Chapter fourteen

'So if I had a normal childhood I would have probably driven my parents crazy.'

'Yes, you would have, as most children do.'

'I remember something Ron told me once, the reason why he is petrified of spiders. He was only five, the twins seven, they turned Ron's teddy bear that he was holding into a spider.'

'Yes, as the child gets older they learn to control it, some more than others. Now why I brought this up, it's connected to something very serious,' Severus pulled out a few pieces of parchment that had been cut out of the Daily Prophet, 'I understand,' Severus held out the parchment then watched as Harry shuddered before his eyes widened, 'It's fine, relax.'

'It's them, four of them, but Rankhorn, the other night,' Harry lifted his head, 'But it's impossible.'

'No it's not, I truly believe you are unconsciously torturing and killing your tormentors. When I recognised the first three from the films, I was suspicious. When I spoke to you though I studied you carefully, you had no idea about the truth of their deaths. At first I was confused, then I believed you were just very good at hiding the truth. Then it hit me, you had no idea you were behind these death at all. Even though I was sure it was you I needed proof, I was not sure how to get that proof if you had no idea. When I entered your mind I saw you asleep on those four nights, at the start it was like a normal dream, but then your mind went blank, completely blank. Even in sleep your thoughts and memories are still there, yours wasn't.'

Harry lowered his head, 'But wouldn't I remember?'

'No, you are trying to suppress anything from that time and you have succeeded, to a point.'

'But how am I doing it without being there?'

'Magic, your wish to see them punished let's your soul, that would be the only way to describe it, your soul leaves your body which then finds the ones responsible for your pain. What I do not understand is you do not just kill them, you torture them until they die.'

'You hate me now, don't you?'

'No, I do not hate you, I could never hate you, especially for this. They abused you, adults who are supposed to protect children abused you. The truth Harry is I understand why you are doing this even if you do not remember. As I explained to you about my time during my first few months as a death eater, all I wanted was to seek revenge. What I didn't explain was I did seek my revenge when I became a spy. I was given jobs by the dark lord and by Albus, I used those jobs to kill those who raped me. I would tell the dark lord it was one of the order, I would tell Albus that some of the death eaters got into a fight, which they often did. They would all try to outdo each other so they would end up on the dark lord's good side.'

'So you do know how I feel, with everything.'

'Yes I do, we have more in common than I could possibly believe.'

'What about the other three, do you think I'll do it again?'

'I believe you will so you can finally know it's over. If they are dead then they can't hurt you anymore. I also believe you do not like the fact they remember. Even as a child Harry, they would have known you were the-boy-who-lived, that never changed.'

'Like how I made the Weasley's and Hermione forget, I want to know they can't remember but instead of obliviating them I'm killing them.'

'Yes, you cannot move on with your life until you know they are gone from your life completely.'

'I've felt that, like something is holding me back. I'm scared I will see them or see something that will remind me and I don't want to break down where others can see. If I wasn't so well known it wouldn't be so bad, but I am known, I wish I wasn't. Not long before Hogwarts opened again I did consider leaving, starting a new life overseas. But when you started to help I knew I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to leave you.'

'I will always be here for you Harry. But do you realise what you are feeling, for me I mean?'

Harry swallowed then nodded, 'I just don't know if I can, if I ever could.'

'Right now you couldn't but it does not mean in months or even a few years you could. Harry, I care for you more than you know but I knew you were not ready to hear that. So how about we begin a real relationship without any pressure of sex. I have been celibate for years, I had no choice so I can easily abstain, until you feel ready.'

Harry looked up, 'Okay, I want to be with you, just not that way, yet. Before Hogwarts opened I tried to get on with my life. I decide to do things, some are just stupid silly things like walking around the house naked, getting drunk. But I knew eventually I might date, so I found a club that cater to gay men. I figured I would go in, maybe talk with a few, have a dance even though I can't dance. But it was only a few seconds of stepping inside that I started to panic. I realised I couldn't, but then I thought maybe I could if I was with someone I care about, that cares for me.'

'I believe once you feel safe, which you are starting to, then you will. But as I said, there will be no pressure. We are starting off as a lot of couple do, we'll date even though we are already married.'

'So we're sort of going backwards, in a way?'

'Yes, so how about we go out to dinner?'

'Even though it will be hard I need to face people, but I need to face Hogwarts,' Harry looked up, 'Can we eat there, together?'

'Do you feel you could take the looks?'

'They'll just see me sitting with you, everyone knows we're married, so there isn't anything they could do or say that could hurt me, not anymore.'

'Then let's go to Hogwarts,' Severus stood and held out his hand. He smiled when Harry instantly placed his smaller hand in his.

When they stepped into Severus's private room, they never slowed. Severus did not want Harry to remember the times Albus brought him here. So they walked hand in hand down through the castle, they stopped just outside the doors of the great hall.

'Are you ready?'

'If I'm with you I can handle anything,' Harry smiled then kissed Severus on the cheek.

'I can see it, you are starting to feel better.'

'I am.'

Severus and Harry, still with their hands joined walked into the great hall. Whispers, gasps and calls to Harry were heard. Harry just smiled at his real friends but continued to head up to the staff table with his husband.

Severus conjured another chair then pulled it out for Harry, 'You're seat love.'

Harry chuckled, 'Such a romantic, I never pictured that,' Harry smiled then sat down. He knew all the students were watching, he knew his ex-friends were watching, but right now Harry only had eyes for his husband. It came as a shock to Harry to realise he had fallen in love with Severus, but he had, now they were together.

Harry did not want to leave their relationship hanging for too long, but he also knew Severus would wait for as long as he needed. That was one thing Harry loved about Severus, he would give him the time he needed, but he was also giving Harry himself.

'You look well Harry.'

Harry faced Minerva, 'I'm doing good Minerva, my husband is great company.'

'Not many people would say that, but I always found myself enjoying his dry wit.'

'His sadistic dry wit, it's quite amusing at times.'

'Alright, enough you two,' Severus shook his head then kissed Harry's check, 'If you keep going I might need to bring out Professor Snape.'

'I think I've grown up enough to handle him.'

'I'm believe you are the only one who could or would handle Professor Severus Snape,' Minerva grinned, she could see it, Harry was already started to feel better, it was in his eyes. Harry Potter, was – almost back. She knew he still had a ways to go, she was confident now that thanks to Severus Harry will be well.

Minerva decided to watch them tonight but she was going to continue to watch them over the coming months. She could see feelings developing between them and one thing she knew with absolute certainty, these two men will have a long and loving relationship. Harry just needed to put his past to rest before he could move on, which he is slowly doing right now.