Author's Note: Yay, next one! …Yeeeah, that's about it. Read and review, please!
Disclaimer: I don't own Blood .
Blood -
Episode 14
The Last Sunday
Saya looked up at the Omoro sign hanging above her house's door and smiled. Finally, she was back. After much pain and agony (and even more senseless killing), she was finally back home. Now she could kick back her heels and enjoy-
"I can't fiiiiind it!" Riku whined, searching for the house key and obviously failing.
"Of course not, you're looking in the wrong place!" Kai snorted. "It's under the front mat, duh!"
"We don't have a mat, idiot!"
Oh, no, wait. Kai and Riku had to tag along and spoil all her fun. The selfish bastards.
"I found it!" Riku cried excitedly, peeking underneath a potted plant. "My computer chip designed to take over the world!"
"…What?" Saya and Kai asked.
"Er…I mean the house key!"
"Pfffft! We don't need no key!" Kai scoffed, marching up to the front door.
"Kai, that's two negatives, it's not proper English-" Saya began to say.
"Heee-yaaaah!" Kai pulled his neck back, then head-butted the door with all his strength, bashing it off its hinges and sending it crashing inside. A thin line of blood dribbled down his forehead and into his eye. "Alright! It's open! Let's go in!"
"…That cannot be good for your brain…" Saya said matter-of-factly.
"Now that you mention it…" Kai paused, cocking his head to the side. "…I can't feel my legs." Immediately he collapsed into a twitching pile of limbs.
"Oh, Jebus…" Saya heaved a sigh and dragged her brother inside by his feet, followed closely by Riku. "I'm hooooome!"
-Elsewhere-
"Yes, mom, I'm wearing clean underwear. No, mom, I don't talk to strangers. Okay, mom. I know. Okay. I…I…" David blushed and looked around nervously. "I love you too, mom. Bye." He sighed and snapped his phone closed, then turned to Julia, who was busy on the computer behind him. "Well, it seems that- HOLY BLEEP!!"
"What?" Julia asked in surprise, fingers freezing above the keys.
"You…" David gasped out, staring at her in shock. "You're wearing…a turtleneck?!!"
"Well, yes, it's quite chilly in here." Julia scrunched up her face. "Hold on. You…just noticed my breasts?!" She pulled a small notebook from the desk and flipped it open. "Dear diary," she said aloud as she wrote, "David noticed my breasts today. Perhaps seducing him isn't impossible, as I first thought." She looked up and found David with his head stuck out the window. "…What're you doing?"
"Seeing if it's the end of the world!" David told her over his shoulder. "Apparently it is not, as I see no flaming meteors and Donald Trump isn't President of the United States."
"David, close the damn window and get back in here."
"Fine." David banged the window shut and turned to Julia. "So, what'cha got?"
"Well," Julia filled him in, "it's obvious Karl is a chevalier, but I'm not so sure about that Solomon fellow. He sure is a cutie, though."
"Hmm…" David narrowed his eyes and rubbed his sharp chin. "That leaves us no choice. We must…" Here he paused dramatically for a moment, "visit his MySpace."
"Are you sure you wanna do that?" Julia asked worriedly. "Could be dangerous."
"Oh, hell, I'm not gonna be the one doin' it!" David guffawed, clapping her on the shoulder. "You are! Have fun!" He twirled on his toes and skipped out of the room. Julia glared after him and pulled out her notebook again.
"Dear diary…bleep David."
-Back At Saya's House…-
Wha-piiiiish!!
"Yeeeeowch! That's gonna leave a mark!" Riku squealed. He and Kai were busy cleaning the dusty house with wet rags (at least that's what they said they were doing, they were really just whipping each other with the rags and laughing like idiots).
"Hey, let's go give Saya some of this!" Kai suggested.
"Okay!" Both boys scrambled up the stairs to Saya's bedroom door, where she lay on her bed, being all depressed and emo once again. They were a second away from knocking on the door when they heard her mumble to herself.
"Mm…I'm-a kill the first person who touches me…"
The boys froze, fists mere inches from the door.
"Uh…I think Saya wants a relaxing back massage, Riku!" Kai stated, shoving Riku in front of him ("Hey!!") and turning to get the hell out of there. Sadly, like father like son, his foot twisted on the rug and he went tumbling down the stairs.
