Sorry for the wait, I was out of town for a week which put back my writing schedule a bit, and then I was hit with the worst case of writer's block. I'm still not entirely happy with this chapter. Anyway, welcome back to the madhouse! Who's ready for another dose of angst and drama? No one? Just me then? ;)
~OOO~
- Chapter 14 -
We stared at each other for a beat, the Doctor looking innocently surprised at my reaction, as if he wondered why I was making such a big deal out of something so trivial.
"Oh….my god…" I took another step back from him, jabbing an accusing finger in his direction. "Oh my god…you—you abducted me!"
The Doctor looked offended, his mouth gaping like a landed fish. "Wha? No, I never…..I….I—I rescued you!"
I wasn't listening to him though, my mind was frantically trying to sort through what he'd apparently just confessed. "Wait a minute," I interrupted the Doctor, frowning into the middle distance as I tried to make sense of this new turn of events. I raised a palm in the air in front of me, as if to ward him off, though he hadn't moved at all. "Just…just shut up for a second. This is insane. You're obviously completely mental, only a mad person would think they weren't human. I mean, just look at you!" I fluttered my hands in the Doctor's direction, indicating his very human body.
"My genetic make-up is similar to humans, yes," the Doctor conceded, regaining control of his emotions though he still looked a touch annoyed. "But Time Lord Biology is completely different on the inside. Respiratory bypass system, two hearts, body temperature waaaay below yours—honestly, how you humans manage when you're cooking inside at practically one hundred degrees?"
"T-two hearts?" I stuttered, then shook my head. "No…No! I mean, honestly, how do you expect to prove that? You really are mad after all, aren't you?"
The Doctor was making a "What can you do?" face, not even trying to deny anything I'd just said, when something else he'd said finally hit me. "Wait, what did you call yourself? A Lord, or something?"
"Time Lord," the Doctor replied, dropping down on to the sofa and stretching his arms out along the back.
I took a hesitant step closer, unable to help my curiosity even if he was insane. "And what's that then, if not a human like the rest of us mortals?" I tried to keep my voice disdainful—no need to fuel his delusions if I could help it—but he wasn't fooled. A grin pulled up one side of his face and he regarded me from the couch as if it were a throne.
"Wellll…like I said, we—that is, I—look human…ish…" He frowned slightly. "I mean, for all intents and purposes, I really am. Most of the time…well, kind of…except that I'm not."
"You're doing that thing again, Doctor," I eyed him and he stopped babbling to look at me.
"What thing?"
"That thing where you're not making any sense," I replied, narrowing my eyes at him. He grinned.
"Ah yes, as I said earlier…"
And I couldn't help myself. Despite the absolute absurdity of the conversation we were having, the comedic look of "I did warn you" on the Doctor's face was too much for me. I giggled. And the grin that split the Doctor's face at that sound was all relief and laughter. For a moment the tension in the room abated and we just looked at each other smiling broadly.
I took another step toward him then, feeling the weight of all this new information pressing down on me. Another step…and my leg wobbled, causing me to stumble. The Doctor was on his feet and moving toward me in an instant. "Are you alright—?"
I caught my balance before I fell and took a deep breath, steadying myself. "I'm…I'm fine. I just think that I need to…" I scanned the room again, taking in the huge bed with the rumpled blue bedding—not really wanting to return there in case it gave the strange man the wrong idea—and the sparse furnishings, which mostly included a dresser carved from some sort of very dark wood, a few bookshelves, the sofa and a couple of not-very-comfortable-looking wooden chairs.
The Doctor seemed to realize what I was trying to say and cautiously extended a hand toward me. "Maybe you should sit down? The TARDIS floor isn't really meant for the casual sprawling of bodies, as I'm sure you know by now. The sofa really is far more comfortable…"
He trailed off when I slipped my hand into his, actually needing the support. This was way too much information for me to take in all at once. The Doctor seemed a little taken aback at my sudden willingness to touch him, despite the fact that he had offered his hand to me, but he wrapped his long fingers around my own without comment, his grip warm and gentle, and steered me across the room to the sofa. I sank onto the soft cushions as the Doctor settled himself beside me, not missing the way he was careful not to crowd me, though he did continue to watch me with an anxious expression, as if he thought I might faint…or make a break for it...
"Let me get this straight," I said at last, when I felt enough in control of myself not to give the fainting thing any credence. "You're not human."
