It was a more than twenty hour drive from Sioux Falls to Oregon. I was glad I didn't have to spend it on the bike. Bobby offered up a van we could use, but we opted for two cars. It meant we could rotate on the driving so we could take turns sleeping, and that Dean didn't have to be too far from his precious Impala. An overnight stay in a motel was off the cards. I wasn't keen on taking such a long break, and it was a waste of money. The back seat was fine for me.

Thankfully no one asked awkward questions, mostly because I was either driving or dozing the whole way. I rode in the back of Dean's car, with Castiel for company, though he sat up front instead of at my side. I could deal with that, I didn't want to get any closer to him than I had already. Goodbyes were painful enough, I didn't need to make that any more difficult. Sam stuck with Bobby, and it made the drive painfully dull. Still, at least Dean had decent music to listen to.

"Evelyn?" it was Castiel who gently shook me awake. No nightmares this time, though I wasn't sleeping nearly as deeply as I had at Bobby's place. With the low hum of music and their muttered conversations peppering the journey, it was impossible to slip completely beyond the realm of consciousness.

"We here?" I asked groggily and rubbed the back of my hand over my eyes.

"Yes, Dean has found a motel. It would be wise to regroup before we attempt to find your brother."

Regrouping meaning getting together and talking some more. I wasn't in the mood for that. I knew I wasn't exactly a joy to work with, and I was making this a lot more difficult than I needed to, but I just couldn't handle other people all of the time. Just another reason why working and living alone was easier. There was no guilt, no lies, no secrets. You knew everything you needed to know and didn't have to share anything with people who could judge or despise you. I didn't want these people to hate me. Deep down, I wanted them to accept me. But as soon as they did it scared me. I was so afraid of letting them in, letting them see all the darkest parts of myself, and that they'd then change their minds and throw me away.

It was all so needlessly complicated. Friends and family and lovers, I didn't understand it at all!

"You planning on sitting in the back seat brooding all night, sweetheart?" Dean asked.

"Didn't I tell you not to call me that any more?"

"Maybe," he winked, "But those kinds of rules don't count after you cross state lines."

"What? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Oh I doubt that," Dean teased. He was making it very difficult for me to maintain my cold and uncaring demeanour. I clambered out of the car and grabbed my bag from the trunk. Hopefully we wouldn't be spending too long here.

Dean took charge and went to pay up for a couple of rooms, after I gave him a bundle of notes to cover my expenses. We were going to need more than one room, and I insisted that I have one of my own. I knew the boys and Bobby wouldn't ever do anything untoward to me, but I was still a young woman, and I needed my own space.

I only entered the room to leave my stuff, then locked up and went next door to listen to Sam, Dean and Bobby try to formulate some strategic plan of attack. They made it sound like we were on some kind of a hunt, but it was nothing like that. We just wanted to talk to this guy, and protect him if we had to.

"Honesty is probably the best policy here," I interjected when there was a lull in the conversation.

"As in, tell him that he's a cursed hybrid monster and demons want to catch him?" Dean asked, "I don't think he's gonna go for that."

"Or," I said in a patronising tone, "We tell him that I'm his sister and I've been trying to find my older brother, and that I want to get to know him."

"Sounds reasonable," Sam agreed, "So who are we meant to be?"

"Bobby can be my legal guardian," I reasoned, it wasn't too far from the truth after all, "Dean and Castiel can be private investigators, and Sam can play the role of the protective boyfriend."

"Hey, always wanted to play a P.I," Dean seemed fairly happy with his cover story at least.

Castiel furrowed his brow and asked, "Why is it that Sam is playing the boyfriend?"

"Because he looks closer to my age, and he has a basic understanding of how to act like a human being."

"Thanks," Sam said, "I – I think?"

"It was a compliment," I assured him, "Besides, Cas', you have the whole trench coat, private eye kind of vibe going on. This works better."

"I'm not sure I'm inclined to agree."

"It's an act, Cas'," Sam told him, "It's not like I'm actually dating her."

Castiel still didn't look all that pleased. Then again, his emotions were pretty difficult to read when his expressions were always so stiff. To distract from the awkward turn the conversation had taken I asked Sam, "Did you find out where he works?"

"His father owns a telecommunications company in the city, looks like Lee is pretty high up in the corporate ladder."

"Daddy probably fast tracked him for every promotion going," Dean said, "Might make it tough to get an appointment."