"Serves you right!" Riku called after him.
"Will you two shut the bleep up?!" Saya hollered, sitting up on her bed and glaring at the door. "I'm trying to be all emo and mopey in here!"
"Geez…" Kai muttered from the floor. "Sure is somebody's time of the-"
"Kai! Don't say it!" Riku hissed, dashing down the stairs to stop his brother.
"Month!"
Too late.
"Alright, that's it!" Saya jumped off her bed and snatched her door open. "You're dead, Kai!"
"Told you," Riku stated as Kai ran for cover and Saya took off in hot pursuit. The youngest and most useless brother wandered over to the fridge and slowly cracked it open. "Alright, let's see what's in the- OHMYGOD!!!" Riku shrieked in horror as masses of eyes and tentacles burst from the open refrigerator door and seized him in their grasp. "Aaaaaugh! Help! Help!!!"
Saya and Kai paused, stared at Riku for several seconds, then went back to chasing each other around the house, hoopin' and hollering.
"H…hate this family…" Riku whispered.
Later on that day (when Riku had escaped the strangling clutch of the fridge-monster and Saya had given Kai what he deserved), the three siblings, wearing their best black clothes, piled into a car and drove toward the family grave. It was time to lay their late father to rest by bringing his cherished items to the tomb.
"…Wait a minute…" Kai said from behind the driver's wheel. "I don't know how to drive!!" Immediately they smashed into a telephone pole and were forced to walk the rest of the way there.
"Real nice, Kai." Saya growled, dragging her feet in the dirt. "Thanks for ruining the whole day for us."
"Hey, shut up!" Kai shot back, cheeks burning. "Cars are totally different from motorcycles and tricycles, okay?!" Finally they reached the stairs (you may remember them, as they are the ones Saya's dad fell down) and climbed up to the tomb above. Once inside the family grave, Kai gasped in disgust as the light from his flashlight swung onto a huge, empty cocoon leaning against the wall.
"Oh my GOD!" He whispered in horror. "We've got one HUGE spider in here!!"
"Spiders? Where?!" Riku dropped the box he'd been holding and looked around nervously. "I hate spiders!"
"Hold on…" Saya muttered quietly, the realization slowly hitting her. "I'm the spider!"
"What?! The spider's on you?!" Kai gasped, whirling around and yanking a bat from Riku's box. "Hold still! I'll squish it!"
"Agh! No! Stop it!" Saya barked, smacking him away. "Can't you see?! I came outta that thing! Me!"
"…Oh." Kai glanced at the cocoon and made a face. "Eeuuuh. Er, I mean, oooh! That's…kinda…cool?" He dropped the bat and placed a hand on Saya's shoulder. "Listen, Saya. No matter what, you'll always be my sister!"
"And no matter what," Saya said right back, "You'll always be annoying!"
"That's right!" Kai agreed, then frowned. "Hey, wait-"
"Ooh! Me too! Me too!" Riku chanted, hopping up and down.
"Especially you, Riku," Saya said, patting his hair.
"Yaaaay!" He cheered.
"Alright, that's enough." Kai said. "Is there anywhere you wanna go, Saya?" She thought a moment.
"…Well, I'd like to visit the-"
"Hooters it is!" Kai interrupted. "Let's go!"
"Get back here!" Saya snapped. "We're going to eat out!"
"Yes, at Hooters!" Kai explained patiently.
"No," Saya said firmly, "at a place without breasts."
"Awww, but those are my favorite!"
"I know, Kai. I know."
-At the Restaurant-
Saya and Kai now sat at a small table in a (no breasts) restaurant, awaiting their order. Saya fidgeted a bit and looked around.
"Hey, where's Riku?" She asked after a minute.
"Eh," Kai shrugged. "He said something about killin' his friend over a borrowed videogame, but I wasn't really listening at the time, so…"
Beep, beep, beep!
"Order up!" The storeowner said, backing up a forklift piled with food. "Who ordered the football-team-supreme dish, huh? Where are the hungry little tykes? What we got, a whole team of football players?"
"Um…that'd be me." Saya said shyly, raising a hand. The storeowner stared at her in surprise.
"Oh." He coughed. "Daaaaaaaamn, girl! What happened? You get dumped, like, twenty times?"
