing through his large house. They didn't spend much time at Nathan's house. He seemed to prefer her house. He lived in a house that could probably fit four whole families. Haley didn't know what he did with all of the space and when she asked him about it, he admitted to not knowing either.

He answered the door and she could easily tell that he was surprised to see her. Nathan really hadn't expected to see her today. He didn't know what was going to happen after their confrontation the day before. He hadn't wanted to talk to her about it like that. He actually hadn't wanted to talk to her about it at all. He was going to continue to be patient and wait for her to come to him. When she asked why he was frustrated he still resisted telling her. But then she said she wanted to be enough for him. He figured she must feel like she wasn't enough for him and everything he'd been feeling came spilling out. He didn't want to leave, but he felt he couldn't stay there and act like nothing happened.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi. Can we talk?" Her voice was low and sounded tired.

Nathan nodded and led her inside. They walked into his living room, both standing on opposite end of the sofa, not knowing what to do.

"You're right," Haley began. "I am keeping something from you."

Nathan remained silent.

"I don't know if I'm ready to tell you yet. It's not that I don't trust you, Nathan. I do, I trust you so much. It's just… I haven't told many people about this. Brooke, Peyton, my family, a few others, but only because I had to."

"Haley, whatever happened in a past relationship-"

"That's not it, Nathan. That isn't it at all. I'm going to tell you because you deserve to know. You said you're in this for the long haul, but you can't say that, Nathan."

"Haley-"

"Nathan, you can't say that until you know everything. It isn't fair to you to make that commitment unless you know everything."

"Even if it's hard for you to say?"

Haley nodded and chewed on her lip.

"What I'm going to tell you is going to change us. And I'm sorry for doing it when you're about to go away for a bit. I don't want you to be distracted when you guys have to play. But you deserve to know and if I don't do it now, I don't know when I'll have the courage to do it again."

"Haley, you don't have to. If you're not ready, it's okay." Nathan wanted her to trust him and open up to him, but he could see the anguish in her eyes. She was trying like hell to keep the tears from spilling, he could easily say that.

"I need to do this, Nathan."

He nodded and went to sit on the couch, inviting her to sit with him. Haley sat and wiped the palms of her hands on her jeans. Her hands were shaking slightly and Nathan wanted to reach over and take them in his hands, but thought maybe he shouldn't.

"You sent me a text message a couple of weeks ago because you looked up the date of that Duke-Stanford game and wanted to remind me that it had been five years since we met. The thing is, I didn't need the reminder because I'm never going to forget that date." Haley swallowed, trying to hold it together. She couldn't bring herself to look at Nathan. "That's the night I got pregnant with Sam."

Haley finally looked up at Nathan, trying to gauge his reaction. "After we met, my friend came up to me."

"I remember," Nathan softly recalled.

"After I gave Crissy my notes, I walked home. It was late and I was tired. So I decided to take a shortcut. I went this back way through campus and I heard someone behind me. He started talking and for a split second, I thought you came back." A few tears finally made their way down Haley's face. "Obviously, it wasn't you. I started walking faster. He offered to walk me home. I, uh, I tried to get away, but I didn't." Haley finally looked up at Nathan. "I was raped that night, Nathan. That's how I got pregnant. That's why Sam doesn't have a father. I told you that Sam's father wasn't in the picture and that's the truth. I got pregnant because of it, but Sam doesn't have a father. It's why I haven't really dated since then. I didn't want to until I met you. I hadn't felt like I wanted that for myself until I got to know you.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before. I just don't know how to. I don't even know if I'm doing it right or if there's a right way to do it.

"I understand if this is the end of us, Nathan. If it is, I want you to know how much this time together has meant to me. If you want to end this, I'm not going to hold it against you. You're a really great guy, Nathan. You deserve the best."

Haley pulled her keys out of her pocket and stood up. Nathan quickly followed her and took her small hand in his larger one.

"Haley, wait."

Haley went to take her hand back, but stopped herself. She wiped a few tears from her face and looked at the man standing in front of her. She hoped that the look on his face wasn't pity, but sympathy. She didn't want to hope for much more. She meant what she said when she told him that she wouldn't blame him if he wanted to end their relationship now. She had underestimated Nathan Scott before, though. She hadn't dreamt that his frustrations in their relationship came from somewhere emotional. She thought he was frustrated sexually. She was finding him surprisingly perceptive when it came to her.

