This is not a happy chappy, guys. Just warning ya. I had fun writing it, though. (Man that sounds pretty messed up when I put it like that.) There's also a kinda graphic death towards the end, so if that isn't your thing, then you may want to skip that part! But then again, would you really be in the Hunger Games fandom if you couldn't handle gore? Ha. I feel like the end kind of flopped, because I was in a hurry to finish it because I was being called to go to supper, but in general, I like it.
I changed my profile pic! YAY! It says Keep Calm and Build a Barricade! :D I think the cover pic for this, though, has seashells on it or something.
I was supposed to get my class schedule for school today! But I didn't! :( I want to know so I can compare my schedule with all mah peeps! (Lol, none of them are probably even reading this.) I guess I'll give 'em until midnight to get me my precious schedule. But nooooo longer. I'm taking Honors English, whooo, scary! (Nah not really, English has always been one of my easiest classes.) And I had a weird dream last night where... uh, never mind, I'll just write about it on my profile where no one will read it anyway, 'cause you guys probably want to read the chapter, don't you?
The next morning finds me sitting in a Capitol newspaper building, waiting to be accepted into Kallell Forresto's office. Certainly a place I'd never go to under normal standards, but with the note I found on the roof last night crumpled up into a ball in my fist, I tell myself these are not normal standards.
"Are you sure he'll see us?" I ask, watching a few rejected Capitol citizens leaving after being told that Mr. Forresto would not be able to fit them into his schedule.
"He'll see us," Nathan says, leaning back and stretching. "We're two victors loitering his office. Victors don't just loiter newspaper offices unless they've got something important to talk about." He shoots a glance over at me. "Which you do, right?"
"Yeah, I do," I say. I don't tell Nathan what it is, and to his credit, he doesn't ask. I guess he figures I'm old enough to make my own decisions or whatever.
Nathan turns out to be right; we only have to wait about twenty minutes before we're called in by the secretary, which makes a few guys who claimed to have been waiting there since dawn pretty mad. We go into Kallell Forresto's office, where Forresto is sitting at an extensive desk playing with a Newton's cradle. I think it's named after someone, but no one I've ever heard of. Probably from before the Dark Days. The only indicators that Forresto is a citizen of the Capitol are his bright green hair and matching suit.
"Nathan Alanson," Forresto says, a wide grin spreading over his face. "Long time, no see."
"Well, Forresto, I'm hoping you remember why," Nathan says.
"Of course I do, mate, now what is it?"
"I'd just like to report the incredible diligence of one of your field reporters."
Forresto laughs. His laugh is loud and roaring. "Come now, Alanson, what did he tell you? That's bribery, if I ever saw it." I decide that Forresto is all right. He shakes his head, looking very amused. "But nothing I haven't gotten used to. Bribery is a way of life, after all. Bribery and blackmail and deceit. Is that all, now? And I was so hoping to have a nice, long talk with you, too..."
"Actually, Mags wanted a word with you. I'll step out, now." Nathan leaves, and I face the newspaper editor, who grins again.
"Now what would a victor like you want with a guy like me?" He asks in fake curiosity.
"Um..." I try to swallow, but my throat is unusually dry. "I'm going to assume you know about Horatio Ellic."
He gives me a condescending smile. "More than anyone, my dear."
"I, uh, found this, and, well... how about you just read it." I take the note out and flatten it on his desk. Then I turn it towards him and he scans Drake Feuilly's note with a blank expression. When he's done, he looks up at me, and there's a moment of silence before he says,
"And why do you think I should publish this in my paper?"
He's messing with me, I'm pretty sure. Trying to get more facts than I would normally share. He's going to publish it no matter what I say, I try and tell myself. But looking at him, it's hard to believe. I think I've found the person with the best poker face in all of Panem. "Because people should know," is all I say.
"This could be considered treasonous, you realize that, do you not? I could get shut down for it. You realize that, also? And you still think I should put it out?" He drops his voice to a whisper. "If you were in my place, what would your choice be?"
"I would do it," I say, even though I'm not sure if I would. The implications of publishing something like this do have deadly undertones. "And, I don't know, you can make him out to be insane or something." I am a coward for backtracking on myself. I know it, and Forresto knows it, too. I can't shake the feeling that he knows more about my motives than I do. To see Drake Feuilly's note brushed off as lies, insanity, the ramblings of an unstable teenage boy, wouldn't be fitting for the one who jumped off a roof so he could die a free man.
