Chapter 13
Rubbish
Hermione didn't return to the Ball.
Draco did, for at least one of them had to be there or else Professor McGonagall would be furious. He walked around the room as if he was checking to see that everything was working fine and was in perfect order. His mind was still thinking about what just happened and wondered if he did do the right thing. He made himself think that it was because… there wasn't any excuse, it was the right thing, wasn't it?
After his umpteenth walk around the Hall, he stopped at the refreshments table and got himself some pumpkin juice. His eyes were looking towards the dance floor, at all the happy people, but they were unfocused. It looked as if he was looking into a different world.
Before he knew it, a redheaded girl appeared in front of him with a cup in her hand also. He knew what was coming up already.
"Malfoy, do you know where Hermione is? She's not here and I know she should be… or has to be anyway," Ginny said, taking a sip of her drink.
Draco's eyes focused, but he didn't move his head to face hers. He didn't make any movements at all. "How would I know?" His voice was strained and not his usual cold tone.
She looked at him skeptically, taking another sip. Then, she sighed, putting her cup on the table. She propped a hand on her hip and the tone of her voice signaled that she was ready for a big conversation.
"What happened?" Ginny asked, her stare not quite as intimating as Hermione's could be. Her voice wasn't as demanding and smooth at the same time like Hermione's. The stance she was standing in didn't match her as much as it did when Hermione stood in that way. That's all he could hear in his head right now: Hermione, Hermione, Hermione… She was bloody taking over his thoughts.
"That's none of your business, is it, Weasley?"
"Does it count that she's my best friend?"
"No." Draco turned and started walking away from the girl, but she followed.
"All right, if it really went that bad, would you want me to her side of the story or yours? I guarantee that you'll sound more of a jerk when she tells it."
"I'll seem like a jerk either way since she's probably going to tell you anyway. Does it make a difference?"
"Yes, actually. I can base whatever she tells me on what you may or may not say and I'll balance it out so you won't seem that bad."
"That sounds ridiculous."
"You're right. It does," she admitted shamefully. "Can you just tell me if you really hurt her or not?"
He stopped, a scene of the conversation him and Hermione just had flashing through his mind. He actually felt guilty for making her feel that way and cry that much. They basically admitted to each other that they had these strong feelings, though it was in the most unobvious way.
"Why aren't you taking your chance, Draco?"
Those words hurt him more than he could imagine. There was a chance and he didn't take it because he was absolutely stupid and proud. He was ashamed of the fact that he actually did want to be with her and that is definitely something she did not deserve. Which is why she'd be better off without him. Why did she even want to waste her time with someone like him anyway?
"I'll take that as a yes," Ginny said, snapping Draco out of his thoughts. He must have been silent for a long time. "And by that guilty look on your face, she's probably crying. Am I right?" Her voice was softer and more serious, realizing that this whole thing was bigger than she thought.
Draco looked at Ginny and she stared at him for a few seconds. She tilted her head to the side and looked at him questioningly. Ginny had this amazing talent of being able to read almost anyone's expressions.
"You broke her heart, didn't you?" she said, her tone a bit angrier than before.
He broke eye contact with her and looked down at the ground.
"What did you say to her?"
"A lot of things. Give me some space, Weasley." He turned and started walking away from the girl.
"Whatever you said to her that caused you to break her heart, it'll take a long time to fix," Ginny warned, turning around as well and walking back to her friends. She would have went to Hermione, who was probably in the dormitory already, but decided that like Draco, she needed a little time alone.
"I'm not going to be the one to fix it," he muttered guiltily, when she was already out of earshot.
- x -
Hermione didn't storm away to the dormitory, though. She went outside, where she was able to breathe in cold fresh air. It was winter and she wasn't wearing any sort of sweater over her dress, but she didn't care. The cold weather numbed every part of her body except the part that needed it the most. Her heart remained shattered. She still felt the pain even though she couldn't move anything else.
Her tears were icy as they ran down her face. The light make-up around her eyes left a gray trail down her cheeks and parts of her hair were out of place. She was a mess.
