Chapter Fourteen

"Commander Wentworth, you will refrain from raising your voice in this house!" cried Lady Russel.

"Not until I have said my piece madam!"

"That is enough." The lady insisted. "I can see now that Anne has had a lucky escape. You will remove your ill manners and your quick temper from my house at once."

Frederick ignored her protests and tried to look round her to the one person that mattered. "Anne?"

"Anne has nothing to say to you-"

"I would prefer to hear it from her own lips if you do not mind." he growled.

"Well I do mind." argued back Lady Russel.

"Please!" Anne said loudly, stepping out in front of her Godmother. "Please, both of you stop this. Lady Russel please, give us just a moment. I wish to speak with the Commander in private."

"But Anne I cannot leave you alone with this … this …." Her Godmother eyed Wentworth with discontent. Frederick glared back at her, daring her to finish the sentence. "Sailor." she spat. "How do I know he will not force you into accepting him? He could compromise you in some way so you will have no choice."

Frederick surged forward, disgusted in her low opinion of him and the respect he had for not only Anne, but any woman. He may not be a Baronette, but he was a gentleman -soon to be officer in his Majesty's Navy and he would never ever force Anne to do anything.

Anne had already reacted, moving quickly between them. "Lady Russel please, Frederick-Commander Wentworth will not harm me. I trust him."

Lady Russel frowned. "I will station a footman outside this door." she hissed in a voice loud enough that Frederick could hear her, before leaving.

He rushed towards Anne, desperate to hear her tell him it was all folly. "Anne, Annie please, please, stop this madness. You must tell them the truth. Tell them that we want to marry." His voice fell to barely more than a whisper, his confidence suddenly escaping him. "That you want to be my wife."

"I cannot." she answered quietly.

"You will not." he seethed.

"Frederick you must see, this is in both our best interests, you will be free to-"

"Free! To what? To spend the rest of my life without you. Anne I love you, I wanted to share my life with you. I still do. Please just tell me you want that too. We can face all of this –them- together, we are strong you and I."

Anne felt her firmness failing and knew if she was not away from him soon, she would not be able to let him go, and yet let him go she must. She could only hope and wish and pray, they would someday somehow find their way back to one another. When he was made and settled, in one or two years, when she was of age, he could come back for her and she would go willingly. She would never –could never- love another, she knew that, she would wait for him. But to tell him that now would only prolong his torture. He would assure her he would wait for her too and go away to war with a mind not his own and likely fail at all he wished to accomplish and achieve and it would be her doing, just as her Godmother had warned.

Her father's opinion did not matter to her, she knew long ago she did not reach the lofty heights of the esteem and affection he held for Elizabeth, if it had been him only, she would have run away with Frederick just like they always did in their stories. But she thought of Mary, and her late mother who would not want to see them all at odds. Lady Russel was right about that too. What would her mother have thought of her putting her happiness above her family? And what of Frederick's happiness? He would be miserable for a time she was sure, but then he would recover and be a better man and better Captain for it. She was doing this for him.

"Commander Wentworth, I have released you from our engagement." Saying the words out loud nearly broke her. "I wish you nothing but luck and happiness in all your endeavours but I cannot give you what you desire. I will not marry you." Now. She added silently. She finally greeted his eyes and found only pain and wretchedness. "I am too young, you said so yourself once before. I was naïve and impetuous and I believed I was ready to become a wife, a Captains wife, but I have been persuaded to see reason and with it the error of my thinking and now I cannot in all good consciousness become what I can only see as a hindrance to your future prospects. Without me to tie you down, you can fulfil all of your ambitions, become the man you are meant to be."

"How can I think of a career, a life without you beside me Annie? You were to share in my success, you are supposed to be with me when I realise my dreams; you are my dream."

Tears were pricking her eyes, but she would not allow them to fall. "I am truly, truly sorry Commander, but I must ask you to leave this place. Please."

She went to the door, but like so many other times before, he moved swiftly in front of her blocking her exit. He grasped her by the shoulders and kissed her passionately. Much more passionately than the tender kisses they had shared since becoming engaged, and those had never been on the lips, always her forehead or wrist. He was forcing her to feel his pain, his love, all that he felt. For a moment he felt her give in and kiss him back, but then she turned her head away and broke their join. She pulled her head back shaking it violently and her eyes clenched shut. Fearing he had pushed her too far, he begged her forgiveness. "Annie I should not have been so forceful, so rough with you. You deserve better, but can you not see how you affect me?" he pleaded with her to understand. She opened her eyes and he looked into them intently. "I love you Annie."

