"I gotta hear from Lyla Grant that you're dating some guy... come on, Gabriella!"
"Parker, we're not talking about this."
He blocked me from walking outside and the look in his eyes, I mean, I feel bad. I think there was more there than he lead on and I never intentionally want to hurt someone, but I thought we were on the same page. I didn't know that I had to have this big talk with him when this was all over with.
So I soften up and give him what he wants. A talk. "Look, I'm sorry. I met him and things... clicked."
"Oh, and they didn't click with us?" He looks offended.
"Parker, you can barely keep it in your pants," now I'm REALLY offending him, "you and I both know it never would have worked out. I'm not like other girls and honestly, I thought we were on the same page. But I'm sorry, I really am."
"You never let me prove it to you," he tells me, looking around, making sure no one heard him. He was probably embarrassed.
I do feel bad. But Troy, I like him. I like hanging out with him. We have a connection that's more than just physical. And that didn't happen with Parker. It's not something you can force and I don't really know how else to tell him that. "I'm sorry."
He kind of rolled his eyes, trying not to look me in the eyes.
Parker Fels was nice and he was funny and I can always count on him to have a good time. But there was nothing there. His parents are so rich, he feels like he doesn't have to do anything with his life. He's good looking, he thinks he doesn't have to work to get girls. And that's just not the kind of guy I want, to be honest. So, it never would have worked.
And I knew that from the beginning, but I'm not sure he did. I should have been more open with him about it.
"I really am sorry," I grab his hand, "you're just upset because of this attitude that you think you can get whatever you want and when it doesn't happen, it makes you a bit crazy. You'll realize it soon, maybe even tomorrow, that you really don't have these feelings for me. And on to the next girl, like always..."
"Don't make me sound like I'm incapable of falling in love or ever having a girlfriend."
He's right. I shouldn't say anything like that to him. It's rude.
Maybe Parker Fels is capable of having a girlfriend, I'm just not it. I'm not the one that's going to make him want to settle down.
"You're right, I shouldn't say anything like that," I tell him my thoughts, "but I am sorry. I'm sorry I cut you off like I did. It wasn't cool... at all."
His face softened up a bit and Parker and I... we have a weird friendship/relationship. I don't think I could ever be mad at him and vice versa. "We agreed to not be anything serious and maybe you're right, I just can't stand things going my way, so I'm I hope this guy treats you right."
I hope so, too.
I like hanging out with Troy Bolton and I want to keep hanging out with him.
But so far, so good. I mean, I'm happy.
"Thanks, Park," I give him a smile before I go find my friends.
So glad that's over with.
"You've never been here?" Troy almost looks shocked, but I mean, there are SO many food places in LA. "Really?"
"Really," I say, as I look out at the ocean. It's so beautiful.
"It's one of my favorites, the view alone is amazing," he grabs the iced tea he orders that comes in a little mason jar. It's actually the cutest thing. I've heard of this place, for sure. But I just never ate here or made the trip out to Malibu specifically for this place. "don't worry, the food's good, too."
I laugh and also take a sip of my drink, a lemonade. "I've heard good things."
He nodded as we made eye contact with each other instead of looking at the water, "excited for Hawaii?"
Hawaii.
Tomorrow, I leave for Hawaii.
For 5 days, four nights with my dad's girlfriend and his daughter.
"I love Hawaii," I choose my words carefully.
I'm getting a little better with the whole Monica thing, I feel like I can talk to her a bit now and my dad seems to kind of get my frustration so that's good. And the fact that she didn't tell my dad about Troy and I, well, that gave her some bonus points. So, I'm not dreading it as much as I have been for the last couple weeks. I'll have my sister there. We can go explore or something. I've been there twice. And thank God none were with my mom or I'd freak out.
Troy laughed, though, picking up on it immediately. "I can't really say anything because I've never been in your position."
And that's what I like about him. He's close to Monica and we're hanging out, yet he's never tried to convince me to like Monica. He's never told me to give her a chance and blah blah blah. He just doesn't get involved. It's only about us.
"I'm sure it'll be fun," I try to make things a little better, "who doesn't have fun in Hawaii? I'm so lucky."
"I've never been," he shrugs.
"Oh," I say, like it's not big deal, "it's nice, I love it."
Our food comes out very shortly after talking about Hawaii, and I'm so excited because this sandwich I ordered looks SO freaking good.
And it was. It was one of the best sandwiches I think I've ever had.
It was a great little dinner. An early dinner. Great food, great view, great company.
But that ended rather quickly because it's not really a restaurant where you linger. It's casual and it's self seating and you order at a station and so we left the minute we were done eating and decided to just go back to my house because we didn't know what else to do.
My dad was at the restaurant and my sister was spending time with her boyfriend before we leave to Hawaii tomorrow so it was just Troy and I.
"Want something to drink?"
"I'm good," he shakes his head so instead of going to the kitchen, I lead him to the family room.
He's never really been at my house. Sure, my graduation party and another time when he dropped me off and came in for a bit, but other than that, he hasn't really hung out here. We usually hang out at his place or we go out somewhere and have dinner and then he just drops me off after.
So when he steps inside my front living room, he looks around the place a bit.
And I can see him eying a picture of my mom.
It was in the hospital room a day after she gave birth to my sister and she's getting ready to leave. She's sitting in the chair, carrying her. Her hair's in a messy little bun and she's smiling at the camera, per my dad's request. I'm off to the side, standing there giving my sister a kiss on the forehead, not realizing my dad was taking a picture or else I would have been looking. Because I was a camera whore. I LOVED having pictures taken, supposedly. But whatever. It's probably the best picture there is of my mom. And we all love it so much so it's front and center. And has been for as long as I can remember.
