Disclaimer: I do not own
Pairing: KuroxFay
Spoilers: Chapitre 119 and up
Hollow
Fay leaned after the candy that was strewn across the table. He got one of those chocolates with black wrapping that he liked the most before getting hold of the remote. He quickly zapped through the channels without taking further notice of what was happening on the screen. After the flashes from the TV had given him a slight headache he turned it off and leaned back on his bed, the chocolate forgotten and abandoned on the floor. His hand trailed thoughtful around the edge of his eye patch his thoughts somewhere cold. When his hand slowly moved away from his face and landed on the bed his fingers barely touched his hair, which wouldn't have happened it if were some months ago. He had let it grow; to remind himself. He needed to be reminded because he had forgotten and because of that his smile had surfaced; those times it had been real. But now, whenever his hair brushed by in the same length as his shoulders he was reminded. He would remember that if he ever went back to open up, yet only for a few short times, it could lead to such pain that if he ever would feel it again, he would surely die. Of course death was not such a bad thing; a peaceful death. But if he were to die because of that pain, he would not have peace. He would not be able to dream of good things anymore.
But when he denied himself just that pleasure, he was nothing anymore. Hollow, his body void of feelings except for loneliness and fear. The hotel room never seemed so empty before and he wished that the hotel and been short of rooms and then he might not have to sleep alone. At least his dreams was better than reality.
He had awoken. The one he feared the most, and still he could not do anything; just as before. And when they would leave, this time four instead of five, it would be more painful. And if they landed in the place he feared they would then it would all be over. He would sink down on his knees, begging for it to be a dream and when he would look up he would know that his nightmare had become reality. And after all, it would be his fault. Everything that would happen would be because of him. Because he was a coward.
Someone knocked on the door. He didn't answer, if it was someone of importance he would walk in anyways. And so he did.
"You're sleeping," Kurogane said, his voice neither happy nor sad.
"No," Fay answered cold, long blond hair flowing down one shoulder.
"You shouldn't sleep like that, with your clothes on," Kurogane noticed just what he had said, or implied for that matter, but now that didn't matter. Fay's imaginary voice inside his head telling him that it meant that he wanted him to be naked, making him incredibly sad.
"Kurogane should go to sleep before we go," Fay closed his eyes, wishing for the ninja to leave. But he didn't and Fay wanted to smile. He wanted to smile so much, he had to empty his thoughts to avoid it.
"We are going now," Kurogane said and Fay opened his eye.
"Already?" he rose from the bed.
"Yes, I don't see any point in staying any longer."
"I thought we were going to rest."
"It's not like you rest anyway," Kurogane said; in his voice a faint hope. Every time few times he talked to Fay these days he had wanted to say something that would strike a nerve. Something that would change things. But that something never seemed to leave his mouth. He cursed himself for being a coward.
"Do you want to be here while I change or do you mind waiting outside?" Fay whispered. His voice had been filled with such coldness it made himself freeze. If he had said it some months ago, it would been followed by a smile and Kurogane would have been angry, he would have walked out of the room stamping, slamming the door shut. Now he looked at him for some seconds before telling him something in the lines of 'of course' before leaving the room, closing the door slowly. Fay cried.
Mokona peeked up at Fay with worried eyes, then at Kurogane before ending at Syaoran. Mokona wanted to say anything but it didn't. For the first time the lively white manju bun had lost hope.
Then they were off towards a new world and Fay sinking feeling in his gut got far worse when the magic disappeared around them and his vision was filled with white. It was snowing.