"Just gimme the food!" Saya snatched her food off the forklift and shoved the man back behind the counter before chowing down. Sitting by the counter was a young girl, obviously the storeowner's daughter.
"Hmm…" Saya wondered, watching them interact, "I wonder if me and dad were like that?"
"For the last time, you are not going out tonight!" The storeowner suddenly roared at his daughter. "You'll wind up pregnant like your whore mother!"
"You can't tell me what to do!" The daughter shrieked back, hurling plates at his head. "You're not the boss of me! I hate you, dad!"
"…Thank God we weren't…" Saya thought to herself, hunching over her meal.
"Man, we should come here more often!" Kai mumbled around a mouthful of food, watching the fiasco. "This is better than the movies!"
After lunch, Saya and Kai went to the park, where Kai promised she'd find a surprise at the top of the hill. Immediately Saya sprinted down the path, bursting with excitement.
"Ooh! Maybe it's a gameboy!" She wondered as she ran. "Or a puppy! Or a borderline lesbian friend! Gaaah!" She screeched to a halt as she caught sight of Kaori (her friend who liked to lay on her for no reason, remember?) standing on the path ahead. Before she could sneak away into the bushes, Kaori turned and caught sight of her.
"Saya!" She cried happily. "I missed you!"
"See?" Kai said, walking up with Riku (who had just gotten back from killing- er, visiting his friend). "Told you you'd be surprised!"
"Oh boy, am I…" Saya said, smiling weakly.
"Hey," Riku said to Kaori, "no hard feelings about the shovel to the head, right?"
"Oh, none at all!" Kaori replied cheerfully. Then, as Riku turned to walk away, she whipped out a shovel and nailed him on the back of the head.
"Okay, time to go!" Saya grabbed Kaori's hand and dragged her up the hill before she could finish the job, leaving Kai and Riku to wait at the bottom.
"Hey, Kai," Riku asked once he'd gained consciousness again. "Why do we have to wait down here?"
"You kiddin' me?" Kai snorted. "They're probably lezzin' it up as we speak. It'll be better we stay down here."
"…Have you forgotten how she tied me up in a basement?" Riku pressed. "And hit me over the head with a shovel, like, ten seconds ago?" Kai thought hard, furrowing his brow and sucking his teeth, before answering.
"YES."
Up on the top of the hill, Saya and Kaori were engaging in what we like to call 'girl-talk'. And no, it doesn't involve breasts and vagina's, for all you men out there.
"So, what happened?" Kaori asked, leaning in close to Saya. "Where'd you go? Who'd you meet? What'd you do?"
"Well…" Saya paused. "Weird places, monsters, and killed people, mostly. That answer your questions?"
"Yup!" Kaori beamed. "Look, I got this new nail polish, isn't it pretty?" She held out her hand proudly. "Wow, I like yours! What's it called?"
"Um…" Saya squirmed uncomfortably, tucking her hands into her sleeves. "Chiro-baby blood. Forgot to wash my hands."
"…Is that French?" Kaori wondered. "It sure sounds French."
"That's one way of putting it…" Saya muttered, then her eyes went wide and she whirled around, whipping her arm out to-
"Gwaaaaagh!"
Kill an innocent bystander who'd been standin' to close and made her think there was a monster behind her. Geez, he practically deserved it, the fool!
"Oh! Oh my God!" Saya dropped the man's limp body and began to panic. "I didn't mean to! He was just…he just…don't stand in back of me, you idiot! I get enough of that from Haji!! Oh Lord, what am I gonna do with the body?!"
"Don't worry!" Kaori soothed, patting her shoulder. "I'll just bury him with all the others!"
"Wow, thanks, Kaori!" Saya was relieved. "You sure are my best- wait, others? Who else have you killed, girl? No, never-mind. I don't wanna know." She sighed and leaned on the railing, staring out at the town that lay before her. "This town…never changes…" She mused aloud. "But…I'm changing…"
"Really?" Kaori came up alongside her and patted her chest. "Nope, you're just as flat-chested as always!"
"That's not what I meant," Saya growled. "And I'll have you know I went from an A cup to a B cup, so THERE!"
"Saya…" Kaori smiled at her friend. "I just want you to know…I'll do anything I can to help you!"
"Yeah, sure," Saya grumbled. "Whenever I need a fill-in for Haji, I'll give you a call."
