Chapter 11: Le Ciel

I remember hearing the sound of the knocker being knocked against the door. It echoed because of the acoustics of the villa, making it loud and audible everywhere. I remember stumbling as I rushed down the stairs. I knew the pattern of the knocks, recognizable and strange indeed. I knew the impatience of that soft tapping foot outside; it was Clarisse.

She was an old friend of mine, a very old friend of mine. Eccentric and ecstatic to the core. But, she was one of my oldest friends. She was also my first friend.

I opened the door eagerly and, immediately, I was embraced by a blur of movement. "Grimmjow!" she cried out happily, "Comment ça va? As-tu faire des autres amis? Qui est 'Ulquiorra'?"

Like I said, very ecstatic.

I steadied her, laughing. "Bien, Claire. Oui, Ulquiorra est mon nouvel ami." By then, because of the sudden noise, Ulquiorra, Leroy, and Lis had rushed over to see what was going on. I saw Ulquiorra's eyes narrow at the sound of his name, but he said nothing. I let her go, gesturing to Ulquiorra. "Il est Ulquiorra."

"Bonjour," he murmured, "Je m'appelle Ulquiorra, et vous...?"

She noticed his English accent, though minute, immediately, and switched over. "My name's Clarisse, but Claire's fine." She looked him up and down, and said, "Our little Grimm here has been telling me an awful lot about you."

I distracted her before she could elaborate on that. "Dinner's ready. Come on, let's all go eat."

As everyone walked towards the dining room, I lagged behind to hiss a quiet, "He doesn't know" to Clarisse. I caught a glimpse of Clarisse's brother, Reynaud, walking in moments later, bags in tow.

I noted, as we sat down, that Lis looked a little uneasy around Clarisse, though it was more out of embarrassment, really, but she seemed happy to see that another girl was here. I grinned. Ulquiorra seemed just as uneasy. But, it was not because he was shy or embarrassed. No, it was just because of the fact that she spoke French. I assumed it was because she spoke French with me and he could not understand most of it. That unnerved him because she was not family. Was he jealous? Wouldn't that have been a sight to see? Ulquiorra being jealous? I couldn't stop smiling throughout dinner.

Pierre and Reynaud had finished early and headed off somewhere. I couldn't stop shuddering since Marie had joined us for dinner. Her glaring was unnerving, to say the least. It was, as I expected, mostly directed at Ulquiorra. That was never a good thing. My mother was as pleasant as ever and my father was deathly silent.

I didn't want to be here, I realized. The silence was tangible and, really, I didn't want it to be. I couldn't possibly invite my friends to come with me; Leroy and Lis were chatting in whispers and were still eating and Clarisse was eyeing Ulquiorra with interest.

I grumbled. What would have made a wonderful evening had suddenly turned sour.

I got up to leave, not happy in the least. I was very unhappy.

As I stood up to leave, I saw Ulquiorra get up too, excusing himself. Clarisse didn't look surprised, I also noted. I did not notice until then that he had also finished his food. Was he going to follow me?

I didn't need to wonder that, though. He didn't know his way around the house. Immediately, he followed me.

"Is what you told me true?" he blurted out, the moment we were out of hearing range. In fact, we were far out of hearing range. He must have been suspicious, especially after what I'd told him. I had never seen him have so little restraint. He seemed as though he had been holding it in for a long, long time. There was desperation painted across his face. I cringed.

"It's all true." That wasn't a lie. Every last bit of it was true. I longed for it not to be, but regretfully, that was not the case.

"I see," he murmured, seemingly concluding something. There was a mixture of confusion and disbelief thrown into an inability to comprehend the situation.

Telling half-truths was often more confusing than full-truths, I realized. But, if this half-truth could save his life, it would have to do. Ulquiorra needed to be aware, but he didn't need to know. I wouldn't be swayed by my emotions to the point of getting him killed in order for him to fully understand. It wasn't worth it.

I walked up the stairs, looking over my shoulder to make sure that he didn't follow me. He made no move to do so. I was very relieved and continued on.

