Disclaimer: My name is Jenn. Although I am not Suzanne I still love you all. c:
"Are you sure you want to know?" my father asks as Grash pulls out the needle from his case. "We can wait a few years if you aren't ready."
"I need to know, Dad." I try to make my voice forceful but it still shakes. "I have to." He sighs and steps away, allowing Grash to step forward. With an emergency call my father brought him over to get my blood tested. If the disease is present we'll know in a few days once it's sent through the Capitol's fancy doctors testing. D12 doesn't have the type of scan we need.
Grash goes to straight work, wiping the injection site on the inside of my elbow with rubbing alcohol. "It doesn't hurt much," he tells me, extending the much. I don't care how much it hurts, I just want to get it over with. "Here we go," he mutters, sliding the needle into my vein. I shudder and squeeze my father's hand, looking away from the image before me. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous! And much? Is he crazy? This hurts like hell!
"How much longer," I mutter, squeezing his hand tighter. "How much longer!"
"All done," Grash smiles at me and yanks the needle out. "You're so fidgety," he tells me as he wraps the bandage around my elbow and places cotton underneath. "Look, I picked pink just for you." I smile politely at him but the neon tape is going to attract attention from everyone. "You can take it off in a few days," he tells me as I stare at it.
"Thanks, Grash," I tap at the tape and force another smile. The one he returns to me is sincere and he pats me on my head like a dog. Maybe I was wrong about him growing up in a district and then moving to the Capitol. His apology when I found out about my mom was true, though, I could tell by the pity in his voice. I'm not sure about Grash. He doesn't seem all awful.
"Now if you don't mind," he steps away and bows, "I have other places to be." He shakes the vial of my blood in his hands and turns the other direction. My father leads him out the door as they shake hands and I slump onto the couch, staring at my arm. Just one little vial could change my life forever. Change it in a way I never had expected. Maybe it's best I don't have friends, it leaves less people to get hurt if I die. Suddenly I think about the Games and how if I was killed in them… no one would really be affected. My mom probably wouldn't even know I was in them, and she'd be dead soon anyways too. My father, of course. But friends?
I think back to Katniss and wonder if we really are friends. I wonder if she thinks of me while in the arena. I know she thinks of Gale and Prim and maybe a few others, but of me? Hopefully the pin stirs up a few memories of lunch or gym class, not just of a mockingjay. I scrunch my nose as my father shuts the door and walks back over to me.
"I'm sorry I ran out the other night," I say quietly, not lifting up my eyes to see him. I want to believe what I'm saying but I don't, because I'm not entirely sorry. He shrugs and sits in the armchair across the room.
"Just had me worried, that's all."
"You should have told me. I'm not like mom, I can handle bad news."
"Obviously not," he crosses his arms in front of him. "You ran off with some Seam boy." I bite my tongue at the comment and I'm sure he notices. "Something you've got to say, Madge?" The way my name rolls off his lips makes my heart sink. He's still upset with me. He's more upset with me than he's ever been and I can tell because it echoes in his voice.
"Yes."
He waits a moment, and after I don't respond he says, "Well?"
"Well I think you're uneducated if you think he's just a Seam boy," I reply angrily, standing up and storming to my room. The door slams and reverberates throughout the house and I'm not even caring if I woke my mother. I'm almost certain I didn't, she took morphling this morning. Of course, only the moments I spend staring at myself in the mirror do I realize I didn't get mad over the lying, I got mad over what he called Gale.
I don't know if my dad and I will ever be the same again. One stupid fight is all it took to break us. We seemed so happy, so normal. I remember just a few days ago when he gave me the golden pin the first place. Could it only be days? A week at most. It feels forever away. What changed when Katniss boarded that train? When she was broadcasted live to all of Panem? Why has my father gone and turned into a liar, a judgmental secret keeper?
Of course, I suppose he's always been that way, hasn't he? I just hadn't noticed.
Happy notes. High notes. They begin to crackle. Deep notes. Dark notes. Notes of all kind are flying through the air. I try to listen but I can only hear the throbbing on my heart, bump bump bump. I'm playing for my mom, playing so her dreams are filled with me. Bump bump bump. Or am I playing for me? I can't quite tell. The pounding gets louder and I slam my hands on the keys.
"What!" I should to no one in particular. The room is filled with an eerie silence after my music, not even the beating of my heart echoes.
"Madge?" A call through the door makes me jump and I rush to see who it is. Gale's peering through the window, Prim at his side. She's looking at him, who's looking at me because I'm now in the hallway. I fumble with the door handle and Prim runs to me, grabbing me in a hug.
