Leave Out All the Rest

Chapter 14: The Old and New Friends

POV: Emily

I was walking towards my next lesson, heading towards the greenhouses where we Gryffindors had Herbology with the Ravenclaws, when I noticed a shadow following after mine. There had been a lot of thoughts running circles inside my head, that for the last seven floors of the castle, for the last exit of the main corridor, for the last pathway of grass that I passed, I thought that extra shadow was a part of my mess of a brain. But taking the opportunity to look over my shoulder as a group of First Years passed me, I noticed that that shadow following after mine belonged to no one other than James Sirius Potter himself.

I sighed, turning back to the grassy field ahead of me as James shoved the younger students away from him; before he could spot me noticing him and he could take that as an initiative to talk to me.

On most days, I'd jump on the wagon to share a few conversations with James. There was something about him, something about the way his words flowed and dug their way into my eardrums that I loved. It was like everything that he said, every little syllable that came out of his mouth were so carefree. It was like he was carefree, and that all he had to give was laughter and charm. He was that type of light that you'd follow down dark roads—down those treacherous roads that's all that I have in front of me.

But it was on days like these, on days where I just wanted him and his damn need to watch over me to be as far away as possible. I needed to be alone, I needed to sort myself out, and I couldn't do that with his need to repay me back for taking the torture curse for him my First Year, following after me every second.

"—Emily!"

But just as I could see James' shadow getting closer to align next to mine, it stopped completely in its tracks as my best friend's voice echoed towards me.

I turned around and I saw Scorpius Malfoy rushing towards me, his robes flapping all around him as the wind blew past him. There was this emotion on his expression, something hard in his eyes as he stopped running when I stopped walking.

And probably noticing the same thing—and not wanting to be around when Scorpius got closer, James slowly retreated from his attempt of following after every step I took. He gave me a small smile, the type of smile that would make you think of defeat. His brown eyes matching it as he gave his back to me and headed back towards the castle; his head down all along the way.

Feeling a little nervous at what was coming towards me, I tried pulling on the best smile I could muster. "Hey, Scor."

"Why was Potter following you, Emily?" He said instantly, brushing off my failed greeting.

I raised my eyebrow at him, obviously taken aback. "I..erm..I didn't even notice, honestly."

He frowned. "If he did something to you, Emily, you can tell me."

"What? No, of course not. Why would you say that?" I gaped at him. "James hasn't done anything, Scorpius."

"I'd probably believe that, Em, if you hadn't been acting so bizarre lately. And it seems like every time something is wrong with you, Potter's not that far behind you, following you."

Sighing lightly, not wanting to get into this, I adjusted the strap of my schoolbag as more nervousness seeped into my skin. "Scorpius, I'm fine. Honestly. And, well, James is just being who he always is. You know that he's taken it upon himself to act like my shield. It's like that one time in our Fourth Year, remember? I broke my wrist during a Care of Magical Creatures lesson and he went to class with me for a week?"

If I'd been depending on my life for Scorpius' frown to disappear, I'd be dead because it did not dissolve with my explanation. "Alright, that sorts out Potter, but what about you, then? What about all this…There's something wrong, Emily. I know you."

Something sunk in my chest as a venomous thought awoke inside my head. A thought that wanted me to tell him that he didn't know me; that he only knew what I wanted him to know and what he wanted to believe.

It hurt me, but I wouldn't lie to myself. Scorpius and I have been inseparable since our First Year; he had taken this clear liking over me and I over him. There was this way that we sort of completed each other. I was his softness, his free pass to be himself whenever he went too long pretending to be whatever it is that he thought he needed to be during a week. And he, to me, was the closest feel to warmth and affection I was ever going to get.

But telling him the truth, letting him be my free pass—well, I never saw that happening. I knew that I would always just continue smiling at him when he needed a smile; I'd listen to him when he needed to be heard; I'd squeeze his hand, hug him when he most needed comfort, but I was never going to give him the girl on that dark and lonely road.

"We're best friends, right? You and I?" And almost like he had read my thoughts, his grey eyes pierced mine with sadness instead of that irritation he'd had earlier. "At least that's what I've assumed for the previous four years."

I swallowed, guilt taking over me as the wind blew roughly past us and I tried not to shiver. "…We are."

"…I'm going to sound like a bloody girl," he mumbled, more to himself than me. He paused for a moment, looking down at the grass beneath our feet; shaking his head, making the blonde strands sway in front of his eyes.

And after another moment of silence, after a few other mumbles that I didn't quite catch, he looked up at me. Blankness taking over every centimeter of his face—that way it usually looks when he's about to say something that's been killing him to hold in. "…Being best friends means trusting one another, Emily. Trusting one another unconditionally." He mumbled to himself again, distracting himself for a second. "Like how I trust you. You know that I…that I care so much about you, but I've noticed something secret in your eyes. Something that has to do with what I know you're not telling me.