I felt the weight of every single footstep as I walked away from him. It was ridiculous, completely ludicrous, that I should feel lonely. I had no right to, not after everything I had done. Not just to Ulquiorra, but to everyone.

I made my way up the stairs, finding my echoing footsteps irksome. I didn't bother to disguise them because it would be forced; I didn't have Pierre's grace.

As I approached the hallway, meandering down it towards my room, I heard noises coming from Pierre's room - noises akin to groaning.

"Arrête, Reynaud," Pierre murmured. The noises stopped immediately. Pierre's voice was even. "Grimmjow, entres si tu as une problème. Autrement, quittes. Maintenant."

I didn't heed his warning and entered anyway. What I saw, I might not have wanted to see.

Because my brain was lagging, I struggled to find the appropriate French word so the English struck me first. "You're gay," I said, shocked.

He dismissed it as if it was nothing, simply with a wave of his hand.

I stood there for a good few seconds that felt far longer than they actually were before I could find it in me to repeat what I'd just said. "Pierre," I said, hesitantly looking back and forth between him and Reynaud. Oddly enough, Reynaud looked more uncomfortable than my brother. "You're gay."

Pierre's eyes narrowed. "Well, from what I can see, you can hardly have anything against it so I don't see why it surprises you so."

I stumbled backwards, sputtering out, "What?" I looked at him as though he was mad.

He raised a brow, simply turning around. "Then, I must have been mistaken." But the air he held as he walked back into his room, and even as he shut the door on my still bewildered self, was that of someone who was entirely sure of himself, but did nothing to show it on the surface.

I immediately ran away from that door, running without direction. I was pretty sure that I was running down the hallways, the one that led to my room, because that was where I ended up. By that time my mind was clear enough to get a sense of my surroundings.

The realization that I had just made was too startling for me to fully comprehend in the period of two minutes and it still hadn't quite sunk in. I pinched my cheeks just to be sure to see whether or not this was some insanity-induced haze of a dream. The pain told me that it wasn't so.

This was ridiculous, though. I had always believed that, should my brother not be heterosexual, that he had absolutely no interest in either sex - absolutely none - and thus make him asexual. It turned out that I was beyond wrong and that, most likely, he knew more about the subject than I did.

A thought occurred to me then; should I ask Pierre for advice? My conscience and self-preservation told me: "only if you want to die". However, something akin to instinct and brotherly admiration wanted to ask him. He was, after all, several years my senior and probably more so in experience.

I contemplated the thought while pacing back and forth in my room.

I eventually decided that, should I choose to speak to Pierre on the matter, it would have to be later, much later. Though, when, I would decide later. Perhaps, if I really wanted to, I could send Pierre's pet falcon to notify him. That sweet, little Peregrine would be more than happy to, I was sure, what with the way that Pierre pampered the little demon.

I sat down on the edge of my bed before promptly standing up again. It seemed that my evident impatience didn't allow me even a moment of peace.

Unfortunately, I didn't need that peace right now.

My well-trained ears immediately picked up a small noise - the sound of metal on stone - coming from the direction of...

By the time I had figured out the location, I already sprinted off down the stairs and towards the sound.

There was only one thing running through my mind and coursing through my veins, matching each heartbeat with a burst of adrenaline.

Please.

Be.

Alive.

My lungs burned with fear and anticipation as I rounded yet another corner. My feet weren't carrying me fast enough. As I ran, I wondered trivial things like why our villa was so large and why there were so many flights of stairs leading to the wine cellar.

I made it, finding myself just a tad short of breath. My footsteps had been quiet, though, so no one had seen or noticed me. I stood just outside the door, not wanting to alarm Corentin. I could hear his snarls. Holding the leash of our vicious mix-bred hound was none other than Marie.

I cringed inwardly.

"You understand, don't you?" Marie said, swinging her little toy that consisted of a double-edged weapon that had a hook on one end and a blade on the other attached to a six-foot chain around in circles. Each round that it made contact with the stone floor below was accompanied with screeching noises that only solid steel could make.

Corentin growled menacingly in correspondence to Marie's threat.