The Doctor shook his head, face serious. "Nope."
"So you're from…" I let the sentence trail off, wondering what he would fill in the blank with. "Mars?"
The Doctor snorted incredulously. "Typical human, always so quick to insist we all fit into some tiny, outdated, preconceived notion of little green men. I mean, really, do I look green? Not that Martians are green, in fact they're more of a grayish colour, though their hair does tend to look slightly emerald in certain lights."
I raised an eyebrow at him. "So… not Mars? Where else… Jupiter? Pluto? Some as-yet-undiscovered planet?"
"Gallifrey," he said quietly. An odd tension had settled in his shoulders as he spoke, but he said the name with a sort of reverence that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. Somehow the name was familiar to me, despite my never having heard it before.
"Where's that then? One of Jupiter's moons?"
"Hardly!" the Doctor cried, turning to face me, a strange light in his eyes. "Gallifrey is so very far from here, Rose Tyler, that you couldn't see it with your farthest reaching telescopic lens. But it was magnificent, Rose. Just like Leonenshie, all amber skies and silver trees that glittered in the light of the suns…"
"Alright, supposing you aren't from Earth, why did you come here? Why was it that you just happened to be passing by when I was mugged?" I drew my legs up to my chest and hugged them, watching the Doctor over the tops of my knees.
He answered my question with one of his own. "Come now, Rose Tyler, surely you don't think you're the only creatures out there? Great big universe…your people have been salivating to know what exists beyond their sun for thousands of years! I mean, even upon threat of death and house arrest by the Church, Galileo didn't give in—though he became a bit of a hermit and was somewhat cranky when someone disturbed his work…open your mind, Rose Tyler! Why do you think I was there?"
My mouth popped open at his words and I gave a shaky laugh to try and hide the way his speech had unnerved me again. "You sound like you were roommates," I tried for nonchalance, choosing to focus on the first part of the Doctor's words instead of trying to find an appropriate reply for the second half, but could tell the Doctor saw through my facade.
"Yeah, for a bit; incredibly brilliant man—you lot owe him hugely for the work he did defending the workings of your solar system—but there's only so much one can take of dropping comparable objects off roofs before one needs to move on in life, you know?"
"You met Galileo?" I repeated, unable to move past this point. "He lived like five hundred years ago! Are you some sort of superman who doesn't age or something?"
"Or something," the Doctor replied, leaning back against his side of the couch. "I told you what my people were called, Rose, weren't you listening?"
"You said you were a…" I thought for a moment. "A lord of time?" I frowned. "So what, your people can just stop yourselves from aging or something? Did you just hang around on Earth not gettin' any older and schmoozing with all the great scientists?" I smirked as I said this, but the Doctor had grown serious again.
"My race was a people called Gallifreyans. Another name given to those from our planet was the title Time Lord, which, quite simply, is derived from the fact that we can travel in time."
I stared at the man across from me. "You can travel in time?" The skepticism in my voice was palpable.
"Oh yes!" the Doctor crowed brightly, excitement lighting his eyes. "To all there is and ever was, and all that ever will be, Rose Tyler! I've seen the birth of worlds and the end of the universe…"
"And you expect me to believe that?" I scoffed. "Come on now, Doctor, you were more believable when you were talking about having two hearts. I mean, at least that I can accept might possibly occur by way of a freak birth defect or something. But traveling in time? Come on now!"
"You've seen it, too," the Doctor said quietly, and when I snapped my gaze back to his I found him sitting serenely on the sofa, watching me carefully.
"What do you mean by that?" I said sharply, feeling my heart pick up speed again. He couldn't be telling the truth. I'd remember something like that!
"The day we met you were attacked by the Autons—scouts of the Nestene Consciousness, a being from another world who …er… had a grudge with me incidentally. You got caught in the middle of everything and ended up coming along for the ride, as it were. Couldn't shake you, to be honest. You refused to leave me alone."
"I was caught in the crossfire of an alien war? Gee, you'd think I'd remember something like that." I leveled a look at the man sitting across from me and his frown deepened.
"Yes, well, one would think something like that would stick, wouldn't one?" He looked disgruntled. "The point is, Rose Tyler, you were there. And you ended up travelling with me around the universes. We went so many places…oh the things we saw…" His eyes drifted, his expression far away.
I shifted position on the couch. He sounded so sincere, so much like these events were real-life activities to him. But it was all impossible. No one had gone physically further than the moon, everyone knew that. I was shaking my head at him before I realized it and the Doctor's gaze returned to me.