The ground had a light layer of snow over it, but that didn't stop her from dropping to her knees on it. She gasped from the coldness, but didn't get up.
Why wasn't he there right now? Why wasn't he being the person she knew he could be by running after her? Why was he so stupid?
"There is no chance, Hermione. Don't you understand that?"
What in Merlin's name was he talking about? The war was over. People may still be keen on the idea that purebloods are better than muggleborns, but what did it matter? Sure, Harry and Ron would have wanted to murder him if they found out about everything, but who cares? The whole world could disagree with the idea of Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger and she wouldn't care, but he did.
What was the matter with him? Tearing the bracelet off his wrist and letting it drop to the ground. Did he want to break her heart? Was this his bloody plan all along? Get close to the "mudblood" and turn her down painfully in the end? That was probably it. He was still the same. She was stupid to think that he would ever change in his life. He was always going to be the same Draco Malfoy who didn't care about her at all and talked about her to his friends. Of course he couldn't ruin his precious reputation. Now she felt stupid.
Merlin knows how long she was out in the freezing cold, but after a long time, Hermione decided to wipe her tears and get herself off the ground. She couldn't feel her body as it shivered uncontrollably. Everything was cold and numb. She felt as if she was going to collapse during every step she took. Hermione started rubbing her hands together to create a little heat, but she could barely even feel that. The beat of her heart seemed to be faster than normal. With much difficulty, she forced herself into the warmth of the castle.
The sharp temperature change instantly comforted her whole body, making her feel tingly from head to toe. She was shaking while silent tears made their way down her face. She felt lightheaded and suddenly had a feeling that she was going to faint.
"Hermione?" a familiar concerned voice said questioningly.
Her lips were too numb too speak. Her heart was beating at an incredibly fast pace and felt too weak to hold herself up.
"Harry!" Ginny yelled frantically, running up to Hermione and holding her up. Her breathing was quick and shallow.
"Gin?" Harry said, appearing around a corner. A look of worriment etched itself on his face as he ran over to her also. "What the hell happened to her?"
"She's shivering. Give her your cloak."
As Harry was taking off his dress robes, the pain in her body began to fade away.
"Hermione, are you okay?" Ginny asked. It got harder to hold her up.
Hermione's vision got blurry. She wasn't holding herself up anymore.
"Talk to us, please," Harry said desperately, draping his dress robes around her shoulders.
Ginny looked behind her, hearing footsteps.
The last thing Hermione saw was a flash of platinum blonde hair, appearing around the corner of the corridor. She felt that painful pang in her heart only for a moment before it finally disappeared as she slipped into unconsciousness.
- x -
"Me? What the hell do I have to do with this?"
"You have everything to do with this, you git! Pick her up and take her to the infirmary!"
Hermione was slipping in and out of consciousness as she felt a pair of strong arms lift her up from the ground. She was only able to get brief flashes of the scenes unfolding before she became unconscious again.
"Oh, dear, what on earth happened to our Miss Granger?"
She was laid in a bed, then became unconscious.
"Is she going to be okay?"
Glass bottles were heard clacking next to each other and Madam Pomfrey's footsteps were hurried. Unconscious.
"How is all this my fault? How was I supposed to know that she'd want to freeze to death after talking to me?"
"Mister Malfoy, put your cloak on top of her. She's going to need as much warmth as she can get."
She felt warmer and more comfortable. Unconscious.
"Are you mad? You know you have feeling for her. You know what you want. Why don't you stop being a prat and just do what you want to do?"
"It's not that easy, Weasley."
"She's going through a mild case of hypothermia because of you, you know that?"
"Shut it, Potter. I'm not daft. Pomfrey just told us that."
"Stop your bickering! Now, she's going to need some of this to help lower her body temperature."
Liquid was forced down her throat when she became unconscious again.
"Weasley, that has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"Even Harry sees it! Don't you, Harry?"
"Well… now I do."
"Every time you look at her, you look as if you're dying to hold her, to be with her!"
"I can't believe we're talking to Malfoy about being with Hermione."
"I still don't understand why we're still talking about it since there's no chance of that ever happening."