"…For the past four years, I tried pretending like I didn't see it; like it was a girl thing that I'm better off not knowing. But then, after time…I wasn't the only one noticing it. Al saw it, Nia and Rose did too—blimey, even Liam saw it and he doesn't realize much of anything. But, because I felt like I owed it to you, I convinced them all, convinced myself, that it was just you…But, you know, Em, we're not stupid."

I clutched onto the strap of my schoolbag even tighter, feeling the air suddenly become cooler than I know it was. I felt dizzy, almost like I was about to blackout. "I never assumed that you were," I breathed to him, letting a gust of oxygen shakily escape my lungs. "But, honestly, Scorpius, I'm fine. Same old Emily."

His silvery eyes were back to being angry, more frustrated.

I blinked away from him, looking down at his shoes as I attempted not to let the guilt burn me if I continued looking into his eyes. I inhaled once more, my thoughts demanding that I turned on my heels and leave him standing on his own; my venomous thoughts telling me that there was no point to this pointless conversation because there was no use arguing with the truth.

Letting one another minute pass us, I gathered all my courage and blinked back to him. "You're my friend, Scorpius. If anything was wrong, I'd tell you. I swear. Right now…I'm just feeling a little off, but it's nothing. I'm fine."

"Who are you trying to convince that there isn't anything wrong with you, me or you?" And now, he glared at me; looking at me so intently in a way that he's never had before. "Are you so caught up with all your lies that you can't seem to distinguish which ones are real?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, the guilt disappearing a little. "I'm not a liar."

He huffed, shaking his blonde hair at me. "If there's anything that has ever crossed my head, you know it, Emily, because you're my best friend. But clearly, that's how it's always been."

And not knowing where this was coming from, not knowing how to subdue those disastrous thoughts that shouldn't have been in my head at all, I said in the lowest, most unmoved tone that I've spoken with, "maybe all along we weren't really friends."

His anger was instantly wiped away; his face was now just surprised and unsure.

In my head, I knew that I was playing a part, that I was being an over-dramatic witch who needed a way out. I knew what I was doing, I knew why I took every step that I took, and this was no different. I needed to breathe. I needed to deal with what was weighing me down on my own; so it would never hurt Scorpius or the others if it were to come out. It was my problem, my pressure, my secret—and I loved him too much to let him hold it for me.

"…So you're just throwing it away, our friendship?" He kicked a pebble with his left shoe, waiting a moment before looking at me. And right as he did, my heart broke into a thousand pieces. The silver that was always so glowing in his eyes was now twisted into a miserable color; into a heartbroken stare.

"I'm late to class," I responded, gripping the strap of my schoolbag and walking past him. Every step that I was taking away from him hurting me, killing me even more because all I wanted to do was hold onto him; to tell him that I loved him and that he was the realest thing I had.

X

Ding. Ding. Ding.

"Remember, children—" I blinked, unaware of what was going on around me as I saw the Astronomy teacher, Professor Sinistra smiling hugely at us; halting all the commotion that had sprung around me. "A diagram of the planet of your choice and a foot of parchment on the specific description of elements that your planet has provided the Wizarding World with is all due next lesson."

I stared, looking skeptically at the white-haired professor as a few students approached her; I barely heard their questions about the assignment as I looked down to the cloak I was sitting on. There were charts around me, a gold telescope, notes, and my quill and scraps of parchment that I don't remember using.

A foot or two away from me, Lysander Scamander, a blonde Fifth Year Gryffindor with deep blue eyes, was stuffing his charts into his schoolbag; jumping lightly on his feet as most of his belongings weren't going entirely into the bag. "Hey, Taylor," he called towards me, frowning to himself as he tossed me his wand, "you okay?"

I looked at his wand, my brows furrowing a little. "Yeah," I replied, but I was sure my tone contradicted with that. "I'm just sort of out of it tonight. I didn't even notice the day pass me by."

With his left fist now punching the contents inside his schoolbag, Lysander flashed his blue eyes at me for a moment, smiling dimly. "That tends to happen when there's a lot on your mind," he said to me. "Mum always says that the best thing to clear your head is a few good Wrakspurts, or to share those thoughts with someone else."

"I don't even know what a Wrackspurt is, Lysander, but if you know where to find one, let me know," I sighed, finally snapping out of my daze and gathering my stuff. "I doubt there's anyone who wants to hear my thoughts now."

He chuckled a lightly, absentmindedly, as he finally got the clutch of his schoolbag to close without anymore fighting. "You're never alone," he extended his hands to me. I placed his wand onto his left hand and on his right one, I extended my own hand. "Sometimes you feel like it, but you never really are. Wrackspurts, for instance, are always around your head; just like how your friends are always around your heart."

And as he helped me off the grass, I smiled softly at him. I never had much of a conversation with either of the Scamander twins, other than pleasant 'how are you's' or things related to homework, but I was pleasantly surprised to know that one of them was really sweet and really wise.

"The worst thing you could do, Taylor," he smiled back at me, adjusting the ruby and gold tie around my neck as it was knotted, looking like a parent would if their child was disgustingly dressed, "is seclude yourself. You don't want to go insane by the sound of just your voice."