I could see now that behind Leroy's outstretched arms were Ulquiorra and Lis. Ulquiorra was hovering around Lis in an almost protective manner.

"Marie, that's ridiculous," Leroy said in a voice that was deadly calm. I appreciated Leroy's ability to contain his anxiety.

Marie frowned, obviously displeased. She played with the end of Corentin's leash that was in her hand and, in a small voice, she said, "I'd regret saying that if I was you."

Then, without warning, she let go of the leash. Corentin leapt. Every tooth and claw, I could have sworn, was bared in attack. It surprised Leroy, causing him to take a few steps backwards, trying to move away from Corentin.

I couldn't restrain myself. I had to move.

And I did just that, leaping out in the way of Corentin.

"Corentin!" I called out to the dog, eyes flashing angrily in a look that only the Jeagerjaques could manage. Upon landing on the ground right in front of me, Corentin bowed his head and stopped.

"What are you doing here, Grimmjow?" Marie spat.

Leroy only looked at me in shock.

"Stopping the family pet from mauling my friends."

She shot me an icy glare.

"Stop interfering, brother," she said fiercely, boring holes through my head with her eyes.

Thankfully, before I could reply, Clarisse stepped in from, quite believably, out of nowhere. "Now, now," she said, gesturing to the nonexistent timepiece on her left wrist, "Little children should be in bed by now. Let's get going, Marie." Her firm grip on Marie's shoulders silenced anything Marie was about to say.

I mouthed a "merci" to her, nodding my head gratefully. She shrugged to say that it was nothing.

When she left, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. However, an equal sense of dread washed over me.

I didn't need to turn around to feel Ulquiorra's fixated stare on my back, though he said nothing to suggest it.

It was Leroy who spoke first, breaking the uneasy tension. "Thanks, Grimm," he murmured quietly, glancing backwards at Lis who seemed to be trembling.

I nudged Leroy gently, telling him to talk to Lis. I would have a great deal of explaining to do to Ulquiorra in awhile.

Leroy took the hint, exiting the room and taking Lis into the guest room that had been provided for him.

I was left with Ulquiorra then.

"Hey," I started awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

"Hey yourself," he replied. He suddenly let out a loud sigh. "Too many secrets, Grimmjow," he told me, pointing a finger at me, "Do you have an explanation or not?"

I looked at him, more than a little surprised. "You're not upset?"

He shrugged, kicking his feet back and forth against the stone floor in an aimless pattern. "It's not that. I can see that you were trying to protect me from something, evidently, but you failed to realize that if you did not inform me, I would most likely run recklessly into these sorts of things."

It took me a full minute to fully grasp his words. "You confronted Marie," I said breathlessly, "Not the other way around."

"I merely wanted to test what would happen if I did. I only talked to her about you," he said so easily that I couldn't quite believe him, "I wanted to know what there was to be afraid of."

The rest I could guess. "And then... Roy had to come in and save you. Lis was with him."

He turned to stare at me, but said nothing. That was the "yes" that I needed.

That was insanity in and of itself.

I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, not really doing much, but that. My breaths were heavy and laboured, disbelieving still. "Why did you do something like that?"

"I needed to know," he said. Nothing seemed to startle him.

"Couldn't you have trusted me?" I asked, eyes questioning.

He pushed my hands away with the back of his right hand. He then brushed himself off, staring down at the floor. "I could, Grimmjow," he told me, "if you could trust me as well."

Ulquiorra walked away then, not looking back once. He did, however, add, "I wish you would, Grimmjow."

I watched his back as he walked away, asking myself why I was so pathetic. He was right, I knew. I didn't trust him not to leave me if I told him the full truth, and yet he had trusted me with his scars.

I stared at the walls around me for a moment, imagining the scene as it would have played out - Leroy's interruption, Lis's scream, Ulquiorra's wide-eyed panic. It was all too clear. Ulquiorra needed to know. I was sure now.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets as I left the room, sure that Ulquiorra had already retired to his own.

Tomorrow, perhaps, I would be able to tell him.

Tomorrow became today and I found myself, still half asleep, eating breakfast with Ulquiorra, Lis, and Leroy. The silence was awful.