"Malfoy, I want you to look me directly in both eyes and tell me with the surest voice you can speak with that you are not in love with her."
"I can't."
Unconscious.
"I'm leaving."
"No, you're not, Malfoy. We still need to talk about this."
"What else do we need to talk about? What else do you need to know? I already admitted it. Isn't that enough?"
"I just need you to say, 'I, Draco Malfoy, am in love with Hermione Granger.' Just in case you ever deny it or lie. It's for the records. Harry, you're not leaving either."
"No. I'm leaving, Weasley."
"I'll hex you."
"You know, Malfoy, I do think you deserve one of her Bat-Bogey Hexes, but I feel the need to tell you that they're not pretty."
"Well, she's sort of known for it, Potter."
"I'm just warning you."
"Hush, Harry. Malfoy needs to speak now."
Unconscious.
- x -
Hermione woke up the next morning, feeling tremendously weak and helpless. She pushed the two cloaks and blanket over her away from her body because she was sweating.
She looked at her surroundings and slowly processed through her mind that she was in the Hospital Wing. Little flashes of the night before entered her mind. She barely remembered what was said when she was slipping in and out of consciousness. All she could recall was how cold she was and how good it felt to be carried by Draco.
There was a pang in her heart when she thought about him. She felt like crying all over again. Then, she remembered going outside in the freezing cold weather and staying out there for Merlin knows how long.
Why did he cause her to do such stupid things?
She felt sicker and sicker as she thought about it. Her muscles were so weak that just turning her head to the side was a difficult task. Somebody had entered the Hospital Wing and she waited for the person to come into her view.
"Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed as she hurriedly went over to her friend. "You're awake!"
She realized that talking took much energy out of her also.
"What time is it?" Her voice was hoarse.
"It's four o'clock in the afternoon," the redhead replied, smiling at the fact that her friend was doing better. Ginny held up the items in her hands. "I brought you some clothes in case you wanted to change."
Hermione looked down at herself and saw that she was still wearing her dress from yesterday. It stuck oddly to her skin because she was sweating.
"Thank you," she said, barely being able to smile.
"Now, what happened last night? Why did you decide to go outside and get hypothermia?"
"Hypothermia?" Hermione asked, shocked at the word. "I--"
"Yes. It was only a mild case since we got your body temperature to rise a little bit before you fainted." She sat down on the chair next to Hermione's bed. "Anyway, onto more important things. What happened?"
Her heart seemed to break once again just thinking about the encounter with Draco yesterday. She looked away from Ginny.
"A lot."
At that moment, Madam Pomfrey came to check on her and made a small sound when she realized Hermione was awake.
"Oh, Miss Granger! I didn't know you awoke already!" The mediwitch poured some fluid into a small cup and gave it to Hermione. "Drink this. Your muscles need to wake up a little bit. I assume you feel rather weak right now."
Hermione nodded as she swallowed the bitter liquid down in one gulp, making a sour face afterwards. Madam Pomfrey took the glass from her and went away to the storage cabinets to fetch something else.
Ron them came into the infirmary, already talking, for he knew that Ginny was there.
"Oi, Ginny, did you finish-- Hermione!" he said, relief showing on his face. The ill girl tried her best to smile as Ron made his way toward her bed. "It's about time you woke up. Was so worried about you this morning. A couple people didn't even bother to tell me that one of my best friends was in the Hospital Wing last night." He looked accusingly at Ginny.
"You were having a lot of fun at the Ball! I didn't want to kill your mood."
"If something is wrong with Hermione, killing my mood is the least of my worries."
Hermione desperately wanted to laugh, but didn't have the energy to. Madam Pomfrey came over to her again, telling her than she had a fever and that she should stay and rest for all of today. She then left, disappearing into her office.
"Ginny, have you finished packing?" Ron asked.
Hermione's eyes widened. She had totally forgotten that she should be leaving for home today to spend Christmas with her family.
"That's today," she whispered to herself.
"What's today?" Ginny said confusedly.