"As if that's ever stopped you boys," I said with a sly smile. They both chuckled as if they felt foolish for doubting their own abilities in the art of lying. If they wanted to get an appointment with the President they'd probably have found a way to do it. I stole a glance at the clock on the wall. It was late, and I needed to look fairly well rested for the next day. If I was half asleep I wasn't going to be as quick on the draw as was required, "I'm going to turn in. Don't go leaving without me tomorrow, alright?"

"As if we could," Sam patted the top of my head in that comforting, older brother manner again. I elbowed him gently in the side before I left, waving absently at the other three. My sentimentality was sneaking in again. It was hard to keep in check around the Winchesters.

"I still don't understand," Castiel said from behind me as I closed the door to my room. I turned sharply on the spot and held a hand over my chest. That idiot! He'd almost given me a heart attack! I locked the door and let out the breath I'd just sucked in, then stalked over to the bed to turf out the contents of my bag, seeking out fresh clothes for the morning and a gun I could keep under my pillow for the night.

"What don't you understand, Cas'?" I asked, knowing full well what he had an issue with.

"Sam – do you – is there something that –"

"No," I said flatly, "But even if there was, it wouldn't be any of your business."

"I beg to differ."

"Yeah I figured you might," I muttered.

"Then why did you suggest it?!" his voice was so angry it caught me off guard. I span on my heel and stared wide eyed. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, the lights had actually flickered in tune with his fury which I felt crackling through the air like electricity. Castiel was a prime example of how emotions could be dangerous when one let them go unchecked. The angel crossed the room in only a couple of strides before he swept me up against his firm chest. The pressure he exerted in the embrace crushed the air right out of me, but he was unrelenting, and when I wriggled he only held tighter.

"Cas', seriously, I need air," I gasped.

Understanding that he was doing more harm than good, he relaxed his arms and kept me in a gentler grip. Seeing the way his face changed from an expression of jealous anger to one of desperation and heartache made my chest hurt even more than when he'd squashed me. It was enough to severely dent my resolve. If I gave him hope now and broke his heart later, wasn't that worse? I couldn't pretend like I was going to be able to live some happily ever after, apple pie life with him. That just wasn't on the cards for me, it never had been. Even when my mother had sent me off to a normal school like all the other kids I knew I wouldn't live the way they could. Their futures lay in education and marriage, mine lay in bloodshed and slaughter.

Castiel was a good man, or as close to a man as an angel could be. He deserved more than I had to offer. He should have bestowed his affections on a person who could return them without fearing the consequences of doing so. The worst part of all of it was, for all my internal promises of solitude and self preservation, I yearned for the comfort of another human being. Or angel, whatever.

"This really isn't going to work," I said quietly.

"Are you trying to convince yourself, or are you talking to me?"

"Both, I think," the laugh that followed was a hollow sound, one I'd hoped would mask the pain I felt, but probably only made it worse. I continued, "This is – look – I can't go through with anything that's... Cas', I'm not really good with getting close to people."

"I had observed that, yes."

"Then you know that we can't let this carry on. It's better that we just forget all about what happened at Bobby's, and we go back to hunting. Then when this is over I'll walk away and you can just forget about –"

"No."

"No?"

"No, I don't want to forget," he said, "I have observed humans for so long, the way they build relationships with others and forge bonds. It was interesting, but alien to me. The Winchesters helped me to understand true loyalty and friendship, and I have felt affection for people before. But you," something like sadness touched his eyes, "You made me feel something more. I cannot tell you why, I do not fully understand it myself, but I know that if I were to let you walk away from me it would be a mistake. I do not want to share you, not even with Sam Winchester, and I don't want you to think so little of yourself."

"You're making it sound like you're –"

"I believe humans call it being in love, yes."

"No, I don't believe in love at first sight. Crushes and things like that are for children. Besides, you called me an abomination," I wasn't going to let that go, "And you contemplated killing me. What you're feeling is probably pity."

Stubbornly, he shook his head. For a man who was still learning to be human he certainly had that trait nailed. Despite my fears of any latent siren abilities I may have, Castiel leaned in and pressed his mouth firmly over mine. It was a possessive kiss, demanding and firm. He wasn't just trying to show his affection, he was attempting to prove the ferocity of that emotion, to tell me just how strongly he was convinced of them. He wouldn't allow me to push him away and, frankly, my brain was having some trouble communicating any such instruction to my arms. His perseverance was wearing me down, and I was so, so tired of having to fight off the feelings which had been blossoming for this trench coat clad bundle of confusion since he'd first healed me in that house.

To hell with the consequences, I needed this.