I started intently at my toast. I had only taken a couple of bites out of it and, already, I lost my appetite. It wasn't that the food wasn't good, because it most certainly was. I just couldn't focus. Too much happened yesterday and I had no idea how to deal with it.

The thought of talking to Pierre crossed my mind again and, this time, I gave in to it.

I excused myself from the table and the awkward meal, venturing to search for Pierre. At this time of day, I could almost assure myself that he would be in the shooting range behind the garden. I was right, of course, and there he was.

"Pierre!" I called out. I knew he heard me but he didn't turn around. Taking that as an invitation, I walked right up to him.

He only turned to face me when I was two feet from him. "What is it, Grimmjow?" he asked. Why he needed to ask such a question was beyond me, though. I decided to humour him anyway.

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday. About what I saw," I said nervously. He didn't seem surprised at all, of course.

I fidgeted awkwardly, staring fixatedly at the ground in an attempt to divulge some secrets from it. Or so it seemed. I just couldn't look Pierre in the eyes. "You're with Reynaud," I said quietly, "As in... with... with, you know what I mean?" I didn't want to use that word, though I don't know why not.

He nodded in agreement. "And what of it?" He didn't seem fazed at all; that was what awed me.

I couldn't help that, because of my shock, I immediately switched over to using French. "Mais ça c'est... c'est impossible! Toi avec lui comme..."

"Homosexuel?" he supplemented.

I nodded stiffly.

He shrugged. "C'est rien, vraiment," he told me. I didn't see how it was nothing though. After all, it was a big deal. This was my older brother who I had long since deemed asexual only to find out that he was, well, actually gay. Stoic, quiet Pierre was gay. That was just... The incredulity of the situation struck me as ridiculous.

Pierre patted me on the back in a disturbingly brotherly manner. "Ne t'inquiétes pas pour moi. Tu vas accepter ça. Ce n'est pas une problème, je sais."

I stared hard at him which seemed to prompt him to ask me, "C'est tout?"

I let out a sigh. "No, Pierre, it's not..." But I didn't know where to start with my problem.

Pierre was my brother, though. It seemed that I didn't need to. "You're concerned about Ulquiorra..."

I looked up at him, alarmed. The first thing I wondered was how he knew. Then, I realized that it must've showed pretty obviously on my face. "Yeah," I muttered.

"Talk to him," he said simply, "If he wants to know about us, he wants to know. Have a little more faith on his reliability." He gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze as he whispered, "He won't leave you."

I looked up to say that there was no way that that was true, but he was already gone. I had expected this, though. With an exhausted groan, I sat myself down on the bench that had been placed in our vast garden right under our arbour. My eyes followed the twisting path of the ivy plant as it made its way up and around the arbour. It was a good sort of distraction. I needed something to keep my mind off of Ulquiorra.

But it didn't last.

I found myself running a frustrated hand through my hair, trying to figure out what I was going to do - if I was going to do anything - and how.

I needed to trust Ulquiorra. Pierre was right, but I didn't know how to. I buried my face in my hands.

"Hey," I heard a voice call to me.

I looked up immediately. It was Lis.

"Can I sit with you?" she asked shyly. I nodded, shifting over to allow her room to sit. "What's on your mind?"

I didn't have the words to explain it to her so I just shrugged. "Nothing much, really."

She shook her head. "Something has been bothering you. If you're worrying about what happened yesterday, you have to know that none of us got hurt so-"

"I know that already," I snapped suddenly. She flinched. "I'm sorry," I murmured, looking away.

Lis looked up to the sky and, for a moment, I wondered what she was seeing because her eyes suddenly became glassy. It was odd; I could see the sky in her eyes.

It gave me an odd sense of calmness.

I closed my eyes, smiling a little. "Thanks, Lis," I said to her, "I needed that." I stood up, offering her my hand. "Do you want to come back to the villa with me?"

She looked surprised, but took my hand anyway.

We walked back to the villa in silence, her hand still in mine.

It was comforting to have friends, I realized then. And a brother.

Whatever was going to happen later would happen. And it would all be okay.