Disclaimer: As chapter one pleas don't keep making me write it out – life's too short and I get tired!
Same disclaimer applies to this quote; "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt
WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.
All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.
'Thoughts'
"Speech"
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ABANDONED PRINCESS
Chapter Fourteen – Discoveries
Inside the room Belle was working to her own agenda. Children didn't hedge like adults; they also cared little for what the fates, destiny or God had planned or might allow.
They saw a problem and a solution – simple. You used one to solve the other; Belle was intending to do just that.
"You love mummy very much, don't you?" she looked at her father solemnly.
"I... what?!" Arthur didn't know how to react or reply; whatever he'd expected his daughter to say, this wasn't it.
"You do, do you not – so why do you not tell her? I do not understand adults" she sighed deeply "you play more games than any child. Yours are more dangerous too; you can hurt people really badly with your games. Not boo-boo's like ours when we fall over – but hurt in the heart." She tapped his chest.
He stared at his six year old daughter and smiled "when did you get so wise?"
She shrugged "I don't know – when did grown ups get so stupid?"
Arthur chuckled "I'm stupid am I, and why is that?"
"Because you won't tell mummy you love her very much and she won't tell you."
Suddenly Arthur became more attentive "she won't tell me what?"
"That she loves you – oh not as much as you do her, not yet anyway. But she does. One of you has to tell the other first, and yet you will not" she shook her head "mummy has a reason though – so I suppose that is allowed."
"Does she?" Arthur could not think of one that could allow her not to at least have given him a hint by now. God, she was so like that bloody scout – played things so damned close to her heart you would never know the truth!
"She has not told herself yet, so how could she tell you? But you have; so you should say so first." Belle poked him in the chest.
"Belle, Storm would have my head on a plate if I told her……if…." He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face "I know you wished us wed; well, we are – does that not suffice you child?"
Belle belligerently shook her head "nay daddy – because it is not enough. What would you feel if she never realised her love of you, if you never spoke of yours? Will regret wash you away again, like last time?" Belle was worried; worried that this time she'd lose both and not just one parent to remorse, regret and grief.
"I worry for you daddy – you and mummy have lost muchly and I worry that I might lose you. Just tell her daddy – it would be so easy."
"It is not that simple Belle" Arthur sighed "life is never that simple. I only wish it was."
"Well it bloody should be!" she leapt from his lap and stamped her foot "it should, because it is stupid to be so stubborn!"
Her father gathered her back to him; hugged her and hushed her and eventually she drifted off to sleep in his arms. He sighed and wondered if she had a point. Didn't they say that out of the mouths of babes came the truth of the Gods?
But could he risk it? He stared at the sick woman in the bed; she had such a temper on her, if he got it wrong she'd leave and then what would he do? But then, as Belle hinted, if he remained silent and Storm did have feelings for him would they both look back with regrets one day?
He grimaced, why could life not be as simple as Belle wanted? Why could he and Storm not just fall in love like others had? But then a faint memory nagged at him. Soft lips caressing his, arms tight around him; he trying to resist, but finally giving in to that sweet embrace…….
He shook his head; wonderful! He was finally losing his mind if he thought that Storm had ever kissed him like that! But, still, indistinct images fluttered maddeningly in his mind's eye; could they have? Was it possible that they had embraced in such a way and both forgotten?
'Oh God why do you torment me so?' he pleaded. He had tried to be a good Christian, tried to do what was right; but this was a torture he was not sure he could endure for long.
There she lay, asleep and sick; but then a thought came to mind. Could he place a small kiss upon her lips, if for naught else than to see if she was the one from the memories that now assailed him?
He seized the moment, as Pelagius would say "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Well he would see – he gently laid the sleeping Belle to one side of her adoptive mother, and then leaned over and kissed Storm.
It was a gentle kiss; chaste for the most part, but in a blinding moment of clarity he realised that the memory was true and it wasshe who had kissed him.
The whole event came rushing back with a startling accuracy that made him sit back on the side of the bed in stunned silence……….only to see a pair of wary green eyes looking at him.
"Why did you do that?" Storm croaked.
"Oh bloody hell!" Was all Arthur could think to say.
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He took a moment to try and gather his wits, using it to call Van in "she is awake." The other woman took in the scene and realised that things were coming to a head on their own; she decided to remove Belle and let the adults sort it out alone.
"She can sleep with my lot for tonight." Belle was overjoyed to find her mother awake and alive and trotted off happily with Van, after she gave Storm a huge hug and demanded that she stop scaring them like this.
A little too willingly Storm thought as she watched her daughter leave, wondering also about the cryptic "remember what I said daddy" comment Belle made to her father as she passed.
Once they were alone she turned her attention to Arthur once more "why did you kiss me?"
Arthur's courage was beginning to wane slightly, in truth he hadn't expected her to wake so soon; he feigned surprise "I have kissed you before Storm."
"Not like that…..you kissed me like….like…." and then it hit her; what Tristan had been trying to tell her, the forgotten message that had nagged and nagged at her, giving her a headache for days "youlove me! Oh Goddess!"
She sat bolt upright in the bed and then swayed as she became dizzy "oh, oh……what….why did you not say? Oh Arthur……I…you…."
He held a hand out, waiting to see if she batted it away – when she didn't he helped her lay down again. "Look, whatever has happened can keep until you are stronger. You must not exert yourself; you are sick and must get well."
He avoided her eyes "are you ashamed to love me then?" his head jerked round at her quiet question "because if you are, then why marry me?"
"Nay Storm, that is not it at all – but this is not a subject we will simply discuss calmly; you and I both know it. I do not want you to hate me or become upset with me whilst you are so ill. We need to talk, I know; but it can keep until you are well. Sleep now, sleep and we will speak again when you are stronger."
She heard the appeal in his voice and nodded; but clutched the hand that was at her shoulder "what if I do not return your love; have you thought on that?"
He nodded, his smile tight "aye, I have; and if that is the case we continue as before" he hesitated, but at the look in her eyes he pressed on "but then I remembered a certain night at the wall; a night you kissed me to prove a point – but I think the result caught us both unawares."
Storm looked confused for a moment, then realisation flooded in as hers eyes widened and she blushed a deep red. "I……..I had forgotten…..oh but you were drunk!"
He nodded "Aye I was….." another sigh "Look Storm, do not fret so – I was an oaf and a fool not to do more about it then; whether drunk or sober. I was stubborn and…." He shook his head "we will not speak on it now. Sleep awhile and we will talk again soon."
She closed her eyes and let loose his hand, but then they opened again "I have slept enough I think."
"Well, we will talk of other things for now. Like why you did not tell me you were sick?"
"Or why you did not tell me you loved me?" she arched an eyebrow.
"You are bound and determined to provoke me aren't you?" Arthur could not believe she was so belligerent.
She sighed "I just want us to be honest Arthur – do you not think there have been enough lies and concealments?"
"I have not lied Storm" his temper rose slightly "I only decided not to tell you of my feelings. There seemed little point."
She arched an eyebrow "little point? What does that mean?"
He swiped a hand over his face for the umpteenth time that night, he knew that tone "it matters not for now, no matter what I say I will not put it across right and we will fight. I am tired and you are sick, this is not the time for arguments."
He stood "I will let you rest awhile and come back later."
He left so quickly she laid there stunned; the only thing she could think to say was "oh what a bloody mess!"
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It seemed like many hours later, but in reality could not have been more than one or two, she rose and unsteadily made her way to the room she shared with Arthur.
He was not there – she stood for a moment, unsure of where to try next. Her head was still dizzy, she was in naught but her nightclothes and her feet froze on the stone floor.
She tottered towards the meeting room – mayhap he was at the table. He wasn't. She sighed and sank into Tristan's seat "where is your bloody commander, brother!" she grumbled.
Her head still ached somewhat and she felt stupidly tired considering she had only walked a short distance. Wracking her brain for where he might be next, she decided to set off for Belle's room; only to realise, half way there, that Belle was in with Van's brood.
She sank to the floor and grumbled to herself about 'stupid men not being in their stupid chamber', but then roused enough to make her way back to their bedroom. How could you talk, argue or do anything with a man who apparently vanished into thin bloody air?!!
She got into their bed, gingerly slid across the divide, and snuggled down in his side of the bed; hugging Arthur's pillow tightly to her she finally drifted off to sleep, still muttering tiredly about 'ridiculous men and their ridiculous pride'.
It was a rare chance that she had managed these wanderings without bumping into a single soul; not an easy task in a building with many people milling about – one might even joke that a guardian angel with a sense of humour had aided her midnight roaming by ensuring that all who might spy her were otherwise occupied with noises and such elsewhere.
So it was that in the early hours the healer rushed to tell the knights that the queen had apparently vanished, and who would inform the king? Gawain, Bors and Galahad quickly divided up one side of the castle and Van, Clara and Beccalyn the other.
Merlin, when told, seemed unconcerned – saying only that it would work itself out. Exasperated and grumbling about daft old men, the younger people spread out; all the while trying to ensure that Belle at least didn't hear about it until it was necessary.
Clara looked at Van "you do not think she has bolted do you?"
Van shook her head "nay, she would not do that to the bairn – anyway, we will cross that bridge if we find it."
"Then you're not certain she hasn't?" Beccalyn bit her lip.
Van sighed "Storm is a law unto herself – she does as she thinks is right and bugger the consequences. If Arthur has declared himself and she does not return his feelings, her sense of right would make it seem unfair to stay and torment him. She would feel it was better to leave and let him try to find one who would love him."
"But could that not be her over time?" Clara asked quietly.
"Aye, but Storm never looks further than a day from now at best – she is a warrior Clara, she never plans; as she would often say when at the wall "why bother planning for a month from now, when I could die tomorrow?"
She smiled sadly "it was just that attitude that endeared her to the scout so well. They were so much alike that I think the Goddess made a mistake by not making them blood from birth."
"Or lovers…." Beccalyn smiled; and added, when seeing the surprised look on Van's place "aye, why not? In another lifetime they might have."
"Aye I suppose, but I saw them together and it was never like that, Becca; not for a single moment. They were always close like brother and sister – never more to it. I think they recognised a kindred soul in each other, but one that rendered them as family not as lovers."
Beccalyn nodded "aye, well – mayhap it was for the best, as I do not wish to think of Tristan taking on Arthur for her!"
Van shuddered "oh Goddess, that would not have had good omens that would be for certain. But I think Tristan knew of their feelings, I only wished he had decided to interfere and spoke out to both of them – mayhap she would have stayed, if for naught else than to prove a point to her brother."
She sighed and added "if she had, how can we tell if things would have finished differently? But Tristan was never one to interfere, and so he left it to her to make her own way."
"Men!" Beccalyn grumbled "stubborn to the end; bloody fools!"
"Aye, then thank the Goddess they have us women there to aid them eh?" Van smiled as they continued their search.
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Elsewhere it had fallen to Gawain to be the fated messenger to tell the king that his wife and queen were missing.
Jols had simply vanished the minute it had become apparent that someone would have to tell Arthur – Bors and Galahad merely shook their heads and stepped back. Gawain had sighed and gone to find him.
He was on the battlements looking out over the woods and fields "Arthur?"
He glanced round "I believe I had made a mess of it Gawain." He sighed "I am never good with talking of love and feelings – it is not my way…."
Gawain nodded "it is no man's way. Arthur…."
"So how do you manage it?" he turned to face his friend, then saw the worry on the usually placid brow "what is it, what has happened?"
"Storm's gone missing from the healing rooms – we cannot find her." He was as blunt as Tristan ever could be; the only difference was there was sympathy in the tone of voice he used.
Arthur almost roared with the sudden rush of pain, instead he punched the door – wood splintered and blood rushed from his knuckles. But he ignored it "is her horse here?"
Gawain nodded "first thing I checked – Anaholt is still in her stall, and Isolde remains on her perch." Storm had been adopted by Tristan's hawk and relished the last contact with him.
Arthur nodded, somewhat mollified "she is too sick to get far on foot so we can assume she is still here………..somewhere."
He took off at a run – where had the wench hidden herself, and why? Surely, if she was going to escape him she would leave altogether? But then she had given her word, she would not disgrace him so and nor would she leave Belle. "is Belle still abed?"
"Aye" Gawain nodded as he easily kept pace with his king "Bors checked there first."
"Bloody woman! I will be driven out of my senses at this rate! Where the hell can she be?" Arthur was exasperated with his wife; his temper and patience frayed beyond endurance. "Look do another circuit of the building with the others, I'll check her usual hiding places….." Gawain nodded and they separated.
When he found the others, they seemed surprised he was still breathing. "A door suffered irreparable damage; his hand is bloodied and sore. I remain unscathed, whether Storm will when he finds her remains to be seen."
They continued the search…….
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Arthur had checked the battlements once more; the meeting room and finally, in desperation, even the graveyard. She was nowhere to be found. He was terrified she'd gone somewhere to think, been taken ill and couldn't find any to aid her.
He made one last ditch effort and thought mayhap she'd gone to their room – when he arrived it was to find her sound asleep on his side of the bed……
He wanted to wake her and then kill her – the door opened and Van stepped in "any luck Arthur?"
"Aye….." he growled "the harpy is here. Curled up nicely and sound asleep!"
Van laughed "well, there you go – she came to you in the end then!" she turned and left; sending the other two to call the knights back. The wanderer had returned.
Arthur looked at his sleeping wife; had she, as Van said, sought him out? Or had she merely decided to come back to her own bed for comfort? But the fact that she was on his side and tightly hugging his pillow made his heart lift a little with hope.
Of course, what to do now? He was so tired…….he remembered the little trick that Bors had shown him with the bed, it pushed together and so he shoved the two halves into one and climbed into her side. He gathered his errant spouse to him, muttered threats of retribution into her hair and fell asleep. The rest could wait until morning…….