"Hey, I've got an idea!" Kaori suggested. "Let's go to the school!"
"School?" Saya raised an eyebrow. "Girl, why do you think I agreed to go off and be a main character, if not to get me OUT of that place?" Kaori just stared at her blankly. "Oh, alright, fine!"
-At the School-
"Aww…it's closed…" Kaori drooped in disappointment, staring dismally at the iron gate blocking the entrance to the school. Saya simply frowned.
"Kai!" She barked, snapping her fingers. He and Riku had come along for…heck, I don't even know why they came along. They just…did.
"I dunno if my head can take it…" Kai said doubtfully.
"Just do it anyway! I'll take you to Hooters after!"
"Alright, alright!" Kai sighed and stepped up next to the gate. "Heee-yaaaah!" Once again he pulled back his head and gave it a bash. The iron buckled and gave way, but at a high price. "Aaaagh! My frontal lobe!!"
"Whoopsies!" Saya said sheepishly, crouching on the ground. "Here are the keys under the mat! My bad!" She looked up to see Kai staring at them all in utter confusion.
"Who are you people?" He asked suspiciously. "On second thought, who am I?"
"Nice job, Saya," Riku drawled.
"Eh, at least I don't have to take him to Hooters now." Saya shrugged and unlocked the twisted metal gate so everyone could go in. Once on the running track next to the school, Saya whipped off her jacket with an enthusiastic "Whoo!" and flung it over Kai's head for safekeeping.
"What am I doing here?" He whined from under the fabric.
"Can I borrow that shovel of yours?" Riku asked Kaori. She nodded.
"Sure! Just make sure to return it!"
Konk!
"…What'd I miss?" Kai asked, blinking and looking around (and thankfully not noticing the blood spurting from his head). Riku backed up and quickly returned the shovel.
"I'm about to show you pansies how to do a real jump!" Saya barked, then took off toward the faraway high-jump. Closing in, she drew herself up for a dramatic leap…but her bottom smacked the bar as she went over, and she brought it and the poles tumbling down in a heap. "DAMMIT!!"
"Wow, and I used to think you were supposed to jump over it," Kai drawled.
"Do you have a death wish?" Riku asked him.
"I guess you were right, Saya!" Kaori said, running to her side. "You have changed! Your butt got bigger! Here, lemme check!"
"OhmyGodRikudon'tlook!!" Kai gasped, quickly covering his brother's eyes with his hands while staring with utter fascination. "Holy CRAP!"
"Speak for yourself, pervert!" Riku grumbled.
After Kaori tired of touching Saya for unknown reasons, the two went to the local supermarket, Saya packing the cart full to bursting while Kaori patiently (and a bit sadly) tallied it up on a calculator. Suddenly Saya froze, her eyes landing on a table littered with objects marked 'sale!'.
"Oh, cool!" She breathed, walking over.
"What, the fireworks?" Kaori asked, coming beside her.
"Heck, no!" Saya scoffed. "Check it out! These pads are fifty percent off!"
"…We're gettin' the fireworks, girl!"
Meanwhile, Kai and Riku were waiting at the beach for the food to arrive, the older boy fanning the coals of a grill, trying to get it to light. He was having a rather hard time with it.
"Come on! Light, you mother-"
"Kai," Riku said firmly, "yelling at it isn't going to help."
"Yeah, well, I don't know any other way!" Kai snapped back. Riku sighed.
"Ooh, look!" He cried with fake delight. "A pretty girl!"
"Where?!" Kai's head whipped around so fast he could have snapped his own neck. Immediately red lasers shot from Riku's eyes, hitting the stubborn coals and making them burst into hungry flames just as Kai turned back around. "You liar, there wasn't…" Finally he noticed the flaming grill. "Hey, I'm awesome!"
"Kai!" The boy in question looked up to find his two skuzzy-lookin' friends from earlier episodes walking toward him, waving. He smiled and waved back.
"Hey, guys."
"Kai!" The same friend repeated, eyes going wide and glittery. "Tell me! Is Saya gonna be here?!"
"Um…no." Kai lied.
"Hey, we're back!" Saya called from the ridge, arms full of groceries. "Let's get this party started!"
"Yes," Kai corrected, his friend giving him death glares. Everyone began eating the food and chatting it up, having a nice time. Riku piled food on a plate and began walking off.
