Hey everyone! Glad you are all enjoying it so much! Thanks to Lizzi, Lotte, dina, Whitenessie and Izzy for the fab reviews …. even if the site didn't actually tell me about all of them! Here is Chapter 15 hope you enjoy!
"How are you doing and I mean honest blunt girl to girl reality not whatever watered down version you are spinning Harry to keep yourself sane." Janet asked as she got on with the final preparations for dinner, Nikki sat at the table.
"It hurts like hell and I'm petrified Gareth will still hurt me, Harry has said he will keep me safe but … and I know scientifically, logically I should report it but … I can't have people know … cant deal with the stigma of being a victim ….. an abused woman … I'm strong, independent Dr Nikki Alexander …."
"Yes you are …. you now leaving and reporting it is strong … and we will all be by your side... is Harry at least doing a good job of looking after you."
"An excellent one …. he couldn't do much better … I've needed things that could make it awkward I've probably made it uncomfortable for him but he hasn't complained... He's been amazing"
"Such as …." Janet asked intrigued as to just what Nikki meant and what had been going on at Harry's house.
"I...I'm struggling with sleeping calmly … I sleep at first, I'm tired and the painkillers make me drowsy anyway, but I have nightmares ..I had one the first night then he calmed me down …. we fell asleep next to each other and I slept peacefully for the rest of the night …. I fell asleep in his lap yesterday evening .. I slept perfectly peacefully … I then …. I had a panic attack last night …. a bad one … he was amazingly sweet he brought me down from it and calmed me but I was a mess I asked him to stay with me …. I ….he was uncomfortable with it but agreed … I slept perfectly yet I fell asleep on the sofa this morning in the middle of the day and had a horrific nightmare …. it would seem I cant sleep without him …." Nikki coloured not meeting Janet's eye.
"He makes you feel safe Nikki there is nothing odd in that... clinging to it at a time like this … its logical"
"but what if its more than that, that's part of it yes but I think some feelings I thought I had fought down are fighting back."
"Would these feelings be romantic in nature Dr Alexander" Janet teased lightly realising that Nikki was close to admitting what the rest of the world had seen for years.
"Mmm does … does the fact that I think about him like that and have done for, well, a while,does it mean I am what Gareth said" Nikki asked her eyes filling with tears.
"What did he say sweetheart, I doubt its true because he told you a lot of lies..." Janet said moving towards Nikki slowly aiming to comfort her as she fought tears.
"He called me a cheating whore, I never, I've never physically cheated but I don't know, was having feelings for someone else, was I emotionally cheating. Maybe that's why he did it , maybe he knew, maybe it really was my fault." Nikki's voice shook.
"No Nikki, No, you didn't try and keep the feelings going, you didn't pursue anything, you thought you loved Gareth and even if you had been sleeping with someone else nothing, absolutely nothing, justifies what he did to you Nikki. It wasn't cheating, emotional or otherwise if you had told him or acted on it then yes it would have been but you didn't. It's not your fault Nikki …. I promise and I know your head is a little all over the place right now with what's going on but think about not fighting those feelings and talking about them because I think you have been fighting them for a rather long time and maybe you should well not fight it any more" Janet explained hoping to calm the younger woman and give her some comfort. It hurt her heart that Nikki really did seem to believe it was her ow fault.
"I can't ruin our friendship, we've been there for each other through so much, I can't do that for a relationship."
"Relationships can mean the same Nikki, Love can be that and so much more. I know you probably haven't seen the best examples of it but it really can be the best of all the romance stories. I never used to believe it either and yes there is pain in getting there sometimes, a lot of times, but the right person will come. It's not always easy even when he is the perfect person but it is worth it."
"and its going to be him? You really think so I mean I'd like it to be but..." she trailed off nervously chewing her lip. She's had these feelings for so long but had denied them to everyone, herself included.
"Just talk to him Nikki if it isn't you to can get through this and not let it destroy things... I believe in you... In both of you, you are stronger than an awkward moment but who says you will need it"
"Thank you Janet and I will, once I'm thinking a little straighter, you have been a real help"
"Good, now give me a minute and I will get the men or is that boys …. for dinner!" Janet laughed heading to find them.