"Oh, Madge," she cries, squeezing me. "I was so worried when you didn't get me from school…" I look up at Gale for an explanation at her sudden wave of emotions but he just shrugs.
"Primrose can you give us a minute?" He asks politely.
"Go over to the piano," I tell her. "I'll be over in a second." She nods and wipes at her eyes although she hadn't been crying and Gale takes a step backward so I can follow him onto the porch. "What's up?"
"Well you weren't at school," he starts, his eyes studying the neon wrap on my arm. "I went to pick up Rory and Vick and Prim ran out of the school crying, talking about how Katniss almost blew herself up during lunch."
My stomach drops, "Is she okay? Katniss?"
"Last I checked," he says, his eyes finally crawling back up to mine. "Her ear was bleeding, probably blew out an eardrum. All the careers food and supplies are gone though."
"I haven't been watching," I admit. "Just kind of… sitting around."
"Anyway, when you weren't there… Prim was worried. Wanted to check on you, I guess." He pauses for a moment, looking at my arm again. I cross it over my chest and under my other arm so it's harder to look at. "Is your mom alright?"
"Yeah," I say, my voice shakes. "She's okay." I know he wants to ask why I wasn't there but I can't tell him. Not today. Not right now. Not with Prim inside tinkling away on the keyboard. Not after Katniss nearly dies. "I'll have to watch the recap of the Games."
"They're a little… gruesome," he tells me, his face morphing into stone. "Just a warning." I force a smile onto my face to show I understand and that I'm grateful for his warning. I drop my eyes to the ground behind him. "Are you okay?"
"Fine, just fine," I say with a little too much enthusiasm, trying to force my eyes up to his but they don't make it. He raises an eyebrow at me and I take a step back, reaching for the door. "Perfectly fine. See you at 5." With that, I push my way into the house without a goodbye and find Prim staring at me. "What?"
"Nothing," she says, looking back down.
"You can ask," I laugh, walking over gently and plopping onto the bench next to her. I remember how she got embarrassed last time she asked something and Gale scolded her. I kind of like how she pays an interest in me, however.
After a few minutes of her tapping two keys back and forth she asks, "Why were you playing such scary music?" I pause. Was I? "I mean you don't have to tell me I was just wondering because even Gale was worried. It was really loud and we could hear it from the streets and everything."
"I… I didn't know I was. I guess I let my mind wander, is all. No reason." She continues tapping the two consecutive keys. "Anything else?" She looks toward my arm briefly but then back to the piano, giving her head a slight shake of a no. "Alright, then let's get started."
With my dad not home I feel a little less constricted. I allow myself to smile and even manage to get a few out of Prim. Once again, she's a fast learner. Even faster than I was. I sit back and listen as she taps away a simple tune, humming along as she does so. The night drags on and at 5:00 Prim pulls me out of my stupor, saying that Gale is probably waiting for her. We stand up, close the lid on the piano, and I lead her outside. Of course, right on cue, Gale hops up to get Prim. He glances at the neon tape again but says nothing.
"You coming to school tomorrow?" he asks after Prim walks ahead a few steps. "I think Thom missed you today."
I chuckle and look towards my feet. "Yeah, I think so."
"Good," he smiles. "See you then, Undersee."
"Hawthorne," I retort sarcastically. He laughs and goes to catch up with Prim who kept looking over her shoulder with a giddy smile.
After they leave I shut the door quietly and wrap myself on the couch, turning on the TV so I can watch replays of the Game. I'm feeling awfully lonely. I wish Prim were still here, or maybe Gale but only if he wasn't going to ask questions.
The pink on my arm suddenly catches my eye and I'm pulled back to reality. The reality that my test results will be back in a few days. The reality that I may already be dying. I can't wish for things like Prim's comfort or Gale's hand to grip when I'm nervous. I can't attach myself to people until I know that I'm not going to be dead in a few years.
As the screen flashes with debris from the explosions Katniss set off, I know what I have to do. I have to sever ties. I have to cut myself off. I refuse to hurt anyone but myself.
A/N: Next chapter with more drama! Sorry this one's a little slow. There has to be those progression chapters... but Gale's birthday is coming up! There will be some rambunctious behavior *snicker*. Hope you're all having lovely days! c:
Edit: Thanks to Ellenka for telling me I used to wrong vile/vial. Embarrassing! All fixed now, thanks again! c: