AN: Hey lovies! How are you today/tonight? Hope this chapter finds you well. So, just a quick FYI – now that I am back in school, the chapters will come when they can. I think I stated this before, but I just wanted to repeat. Enjoy!

Special thanks to my awesome beat ARenee363 – she gives my story feeling (and if you're not reading her stories, you're missing out)! Also, to Zhivago3, she tells me when shit doesn't make sense. Love you darlings!

Disclaimer: Twilight is owned by SMeyer. I would be rich otherwise.

Chapter 13 – Staring at the Sun

EPOV

"When will Bella be coming home for the wedding?" I asked my sister trying to sound disinterested. I caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror and knew I hadn't succeeded. I was hoping to see Bella again. I wanted to talk to her face-to-face. I wanted to tell her what was going on in my life now that I was no longer working at the hospital.

"I wish you two would grow the fuck up already," she mumbled. She was staring into her date book while the seamstress was working on my tuxedo. I looked at her through the mirror and I could see she was angry.

"What was that?" I asked, giving her a pointed look.

"Nothing dear brother," she replied, rolling her eyes. "The answer you seek you will not like," she continued cryptically.

"Uh, yes or no, Alice?"

"No," she sighed. "She isn't coming."

"What? Owww!" I turned quickly to look at my sister causing the seamstress to poke me with the pin in her hand. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Bella and Alice were joined at the hip at one point. Besides not wanting to see me, she should have been coming.

"Sir, you need to stand still," the seamstress admonished.

"Sorry," I said getting back into position. "What do you mean she isn't coming? I would have thought she would definitely be here. She can't miss your wedding. She's your best friend!" I argued. She needed to be here for the wedding. I needed her to be here. I couldn't understand why she would miss it.

"Well, technically she won't be missing the wedding. She'll be on webcam. You know I can't not have her here and it was the only thing she would agree to do," Alice said sounding disappointed.

"Webcam? Is it because of me? Is she still angry with me over what happened?" I asked even though I knew the answer.

"Don't flatter yourself, Edward. Though it is hard to forgive you for that, Edward, I can't say I blame her. But that's a small part. There are other things going on with her as well. She isn't ready to share them with the family," she answered. "You'll see what I mean soon enough, hopefully."

I thought over what Alice said. I wouldn't be able to forgive someone who did what I did either. I still wanted to explain to her what had happened. I wanted to let her know how sorry I was for everything I did and thought. She didn't deserve anything I did, but at the same time, there was a fucked up explanation for it all.

Spring 2002

"Great job, Dr. Cullen! I think you have a future yet. Keep up the good work and you'll be Chief Resident sooner than later," Dr. Volturi said, patting me on the back.

"Thanks," I replied shyly.

We had just come out of a complicated double transplant surgery. The patient was getting a new kidney and liver. The heart began to give out mid-surgery and I managed to save the patient and, consequently, the hospital from a possible lawsuit. I had only lost one person before – a father whose gun went off while he was cleaning it. I had tried everything to save him, but the bullet that was used ricocheted inside his body, hitting major organs. It was one of the worst things to go through, but I was grateful that I had Bella to comfort me. She kept me strong letting me know that I was still a good doctor and, as much as I wanted, I couldn't save everybody.

But I just saved somebody and I wanted to share my accomplishment with Bella. I was about to call her and tell her the good news when I heard kissing noises coming from behind me. I turned around and saw Tanya standing there with a smirk on her face. She was leaning against the nurses' station with a chart in her hands.

"What's going on, Tanya?" I asked trying to hide the annoyance in my voice.

"You are such a kiss ass, Edward," she said as she walked over to me. "Trying to play the modest doctor with the Chief? Come on, there's only one reason you would pretend to be humble," she mused.

"Oh? And what's that?" I crossed my arms in front of me waiting for her reply. I was getting annoyed with her and all I wanted to do was call Bella.

"Well, to get into the good graces of the one who has power to promote you, of course! Edward, you know you're good. Hell even I'll admit it," she moved closer to me. "You don't need to act with the Chief. He loves you anyway."

"I highly doubt that, but whatever. What do you want, Tanya? I need to call my fiancé," I told her firmly.

"Right, your fiancé... I actually wanted to talk to you about her…" she started. I waited for her to continue, but I could see she was just goading me. She reached out to touch me, but I backed away before she could.

"What about her?" I sighed.

"Oh, nothing special. You sure she's the right one for you? I mean, really, wouldn't you want someone a little more…I don't know…like you? Smart, beautiful, rich? She just seems so…plain to me. Oh, and the company she keeps is a bit suspect," she said smugly.

"Why the fuck are you telling me this, Dr. Denali?" I seethed.

"Oh, how formal! Did I get under your skin?" she mocked.

"Bella is the perfect woman for me. She is smart, she is beautiful and she is definitely classier than you will ever be. Now, if you don't mind, I have patients to look after." I was fuming. I walked away before she could say anything more.

I needed the fresh air so I stepped out into the courtyard. I couldn't deal with her anymore. Every day it was something new with Tanya. I didn't know what she had against Bella, but she would always put her down any chance she had. It was irritating and no matter how many times I told her to stop, she would continue. She wanted me to doubt Bella. Doubt my love for her, doubt her love for me. That would never happen.

Bella and I were meant to be together and nothing could or would change that.

"The company she keeps is a bit suspect."

I didn't question Tanya about that statement, but it was grating on me now. What did she mean? Bella only hung out with my sister and Rosalie…and Jacob. Did Tanya know something about Jacob? About Bella and Jacob? How did she even know Jacob? He had never been to the hospital and I didn't know how else they could have possibly met. I wanted to turn back and ask her, but if I did, she would know that she got under my skin. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

I shook the thought from my mind quickly. I knew Bella and Jacob were close and they were together all the time now since his move to Seattle months ago. She was his only friend here and she had been helping him with his new business. I trusted Bella completely and I finally grew to somewhat trust Jacob as well. At least, I hoped I could trust him. Bella said I could, I had to believe her.

The phone was still in my hand; I was surprised that I hadn't chucked it at Tanya's head for the shit she said about Bella. I pressed the speed dial button for Bella. The phone rang several times. I checked the time on my watch. She wasn't in class so she should have been answering. I was about to disconnect when she finally picked up.

"Jacob, stop that!" she laughed. "No! Edward, hol-" I heard her moan. What the fuck? Was he touching her? Did he have his hands on my woman? I was seeing red and all I wanted to do was crawl through the phone and kick Jacob's ass.

"The company she keeps is a bit suspect…"

"Oww, Bella! Those are my balls!" I heard Jacob scream on the other end.

"Serves you right! Edward?" she asked as she caught her breath. "You still there?"

"Did I interrupt something?" I snarled. "Sounds like you two were getting cozy."

"Huh? No, Edward, not at all. He was tickling me and wouldn't stop-"

"He had his hands on you?"

"Oh, come off it, Edward! You know nothing was happening. I was proofing a new brochure he was putting together for the shop. He didn't like that I was making his paper bleed from all the markups, so in retaliation he started tickling me. He took the phone from me when you called. It took me a second to get it back, but I did and then I kneed his balls," she explained. I could hear her smile through the phone and damn it if it wasn't lightening my mood.

"Are you sure?" I questioned, hoping that was the truth. We had gotten to the point in our relationship that we didn't lie or hold anything back.

"Yes," she answered with an exasperated sigh. "Now, what can I do for my favorite fiancé?"

"Favorite? I hope I'm the only one," I teased.

She giggled and the sound warmed my heart. I couldn't be mad at her and from what she told me, she could hold her own against Jacob.

"Of course, Edward. I love you, baby." I heard Jacob mocking her in a high pitched voice.

"Do I need to go over there and kick his ass?" I hoped so.

"No. So what's going on? How's your day going so far?" she asked, genuinely interested.

"Great! We had the transplant surgery today-"

"Oh that's right! How did it go? I'm sure you did well, you always do!" she proclaimed proudly.

"Yeah, I rocked, like always. Dr. Volturi was impressed, too. That's a good thing. He's already talking promotion. It's too soon still, but I'm on his radar and that's what counts," I stated.

"That's awesome, Edward, and you deserve the praise. You bust your ass all the time to impress them; I know it'll bring good things for you. I'm really happy for you!"

"Thanks, love. Hey, want to celebrate tonight? I don't have any more surgeries scheduled today so I should be getting out of here at a decent time. What do you say? Dinner later?"

"Oh," she said replied with a hint of disappointment. "I had promised Jacob that I would help him with the brochure tonight. He wanted to get it sent off to the printers first thing in the morning."

I didn't say anything. I wanted to rip Jacob's throat out for monopolizing Bella's time. He had no right to demand anything from her, but, of course, I knew she offered. I could see he was taking advantage of her. I didn't care how much Bella told me otherwise, I didn't trust Jacob.

"Edward?"

"Yeah."

"I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you, I swear. I'll make your favorite dish," she apologized. "I'm really, really sorry, Edward."

"You knew I had the surgery today. You knew I was stressing over it for the last few days. I was hoping to relax with you tonight." I knew I shouldn't, but I was giving her the guilt trip. She never turned me down.

"I know, Edward. I feel horrible, but I promised and he has to get these out before morning." She was pleading for me to understand. It was hard for me to understand why she would choose the mutt over me. I was her fiancé, not him. He could have gotten anyone to help him out, but he was being a cheap bastard. More importantly, he was trying to weasel himself into her pants.

I couldn't let her know I was upset. She was feeling bad enough as it was, I didn't need to add anymore angst.

"It's fine, Bella," I said, straining to sound normal so she wouldn't hear the anger in my voice. "I'll be fine. I'll stay longer at the hospital. I could use the extra shift anyway."

"Thanks, Edward! Thank you for understanding."

I nodded before realizing she couldn't see me. "Sure. I'll see you later tonight."

"Yeah. I love you, Edward," she breathed out.

"Love you, too." I shut my phone off and walked back into the hospital. Unfortunately for me, Tanya was still around.

"You look like a dog just chewed your favorite Playboy magazine. Wanna talk about it?"

"Shut up, Tanya. Isn't there some patient you should be checking on or something?" I spat at her.

"No, I made my rounds while you were on the phone. So what happened? Did she choose the mechanic over you?"

I stopped in my tracks. "How did you know that Bella's friend was a mechanic?"

"I saw them together when I dropped my car off to get serviced. Surely, Bella told you who financed the shop for…Jacob, is it?" I nodded. "Yeah. My father was the one that foot the bill. Jacob is a great mechanic. Very handy, very hands-on," she smirked. I wanted to wipe the smirk off her face, but at least the mystery of how she knew Jacob was solved.

"What are you trying to say?" I questioned. She was baiting me. She was trying to make me jealous and damn it, she was succeeding. "What are you gaining from saying this shit to me?"

She shrugged and stepped right in front of me. She was so close to me I could smell the mint of her lip gloss. "I told you. You should be with someone your own kind." She began to toy with the lapel of my lab coat. Her smell was intoxicating and I was angry – jealous – enough to want to kiss her.

I stepped away before I regretted doing something I shouldn't have been thinking. I might have been jealous but I trusted Bella and she would never do anything to hurt me or ruin our relationship. No matter what Jacob tried, no matter what Tanya said.

"Go away, Tanya. Leave me alone. You don't know what you're talking about and I don't need you trying to seduce me. I'm never leaving Bella," I stated firmly.

"Suit yourself," she said backing away. "You know where to find me if you change your mind." She gave me a wink before turning and walking away.

I couldn't be in the hospital anymore. My mind was a mess between Bella choosing Jacob and Tanya's attempts at seduction. I was stressed out when I should have been celebrating the success of the surgery. I was no good to my patients in my current state of mind.

Dr. Volturi gave me the okay to go home citing my good work in the operating room. I took the opportunity and left. I didn't want to go home to an empty apartment, knowing that Bella was with another man so I drove around gathering my thoughts.

Bella with another man – with Jacob. I had to see for myself. What was really going on with them when I wasn't around? Was Tanya telling me the truth? I had no reason to believe Tanya; she'd been after me for as long as I could remember. I had Bella. I'd known Bella forever.

"Fuck!" I screamed, hitting the steering wheel. I hadn't noticed where I was driving until I saw the sign for Jacob's shop. I guess a surprise visit was in order. It was close to dinner time so I stopped off at a nearby Thai restaurant to pick up some food. They had to eat, right? I was going to be the good dutiful fiancé and bring food to my future wife and her friend.

I plastered a fake smile on my face and waltzed into the shop. I didn't see them so I knew they were in the back office. My steps were halted when I heard the sounds coming from the office. The door was ajar so I had no idea how they were situated, but I heard them clearly.

"Oh yeah, right there," Bella said, her voice thick with what I could only assume was lust. "Shit," she gasped.

"Is that good?" he whispered.

"Yes…ahhhhh… don't stop," she moaned.

I was torn between leaving and running as far away as possible – I lost my fiancé to a fucking dog! – or storming in and demanding what the hell was going on. My feet made the decision before my brain did as I kicked the door open.

"Edward!"

"What the fuck, man!"

They both screamed at the same time. They were standing up startled at my abrupt entrance.

"What the hell is going on? I thought you were working on brochures," I mocked. "I come here bringing food because I feel bad and I hear moans!"

"Edward, calm the fuck down, this instant! We are working on the damn brochures and Jacob was giving me a massage," she angrily explained. "What is wrong with you? You know I would never do anything with Jacob, he is just a friend." I saw a flicker of disappointment in Jacob's eyes. He really did think he still had hope with Bella.

I finally surveyed the room. They were both dressed, even if a bit haggardly from working all day. Bella's hair was up in a bun held by a pencil. She was standing in front of a rolling desk chair while Jacob was in front of a stool. The stool was good height to give a massage and look over her shoulder. I felt like an ass. So as a good ass, I went on the defensive anyway.

"Bella, he had his hands on you and you were allowing it. Anybody walking by would have thought you two were having sex! What the fuck did you expect me to think?" I spat out.

"Oh, get a grip! Why are you even here? You said you were working late."

"I wanted to surprise you with food, but I guess the only surprised one is me. I'll leave you two…alone," I said through gritted teeth.

I backed out of the office, heading back towards the entrance.

"Edward, wait!" Bella called after me.

I let her catch up before turning around. "What, Bella? You're busy, I'll let you be."

She let a long breath. "I'm sorry if you thought something was going on. I was getting a slight headache and I was tensing up from working on this thing with him. He was just soothing my shoulders. Honest. And, I love the surprise," she said smiling up at me. "Stay. Please?" She looked at me with those beautiful big brown eyes, my undoing. I couldn't say no to her no matter how upset I was.

I nodded. "Can I just get a breather first before going back in there? I'm sure Jacob isn't too happy either right now."

"He'll be okay, as long as you don't pull anymore territorial crap," she smirked. I knew she hated when I became too possessive, but she secretly enjoyed it as well.

"Can I get a kiss from my future wife?" Her eyes lit up and she rose up on her toes and planted a wet kiss on my lips.

"Happy now?"

"Better, yes."

We went back to the office. I mumbled a quick apology to Jacob and set the food on the desk. Bella was excited that I remembered her favorite Thai dish and she quickly dug in.

"Hey, save some for the dogs, will ya?" Jacob commented. Bella muttered an unintelligible expletive through a mouth full of food. We had a good laugh and the tension soon drifted out.

I still had the nagging thought in my head that there was more going on between them. Fucking Tanya.

July 2006

"You ready man?" I asked Jasper.

"As I'll ever be," he replied, straightening his bowtie.

"You don't…uh…have any deep dark secrets to tell her right?" I joked. He apparently didn't find it funny since he didn't laugh.

"No, everything's out in the open with Alice. I don't keep secrets from her. Never have, never will," he stated. "What about you? Are you ready to see Bella?"

"Umm…yeah, I think I am, though Alice keeps mentioning some surprise and being all cryptic. I was shocked that Bella didn't come in for the wedding. I was hoping…" I trailed off. God, how I wished she was actually here.

I was nervous to see her, even if she was just on a screen. I hadn't seen her, not even a photo, since she left our wedding. I wondered how much she had changed since then, or if she looked the same. I didn't realize I was shaking until Jasper mentioned it.

"I'm okay, honest," I said letting out a deep breath. I wiped my clammy hands on my pants.

"Edward, you look like you're the one getting married, not me," Jasper joked. "You sure, you're alright? She won't physically be here, you know?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I know. I'm fine."

Emmett had been noticeably quiet until I heard him snort in the corner.

"What's your problem?" I asked.

"You lie like a dog. You're afraid to see Bella and you should be. From what Rosie tells me, Bella's been doing well for herself. Very well," he chuckled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snarled. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what he was talking about. Between Jasper and Emmett, they were giving me a headache with all of their cryptic talk. It was annoying.

"You'll see soon enough and I'll be honest with you. I don't know if you will like it. It's su-"

Emmett was cut off by the knocking on the door. Our father peeked in.

"It's show time guys! Need you three up front pronto. I have a daughter to give away now," he smiled. My brother and future brother-in-law left, I followed behind, but was stopped by my father when he placed a hand on my arm.

"What is it?" I asked.

He glanced around not meeting my eyes. When he finally did look at me I saw worry etched in his face. "Don't…" he paused, it seemed, to look for the right word. "Don't overact." Before I could respond he walked out.

I was getting pissed off with everyone being so secretive. I knew it had something to do with Bella and everyone thought I wouldn't be able to handle what I would see. Perhaps she brought a "date" to the wedding and that was why everyone was concerned with my reaction. I remembered that she had dated in the years since we split. I was prepared for that. At least, I thought I was.

I made my way up the makeshift aisle, stopping every few feet to say hello to a family member or family friend. When I finally reached the front, I took my place and looked across where the bridesmaids would stand, but where a laptop was currently sitting on top of a chair.

There was Bella looking as beautiful as she did on our own wedding day. Her hair was up with small tendrils framing her face. The makeup was light as it always was with her since she hated wearing the stuff. I chuckled lightly at the fact that my sister coerced Bella to get dressed and made up as if she were actually at the ceremony. I was so entranced by my Bella's beauty that I did not notice the person sitting next to her until I saw Bella's mouth move to talk.

There was a pretty, olive-toned woman next to Bella. She was definitely easy on the eyes, but she didn't hold a candle to Bella. I wondered if she was a co-worker or a new friend. I had a feeling that Bella brought a friend so she wouldn't have to endure this alone. She always needed that support system and moving away she was without Alice and Rosalie to help her.

Bella still hadn't noticed me, her attention solely on the person at her side. They were deep in conversation, leaning towards each other. I saw the other woman caress Bella's cheek. I furrowed my brow at the intimacy. I turned to Emmett.

"Who is that with Bella?" I asked.

"Uh…" He rubbed at his forehead avoiding eye contact. "That's Zafrina," he mumbled.

"Who is she though?"

When I turned back to the screen, my question was answered as Bella's and Zafrina's lips were engaged in a kiss. It wasn't a very passionate kiss, but it was more than chaste. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought back to New Year's when I overheard the girls talking to Bella about a kiss she shared with another woman. I thought it was a onetime thing, but apparently I was wrong.

"Dude, that's hot," Emmett exclaimed loudly. I shoved him to quiet him down, but Bella had heard. I could see the blush in her face even from where I was standing. She must not have thought she was being watched, and truthfully the only ones who could see her were me, Jasper and Emmett.

I didn't know what to think. My Bella with another woman, with anyone other than me, just seemed wrong. My heart ached at the sight. She was meant to be with me only. I was supposed to win her back. I was going to tell her how much I missed her and how much I changed. I wanted to let her know that she was the only one for me ever.

My fists clenched at my sides; I wanted to punch something, someone. I wanted to run out of the hall, I wanted to escape. The music started though and I couldn't get away. I let the ceremony distract me from the vision of Bella and Zafrina. My little sister was beautiful as always. I played my part of best man, handing over the rings when needed.

The rest of the wedding went without a hitch. I plastered a dutiful smile on my face for pictures, but I sulked when I wasn't being watched. My mind just couldn't get around what I saw on that computer screen.

My decision to leave the country was solidified. I had a glimmer of hope that after speaking to Bella we would try again, but it was futile attempt. Now leaving the country as planned was going to happen.

After I handed in my resignation months ago, I had worked to open a clinic in one of the poorest areas of Brazil. My family thought I was crazy for going so far away, but it was what I needed. I couldn't stay in the country knowing I could get on a plane any second and be tempted to demand that Bella take me back. It was counterproductive. I needed this time to get myself together and grow. My father was supportive of my ideas and even helped to get the ball rolling for me.

"Dad, can I talk to you a minute?" I tentatively asked after stepping into his home office. I had come over to the house to visit my mother, something I had neglected to do in the time after the wedding. I never realized how much I was missing out while brooding over myself. My mother hadn't complained, but I knew it bothered her that I stopped visiting.

"Sure, Edward," he replied looking up from the patients' records. I sat down across from him and took a deep breath before speaking.

"I'm resigning," I spoke quickly. If I didn't get it out fast, I would have chickened out. I had made the choice to resign, but having it said allowed for the first time made it almost final.

My father didn't say anything at first, digesting the two words spoken. He looked at me thoughtfully then asked, "Why?"

There were plenty of reasons but I said the first one that stood out the most for me. "The hospital - my job as a doctor at the hospital, my ambition - is the reason that that my relationship with Bella fell apart."

"Really? Not the fact that you cheated on her?" he asked sardonically.

I sighed. That was the obvious reason, but the less obvious ones were the fact that all the time I spent away from Bella made us, made me, more irrational. She wasn't with me so she was with Jacob more. I grew jealous and it made me stupid. I told my father all of this and he listened, silently agreeing with me.

"So what do you plan on doing then?"

"I want to open a clinic," I began.

"That sounds noble."

"In Brazil," I finished. I ran my hand nervously through my hair waiting for his response.

His eyes went wide, but he quickly composed himself. "Oh, umm…why Brazil?'

"I think I need a little humility in my life. I take too many things for granted and it ruined me, it ruined Bella. I still want to be a doctor, but I think I need to get away from the big city for a while. I need to get myself together if I plan on having a chance with Bella. There's too much shit…er, stuff…around here, the further away I am, the better. I'm tired of destroying everything in my life. I want to know that I can do something good and build people up. Mend instead of destroy." I looked up at my father seeing understanding in his eyes.

"I admire that you want to change and help others. I know I don't say it often, but I am proud of you, Edward, even with all of your mistakes and I am glad that you're willing to do this for you, for Bella and, indirectly, the people in Brazil," he stated.

I smiled. It felt good to get my father's approval. I knew I was a disappointment to him these last couple of years, so I was happy that he readily agreed to helping me get the contacts I needed.

I watched the laptop during the reception. Alice demanded that Bella stay around for the festivities after the ceremony. I saw Bella dancing with Zafrina, I saw them share chaste kisses. Every once in a while she would sit down and look closely at her screen, her face scrunched up in concentration searching for something or, perhaps, someone. I wondered if she was looking for me, but I didn't want to assume anything. I stopped being presumptuous a long time ago. It didn't get us anywhere but heartbroken.

Still, I couldn't help wonder what she was thinking. If somewhere in her mind she thought of me as much as I thought of her, or even a little bit. I knew her all too well though. She seemed happy, but her eyes were missing that spark that she had when we were together. We might have had our disagreements, but regardless, she had a shine, a glow, if you will, about her. My heart ached knowing I was the cause of her losing that light and, from what I'd seen, she hadn't recovered. Neither had I.

I hoped leaving to Brazil, and leaving the old life behind, would allow me to start new, start fresh and grow. I needed to get my priorities in order and I considered this my therapy. It was possible that I could lose Bella forever, but it was the choice I made and I needed to follow through. I made enough bad choices to last a lifetime.