Disclaimer: Everyone who owns 'pointless porn' let us hear ya say wayooo
wayooo ugaaabuuggaaa!!!!!!! That goes for everyone else who has put
dirrrtttyyy stuff in their fics.
CHAPTER 14
An almighty howl erupted from deep within the forest and shook a nearby oak tree. Followed by "whats that noise preciousssss".
Gollum, meanwhile, was distraught. Sirius would not give up on trying to persuade him, and was getting so annoyed with Gollum that he nicked his fish.
"Noooooo, give us the precccciiiooouuus!!!!"
"Nonsense, have a piercing, it won't hurt and you will be just like me!" said Sirius. "Come to my meeting, you'll love it!"
"It hurts us prreeccciiiooouuusss, filthy naaasssttyyy naked man!"
"Fine, take your fish then!" said Sirius, stomping his foot and petting Spot. "But don't come moaning to me when your 'pprreeeccciooouuss' member feels lonely"
Sirius stomped off, looking for a new victim to join his club.
Harry meanwhile, rushed over to Draco (still in a coma). The Skrewt's member had now shrunk and it was cowering under a nearby tree, clearly traumatised by its affair with Fang.
"Hagrid, we need to get him to the hospital wing!" said Harry.
"Keep an eye out for Fang would ya Arry"
Hagrid lifted Draco up and headed off towards the school.
Another howl erupted.
Sirius then came bounding towards Harry, looking pissed off.
"What is wrong with people? You offer them the club of a lifetime and they turn it down. Sure you don't want to join Harry?"
"No" said Harry through gritted teeth. "Why did you come here Sirius? You should go look for Lupin and go back"
"I had to get out! Besides, Spot needed some fresh air and I thought the forest would be good!"
"Just go" said Harry, storming off.
Suddenly Fang reappeared (quite clearly bow legged) and Sirius saw his opportunity.
"Would you like to join my club, Mr Boarhound, I think a lovely piercing of a bone would suit you"
Fang growled.
"Now, now, c.calm d.down boy" said Sirius.
Suddenly Fang leapt onto Sirius and began biting him (Fang was obviously in a bad mood after his encounter with Lupin).
"Arrrrggghhhh!! Get off me you mutt!!! Get him Spot, attack him, we'll show the Boarhound!"
Twenty minutes later, Fang was cowering in a bush and Sirius was swinging Spot proudly.
"Come out and fight like a hound!! Come on, let the almighty Spot rule!"
*********************************************************************
Harry collapsed outside the castle entrance, out of breath. He looked to see none other than Professor Snape standing in front of him, wearing his prized red latex.
"Potter! 300 points from Griffindor for making the entrance look untidy, now get inside, I'm sure you are aware that it is now eight o' clock in the evening. And may I ask why you, Miss Granger, Mr Weasley and Mr Malfoy were not in my lesson today?"
"We had problems in our Care of Magical Creatures class sir" said Harry.
"Really? Then you wouldn't mind making up for that time in detention with me and Filch now would you?"
"Do you mean just me? Or everyone else who missed the lesson?" said Harry.
"Oh, just you Potter"
"What? But that's not fair!"
"I'm sure you are aware by now Mr Potter that I clearly detest you, so unless you want a bigger punishment I suggest you get inside. Now!"
Harry stomped inside only to face Filch, who said his best line.
"Ooohhh dear, we are in trouble"
CHAPTER 14
An almighty howl erupted from deep within the forest and shook a nearby oak tree. Followed by "whats that noise preciousssss".
Gollum, meanwhile, was distraught. Sirius would not give up on trying to persuade him, and was getting so annoyed with Gollum that he nicked his fish.
"Noooooo, give us the precccciiiooouuus!!!!"
"Nonsense, have a piercing, it won't hurt and you will be just like me!" said Sirius. "Come to my meeting, you'll love it!"
"It hurts us prreeccciiiooouuusss, filthy naaasssttyyy naked man!"
"Fine, take your fish then!" said Sirius, stomping his foot and petting Spot. "But don't come moaning to me when your 'pprreeeccciooouuss' member feels lonely"
Sirius stomped off, looking for a new victim to join his club.
Harry meanwhile, rushed over to Draco (still in a coma). The Skrewt's member had now shrunk and it was cowering under a nearby tree, clearly traumatised by its affair with Fang.
"Hagrid, we need to get him to the hospital wing!" said Harry.
"Keep an eye out for Fang would ya Arry"
Hagrid lifted Draco up and headed off towards the school.
Another howl erupted.
Sirius then came bounding towards Harry, looking pissed off.
"What is wrong with people? You offer them the club of a lifetime and they turn it down. Sure you don't want to join Harry?"
"No" said Harry through gritted teeth. "Why did you come here Sirius? You should go look for Lupin and go back"
"I had to get out! Besides, Spot needed some fresh air and I thought the forest would be good!"
"Just go" said Harry, storming off.
Suddenly Fang reappeared (quite clearly bow legged) and Sirius saw his opportunity.
"Would you like to join my club, Mr Boarhound, I think a lovely piercing of a bone would suit you"
Fang growled.
"Now, now, c.calm d.down boy" said Sirius.
Suddenly Fang leapt onto Sirius and began biting him (Fang was obviously in a bad mood after his encounter with Lupin).
"Arrrrggghhhh!! Get off me you mutt!!! Get him Spot, attack him, we'll show the Boarhound!"
Twenty minutes later, Fang was cowering in a bush and Sirius was swinging Spot proudly.
"Come out and fight like a hound!! Come on, let the almighty Spot rule!"
*********************************************************************
Harry collapsed outside the castle entrance, out of breath. He looked to see none other than Professor Snape standing in front of him, wearing his prized red latex.
"Potter! 300 points from Griffindor for making the entrance look untidy, now get inside, I'm sure you are aware that it is now eight o' clock in the evening. And may I ask why you, Miss Granger, Mr Weasley and Mr Malfoy were not in my lesson today?"
"We had problems in our Care of Magical Creatures class sir" said Harry.
"Really? Then you wouldn't mind making up for that time in detention with me and Filch now would you?"
"Do you mean just me? Or everyone else who missed the lesson?" said Harry.
"Oh, just you Potter"
"What? But that's not fair!"
"I'm sure you are aware by now Mr Potter that I clearly detest you, so unless you want a bigger punishment I suggest you get inside. Now!"
Harry stomped inside only to face Filch, who said his best line.
"Ooohhh dear, we are in trouble"