"I can make him out to be insane or something," Forresto repeats slowly. He raises one eyebrow and looks at me very seriously. "But I don't want to do that. I am going to publish this, and I am going to do it right. But I want you to know I'm quoting you on it all, for being the one to bring this information to me, for being the one to bring this to the light."
He is testing me. Trying to gauge how much I really want this published. "It's a deal," I say, crossing my arms.
Forresto stows the note in some pocket of his suit. "I would be careful, Mags Oceanus. This is a dangerous game to play."
The rest of the day is spent at the Sponsors Square again, watching. Observing. Though we're the mentors, we can send in the sponsor items, the tributes are out of our hands now. Their fate is up to them. And, I suppose, the Gamemakers, who could easily send something that would kill a tribute without a second glance.
Briar and Mizar are with Nathan and me today, and the four of us watch intently. I have a childish fear that if I talk about how well they're doing, they'll end up in a hovercraft an hour later. It's like when you blow out your birthday candles and make a wish, only you can't tell anyone else what your wish is or else it won't come true.
No real changes happen on the second day. Luke and his ally are walking around the outskirts of the arena instead of climbing the mountain to gain a vantage point. Smart of them, in a few ways, but possibly foolish. Either one of them could easily be hit with an arrow from higher ground.
Tillie doesn't venture out of her cave. I wish I could do more to help her. I sent a package of bandages last night, but I don't know if that would help her much in a time of real need. What she did with the bandages was wrap them in a few layers around the most exposed area of her body - her arms. Her tight black pants are thick enough to ward off brambles or other small things that could cause bleeding.
Before I go back to the apartment that night, Briar pulls me aside and tells me I've been looking awful all day.
"It's just the stress of having Tillie in the arena," I tell her. "I thought it was bad enough being in there myself. It's almost worse having someone who I'm technically responsible for in there instead. If she dies, the blame will be on me."
"It will be on her," Briar replies. She's trying to be helpful, but it isn't as effective as she wants it to be. "Nathan's only brought back one tribute alive, and you don't see District 4 shunning him from the community, do you?"
"It's not that," I say, shaking my head. "It's the guilt. Maybe they won't blame me, but I will. I won't be able to forgive myself."
"It's fine," Briar says, pulling me into a hug. "Less than a week, I'd say is left. Maybe five or six days and everything is done."
"Until next year," I remind her.
"You're not coming here next year," Briar tells me. "Kai and Nathan will mentor. You'll be able to get some rest. Besides, once this year's Games are over, isn't your cousin getting married?"
"He is," I said, letting a small grin break through, remembering how he told me to make these Games be fast. "And how about you and Mizar?" I ask.
That makes Briar cringe a bit. "I can't say I haven't thought about it, and I think the same must be true for him. But we've been sort of... avoiding the topic. We're giving it some time."
"That can sometimes be best," I tell her. Then I retreat to my room and sleep, although unfortunately it isn't dreamless. I'm surprised my brain hasn't run out of ways to make Tillie die yet.
On the third day there are whispers. Whispers in the street, whispers in the Square. And I know why. A single glance at today's newspaper headlines are all it takes. Forresto published the note.
And, as I'd predicted, Nathan isn't happy.
"If I'd known that was what you were going to tell Forresto, I'd never have let you do it, and I think you know it." I won't argue there. "I don't know if you realize how powerful Jackson Ellic really is. He won't be happy to hear this, Mags. If it wasn't for you, Drake Feuilly's secret would have died with him. Now he's been revealed. Laid bare for everyone who's anyone to inspect his lies."
"Are you saying it shouldn't have been brought to the public's attention?" I ask.
"I'm saying there are better ways to go about things than this! Why didn't you just tell me about it? We could have worked something out."
"No, we wouldn't have," I argue. "You would have told me to leave it alone. I don't know why I did it now. It just felt like something I had to do."
Something sparks in Nathan's eyes, and if I didn't know better, I'd say it's fear. "Are you a part of anything I should know about? Or Kai should know about, for that matter? Or are you and him just caught up in something you don't understand?"