As he said that, my heart fell and tumbled down to the pit of my chest as I remembered the pain and betrayed silver eyes that belonged to Scorpius Malfoy; I saw that defeated smile and worried brown eyes that were James Potter's; I saw glances of concern that came from Al, Liam, and Zabini; I saw the ignored attempts of support from Nia and Rose—I felt instantly sick. I was the queen of secluding.

With a whimsical expression on his face, that made him glow in the light of the moon, Lysander stepped away from me; probably feeling the pressure of my emotions and not being able to take them.(It was rumored that the Scamander Twins were allergic to bad vibes.) "I think I'll head over to the kitchens, get something before curfew ends. I'll grab you some pudding," he added, and then turned and went on his way.

And just as I knew it was safe that he was not going to turn around, just as I looked at my surroundings and saw no Astronomy students on the field, I threw my belongings back on the ground; tossing myself roughly along with it.

Ignoring the itchiness that was spreading on my exposed legs, on the back of my thighs from the blades of grass below me, I looked up towards the sky. There were so many dots, faraway points of gas that glittered so beautifully many lightyears away from us. They were so beautiful, so silent, and so eternal. And I wondered to myself, losing my thoughts for a moment to those points, if the stars could see us—if they could see me. I had heard it all before, of how most of the constellations were named after great warriors, after great people who had passed on. All of them combined, all of them magical and non-magical living as one.

I had once heard as a little girl that every star in the sky was a passing eye of every spirit that leaves the world; that every star was the essence of someone that used to be human, that used to breathe and live, but now served the purpose to watch over the ones they left behind.

And with my thoughts heading in that direction, the faint memory of a tall, dark-haired woman with unmoving eyes staring at me; looking at me with that barrier that keeps people out imprisoned my thoughts.

But before I could lose myself there, I was nudged lightly by someone's shoe. "Oi, are you alright?"

Opening my eyes, instantly shooting up into a sitting position as I half expected to hear a familiar voice but was instead met with one that I'd never heard before, I took out my wand in a flash.

"Whoa, hey. Relax," the boy smiled at me, his accented words tainted with a sort of aloofness. "I was just passing through and so you laying here. I thought you were passed out or something."

Lowering my wand a fraction away from his face, I noticed that his eyes were a golden shade; genuine gold shade, no flecks of brown or any other shade in them. His eyes were wide-set, almost alluring and mystical; the kind that would compel you without you even knowing it. He had ragged dark hair, pale skin like everyone else, and a smirk on his face that made sense that belonged there as I caught the gleam of his Slytherin-crest shine in the moonlight.

"…Sorry," I mumbled. "I just assumed most people were at dinner."

Chuckling a little to himself, a finger gently taping on his own lips, the boy smiled offhandedly. "I suppose I just wasn't hungry." I nodded, but before it could go into some sort of silence, he was quick to add, "Mind if I sit with you?"

A little skeptical, I gave him a firm nod.

"I'm Lance, by the way." He extended his large palm towards me. And as I stared at it for a moment, contemplating being friendly, I noticed that he had his white sleeves rolled up to his elbows, exposing the muscles of his forearms that would make any girl my age swoon. "Lance Greyback," he then smiled, perfect teeth gleaming.

"Emily Taylor," I squeaked, feeling a little startled by him and the warmth in his hand as I shook it. "Pleasure."

His smile was never fading, still gleaming as he still held onto my hand. "Emily Taylor, Gryffindor Fifth Year." I raised a surprised brow, and he chuckled. "I know quite a lot about you, Emily."

"You don't say," I muttered, pulling my hand away from his.

"Malfoy talks a lot about you," the Slytherin boy explained, "and seeing you around, noticing you, I can honestly see why he does. You're quite appealing."

And just before I could tell my brain not to dare to blush, my cheeks felt instantly warm; no doubt shading a color pink. "…All boys tell that to girls, don't they?"

"Some," he chuckled once more. "Most were charming, but none have quite caught my attention like you." His golden eyes stared right into mine, and surely enough, I was bewitched by them. "I'm sorry I'm being too blunt, but I'm just that type of person. I hope I'm not scaring you."

I cleared my throat, shaking my head lightly. "Erm…no."

He laughed louder at my tone, shaking his head at me. "Alright, what if I tell you more about me? Would you be less scared then?"

"I'm not scared," I told him bravely, "just a little…overwhelmed."

Ignoring my comment with a smirk, he lifted the Slytherin-crest from his robes and flashed it at me. "I'm a Slytherin," he said in a low voice, "Seventh Year. I'm a Chaser for my house's team, I'm seventeen—"

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, my skin feeling tight and stiff from the night chills.

He reached for my hand once more, ignoring the twitch I gave to pull back from him. "I just want to be friends with that girl I've heard so much about."

Even though I was blushing, some sort of tingle in my chest, I couldn't ignore this twinge inside my bones. It was this sensation, this little voice inside my head that told me I should be scared, that I should be running as fast as I could; putting distance between me and Lance Greyback.

But like it was habit for me to ignore the voices in my head, I smiled at him gently. "..I'd like that."