"Hello Ms. Everdeen." She said with a sly smile. At the sound of her voice, Peeta awoke with a start and looked around. He saw Coin standing against the doorframe and looked back at me alarmed. He stood up in front of me protectively.
"Why are you here?" He asked. "Don't you have better things to do? She's safe now. You won't get to her here." I could tell he was trying to be brave, but I could sense the fear in his voice. She stared at him with her icy grey eyes.
"I need to talk with Ms. Everdeen….alone." She said coldly.
Peeta laughed sarcastically. "Do you really think I would leave her alone with you?"
Coin smiled. That was dangerous. I hated when Coin smiled. "Do you honestly think you have a choice my dear?" I knew she was right. Even if Peeta wanted to protect me, if Coin wanted me alone, she would have me alone. Disrespecting her was dangerous, and Peeta was in enough danger as is.
"Its ok Peeta." I said, putting my hand on his arm. "I can handle myself. She won't hurt me. She can't." I looked past him towards Coin. I stared at her defiantly. Her eyes narrowed and I could see her weighing this statement. I was challenging her, but she knew I was right. The word had no doubt spread that I was ok, so if I dropped dead now, suspicion and mistrust would hang over her.
Peeta looked back and me and frowned. I could tell it was killing him to leave me. "I promised I would protect you." He whispered.
"I know, but I have to do this alone." I had to face her. I had to show that I wasn't afraid of her. No. That wasn't it. If I wasn't afraid of her I would be a fool. I had to show that even though I was afraid, I had the courage to stand up to her. I had to prove I was strong enough. He hung his head and looked to the floor. He debated what I had said for a moment, then nodded.
He walked towards the door past Coin, pausing to give her a look that suggested he would kill her if anything happened to me. She didn't acknowledge him. She was still staring at me. As Peeta walked out of the room and down the hallway, Coin closed the door behind him.
"So as I was saying, hello Ms. Everdeen." She smiled again. It made me shiver. The contrast between her tightly knit expression and the smile playing at her lips was unnatural. "We have a lot to discuss, you and I."
"O do we? About what?" I spit back at her.
"A little bird told me that you tried to disobey a direct order from me, and you tried to get one of our honest soldiers to disobey me as well. How do you think that looks for me Katniss?" I was taken aback when she said my name. It was too personal. I didn't like the way she addressed me, like a mother scolding her child.
When I didn't answer her, she continued. "You don't know?" Again I didn't answer. "It looks bad for me Katniss. It looks like the mockingjay defying the president. Saying that what I'm doing is wrong. You see, many of these people think of you as a hero. They see you as the savior of Panem, but you aren't the president are you? No. You have no idea what its like to rule. If you have any intentions of trying to come into power yourself, I would strongly suggest you drop them."
I scoffed at the idea and rolled my eyes. "Do you really think I want power, President Coin? If I wanted to be in charge right now, I would be." There it was. I had to be direct. I saw her eyes widen. This was a direct challenge. I was making a bold move by stating that I had more support then her.
I expected her to yell or continue scolding me, but instead, she laughed. It was a short, maniacal laugh. I realized I had never heard her laugh before, and honestly I didn't think she was capable of it. "O please, save it. If you're trying to scare me, it will never work." She turned away from me and strolled around the room, casually picking up and smelling the flowers that people had sent for me.
"You may not see it, little mockingjay, but I have complete and utter control over this entire rebellion. You think you have the people, and maybe you do. They certainly love you, but do you really think that's enough?" I looked down, confused. "It isn't. Do you feed them? Give them shelter? Keep them safe? The answer is no, Katniss. No you don't. Do you know who does? Me. I'm the one who brought them here. I'm the one who supplies the guns and soldiers that are currently out there fighting the rebellion. You may be a symbol for justice and truth. You may be the spark that started the fighting, but if you're the spark Ms. Everdeen, then I'm coal. You started the fire, but I keep it going.
"I keep you around because your support is useful. If you tried to usurp me, who would follow you? Could you get them food or water? No. Could you supply them with somewhere to live? No. You cannot do anything that is needed of a leader. You're brave Katniss. I'll give you that. You make a fantastic mockingjay with your rash decisions and senseless boldness, but boldness and courage don't win a war. Cunning and deceit win a war. Knowing how to manipulate the right people into doing what you want, that's how you win power. The ability to kill whoever is necessary to get where you want to go." She paused and turned back towards me, staring straight into my eyes. "That's what will win you power."
I was shocked by her revelation. She was so calm about admitting that she had murdered people to get to where she was. "You're no better than him." I said slowly. "We may as well let President Snow stay in office. I won't let you win, President Coin. I'll do everything I can to stop you."
Her mouth hardened into a thin line and I could see the muscles in her jaw clench. "You think you're untouchable don't you? You think you can do whatever you want? You're wrong. I can't hurt you. You're right about that, but I can hurt the people around you." She turned back towards the window that looked into the hallway. She crossed her hands behind her back and gazed through the blinds. "How is your little sister anyway?"
Not Prim. I had worked so hard to protect her. I wouldn't let Coin hurt her. "She's fine." I said shakily. She wouldn't hurt Prim. She was just a child.
"That's good. I'm glad she's ok…for now. How about your mother? Or how about Peeta? Is he recovering well from his head injury? That was a nasty fight he got into."
"His head is fine. The poison that you gave him almost killed him though." I shot back. I didn't care if she knew that I knew she had poisoned Peeta. The game had changed. She was directly threatening my family. Now I understood how Gale felt.
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." I saw the smile grace her lips again. I wanted to scream at her. To make her admit she had poisoned Peeta and would've tried to kill me if I hadn't woken up. She turned back towards me. "You see Ms Everdeen, you seem to have this delusion that I won't do whatever is necessary to stay in power. You think I won't hurt your little sister because she's a child. You think Mr. Mellark won't get into a little accident or ingest some deadly toxin while enjoying his dinner. You think I won't have your entire team blown to pieces by a well-placed 'enemy' land mine on their next mission. For some reason, Ms. Everdeen, you think these people are safe because you think there will be repercussions for me if I hurt them.
"Let me make this clear. There won't be. There are no repercussions for me. I can't get punished. You can't hurt me, so stop trying. Go on and live your life. Have sex with your boyfriend. Enjoy training with your team. Play games with your little sister. Be peaceful and obey me, and I will let you live your pathetic life. However, if you continue this ridiculous notion of trying to overthrow me, I will kill every single person you've ever cared about. I will destroy your entire life until you have nothing left to fight for." By the time she was finished, her voice had dropped into a whisper. I knew I had lost. There was nothing I could do. I knew that she would kill them. I couldn't risk the lives of the people I loved. I wanted to hang my head. To bury my face in my hands and cry, but I didn't. I just stared right back at her. She studied me for a moment. "Get well soon." She said. Then she turned and walked out the door.
When she closed the door, I realized I was shaking. I took deep breaths to try and calm myself down. It was déjà vu. It was President Snow sitting in my house threatening me if I didn't stop the rebellion. Coin was more direct, but it was the same principle. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't win against these people.
"Katniss!" The door opened and a tiny figure walked in. My little sister ran to my bed and threw her arms around me. "I'm so glad you're ok!" I forced myself to stop shaking. Prim couldn't know something was wrong. I would protect her from this.
I pulled her back and gave her a shaky half smile. She was wearing the white uniforms of the nurses in the hospital. I forgot she was working with them. I was so happy to see that my sister was ok. Coin hadn't hurt her. Not yet. "What've you been up to little duck?" I asked, trying not to sound frightened.
"Working in the hospital." She answered proudly. "I take care of patients. I give them medicine and check up on them every hour. I'm learning new things every day. I'll be an official nurse soon. Right mom?" She turned around and looked behind her. I saw my mother, standing in the door with Peeta. I might be able to fool Prim, but these two knew something was wrong. Peeta was frowning. My mother's brow was creased worriedly. She crossed the room and gave me a light hug.
"How are you Katniss?" She asked with worried eyes.
"I'm ok. A little…shaken up, but I'll be fine." I looked back into her eyes. She was too frail for this. I wouldn't tell her about the danger she and Prim were in. I hadn't told her about Snow, and I wouldn't tell her about this. My mother and I were getting along now, but I could never see her as strong. I couldn't trust her with this.
"Ok." I knew she didn't believe me, but it didn't matter. She accepted that I would never confide in her. They stayed for a little while, and we chatted about their jobs at the hospital and my training. It had been a while since I had seen them. I had been so busy with Peeta getting injured, then having to go out on a mission right away, that the only time I had seen them was to say goodbye. I told them about my injury, and Prim laughed at me when I told her that getting shot didn't really hurt.
As I sat there and watched my sister tell an animated story about saving a soldier who had been stabbed in the battle in seven, I knew I would back down. I watched my mother smile and correct details where Prim over exaggerated them. She looked happy for the first time in a long time. They had a good life here in thirteen. I looked sideways at Peeta, who had sat down in one of the chairs next to my bed. He had relaxed a little bit and was laughing at my sister's story. We would talk about Coin later, but for now, he seemed content to just relax and enjoy himself. I thought about how happy he made me. If I woke up next to Peeta Mellark every day for the rest of my life, I would die a happy woman.
Coin had won. She had found my weakness. I wouldn't let these people get hurt. I felt tired. Defeat does that to you. When my sister finished her story, my mother must have sensed my sadness because she made Prim kiss me goodbye, and they left.
When they were gone, I let out a choked sob. "She won Peeta." I said. The tears ran down my face and his arms wrapped around me. I cried into his shoulder for a long time. When we won this war, Snow would be executed, then Coin would take his place. Nothing would change. The Hunger Games would stop, but new problems would arise. She didn't care about the people. She only cared about herself and her power. The districts would continue to starve while Coin lived comfortably in the Capitol. I had fought so hard, and for what? To replace one dictator with another? I was stupid to believe that someone with power would actually care about the people of Panem. Politicians were all the same. They didn't know what it was like to go hungry. Why should they care about us?
I thought of the children in the Seam who would go without food for a week. I thought about the time before I could get Tessirae, when Prim and I had almost died of starvation. There were families like that all over Panem. It made me so angry, but there was nothing I could do. Coin was right about that too. I could never be a leader. I wouldn't know where to start. When I had cried so much that my head ached and my throat was dry, I pulled back from Peeta and wiped my eyes.
"She threatened them Peeta. She said she would kill Prim and my mother. She said she would kill you. She won't stop. She doesn't care that Prim's a child. I lost Peeta. I have to give up." I laid back against the bed and closed my eyes.
"It's ok Katniss. We'll figure something out. We'll—"
"There's nothing to figure out Peeta! We lost!" I yelled at him. I didn't want to hear him tell me there was still hope. I knew there wasn't. "It's over. We can't beat her."
"Kat, we can still do something. We can get Jacobs to try and raise some troops against her. We can do it." He said desperately.
"There's nothing! Stop trying to make it seem like everything can be ok again. It can't be. I'm going to live my life while all of the people of Panem starve, and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't deserve to live. I wish I had died out there. I wish Craig had just stayed on the hovercraft and that Capitol soldier had just killed me. I wish she were here instead of me."
"Don't…don't ever say that again." Peeta was angry. I had only seen Peeta truly angry once or twice. He let go of my hand. "Do you even know what you mean to these people? You give them hope Katniss. You're the reason this god damn war is even happening, and you wish you could just die like it was nothing? What about your sister? You're everything to her. Your mother? She needs you to survive. What about the team? You're the best fighter we have. You hold us together." He stopped yelling and stared down at the blanket covering my legs.
"What about me, Katniss? Do you know what would happen to me if you died? I wouldn't…I wouldn't be able to live without you. When I woke up and found out you had been shot, my heart broke. I thought you were dead. I almost got my gun and…I just can't live without you." He stood up and walked towards the door. "So don't ever be so selfish as to wish you were dead." He started to leave.
"Please don't go." I said softly. "I'm sorry. I just…I don't know what to do." He stood in the doorway for a while, then closed it and walked back towards me. I moved over in the bed. I didn't care about being hurt. I wanted Peeta to lay next to me. I needed to feel him against me.
He hesitated for a second, then carefully crawled in beside me. I laid my head on his chest. I could feel the stitches in my stomach stretch, and it hurt my ribs to lay like this, but I bit my tongue because I knew if he knew he was hurting me he would get up. I wanted to stay like this forever. I wanted to forget Coin and Snow. I wanted to forget the faces of Mags and Rue and Cato and Wiress, but I couldn't. Now I had to remember them every single day, and know there was nothing I could do to avenge them.