"I need to leave. I have to go back home," Hermione said, her voice stronger now. She swung her legs slowly and weakly off her bed. Ron and Ginny were about to say something, but she interrupted them. "She can't expect me to stay in the Hospital Wing all day. I have to leave today."
Madam Pomfrey was out of her office already while Hermione was walking towards her.
"Miss Granger, you need to rest! Your body is very, very weak and it needs to stay in bed." She started leading her to the bed again, but Hermione stopped in her tracks.
"I need to go home, Madam Pomfrey."
"No, you don't, Miss Granger. Not today. Your body really needs the rest. It doesn't have the energy to spend hours on a train." The mediwitch had a sorry expression on her face. "You can't be outside in the cold until tomorrow."
"Tomorrow's Christmas!" Hermione argued. "You don't understand. I really need to be home."
"You can go home tomorrow by floo. I can arrange something with Professor McGonagall," she assured her, putting a hand on her shoulder as if to calm her.
"I want to wake up at my house on Christmas. I don't want to just arrive there."
"I'm sorry, Miss Granger, but if your body doesn't get enough rest, you're fever will rise and everything will get worse. Especially out in the cold weather." Madam Pomfrey dropped her hand from Hermione's shoulder, getting a little annoyed.
"I had a whole plan! It needs to go perfectly. This is the last Christmas I'll be able to spend with my dad. Please, I need to go. I feel better already." It wasn't a lie actually, since she felt a little stronger because of the potion she just drank.
Madam Pomfrey's face showed sadness when Hermione mentioned the piece of information about her dad. "It can wait until tomorrow."
Hermione stared at her, not wanting to argue anymore. She then turned around and went grudgingly to the bed she was just laying in. Ron and Ginny both looked upset themselves.
"I'm sorry, Hermione," Ginny said, truly concerned.
"It's not your fault," she muttered back, thinking about Draco again.
The doors opened again and Hermione prepared herself to say hi to Harry. Until Madam Pomfrey acknowledged the person who just came through by saying the name that made her want to die.
"Mister Malfoy, finally you've come back. What did Professor McGonagall say?" she asked.
"The supply of healing potions will arrive in about three days by owl," he told her, while taking a double take at Hermione's awake form. She was looking down at her hands.
"Splendid! Thank you," she said, hurrying back to the cabinets of potions.
"Malfoy, have you seen Harry around?" Ginny asked him, making him look over at the three of them. He couldn't help but look at Hermione, who was standing up now with clothes in her hands. She walked past him to the lavatory to change.
He glanced back at her, then looked at Ginny again. "No."
She waited until Hermione was in the lavatory with the door closed before she said something else.
"What're you going to do?" she asked him.
He looked taken aback by the sudden question. Didn't they discuss her enough already the night before?
"Nothing."
"You can't do that."
"I think he can," Ron interjected. Harry and Ginny informed him of everything that's been happening lately with Draco and Hermione and he didn't fancy the idea one bit.
Ginny glared at Ron. "You have to. Did you see her face?"
"Yes, but I'm not doing anything. I can't anymore."
"Everything is going downhill for her now. Madam Pomfrey just told her that she can't go back home today and Hermione had this whole plan for tomorrow morning. It's the last Christmas she'll be able to spend with her dad."
"What?" Draco asked, surprised. The last Christmas she'll be able to spend with her dad?
"Yeah, her dad has cancer. He -- wait, she hasn't told you?"
Everything was clicking together now. The time she came to patrols crying, the way she would just give up when arguing with him, how her eyes always had that sadness in them that never seemed to go away, the way she'd walk into the Great Hall for breakfast on some mornings and sit down, not saying anything to her friends. Everything made sense now.
He's been going mad, trying to figure out why she always had that emotion in her eye. Why didn't she just tell him when he was being such a prat to her when she came to patrols crying? Why did she have to keep it from him for so long? He wouldn't have been as difficult if she just told him.
Hermione came out of the bathroom, wearing muggle clothing with a cloak over it that looked much more comfortable than the dress in her hands.
He started panicking in his head when he realized she was wearing the cloak he put over her last night when Madam Pomfrey told him to.