She wanted to tell him she loved him too, that she would always love him, she wanted to scream it, but she gritted her teeth and remained quiet until she was sure she could control herself. "Please sir, you will address me as Miss Elliot."

"Oh it is Miss Elliot is it? After all our secluded talks, hours together unchaperoned and in secret, now you expect me to call you Miss Elliot and act indifferent towards you. To forget we were ever as close as two people can be. Tell me then Miss Anne, please tell me to my face you do not care for me. That you do not love me."

She had been expecting it, and dreading it. She could tell herself it was for his own good, that to hurt him was to ensure he had the future he deserved, but it was not that easy. How could she make herself tell him an outright lie? For that is what it would be. She was not sure she even had the strength left in her. She was using every ounce of energy she had to control her tears, to keep them at bay. "I cannot marry you." she repeated. He shook his head telling her that was not what he had asked and she knew it. "I shall always care for you Commander, as a good friend. I cannot tell you I do not love you."

He looked at her then with hope in his eyes and the pain was almost too much to bare, she did not know what hurt the most, seeing his heart break in front of her, or her feeling her own. "Because this dalliance we shared, was not real love." she finished.

She couldn't look at him now, but she knew he wished to interrupt, to argue, so she kept going. "You would soon come to realise that. As I have. Then you would be wishing yourself free of me. I am giving you that freedom now. Releasing you. Barely anyone knows of our … understanding." She couldn't bring herself to say the word engagement. "You will be free to seek out another more compatible woman who will be a good wife for you. One who will be there by your side always." Her voice was cracking. For the first time since they had met, she wished him gone from her sight. All the times she had protested and told him to leave, she had never truly meant it, but now, her heart in pieces, his agony etched into his handsome features, she did not want to look at him.

He was silent for what seemed to Anne like an eternity. His Arms dropped from her shoulders where she was sure he must have left a mark. Hope and warmth faded from his eyes, the softness of his features hardened and his body became rigid. He was shutting down, closing himself off from her, protecting his own heart, from her; the one who loved him most. To Anne that was the most heart wrenching of all.

"If this is your final say in the matter madam, I will take my leave. I will go from this awful place and leave you at the mercy of those you claim only have your best interests at heart. I will go and live my life and regret forever the day I met Miss Anne Elliot."

He turned and left without a look back. The door had barely closed behind him when Anne's legs gave way and she fell into a heap upon the ground. Hearing the Commander leave, her Godmother reappeared and came to kneel beside her precious Anne, taking her in her arms and holding her until her heaving sobs had turned to gentle snuffles. No matter how many times the elder lady reassured and attempted to comfort her, Anne was broken beyond help.

She had pushed away the person she loved most in her life. The first person since her mother, who had shown her any kind of care, attention or affection. She was bereft. She missed him desperately already, yesterday her future had been mapped out. She would marry the man she loved and follow him all over the world. Now she faced uncertainty and bleakness and above all loneliness, for she knew the moment he told her he would forever regret meeting her, she would never marry. She could not, for her heart and soul would always belong to him. They were no longer hers to give away. He would unknowingly carry them with him in all his adventures, fulfilling all of his dreams. While she remained with nothing but the emptiness that was left. Now she could no longer hope for a reconciliation with him, so she would endure, alone.

In time she was able to return home. Lady Russel escorted her, and Anne imagined, informed Elizabeth and her father of the latest developments. She stayed in bed much of the next day. She lay silently awaiting the sound of the gravel outside announcing a visitor, she had thought he would have come. Come to fight their case. She had already planned what she would say if he did, but he did not. She did not know what upset her more; the thought of having to turn him away again – or not having to.

She allowed herself two full days of mourning the life she would never have. On the third morning she left her chambers and ventured down to the dining room to break her fast. Fortunately, her lack of importance in the house meant her relations had already forgotten her turmoil, and were discussing the lack of appearance by the heir Mr Elliot. Anne sighed, both pleased they did not demand words from her, and angry for their lack of feeling. Had they not realised how in love with each other they were?

After her father and Elizabeth settled into their usual routines, she decided to go outside, perhaps some fresh air would clear her mind. Although she had not intended to, she ultimately found herself at 'their spot'. So many reminders, happy memories this place now held, were now blighted by that awful morning. She sat down on the log, the same one she had been sitting on when he had asked her to marry him, the same on they had been sitting on when she had told him it was over. The tears rolled down her cheeks freely. It felt freeing to let them out. Long and loud she cried. Even in the privacy of her own room she had kept her crying to a minimum, not wanting to draw anyone's attention. There she could finally release her grief and find the cathartic relief from it.

A breaking of twigs on the ground caught her attention and she looked up at a figure approaching.

He had come.