Haley, still holding Nathan's hand, took a few steps closer to him. She kissed him quickly. Nathan could taste the tears that were on her face and went to wipe them away, but she stepped back.

"I need to go, Nathan. I have to. I'm sorry. And I need you to take some time and really think about what you want. I need you to think about whether or not I'm too screwed up for you. I really am sorry for laying this all on you before you have to play."

Haley quickly turned and nearly sprinted out of Nathan's house. He was left standing in his living room. He sank into the sofa, his hands resting on his knees. His fingers grazed over his lips, which were still damp with Haley's tears. He felt lost and confused when Haley was shutting him out. Now that he knew the entire story, he felt even more lost and confused.

Haley drove a few miles away from Nathan's house before pulling over into a nearly empty parking lot. She didn't even notice where she was, she just parked her car in the corner of the lot, next to some high shrubs. Haley wrapped her arms around her body and cried. She let out one sob after another. She didn't want to run away from Nathan. She wanted to wait and find out what he was going to do. The ball was in his court, so to speak. He had all of the control now and she hated not knowing what was going on. His decision had the potential to break her heart.

Haley began to realize that perhaps she should have listened to Peyton and Brooke when they told her that she should have told Nathan sooner. At this point, she was so involved in the relationship that if he decided to end things she didn't know what she was going to do. Go on, raise Sam – obviously. Make music – maybe. But she had been happy the past couple of months. Nathan came out of nowhere and was completely changing her world. While the ways in which they changed her life were different, Haley couldn't help but think that the only person who had changed her life to the same degree that Nathan had was Sam. And both were able to do it in such a short amount of time.

She knew that when something big happened in her life, something so drastic concerning her attack, that she should immediately go to a counseling session. They had always helped in the past. For now, though, Haley just wanted to be alone. Just her and Sam, like it had always been. When Nathan had taken her hand and asked her to wait she felt a small glimmer of hope that maybe he wasn't going to end their relationship. She knew, though, that what she told him was going to alter them and that he needed to take time and really think about what was going to happen between them now.

Haley's sobs continued and she found that she was having trouble breathing. She opened the door of her car, getting fresh air in her lungs. As soon as the air hit her, though, she doubled over in her seat and dry heaved onto the asphalt. She wasn't sure how long it took, but she eventually calmed herself down enough to drive.

Haley drove all day, going nowhere in particular, until it was time to pick up Sam. She managed to clean herself up a little bit before he saw her. She didn't want to scare him. When she looked in the vanity mirror on her car's visor she could see that her eyes were red and much of her face was puffy. She managed a small chuckle when she thought of Brooke's reaction to how terrible she looked.

She could tell that Sam knew something was wrong with his mother. He was a perceptive child when it came to his mother. Lydia James had always said that it was because the two of them had an uncommon bond. Peyton and Brooke had been a strong presence on Sam's life even before he was born, but nothing could compare to how close Sam and Haley were. The fact that Sam could sense something was off about his mother and that he was being especially affectionate toward her warmed her heart and did actually alleviate some of the pain Haley was feeling.

She stayed in Sam's room that night as he slept. Still in the clothes she'd been in all day, she was exhausted and fell asleep holding Sam in his small bed. As she was drifting off and trying to fight sleep, Haley's mind replayed everything that had happened. She was trying to decipher the look on Nathan's face. She knew him, but she didn't want to assume what his next step would be. That could possibly end in heartbreak. If she hoped and he left, then it would be even worse.

She also realized something. She'd had a strong reaction, to say the least, to her confession. In part it was because telling him about the rape had been hard. Honestly, it was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She told him that she'd only told a few people knew. Peyton, Brooke, her family, and the people she'd met in counseling. To willingly tell someone was a big step for her. But another reason she'd had such a strong, nearly violently ill reaction to the day's events was because of what could happen. Haley didn't want to lose Nathan and she felt that she very well could.

With that uncertainty weighing on her mind, she snuggled in closer to her son. She breathed in his sent and wrapped her arm around him. Finally, so exhausted from the emotional toll of the day, she fell asleep.

Note: Phew. You were all hoping this would happen soon. I hope it doesn't feel like I rushed into it. There's still a lot coming up for Nathan and Haley. Thanks for reading and for your reviews.