Author's Note: Posting a little early this week because YOLO. (Ome I'm kidding please don't kill me) No, I'm *really* posting early because A I finished the chapter and B the next one is going to be awesome and I'd still like to post it on Friday so I'm giving myself a bit more time.

And now you're thinking, "Why didn't you just start it already then?"

Because I have this weird quirk where I can't start the next chapter until I post the one before it. I don't know why.

Anywho, here you go!

(Sidenote: If you don't know/ forgot who Kace is, refer to chapter 20 of Connected By Dreams)

There were only two chocobos at the place Snow led them to. Two strong, healthy chocobos, but still. So they paired up. Lightning and Fang on one bird, Snow and Serah on the other.

Fang sat in front of Lightning on the chocobo. Since she knew her way home better than the others, she led their little flock. Not much was said, but you didn't need to be a mind reader to know that anything not said was thought. Fang suspected the others were probably thinking about that no-good boyfriend of Vanille's. But her? She was thinking of someone else, and it was all the blasted chocobo's fault.

Kace. She thought she'd finally gotten rid of that demon, but no. She'd probably never be able to look at a chocobo again without thinking about him. The one who got away, the one who took her virginity by force.

Well, not really 'got away'. He was banished.

the last time she'd thought about him, she'd called Hope by his name on accident and then sobbed with a chocobo's head in her lap. Of course, this chocobo was male, and the other was female, but that didn't matter. They had the same kind eyes, the same soft golden feathers. 'Damnit, Kace. I used to like chocobos. Now you've taken that from me, too. Can't even leave me alone from the grave, can you?'

"You are just so damn lucky I didn't get pregnant." She muttered aloud.

"Huh?" Lightning asked from behind.

"Nothin'. Just talking to myself." She didn't sound very believable, but she didn't turn around to see if Lightning agreed with her. She just spurred the chocobo on faster.

The others had only been gone for about a day, and Sazh was already going crazy. Not that he regretted staying behind. He felt that it would be morally wrong to leave Vanille alone. But he couldn't help the feeling that he was missing out.

Of course, he was 'too old for this'. At least, that's what he'd always told himself.

He envied Dajh. His son just went about his daily routine, perfectly pretending that everything was okay, that Lightning coming home with people no one had ever seen before and then leaving with Serah and Snow was a thing that happened often. He was jealous. He was bad at pretending always had been. But he had to do it, for Chase. The poor kid just didn't understand where his parents went, and why everyone had disappeared. Sazh gave him the simplest explanation possible, sticking as close to what Snow had told him as he could. But the boy was curious. He asked the question about eight times before Sazh finally put him to bed.

He now sat beside Vanille, tired head in his tired hands. He sighed. He barely survived today, what would happen tomorrow? He didn't even know when they'd all come back, if they came back. From what he'd seen...

"Oh, Vanille. How did we get into this mess?"

Of course, the crystal girl offered no answer. She just lay as silent as ever, eyes not seeing, ears not hearing. He wasn't sure what was more depressing: the fact that she was dead, or the fact that she would never leave.

"I thought everything was fine. I thought that for once, we could all be together without having to watch each others backs. I thought we could be a family." He gave something that was between a chuckle and a sigh. "Stupid, huh? Though, I never thought it would be Hope. Never. But then he up and left us. Twice." Sazh shook his head. "I always knew it, you know. That he loved you. Once everything calmed down and we went to Pulse for the first time, that's when I saw it. And I knew you loved him, too. But you worked harder at trying to hide it."

"You were afraid, weren't you?"

Silence answered him. "It's okay, I know. We were all afraid back then." He sighed. "You know, I think if he'd just told you how he left, he might've stayed. But he was afraid, too. I'm sure he kicked himself every day for keepin' his mouth shut. Any sane man would have."

"But I guess he's not really sane anymore, is he?"

Sazh pressed his fingers against his temples. "AW, I don't even want to think about that. Whatever's goin' on, he'll come out of it, he has to. Wishful thinking's gotta count for somethin', right?"

Silence.

Sigh. "I just...wish there was something I could do. I know it's stupid, but I can't help but feel a little responsible. I should've stepped in and tried to stop him from...I don't know, from leaving? From, from t-taking you out into that water." Sazh wiped his eyes. "I remembered how you told me you were afraid of the water. But, I-I didn't know, I thought...I thought you'd be okay with him. I didn't KNOW!" Sazh buried his face in his hands again. "...I didn't know. I hardly even talked to him. I couldn't have known, but - damnit!" He slammed his fists on his knees. He left them there, while the rest of him started shaking. The old man started to fall apart; from his head to his toes, he just couldn't keep it together anymore. He sobbed without shame, finally letting go all of the grief and frustration and confusion that he'd held onto since she died.

He just couldn't take it anymore. Maybe it was Vanille's presence, or maybe it was being alone in Serah's house with her son and no one else who should've been there, but he finally let go.

As time passed, he slowly, gradually, pulled his heavy, broken pieces back together. Stop it, he told himself. This won't bring Vanille back, or get the fal'Cie out of Hope's body. This won't fix anything.

'Neither will being mad at yourself.'

Her voice was almost audible to the point where it hurt. It was just in his head, he knew that. But he wanted so badly for those words, any words, to come out of her mouth, that he almost believed she'd actually said them.

Down in his room, Chase began to cry.

Sazh stood, sighing. "Goodbye, Vanille. I hope you can hear me, wherever you are." And he left.