"Why didn't you tell me that your dad was sick?" he asked her.
Hermione stopped abruptly in her steps. She glared at Ginny, who had a guilty expression on her face.
"I did tell you. When I came to patrols late on your birthday. Remember?" she said, trying to keep her voice from faltering. She wasn't ready to talk to him so soon.
"You just told me he was sick. As if he had a cold or fever or something, Granger."
"I'm sure you remember me crying about it, Malfoy. I wouldn't have done that if he just had a cold. Even you know that."
"Maybe you would have. I didn't know you that well."
"Why do you even care?" Hermione asked, ice in her voice. She wanted him to leave right now. Why was he still here? There was no reason for him to talk to her now that he ripped the bracelet off his wrist.
Because he's in love with you, Hermione. How do you not see that? Ginny desperately wanted to say what she was thought, but it wasn't her place to.
Did she not see the look in his eyes right now? He wasn't even trying to mask the feelings he felt at the moment.
Draco ran his fingers through his hair frustrated. He didn't know how to answer that question.
"It's just something you should have at least mentioned."
"I did mention it."
"Something you should have cleared up! You know what I bloody mean."
"What good would it have done if I told you? It's my business and I'll tell whoever I want to." She crossed her arms over her chest. The expression on the girl's face was so unlike her.
Because I fucking care. But he couldn't tell her that.
"It would have made things a little easier."
"A little easier? How would it have done that? Because of you, there's a colossal amount of things that aren't easier at all. Setting schedules for patrols, discussing things for the school, doing every one of our Head Boy and Girl duties. How would telling you about my dad make those things easier?" she explained, using her fingers to count out all the things she said.
She didn't understand what he meant. It would have been easier for him because if he knew that, he wouldn't have been going absolutely mad trying to figure out what was wrong with her.
When he didn't say anything, Hermione added, "Because of you, things are harder now. I'm in the Hospital Wing until tomorrow -- Christmas -- and all the plans made to make the day go by perfectly are ruined. Instead of getting up in the morning at my house and making breakfast for my parents, I'll be here. Instead of seeing the look on my dad's face when he sees the present I got him, I'll probably just start packing. Instead of watching a winter movie while eating popcorn and getting warmed by the fire, I'll just arrive there. Instead of the perfect, last Christmas I planned to make special for my dad, it'll be just a normal holiday for me. Even you should know that I'm crazy about making sure my plans go by flawlessly."
"You're blaming me for all of that?" Draco asked incredulously.
"Not exactly. Just what lead up to causing my plans to be ruined."
He ran his fingers through his hair again and Hermione had to look away. She still found that habit fairly attractive.
"Forget it, Hermione. Just forget everything. That'll probably make it easier for you."
She flinched at how he called her by her first name. "That's the hardest part."
"Then, that's too fucking bad," he muttered.
Hermione glared at him with so much intensity that he almost looked away.
"Go away. And have fun forgetting me." It killed her to just say the words that she taped to her window years ago. She couldn't even finish. Her heart was hurting and she couldn't choke the rest of the words out.
"I sure will," Draco said, lingering there for another moment and seeing the pained look on Hermione's face before he walked out of the Hospital Wing.
She slowly made the rest of the way to her bed and laid down, her back facing Ron and Ginny. The last sentences of the letter he wrote years ago floated in her head.
I'll never take the bracelet off and I'll never forget you. I promise.
Rubbish.
- x -
A/N: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am endlessly sorry. Two months since I last updated? Oh, I'm terrible. I can't believe I kept you guys waiting for that long; it seemed so little time for me. I sort of got writer's block in the beginning of this chapter and I gave up on it for a little(which is absolutely horrible). But when I got past it, which was just recently, I couldn't stop writing. This chapter was originally supposed to be Hermione's holiday back home, but as I said, I couldn't stop writing. Did you guys like it? Maybe you didn't because of this whole Draco-and-Hermione-are-mean-to-each-other-now thing. It'll get better! I promise. (And I won't break it like Draco.)
Don't give up on me, and please proceed to reviewing. (: