I woke up to breathing against my cheek and fingers rubbing against my back gently, making me squirm because it tickled. A rough laugh made me open my eyes to see Remus looking down at me with a sleepy smile that made my heart race. My body was sprawled over his and there wasn't a doubt in my mind he could feel how hard my heart was beating from how I was pressed against his side.

"Hi," he greeted in a quiet voice.

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Hi, you're really cute. Did you know that?"

I didn't have much of a filter when I first woke up, I also wouldn't be surprised if my hair was pink. Like he was thinking the same thing, he reached up and twisted some of the baby pink strands around his fingers. Even if I'd fell asleep with in in a ponytail, it was wild around my face now. The braid on the side was even free now, I didn't realize I'd moved around so much. I'm sure it was quite a sight to see, my bedhead usually was.

When he realized what I told him, I saw his face flush and he looked away from my face. I'd embarrassed him by complimenting him and it was really sweet. I reached out and took his chin between my fingers, making him look back at me. Then I moved my hand up into his hair and ran my fingers through the soft waves, smiling softly at how intimate the moment felt. I don't know why I'd never considered eye contact a way of connecting to someone before I started hanging around Remus.

"I'm sorry I hurt you yesterday," he told me, his eyes holding mine while my fingers continued to run through his hair. "I was just trying to look out for you."

My nose scrunched up at that and I asked, "What does that mean? Are you less sick today then you were yesterday? I would've taken care of you, I don't mind."

He licked his lips nervously before chewing on his bottom one for a few seconds. "You're too nice to me, T. I don't deserve you."

I stilled my fingers in his hair and moved to sit up, looking down at him with his hand still under my shirt but not moving. "Why do you do that? I'm trying to get close to you and you just push me away."

"Thea, I'm not trying to hurt you. God, I don't want to hurt you," he promised, removing his hand and sitting up across from me.

"I think that ship has already sailed," I told him, bringing my knees up to block my chest from his view as I remembered I wasn't wearing a bra.

He rubbed his face and turned his back to me, sitting his feet flat on the floor over the edge of the bed. His actions said more than any words ever could. Everything he told me this morning was a lie, he wanted to be with me and then he didn't. I seriously cared about him, I just wish he didn't play with my head so much.

It stung worse than I wanted to admit, he never struck me as a guy who would hurt me. I'd been played with a few times by guys who thought I was fun for a while until they were bored. The last thing I expected was for him to ever treat me like that.

"I never thought you'd play with my feelings. I thought I could trust you," I said, my throat tightening. "God, I wish you weren't the one who saved me."

I was up and out of the room with my clothes in hand before he could turn to look at me if he was even going to. I couldn't deal with his warm eyes looking at me from under his messy hair. It would only break my heart even more.

"I'm going to hex his bollocks off!" Lacey shouted when she came back to the dorm and saw me lying on my bed in tears. "I swear to Merlin, he is a dead man walking!"

I jumped out of bed and tried to stop her from storming down the stairs, but she was too fast. She was storming down the corridor with me chasing after her in a jumper and pair of compression shorts. I had on socks with my hair twisted on top of my head -no state to be seen in public especially with my puffy, bloodshot eyes. I didn't even bring my wand with me in my haste to stop her from doing something stupid.

She made it to the portrait hole and inside right as I grabbed it from closing. The four of them were sitting by the fire together and she stomped her way over, drawing all their attention. I was breathing hard and doubled over with my hands on my knees, there was no stopping her now.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she shouted, making other students look over at us and me get even more flustered than I already was. "Were you dropped on your head as a child or were you just born stupid?"

All four of them looked from me to her before James finally asked, "In order to answer that, we need to know which one you're talking to."

"The one who has made Thea cry for the last goddamn time," she spat making me flinch and stand up. Before I could say anything, she held up her hand and barked, "Do not try and stop me, Dorothea, my binding hexes are brilliant and you know that."

This was humiliating, I didn't want to be the center of attention anymore and I didn't want her fighting my battles for me like I was a child. "Lacey, stop! It's fine, okay? I'm a big girl and this is ridiculous!"

"No, what's ridiculous is him playing games with your head!" she replied, pointing her wand straight at Remus. "As if you haven't been put through enough!"

I watched James and Sirius raise their wands in response at Lacey and felt my stomach hit my knees. Lacey was an okay dueler, but she didn't hold a candle to the two of them. Plus, the thought of her hurting Remus made me feel sick to my stomach. I refused to look at him because I didn't want to cry right now and his face had a tendency to do that to me recently. I needed to fix this before someone did something they'd regret.

"Lower your wand, Tyler," James said in a dangerously low voice.

"Not a chance," she replied icily, no fear in her at all. "How can you defend him? He's vile!"

Remus hadn't moved from his spot in front of her wand and Peter was sitting in a chair, terrified by the look of things. Everyone else in the common room mysteriously disappeared and I couldn't say I blamed them. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of looking at Remus and he just looked sad. No, he looked devastated and he was looking straight at me -as if I couldn't feel worse than I already did.

"She's right," he said quietly, still looking at me.

No one moved, ignoring what he said. I couldn't let her hurt him, it was my problem and she couldn't fix it for me. I quickly placed myself in the middle of all their wands, hopefully putting a stop to any spells being cast. I held Lacey's eye, trying to ignore the pure fury in their depths, and placed my hand over hers. She allowed me to lower her arm and take her wand, tucking it in the waistband of my shorts.

"We're leaving," I told her without looking back at the group of them.

"No, we're not going anywhere! If I'm not allowed to hex him, I'm sure as hell going to yell at him," she replied, pushing past me to stand in front of Remus. "Who do you think you are? She was put through hell and you took advantage of her only to throw her away like she was nothing!"

"I know!" he shouted, raising from the couch and towering over Lacey. "I know, I'm trying to distance myself from her before I hurt her even more!"

This was spiraling out of control fast and deadly things happened when wizards lost control. I didn't have the mental capacity to defuse this situation right now, I was too fried. I'd been crying alone in my bed for nearly two hours when Lacey found me, I was barely standing right now. Remus didn't look much better than me, he was pale and I could tell his legs were shaking a little as he leaned against the couch arm.

I grabbed Lacey's hand and tried to drag her away again and she let me finally. I didn't look back, I just walked until I was at the entrance to my common room. Thankfully, someone was coming out so I didn't have to solve a riddle because it probably would've made me pass out. I didn't let go of Lacey's wrist until the two of us were in our dorm.

"Why did you do that? You've made everything so much worse," I told her, sitting down on the edge of my bed. "It went from being messed up to being a total shitstorm. I appreciate you standing up for me, but I can fight my own battles. I'm not going to beg a boy to want me, I'm going through enough hell right now. I just want my best friend, okay?"

I took her wand out of my waistband and tossed it onto her bed. Then I laid on my side and tucked under my covers, curling myself into a ball. The bed dipped behind me and I felt Lacey wrap me in her arms, pressing her forehead against the back of my neck. I turned in her arms and breathed in the familiarity of her scent, trying to find something comforting.

"I am so sorry, I just don't want anyone to hurt you anymore," she whispered as she rubbed my back. "I didn't mean to upset you, I just saw red and had to do something."

We'd always been fiercely protective of each other, I'd fight every single person who ever uttered the 'm' word around her. People quickly learned they didn't just get one of us, we were a package deal. I knew it was the same for James and Sirius, but I was still upset they'd pointed their wands at Lacey. The entire situation made me so anxious, I didn't realize I was picking at my nails until I looked at them and saw they were bloody.

"Merlin, Vixie, I'm so sorry! I didn't even think about how you would feel, I was just so angry," she told me, using her wand to clean up my hands. "I know how you feel about him and what that means to you after what you've been through."

I just nodded and laid flat, taking her hand in mine. I wasn't crying anymore, it was more of a pain than anything. It was a dull ache just below my ribs, about where my heart was. I knew it wasn't real, but I felt phantom pain along my wrists and in my shoulder too. I just wanted it to go away, I wanted to forget about Remus and the assault in the greenhouse. I wanted to go back to last year when my biggest problem was trying to get Sirius to sleep with me. I wanted to go back to a time before I knew emotional pain was so much worse than physical pain.

"How do people deal with pain like this?" I asked in a choppy voice. "I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it's so intense, Lace. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to deal with what happened to me in the greenhouse. I'm never going to find someone who doesn't see exactly what happened to me when they look at me."

"Thea, that's not true. You're too strong to not get over this," she reassured me, giving my hand a squeeze. "You're not your trauma, you are so much more than that. No one sees you as the worst thing that happened to you."

"I wish it was that easy, but it's not even close. Remus was pretty much in love with me, but now he doesn't even want to touch me because of what happened," I told her in an even voice. "And everyone always sees you as the worst thing that happens, it's just how life works. It's not fair and it's not pretty, but it's real."

Lacey sat up and looked down at me with a frown. "Don't go dark, Vix. You're a summer not a winter."

That made me snort and scrub my face with my hands. "You were going to hex a boy for me, Lace! You're kind of the best friend in the entire world! I love you!"

She flopped onto me and hugged me tight, making me laugh. That's the best thing a friend can ever do, make you laugh when you're convinced you're never going to be happy again. The ache was still there and it had the power to suffocate me, but I held strong to what helped me stay afloat.

Thanks for reading! Don't hate me!