"What, are you asking if we're rebels going around having secret meeting where we talk about how we're going to kill President Burns? No, of course not! Neither of us are into that stuff." At least, I don't think Kai is. I like to think he'd tell me if he was, but if he thinks I'd have a reaction like Nathan's having right now, he probably wouldn't. "Although maybe the rebels have the right idea, if they do still exist. Are they out there? I bet they are. My father was one of them, and he died for it. It's no secret that I have no love for the Capitol."
"Be quiet!" Nathan says furiously, clapping a hand over my mouth. "You can't talk like that, not here, not anywhere! Not ever!"
I shove his hand away, even though I know he's right. "Are you scared, Nathan? Are you? I think you have enough sense to see that the Capitol is evil. They have to be revealed somehow!"
"Yes, I am scared!" Nathan exclaims. "And for good reason! Do you know what the Capitol can do to you, to your family? To anything you love? The stories are everywhere, there are too many reasons why you should just keep your head down and try not to get in their way."
I know he's right. That's the safe thing to do. But is it really what I want to do? I don't know. I want to talk to Kai. Maybe he'd listen. Then again, maybe he wouldn't. What does he believe? "Forget it, Nathan," I say, turning back to the apartment screen, watching the Careers divide up some loot from their latest attack.
I do talk to Kai that day. He calls me and the second I pick up, I know I'm in for a rerun of my argument with Nathan.
"When I picked up the newspaper this morning and your name was all over it, do you know how scared I was? For good reason, too... what have you been up to in the Capitol? I think I need some explanation!"
"I already had this talk with Nathan," I sigh, too tired to try and put up a good fight. "I've already heard I'm stupid, I should have done something else, should have let it alone, kept my nose clean and let everyone else deal with it..."
He's hesitating now, and the only thing he ends up saying is, "I'm just scared out of my wits. I want you back here alive, not like a tribute!"
"I'm going to be fine," I tell him. The tribute remark throws me a little. I think of how Tillie's family will react if - no, when. I need to stop giving myself false hope. - when Tillie comes back dead. Will they blame me? "Okay, see you in a few days, Kai," I tell him. Then I hang up.
Luke and Tillie are still alive.
It's on the fourth day that everything comes down. For the most part, everything goes normally as possible. The day is long and hot. I can hardly stand to be in the Square, outside. Stifling heat, stifling whispers. Stares that people give me as I walk by. I think about the tributes. They're in a much worse position than I am, and that's the only thing that keeps me going.
I go to take a dinner break at about ten P.M. When I come back, the sight that greets me is very possibly one of the worst things I have ever seen in my entire life. That's along with everything that happened to me in my Games.
The Career pack. They're gathered somewhere, and at first I don't realize where it is. Then I recognize the location. It's Tillie's cave. She is hidden crouched in the back, hoping they don't see her.
But they do see her. One of the girls points her out, and the leader, a strong, brutish looking boy with a sword to match his appearance, grins wickedly and walks towards her.
I feel like everything is going in slow motion. I can hardly hear what Julius Flickerman and Romano Templesmith, the commentator, are saying. I can't even hear what Nathan, Briar, and Mizar are saying, and they're right next to me. If they're saying anything at all. Maybe they're like me, lost, blank, staring at the screen, watching for the inevitable.
Tillie is stabbed once, and blood spurts out like a grotesque fountain. My stomach heaves. She's stabbed again. More blood. I'm surprised the camera hasn't been hit. I lean over and throw up right on the pavement, not even realizing what I'm doing. She's stabbed for the third time, and my vision starts to go hazy. I'm not sure anymore what I'm imagining and what is real. Every dream about Tillie's death that I had, flashing before my eyes in a terrible montage. It all blends together into the convergence of the Career stabbing her in the cave. Stab, stab, stab. Three stabs is all. It's over. A river of blood runs down the rocks, still gushing out of Tillie's lifeless form.
I find that I've been holding my breath, and even when I start to breathe again, black spots still swim in my field of vision. I reach out a shaky hand to grasp the edge of a table. Briar is right next to me, looking extremely pale. Mizar looks like he's about to be sick, but he manages to stay strong and bravely keeps watching. Nathan tells Mizar and Briar he's going to take me back to the apartment, that I'm not well. I hear and see all this through a fog of confusion, panic, death.