"Where you taking that?" Kai asked him. Riku didn't say anything, just pointed to the nearby stairs, where Haji was panting like a puppy dog and begging for some food. "Oh, alright."
"Here you go!" Riku said sweetly, holding the plate out to Haji, who snatched it away and began shoveling down the food. "Why don't you come over and visit us?"
"I'm fine up here," Haji replied shortly, then caught sight of Kaori wiping Saya's face with a napkin. "…Well, I should say hello." He shoved the empty plate back at Riku, then stormed down the steps and stood between Kaori and Saya like a restraining order. Later on, the kids played with the crappy-ass fireworks Kaori had bought on sale.
"You call that an effing firework?!" Kai's friend snorted. "I call that effing pathetic!"
"Hey, what did you expect, they were on sale!" Kaori shot back, then shoved her firework into his hair. As the foolish boy ran around screaming and beating at the flames in his hair, Saya and Kai were busy having another of those questionable 'moments'.
"Why not stay here?" Kai was saying to her as they sat together near to the waves. "I'll take care of you and Riku."
"I can't." Saya shook her head sadly. "I've got things to do, people to kill. Kai…stay by me always, and never leave…"
"Saya…I promise…" Kai said softly.
"A-HEM." Someone loudly cleared their throat behind them. Both turned to see Haji standing there, looking peeved. "There's not many fireworks left," he said.
"What?!" Saya leapt up from the sand and ran toward Kaori and the others. "Save some for me, bitch!" Haji watched her go, then stuck his tongue out at Kai before following.
-The Next Morning-
"Well…" Saya sighed and gave Kaori a sad smile. "I've gotta go now, okay? Goodbye…" Kaori burst into tears as Saya turned to leave and would have knocked her unconscious with her trusty shovel had not Riku expected this and tasered her.
"…Okay, first a shotgun, now a taser?" Kai raised an eyebrow at his little brother. "Where the hell do you get these things, man?" Riku shrugged.
"I got connections."
Elsewhere, Louis, Julia, and David were gathered to hold a conference on what was goin' down. Upon laying his eyes (er, glasses?) on Julia and her concealing turtleneck, Louis immediately froze and craned his neck to look back at his rear.
"…What're you doing?" Julia asked curiously.
"Checking to see if baboons are flying out of my ass," Louis told her, "because it is clearly the end of the world as we know it." Julia frowned and once again took out her notebook.
"Dear diary…bleep Louis, too."
"But you know, Julia, it really is strange-" David began.
"Oh, for goodness sakes!" Julia slapped down her notebook and struggled her turtleneck off, flinging it off to the side and sitting down in naught but her lacey bra. "Happy now?!"
"Ecstatic," David replied sarcastically.
"Alright, listen up," Louis interrupted. "I'm gonna check out that Okamura sleaze out, while you guys head to Russia and freeze your asses off. Later!"
Back on the beach, Kai's two friends lay in nothing but their underwear on the sand. It had been one CRAZY party last night. A shadow fell over the two, and a sharp kick to the head roused them.
"Where's Kai?" Mao hissed, glaring down at the boys. "I know he was here, I can smell him!"
"…You know we can see up your skirt, right?" One of the braver friends ventured to point out.
"You know I'm going to kill you two anyway after I get Kai's location out of you, right?" Mao returned without missing a beat.
"Oh, EFF."
Too late, Mao! Kai was already on a boat departing from Okinawa, along with Riku and Saya, who stood by the railing and stared out at the town.
"I'll come back…" Saya told herself, watching the town drift away. "I'll definitely come back to the place I started!"
Bang!
Suddenly the cabin door flew open, and Haji emerged, panting with effort.
"Saya!" He gasped out between breaths, excitement sparkling in his eyes. "Come see the front of the boat! It's huge! We can do the perfect Titanic there!"
"What?!" Saya spun on her heel and dashed toward him. "Wait for meeee!" They clasped hands and together skipped to the front of the boat.
"…Okay, the world's future is in HER hands?" Kai sighed.
"Yup." Riku nodded sadly.
"…We're doomed."
-Episode 14 End-
Disclaimer: I don't own Blood .
Author's Note: Hee hee. That was fun. Once again, I think the ending is my favorite part, what with Haji and Saya acting like dorks. Thanks for reading! See you next time! Review, please!