"You don't believe me," he stated, looking frustrated again.
"It all sounds so impossible, Doctor. I mean, it sounds wonderful, too. I'd love to travel out into space and see new worlds and how the universe has evolved over the millennia, but all I have is your word on the subject…if you were me, what would you think?"
He watched me for a long moment, looking as if he were processing my statement and thinking of a way to refute it. Then all at once he started unbuttoning his suit coat, pulling it open and starting in on the blue shirt he wore underneath. I sat back against the armrest of the small sofa, nervously watching him undress.
"W-what are you doing?" I asked hesitantly, as the blue shirt gaped open revealing the brown t-shirt he wore underneath. The Doctor's head popped up at my question and he looked a little surprised to find me scooted as far away from him as I could get.
"Why are you all the way over there, Rose Tyler?" he asked curiously as his long fingers parted the fabric of both coat and dress shirt, baring his lean chest to me.
"Why are you taking your clothes off?" I countered, voice somewhat shrill. "If this is your way of earning my trust, I have to say you're going about it the wrong way!"
The Doctor glanced between the brown t-shirt covering his stomach, and me, scrunched up against the armrest with a throw pillow clutched to my chest. He looked confused. "I'm trying to give you proof of the truth in my words, Rose…" He paused, and then seemed to come to a decision. "Remember when you asked what I did to you in the hallway?"
My stomach squirmed nervously but I nodded, mumbling "Yeah, I remember…" My voice was quiet in the still room, and the Doctor looked pained.
"My people are somewhat telepathic," he said after another stretch of silence, during which I fiddled with the pillow in my lap and he seemed to be mentally calculating the best way to say something. I felt my eyes widen in a mix of nervousness and fear at the word 'telepathic', and the Doctor quickly explained. "Yes, we can see into minds…in a fashion, though it's a complicated and tedious ability to explain. However, I can assure you that I can't read your mind on a whim nor would I try to manipulate you in any fashion, so please try and calm down."
I swallowed hard and worked maintain a neutral expression. "Alright," I acknowledged just as carefully, watching his face for any hints of dishonesty. "Then what were you doing in the hallway…when you…when you had your hands on my head?"
"It's complicated," the Doctor started, and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Er, right, uncomplicate it." He looked like this was the sort of conversation he'd sort of hoped would never come up. "The thing is, sometimes there's this thing I can do where I can sort of meld my mind with another person's…to share events we've both witnessed, or to pass information. It works best with another Time Lord but can be performed on a human in necessary circumstances; that, however, requires physical contact with the human in question, which is why I had to put my hands on your head."
"Mind control?" I squeaked. "You were trying to plant ideas in my head?!" I started to scramble up off the sofa and the Doctor's hand shot out, locking around my wrist as I stumbled to my feet. The motion jerked me to a halt before I'd managed to get more than a foot from the couch, and I froze, unable to even scream.
"No, that's not what I meant!" the Doctor said roughly, looking agitated. "Please, Rose, just let me try and get this all out. I promised I wasn't going to hurt you, remember? Please just try and understand that anything I'm doing is for your benefit."
I tugged against his restraining hand. He didn't really look it, but I was beginning to realize that this man was far stronger than he appeared. "Then please let me go."
His head came up at my quiet words, and he glanced at his hand as if surprised to see what it was doing. He released me at once. "I'm sorry," he muttered, shoving a hand through his hair and glancing away, frustration still evident in his features.
I pressed my wrist against my chest and massaged it, though it didn't really hurt; the Doctor's hold had been firm, unyielding, but without the intent to harm. "Yeah, whatever," I muttered, hovering next to the couch now.
The Doctor sighed heavily, frown lines creasing his face. "I wasn't trying to control your mind, Rose," he said at last, and I stared pensively down at his seated form.
"Wouldn't or couldn't?" I challenged at last, and the Doctor's gaze turned fierce, his hands clenching into fists, though he didn't seem aware of the action. He looked as though he were holding himself back from leaping to his feet.
"Wouldn't," he said firmly, meeting my gaze unflinchingly. "My people…we place a high respect on a person's mind. To violate someone's mental boundaries without their express permission carries a grievous penalty on Gallifrey. To force your will on another person's mind would be a sort of mental rape; I would never stoop so low!"
He looked disgusted by the very thought, and the distaste on the Doctor's face settled my fears a little. I licked my lips and studied his outraged expression for a moment longer before deciding that I believed him. "Ok, I'm sorry I insinuated…"
He shook his head, the rage on his face sliding away as exhaustion replaced it. "It's fine. It's not like you could have had any idea. The point is, Rose, you don't remember me." He paused, a flicker of hope sparking in his brown eyes. "At all, right?"
I stared at him for a moment, then bit my lip and slowly shook my head, a weight settling in my chest. I wanted to remember him. I really did. But there was nothing there.
The Doctor heaved another deep sigh and pushed up off the couch. He was really very tall, over six feet to my five and a handful of inches. "I was trying to share memories of our past time together so you would be able to see I wasn't lying to you. Unfortunately, sometimes, if a person has been through a traumatic experience, or is fighting the connection too hard, their body may rebel and shut down as an automatic protective measure. That's why you passed out in the hallway. It's easier to share information if there's already a common memory that connects the two parties involved, so I was searching for any recollection of myself in your thoughts…but the thing is…" He stared down at me, looking very sad again. "There wasn't anything. The Acumen stole every instance of me from you memories."
His hand came up, as if he were about to reach out and cup my cheek. I didn't mean to, but I stiffened at the movement, leaning away just slightly. The Doctor's sharp eyes missed nothing though, and his reaching fingers curled in on themselves, his hand dropping back to his side. He looked away.
I looked down, plucking at the hem of my blouse. "Why—?" I started, and the Doctor answered right away, as if he'd been ready for this question.
"Your mind is very fragile right now, Rose. Honestly, I don't know why you were even conscious when I found you in that cell, let alone still possessed of enough wits to know who you are."
Unconsciously I raised a hand to my head, prodding the side of it experimentally.
"I shouldn't have tried to connect with you; you weren't ready. But I was so worried when you didn't remember me. Then, when you fainted in the hallway…" He bit off the end of his sentence, breaking eye contact with me as he pressed his lips together, seeming to struggle inwardly. After a moment he swallowed hard and raised his eyes to me again, looking haunted. "I was afraid that I had… damaged you. Maybe even broken you."
I didn't know what to say to that, so I just continued to hover next to the sofa, unsure if I wanted to sit down again or if it would be safer to remain upright. For another long moment we both stared at each other, or I stared at him, trying to force myself to remember something about the man in front of me. The Doctor stood a few feet away from me, his jacket and shirt still hanging open. He looked so despairing, so desperate for me to believe him. Finally I took a deep breath raised my chin, working hard to put on a brave front.
"Alright, go on then."
The Doctor raised a quizzical eyebrow at me, looking confused at my abrupt change of attitude. "Er…go on?"
I licked my lips and took a bold step closer to him, raising my open palm. "Give us a feel of your miracle hearts, if you're so certain you have two."
At my words the Doctor went perfectly still. "Rose…"
I advanced on him determinedly. "Don't back down on me now, Doctor," I insisted, almost in front of him now. "Unless the whole multi-heart thing was just another part of your scam? Go on, give a girl a feel…" I could feel my own heartbeat increase the closer I got to the Doctor, but I couldn't back down either. To back down would be to give in, and to give in would be to concede control, and I couldn't do that.
The Doctor studied me for a long moment then seemed to realize I was serious about this. He nodded in acquiescence and slowly raised his hands to draw back his jacket and shirt. Fighting the slight trembling in my fingers, I pressed my palm against his chest with a confidence I didn't feel. Underneath my palm I could feel a quick, yet steady, heartbeat. I raised my eyes to the Doctor's and he nodded briefly, his own eyes flickering down to the other side of his chest. With a sight more shaking than before, I lifted my other hand to press it gently against the right side of the Doctor's chest.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
I froze.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
He'd been telling the truth. Either the man was a medical miracle or he really wasn't from around here…in the most literal sense of the phrase.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
The Doctor's hands came up to gently cover mine and I stared at his chest, feeling the twin heartbeats under my fingers with a mix of awe and trepidation. Then all at once a strange feeling swept over me, a sensation of closeness…. warmth…. tenderness….
BA-BUMP. BA-BUMP. BA-BUMP.
The sound of my own heart seemed suddenly magnified, a rushing sound roared in my ears— and I wrenched my hands out from under the Doctor's with a gasp.
"Rose?" the Doctor said at once, worry coloring his tone. "I'm sorry; I know this must all be very strange to you, and normally this isn't the way I'd go about explaining the biological inner-workings of the Gallifreyan race, but can you at least consider the idea that I'm telling you the truth now…?"
I stumbled backward a few steps, the abrupt wash of feeling fading as quickly as a spent match. I fought to get my breathing back under control. "W-what…" I swallowed and tried again. "What was that?"
The Doctor's expressive eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Two hearts…" he began slowly. "I know this sort of thing usually means death on Earth, your bodies aren't equipped to handle certain multiple organs, but…"
"No." I cut him off sharply, forcing myself to stop moving away and to hold my ground. "I meant, what did you do…just now…I felt—" I broke off, the memory of the warm sensation that had flooded me when I'd touched the Doctor's chest still floating around me in the air like a transparent echo. I didn't know what I felt. Confused, I supposed. Strange…. yes. But also… wanted? No. Desired.
The Doctor was suddenly watching me very closely. "What did you feel, Rose?" He looked like he wanted to say more but was fighting not to.
"I felt…I feel…" The longer he stared at me, such intensity in his dark eyes, the harder it was for me to think straight. I'd probably imagined the whole thing. I mean, my emotions were in hyper drive right now.
"Rose?" the Doctor prodded, taking a careful step toward me. "Did you remember something?"
"I—" I wanted to touch him again. I wanted to know if I really had just made-up the sensations in my own mind. But the thought of doing so terrified me. I took another step back. "I'm hungry," I said quickly, turning toward the door. "Is there a kitchen in this place?"
The Doctor frowned at my sudden change of subject. "Rose—?"
I turned back to face him. "I'm properly starving, Doctor," I cut his protests off with a meaningful look of my own. "If you won't let me out, the least you can do is give me something to eat. Now go on, lead the way to the kitchen in your magic box."
The Doctor gave me an unhappy look as he stepped past me to open the door out of the bedroom, and I knew he could tell I was hiding something. But he chose not to pursue it, for which I was grateful. Holding the door wide, he stepped back to allow me into the hallway, then gestured to the right. "The TARDIS' kitchen is down the hall."
We walked slowly down the corridor, lit with bright lights set at intervals high over our heads, and I couldn't help sneaking glances at the tall man walking next to me. He kept his gaze straight ahead, as if he was studiously avoiding looking back at me, and I took the opportunity to inspect him closer. He looked very unassuming, tall, thin, thick brown hair sticking out at odd angles— and he was staring right back at me…
"It's not, you know," the Doctor said by way of conversation, as if he hadn't just caught me checking him out.
I quickly turned away and scanned the unending hallway stretching out before us. "What?"
"A magic box," he continued, a tiny smirk on his lips as he slipped his hands into his pockets. "I mean, that really is far too mundane a term for what this place is. She's called a TARDIS."
I flickered a glance back at him. "You keep using that word as if you expect me to know what it means. Is it some sort of alien lingo or something? Like, um, where did you say you were from again? Gallop Fry? Is that your word for 'house'?"
I heard a suppressed snort come from the man strolling next to me, but when I turned my head his face was neutral. "Gallifrey," the Doctor said delicately, "is my home planet, but the name TARDIS isn't Gallifreyan; it's an acronym for my ship: Time And Relative Dimension In Space. You've noticed how it's…er…"
I slanted my eyes at him. "Bigger on the inside? Yeah, kind of hard to miss that."
He grinned and the expression seemed to light up his face. Somehow seeing the Doctor look so happy caused a little flutter in my chest.
"Right. Well, it's a bit of a mouthful to run amuck shouting 'Quick, get in the Time And Relative Dimension In Space machine', so, well…T.A.R.D.I.S., eh? Handier in life or death situations, and besides, she likes it." And then he stroked the side of the yellow-orange wall as we neared the end of the hall. And I pretended not to have noticed. Much, anyway.
"She?" I couldn't help it. Delusional or not, the mad man was now talking about his house as if it was a living thing and I couldn't stop myself from asking why.
"Well, strictly speaking all TARDIS' aren't exactly male or female, but this one just happens to have the same sort of temperament as …er…" He trailed off at the look on my face and hastily backtracked. "That is, she just sort of has a feminine vibe."
I swallowed a smile at the uncomfortable look on the Doctor's face. In another life I think I might have wanted to be friends with a man like him. We turned another corner and a door stood open before us. The Doctor looked relieved.
"Right. Here we are then, kitchen, mess hall, cookery…" He paused in the middle of gesturing me through the door and scrunched up his face in thought. "Is cookery a word? Maybe it was eatery? Or Shut-up-your-comments-on-my-cooking-or-I'll-stop-f eeding-you—ery?"
I laughed. "Now you sound like my mum!"
The look on the Doctor's face was odd. Almost as if he really had heard Jackie Tyler make such a comment. I shook it off though, and followed him into the small room. It was cozy. A table and chairs that could more than accommodate the pair of us and a small kitchenette area occupied the room. I perched on the edge of my chair while the Doctor opened and closed a few cupboards at random, frowning at the contents. After a minute he turned back to me, looking a little lost.
"I …er… don't really know what to make. I never cook much, to be honest."
He looked so concerned with finding something that I'd like to eat that I found myself feeling sorry for him. I stood back up. "Sit down, Doctor. I'm sure I can find something."
I crossed the room as the Doctor returned to the table and opened a cupboard at random, grabbing a kettle and filling it at the sink. I set it on the stove to boil just as the Doctor called out, "I prefer English Breakfast, if you don't mind." That was my favorite tea too, and I found myself tossing a small smile over my shoulder at him as I blindly opened a cupboard and pulled down the box of tea bags.
Then I stopped and stared down at the box in my hands as if it were a foreign object. How had I known that they were there? I hadn't felt around in the cupboard at all, just reached in automatically.
"Everything ok over there?" the Doctor asked from behind me. I dropped the box on the counter with trembling hands.
"F-fine," I called back, trying not to read too much into things. The kettle had been in the cupboard next to the tea bags, it was just average kitchen planning. Nothing more.
When I returned to the table with our mugs I found a curious look on the Doctor's face; but he said nothing as I set our tea down aside from offering to try and find some proper food. I shook my head. I wasn't really hungry, despite being unable to remember when I'd eaten last; I'd just wanted to avoid continuing an awkward conversation. Which, of course, was all I could think about again now that my mind had come full circle.
This man had as good as kidnapped me, rescuing me from the white room aside. He may look kind and act charming, but he was also incredibly strong and able set me unconscious with a touch; it wouldn't be wise to let my guard down around him. While I was pondering my situation I sipped my tea and offered a silent smile over the rim of my mug at the Doctor. He had wrapped both hands around his mug but wasn't drinking anything.
"Not to your taste, Doctor?" I asked after another thirty seconds of radio silence. He made a slight face which he tried to hide, and glanced down into the steaming liquid of his cup.
"Once burned, twice shy," he muttered. At my questioning look, one side of his mouth lifted into a smile. "The last few times I've had tea in the TARDIS the results were …er… varied."
I had no idea what he meant by that remark, but as it happened I was soon distracted by something else. My head felt… strange. As if something was…brushing against it internally. Nudging it mentally. I felt a sensation of …curiosity?
I set my tea down on the table and looked quickly at the Doctor. He was holding his mug to his lips and gingerly sipping at the contents. He didn't appear to be paying the slightest bit of attention to me.
The nudging feeling came again and I sat back in my chair, frowning at the man across from me now. The Doctor swallowed his tea and set his mug back on the table, too. The silence in the room was suddenly stifling. My heartbeat sounded loud in my own ears and I was abruptly reminded of the impossible reality of the two heartbeats I'd felt in the chest of the man across from me. How could any person survive with two hearts? It was scientifically impossible, and yet… there he was: the impossible man, with his impossible stories about the world, and my place in them.
"How long are you intending to keep me here?" The question had come out with no warning and I hoped that I wouldn't accidentally provoke him.
"I really wish you wouldn't say that like I'm holding you hostage," the Doctor muttered darkly, his expression put-out. "It's not safe outside the TARDIS or we wouldn't still be here."
I took another sip of my tea and felt the brushing sensation at the back of my mind again, accompanied with an almost definite feeling something wanting access. If I'd had to visualize the feeling, I'd have said it was like a person prowling around a locked house, trying to find an open window so they could creep inside.
And then it hit me.
My people are somewhat telepathic…
"Stop that!" I cried forcefully, jumping to my feet so quickly that my chair wobbled and then crashed to the floor with a sound so loud the Doctor let out a yelp of surprise.
"What? What?!" he spluttered, choking on the swig of tea he'd almost inhaled at my sudden outburst. He looked around wildly, as if expecting to discover that some nefarious creature had come charging into the kitchen, and nearly overturned his own chair when caught sight of the expression on my face.
The prodding sensation was suddenly and terrifying familiar, though I didn't know why. All I knew was that having someone poking around in my head after everything I'd gone through—regardless of the fact that I couldn't remember 90% of it—was something I wanted nothing to do with.
"You swore, Doctor!" I said, backing toward the hall. "You looked me right in the eye not ten minutes ago and lied right to my face. I should have known better than to trust you…"
The Doctor was on his feet now, looking completely gob-smacked. "Rose Tyler you're not making any sense. What is it that you think I've done?"
I was shaking my head back and forth as if I could dislodge the invasive feeling of something or someone trying to get into my head. "Stop it, just stop it!" I cried, missing the door completely in my agitation and backing hard into the wall instead. I slid down it to the floor, my hands pressed against the sides of my head in an attempt to block out the ghostly sensations. He'd lulled me into a false sense of calm, sweet-talked me with words I wanted to hear… And then, when my guard was down…
The Doctor was across the room and squatting down in front of me in seconds, holding the strange metal pen-sized object I'd mistaken for a torch earlier in one hand. He pressed something on the side of it and the top flared blue, then he waved it over me like a security guard's metal-detecting wand and it emitted a buzzing sound.
"Rose, calm down! I'm not doing anything, I swear to you!"
I ignored him, clenching the sides of my skull so viciously I felt the beginnings of a headache building. "Get out of my head!" I shrieked, squeezing my eyes shut as panic overtook me.
I felt the Doctor's hands come down over mine as he tried to pry my fingers free without scaring me further. Then, just as suddenly as he'd grabbed me, I felt him release me. A moment later he shouted, "Oh, it's you! Stop it! Yes, right this second!" The command was so strange that it startled me into cracking my eyes open. Fighting hysteria, I squinted up at the Doctor. He had risen to his feet and was glaring up at the ceiling, as if talking to someone invisible. "You should know better—I should know better! I'm so sorry, Rose, I should have realized…she didn't know, that is, she was only trying to help you re-acclimate…"
The curious prodding feeling had vanished at the Doctor's shout and my mind felt like my own again. Slowly I lowered my hands, but I didn't get to my feet. "W-who are you talking to?" I whispered, scanning the kitchen for other people.
The Doctor frowned a little, looking faintly embarrassed. "Er, the TARDIS."
"You were talking like you expected your house to answer you," I said warily, gently massaging my right temple. "Um, do you often hear things that other people can't?" The Doctor gave me and indulgent smile.
"It's not like that, Rose. I told you my people are telepaths, remember?" I nodded slowly and he went on. "The TARDIS isn't just my home, it's my ship."
"Your spaceship….?" I repeated, a slightly dubious look on my face which the Doctor ignored.
"Yes. My spaceship. And all TARDIS' back on Gallifrey were programed to communicate with their owners through a telepathic link. In fact, the TARDIS can communicate with any of her passengers on a certain level. It's different for humans than it is for a Time Lord though; for you, I imagine it's less of any sort of conversation in the strictest sense, and more of the idea of emotions, am I correct?"
He stood in front of me, one hand in his pocket, and waited for me to speak. After a moment I nodded. He looked relieved that I wasn't arguing this time.
"The TARDIS recognized you as a previous long-term passenger and was trying to reconnect with you, sort of like how a cellphone will connect with the nearest wi-fi unless you make a physical effort to cancel the connection."
"Your ship is trying to read my brain?" I clarified, hugging my knees to my chest, trying to look smaller, more insignificant. The Doctor shook his head, then seemed to reconsider and shrugged.
"Not in the way you're thinking, Rose. For me, yes; the TARDIS communicates directly. For humans, the answer is 'not really'. The TARDIS senses your emotions and can send ideas of related responses back to you. Normally no one human spends enough time in a TARDIS to properly bond with her, but you…" He trailed off into silence. "Anyway, I've warned her to leave you alone for the time being. No need to agitate your mental state."
I wanted to shoot back with a comment about whose mental state was worse off, but really, hadn't I experienced enough strange things today to make me rethink what I thought was normal about the world?
I realized then that the Doctor was holding out a hand to help me to my feet, and allowed him to pull me up. He didn't let go of my hand right away though, in fact, I had the feeling that he wanted to pull me into his arms and hug me but was holding himself back, and so we stood for a moment in silence, only inches apart. The way he was looking at me…it was if I were something he wanted more than anything, but I was locked away from him behind a wall of glass. For my part, I found my eyes drawn to the Doctor's, they were so warm and brown, and watched me with such tenderness that I felt a faint flush warm my cheeks and quickly ducked my head. Soon after that I attempted to tactfully pull my hand out of his without raising his suspicion, but I had a feeling that the young-old eyes of the man in front of me missed nothing.
We returned to the table and our tea and sat in silence for another long stretch while I tried to get my shot nerves back under control. "So you said I've travelled with you before, yeah?"
"Yes."
He didn't elaborate and I was grateful. It wasn't as if I would have known any of the places or people he might have talked about anyway.
"For how long?"
"Officially two Earth years, though we've come back to visit on a fairly regular basis. Jackie wouldn't have it any other way." He watched me over the rim of his of his mug.
"My mum was ok with me running off with you?" I questioned, not really seeing this happening in real life. The Doctor's expression turned shifty and I knew I was right.
"Well you didn't exactly ask her… you just sort of… went. Your boyfriend wasn't too happy about it though."
Boyfriend? "Mickey!" I cried, the name rang a bell, but the sorts of feelings that one usuallsy associated with a boyfriend didn't surface. I took another sip of my tea for a reason to avoid looking at the Doctor, and mumbled, "And you and me? Were we…?"
"Friends," the Doctor said quickly. Too quickly? "Good friends. Very good friends. You were my… companion."
I raised my head and found the Doctor watching me with an odd look on his face. A nervous sort of energy radiated from around him and he wouldn't quite meet my eyes.
"Companion?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow at him. He quickly elaborated.
"Travel companion. You… well, for what it's worth, you helped me see the lighter side of life."
I nibbled my lip and studied the remains of my tea, sorting through the Doctor's words. Finally I looked up at him through my lashes, feeling absurdly shy. "Look, I'm not sayin' I believe you… but I'm not sayin' I don't either. Today has been really… strange. But you've been really kind to me, even though I haven't exactly given you reason to, and I want to thank you for that."
This time I was the one who couldn't quite meet the Doctor's eyes, but the look on his face was gentle, understanding. "The last few days haven't been easy for me either, Rose Tyler. But I promise you, I will do anything you need to feel safe with me until I can get us out of here."
I nodded, not sure what to say to that. I wanted to trust him. But it was going to take time.
~OOO~
Ok! So who's still with me? This chapter was brutal to write so I hope it came across alright. I'm was trying to imagine how it would feel to have all the impossible parts of the Doctor's life be taken at face value, much harder for Rose to believe without having actually experienced anything other than the "bigger on the inside" TARDIS, right?
So many lovely reviews on the last chapter! Thanks everyone! Here, have a free sonic screwdriver, just don't hold them close together, the results can be… messy.
KristiVH – I'm so glad you liked the last chapter! Whenever someone really feels the emotions of a chapter it makes me really happy. :) *skips around merrily flinging angst and drama like flower petals*
Kawaiiwolvesss – Ha! Yes, you've gotta watch out for those brick walls! It would be fun to bring Jackie and Mickey back into the story, wouldn't it? Are you sure they'd be helpful though? ;)
OrthoEllis – I'm so glad you like the story so far!*drops new chapter onto tablet with a shlup* Eat up! ;)
EmeraldEyedDreamer – Rose is so very lost this time…and the Doctor is finding it hard to handle, having his Rose so close and yet so very far away from him. I think that Rose is finding it harder to accept this go around because she hasn't had much experience with the Doctor, unlike the first time, where they were running all over London together before she started travelling with him. Hopefully this chapter showed some growth in their relationship.
NoorLux – I'm glad the twist surprised people (though it was always part of the plot for this fic). ;) And thanks again for your slang aid and possible future help; I just may take you up on that. Also, the Doctor is going to have to work to get Rose back, I promise. ;)
Inu-Twins – "Soon" is a relative term, especially when one considers time travel. ;)
CristyCeci – No Jack in this story, sorry to disappoint you! (Though I do love him a very lot!) :)
DerpyDash – Your request for more has been heard! Excellent timing with your demand! Lol. Have another chapter and thanks for reviewing! :)
OpalKitty – Thanks for your PM review as always! :)