No, I'm not well. I don't know if I'll ever be well. It's my fault. I should have done more, I should have figured something out, I should have, I should have... I went through this same argument with myself the night before the Games, although now that she is actually gone, it's a thousand times worse.
When we get back to the apartment, an Avox is waiting right at the door, but not completely conscious of my actions, I shove right past him and continue into the main room. I lean against a couch, panting heavily. I still feel like I might pass out. In fact, that's a definite possibility. Tillie's death is on replay in my mind.
"What do you want?" I hear a voice say angrily. Nathan, I think. Yes, that's him. I turn around clumsily to where he's being accosted by the Avox I shoved. Nathan looks unhappy. So does the Avox. It's the first time I've seen an Avox show any emotion. I can hardly see what's going on through the haze of my thoughts. Confusion, panic, death. Stab, stab, stab.
The Avox is giving Nathan something. It looks like a piece of paper he ripped off a notepad. The Avox is gesturing wildly, while Nathan shouts something at him. I can't completely make it out, everything I hear sounds like it would if my head was underwater. The Avox fumbles around in his robe, and pulls out a pack of makeup wipes. He wipes at his face with them, taking off all the ridiculous white makeup that's been caked on. Then he turns to me, and even in the state I'm in, I know it's the Avox that I've seen multiple times before. The one I thought I'd seen somewhere. And now, I don't know how I didn't see it before. Even to me, half-conscious, traumatized, I know that face.
The Avox is my father.
"Dad?" I choke out. Nathan looks at the Avox - my dad - in alarm.
"You were telling the truth."
The Avox - I have a hard time calling him my father - nods and turns to me again. I completely break down, all the pent-up tears over everything start to spill out. I start sobbing into my father's Avox robe. It feels wrong at first. I'd lived with the fact that he was dead for thirteen years, and now he was back? He hadn't been killed in the war after all, but had been shipped to the Capitol with his tongue cut out? I didn't care at the moment. I'd think about all this stuff later, of course, but now I was barely holding on to the real world, and there was nothing I could do but helplessly cry. I felt dizzy, confused, sick, ashamed. All-around terrible.
Then the doorbell to the apartment buzzed and my father let go of me quickly, so quickly I stumbled forward a bit, barely catching a coffee table. He went into the next room, but I could see him watching around the corner.
Nathan went over to the door and opened it. Standing there were some of the last people I'd expected to show up in the Capitol at midnight, but then again, my father wasn't dead and I was slowly regaining my sense of balance. Barely. The stabbing was still being looped through my thoughts, but I managed to shove it to the side for the time being, mostly because my brain was completely addled at the night's events.
Kai was at the door with Frederick and his girlfriend Talia. Frederick and Talia look scared to death, and Kai just looks extremely tired. And worried.
"Why are you here, Kai?" Nathan asks disbelievingly. "And Frederick?"
Kai looks darkly at Nathan. "Jackson Ellic isn't happy. He's associated with the Capitol in many aspects, you know that. And that newspaper article... well," he glances over at me like he's scared I'll break, "The Oceanus family is dead." The same panic that struck me when Tillie died is making a return. Surely Kai can't be telling the truth. I left them a week and a half ago, and they were all in perfect health. Luis and Lilac, happy as they could possibly be. Mom, reprimanding them but actually smiling at their antics.
"They were going to get Frederick and his girlfriend, too, but I managed to get to them first," Kai continues. A strange buzzing fills my head, and Kai mumbles, "I wasn't there on time to save the others." The buzzing makes me dizzy and disoriented all over again, and someone jumps out from the hallway. My father, I realize. I can hear Nathan trying to quickly explain that he is my father, and Frederick and Kai are talking, too, but I can't register a word they're saying.
No one even notices me collapse.
While I was writing Tillie's death I started laughing (Wow that sounds really demented), because when I wrote Stab, stab, stab, it reminded me of that weird Homeless Hitch hiker Kai video where he says "smash, smash, suh-MASH!" and it just totally ruined the mood XD. Also, did anyone see the My-Dad's-an-Avox! Plot twist coming? I always felt like I was hinting it way too hard, so I wouldn't be surprised if you did. R&R and tell me what you think!