"What are you thinking?" I ask Troy.
"What?" He looks over at me and shakes his head, "oh, no, nothing."
I chuckle a bit and walk over to the picture and grab it and bring it back to where he is. I take a seat on the couch and he follows. "It was the day after she gave birth to Jess. Doesn't she just look so... content?"
He nodded, looking down at it, "that's exactly what I was thinking, actually. She looks so... fulfilled."
"That's the word she used when she described this picture, actually," I tell him, "she always said she would want two girls or two boys and if God gave her a third one, it wouldn't matter. So in that moment, she was happy I would have a best friend for life, someone who can go through everything with me because that's how she grew up. With her sister. Two brothers, too, but they were the best of friends and that's what she wanted."
"It's not... hard? Having all these pictures of her?" he motions around the living room.
There are a couple you can clearly see are her and a few more that you'll have to get a close look at, but yes, it's hard. It's so hard.
I get up and go to put the picture away. "For sure it's hard. But she's our mom and we want her around."
"I'm sorry," he apologizes.
"What're you sorry for?" I turn around.
"I don't know," he shrugs, "it's not this giant elephant or anything, I just... we've never really talked about your mom and I don't think I've ever really told you that I'm sorry that' she's, you know, not here and stuff."
I appreciate it, but people don't need to feel sorry for me. Millions of kids have it worse than I do. "You know, there are people in China whose mom has to give them up if they have a birth defect or some sort of illness, they just leave them there. Some people have no parents- no more or dad. And there are people who are born and the mom or dad are just horrible people. I think those are the people you need to feel sorry for."
Troy looked at me, not saying anything for a moment, and then gave me a small smile. "No, I know you have it better than other people out there, but still, she was your mom and she's not here anymore and that's sad. But you're right."
"I miss her every day of my life, but I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason so, maybe it's better this way, I don't know."
"What was she like?" he asks me.
This question kind of makes me stop, even though I'm just sitting here next to him now.
He wants to know about my mom? He's asking me about her?
We haven't talked about what this is. We're hanging out, making out, getting to know each other. I'd say we're dating. But I have no idea if he's dating other girls. What Monica said to me about him not hurting me makes me think no, but maybe she just meant if we were to get in a relationship. Right now, he's technically single, so yeah, I can't be mad at him for it. I'd be bummed because he's the only guy I'm hanging out with.
But I just feel like it's something more. It's not as casual as one would think.
And him asking me about my mom, something personal and meaningful to me, well, maybe it's not so casual.
"You know how when people die they have nothing but good things to say about the person?" I ask him, "sometimes it's bullshit, sometimes it's not. It's not bullshit here just because she's no longer here. She was the kindest woman on Earth."
"What did she do?"
"She was an event planner. Weddings, divorce parties, everything."
Troy laughed, probably at the divorce parties, but it's a real thing here in Los Angeles. "Did she love it?"
She loved it almost as much as she loved us. It was her second child. The rush she got from making someone's day perfect is what my mom was all about and why so many people loved her. "Oh, yeah. She was so good. She was so good at knowing exactly what the person wanted, adding little details that would make it special for them. She thrived. She got such a rush from making their day special. She was so good at what she did."
"Tell me more," he says and it makes me smile but at the same time, scares me a little bit.
It this getting real? Is it getting serious?
I'm not sure, but I don't think I mind because I like hanging out with him. And talking to him is SO fucking easy.
So I tell him more. "I don't know, I know I'm bias but she was just the best mom. She had this crazy career, running around town all day, yet she still was in that carpool line at school, waiting to pick us up. She was just the mom that was always there, no matter what. The second I said I wasn't feeling well, she would start to boil water for a tea. Whenever I had a field trip, she'd volunteer to go before I would even express interest in her going. She was just always so present. We were her number one priority always and growing up, knowing that you have that, I mean, what else could you possibly ask for?"
"Not much," he smiles, turning towards me more and putting his hand over the back of the couch, "maybe if she sucked a bit, it would be easier to accept a new woman in your dad's life, huh?"
"Probably," I laugh, knowing he's just trying to make light of it. "you know, I'm not even sure it's Monica specifically because to be honest, I don't know much about her. It's just so hard when for so long, you've only ever seen your parents together... happy."
Troy gave me a weak smile, like he got it. But of course, he loves Monica, so I get it.
And that's the thing with us... I think we just get each other.
I feel like he gets me in a way so many guys wouldn't. And I have no idea how to explain it, I just feel it. Which is crazy because it hasn't been long.
But I feel like I can tell him things, like I can talk to him about anything and everything. And it's SO crazy that he's making me feel this way in such a short amount of time. It seems almost impossible, really, yet here I am... feelings things for him. And hoping he feels them for me, too.
"I'm sure your mom is so proud of you and I'm sure she was as great as you say," he tells me, "I mean, she made you."
"Yeah," I try to hold back tears, but it's almost impossible.
That's the only thing I want in life... for people to compaer me to my mom. And have it be a positive thing. Because she was kind. She was brave. She was compassionate. She was a go getter. She was happy. She was loving. She was understanding. She was accepting. She was every beautiful thing in this world. She was beautiful. And for people to think she did a good job on me and my sister, it's everything.
Troy just stared at me for a moment, and then he brought his hand up to my face and gently wiped away the tear that was now falling.
If I think about my mom for too long, I start crying.
But he wiped away the tear for me, and then kissed me like he meant it.
I'm so content right now.