Chapter 14: Chubby Unicorn Mama - OK… I've been so mean to poor Chat so far… it's Marinette's turn for a meltdown. Oh, and Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze is Manderin for "exploding diarrhea of an elephant." (yes, it's important to know this). All the Chinese I know, I learned from Firefly. This is another two-parter. The good news is more tomorrow. The bad news… you have to wait for the rest until tomorrow.

She couldn't do it anymore. Adrien had broken her heart for the last time. Not that he even knew he had her heart, let alone that he repeatedly shattered it. They were friends, Marinette and Adrien. Good friends. She could talk to him about anything, except how she felt about him. Today, when he'd given her a hug and told her she was such a good friend, she was done!

She would remain friends with him, he didn't deserve anything less, but she was going to get over him. Entering her room after school, she took down every last picture of him. Anything that was from a magazine, or that she'd printed out from the internet, was immediately thrown in the trashcan. Anything that was a photo taken by her or her friends, she put in a pile to sort through. Any candid pictures of Adrien on his own, or just the two of them were similarly discarded, although pictures of them as a group were kept. Her hand had lingered over one that Alya had taken. Marinette was looking up at the camera, and Adrien had been watching Marinette with a small smile on his face. She knew it was because they'd been talking, and she'd only looked up as Alya had snapped the picture while Adrien was mid-sentence, but she'd kept it, trying to convince herself that he saw her as something more than a friend.

Her room looked bare without all the pictures, but it definitely helped to keep Adrien off her mind, for at least 30 seconds at a time. She realized that she needed to do more that just take the pictures down, and took her trash can full of pictures up to her balcony, where she carefully set up a little pyramid of pictures, and lit them on fire.

As he was heading towards his house, Chat Noir saw a curl of black smoke coming from a few streets away, so he took a detour to investigate. Realizing that it was rising from the roof of the Tom and Sabine Boulangerie-Patisserie, he hopped over to the balcony that Marinette had claimed as her own. As he approached, he heard her quiet sobs, and made his presence known, as he landed on the railing. Looking up at him, Marinette wiped her tear stained cheeks, and smiled at him, as if that would remove any traces of sadness from her being.

"Hello, Chat! What brings you to my neighborhood?" She asked, almost disguising the wobble in her voice.

"Oh, I was on an errand a few streets away, and saw the smoke." He waved at the quickly dissipating curl of black that was gently rising from the pile of charred paper. "What happened here? Designer's block?"

"No, Chat." Marinette sighed. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, Princess. You've been crying. A girl like you deserves to have a happy song in her heart."

Marinette smiled truly for the first time since he'd arrived, and took a hard look at Chat. "You sound like a friend of mine. He said the same thing, only with music." After a pause, she added, "You don't happen to play the guitar do you?"

Chat smiled back at her. "Sorry, Princess, I'm a piano man, myself."

Marinette shook her head. "I didn't think so, Kitty, but I had to check. And you're right. It's not nothing. You see, there's this boy."

Trying to lighten the mood, Chat looked at the pile of charred paper and ash, and looked back at Marinette. "Don't tell me. That pile," he nudged it with his foot, "is all that is left of him."

Laughing, Marinette thought about it, then nodded. "It's all that is left of him in my room. You see, I've been in love with him for a long time now, but he rejected me again today. Not directly. He'd never be cruel, but he's made it clear that I'm nothing more than a friend. He means enough to me that I'm going to give him what he wants. I will just be a friend. I'll be the best friend he's ever had."

After looking at her, and wondering who could be so stupid as to NOT fall in love with such a kindhearted girl, Chat opened his arms to her. She stepped forwards and leaned into him, snaking her arms around his waist, and laying her head against his chest. She choked out "It's just so hard to do" before the tears started flowing again, soaking into the leather of his suit.

Once she had calmed down, Marinette realized that Chat was sitting in one of the chairs on her balcony, with her in is lap. Her arms were wound around him, and he was gently running his claws through her hair. She pulled out of his loose embrace as she started to apologize. "Oh Chat, I am so sorry. You didn't need to do this for me, but thank you. I know you have more important things to do than listen to some lovesick girl talk about her heartache."

"Princess, I am here to help the citizens of Paris. You are a citizen of Paris. And I am here to help you. Tell me about this Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze and how he hurt you." She didn't know what the phrase meant, but his tone of voice, and smirk told her it was probably one of his more creative insults. He pulled her back down so that her head rested comfortably on his shoulder. "Tell Uncle Chat all about it."

Snort-laughing, Marinette relaxed into him. Unconsciously, he started rubbing circles on her back. "So… there's this boy." She sighed and fell silent.

"That much I guessed, Princess. And he's obviously not worth your time if he makes you this sad."

"That's just it. I know I'll never be half as good as him. He'll never see me the way I want him to. I don't deserve it." She turned her face into Chat's shoulder, so he couldn't see her face. "He's kind and generous; smart and thoughtful; popular and lonely. He's one of those people that you can't help but love, because he's just so good!"

Chat shook his head. "He sounds fake. Is he a robot? Nobody's that good."

"But he is!" Cried Marinette. "I thought the worst of him when I first met him. He was friends with Chloe, who was always a pretty big bully, and I thought he'd put gum in my seat. I was terrible to him about it, but it turns out that he was actually trying to take it off my seat." Lost in her memories, she didn't notice Chat tensing up underneath her. "And then, after I snubbed him for two days, he saw me trapped by the rain, and loaned me his umbrella. AFTER apologizing for something he didn't do. Actually, I still have it." She stood up, and walked over to her skylight, reached inside, and pulled out the umbrella. She turned around to show it to Chat, only to realize that he was standing by the railing with his baton out.

"Uh, I'm so sorry, Marinette. He sounds wonderful, but Ladybug is calling, and I have to go." Chat Noir had to get out of there. He realized that Marinette was talking about Adrien, and that he was the one who made her cry like that. He had no idea that she liked him like that, that she thought about him that way. He didn't know what to think, so he came up with the most plausible excuse that he could. He knew Marinette would understand if Ladybug called him. Paris could be in danger; he couldn't leave her hanging.

Marinette watched Chat as he ran away from her. He had just lied to her face. But why? She knew that Ladybug hadn't called him. She was right in front of him. She even checked with Tikki, but she assured Marinette that she hadn't contacted Plagg in any way. He must have been being polite, she decided, when he said he wanted to hear about the boy. He was a gentleman, after all. So why did she feel like she'd lost her best friend? Sighing, she listlessly wandered back inside, and putting her umbrella in her backpack, she decided she'd give it back tomorrow.

Climbing back up into bed, Marinette pulled the covers over her head, and cried herself to sleep.