Maura

"Vodka won't solve your problems."

Glass in hand, Maura looked up at her mother sat on the couch of her hotel room, in front of her. The tears had ceased to fall but they had left a bitter taste on her soul. She needed time to process all these things that were twirling in her head to the point they made her feel dizzy. Time and a few words.

"I know..."

She took a sip of her drink, alcohol burning her throat before embracing her stomach of a well-known warmth. Until now, Constance had been patient and let her recompose herself but the scientist knew that – at some point – she would have to talk.

"What happened, Maura?"

They had never been close. All her life the honey blonde had hoped for a strong connection between her mother and herself but it had never happened. Until now. Why was Constance suddenly showing interest in her life? It was disturbing; as much as she felt like embracing it once and for all.

"She gave me a chance but I ran away. She made the first step... She dared... Yet I didn't stay. I didn't give a proper answer either. I..."

Maura looked around at the hotel suite pointlessly then shrugged as her eyes stopped on a cell phone resting on the coffee table.

"I ran away..."

As if the realization had suddenly hit her, she hid her face between her hands and moaned; distressed. There was a reason why she wasn't good at human relationships. The last scene with Jane proved it, one more time. With this typical calm that people tended to assimilate to coldness, her mother frowned but didn't move. Instead, Constance plunged her eyes in hers then shook her head.

"Why did you do that? I thought it was what you wanted; or at least what you advanced the last time we spoke... Shouldn't you be happy and celebrating, now?"

Maura took another sip of her drink and faced the cruel emptiness of the glass. She needed another one immediately. Vodka, whiskey... Anything strong enough that would make her feel tipsy.

"I don't want to lose her."

The words sounded fair – firmed – yet a veil of vulnerability spread over them as they floated in the air. She was being sincere except it hurt. It hurt deeply.

"And... That's why you ran away?"

The police siren pierced the silence; in the background. The car passed by the hotel – down the street – probably heading towards the harbor. The medical examiner focused on it until the sound disappeared and she had no other choice but to keep on talking.

"I can't afford to lose her. If... If I give in and something happens to her... I will never be able to cope with it. Her job... You have no idea how risky her life is; all the things she faces. And what I see arrive at the morgue every morning. I don't want to have to identify her body, even less determine the cause of her death... I can't get attached to her sentimentally."

For the very first time – as the words were sliding on her lips out loud – Maura realized the weight her professional life had on her daily existence.

Her vision of things had changed irremediably through the years, the dark experiences she had faced. She spent her time analyzing the gloomy side of men; facing details most of the population preferred to ignore when it came to human beings. The darkest barbary. If she had ever been genuine, she could now affirm that naivety had left her for a very long while.

"But honey, you are already attached to her. You can't control your feelings. No one can do such a thing and you know it. Your Cartesian mind prevails enough for you to draw evident conclusion over the way human beings work... Nobody wants to lose a beloved one but missing out the uniqueness of love just because you are scared is a lot worse."

Troubled and embarrassed, Maura looked down at her feet. Everything was fake; everything was a pure facade and she knew it. Her so-called self-confidence had never existed. She pretended, with more or less success; using a maximum of artifices to cheat.

"I am a coward."

Constance snorted, obviously unconvinced. Unless she was just annoyed because cowardice was not a temper feature that belonged to the Isles.

"You have always been everything but a coward. Even as a child, you liked defying authority in order to try things by yourself. You are ambitious and daring. You made it even clearer the day you ignored people's advices and chose to become a medical examiner. It was a singular decision that surely requires guts. Abandoning ourselves to someone's love is always scaring, Maura. But it is also the most beautiful thing that one can do."

…

Jane

The first thing Jane noticed as she woke up turned out to be the smell of bacon and eggs; and a scent that seemed to float around but she couldn't identify properly. Keeping her eyes closed, she rolled on her side in bed but didn't feel the light coming from the windows as it should. Instead, the sun was caressing her legs. Her heart began to beat faster – her senses now fully awake – and as she sat up and looked around, she came to the conclusion that she had already assumed a few seconds earlier: she was not in her bed.

Like in bad scenario, she found her clothes scattered around on the floor; her shoes by the door. Panic had officially spread on her mind as the loud silence of guilt was starting to weigh on her shoulders; on her broken heart. She had screwed it big time.

Trying desperately to push back the tears that were asking for nothing but to come out, she hid her face in her hands and swallowed hard. Why had she done that?

The evening research for a witness at the BPD had turned frustrating. For the very first time since the beginning of the serial killer case, they had a lead. Yet their witness was nowhere to be seen. Defeated, she had left the office late in the night and out of frustration, she had called Charlie.

Then she had slept with him.

Did the artist have the mere idea that all along, she had thought about nobody but Maura? That she had come to him only because the honey blonde's blurry reaction had taken her aback to the point her heart still hurt right now?

Perhaps she had been genuine but she hadn't planned her friend's reaction. Of all the scenarios she had imagined, Maura rejecting her hadn't been part of any. Too much self-confidence? She bit her lower lip. Charlie had been awfully patient with her – not complaining about her singular behavior that was far from being the one of a thirty-seven-year-old person a man would have been dating.

Until the previous night, they had barely kissed once. Even for their getaway out of Boston, they had slept in separate rooms. Because she had asked for it. Because she couldn't do it.

But now she had ruined everything.

In a hurry, she retrieved for her clothes – put them on – and took a deep breath as she headed towards the kitchen corner of the loft. Charlie welcomed her with a bright smile.

He looked incredibly happy when she felt atrociously guilty.

"I made scrambled eggs."

Without saying a word, Jane looked down at the plate that was waiting for her. She never ate scrambled eggs in the morning. Of course, he couldn't guess. No.

But Maura knew it.

Maura...

Twisting her hands nervously, the brunette counted until five in her head and bit her lower lip; trying to ignore the nausea she was feeling.

"We need to talk, Charlie."