A/N: Hello, guys!
The chapter took a while, but believe me, it was a tough one, and while I knew what I wanted to write, I just couldn't actually write it. XD Plus, this chapter was actually very much longer than this, but I had to cut it in two parts, pfft, again, since I couldn't just update a 20k word chapter. :P
It took me longer than I wanted, but seriously, your reviews were amazing, the best motivation I could ever have. I honestly was totally blown away from them, so keep them coming XD Comments are a writer's diet! :))
Also, in reply to 'Guestie', I really like your view on Leo; good points. Leo is generally the kind of person who puts the others first instead of himself and bears all responsibility because he wants to deal with stuff alone. And let's just say, when your first mother is gone, the second woman you see as a motherly figure disappears and leaves you hanging while your father puts pressure on you because he can't cope with all of this and needs to rely on you, you really tend to have Leo's behavior. Well, at least that's the gist of Leo's feelings during the story and the reasons why he acts like this.
But I don't want to say something else. You'll see more of the brothers' problems and character arcs later; through Mikey's eyes, who is sometimes an unreliable narrative ;)
P.S. By the way, I almost forgot; some reviews and PMs have been asking about Leo and Karai's background relationship. While I do like to keep a mystery, since this story has no flashbacks of the past and is very mainly told by Mikey's point of view, those people could check out chapter two of my other story, Speak low, if you speak love, maybe ;) Perhaps I should do some one-shots for other characters in the story, too.
:/ Sorry for the huge author's note, but there were some things I wanted to say. For now, enjoy the chapter! :D
"See Your Face In Golden Rays"
Have some quality time with my family; Smile more; Help the world; Do something scary; Act more mature; Help the people that always help me; Admit my feelings; Take my life into my own hands; Be proud of me; Make a new friend. Michelangelo has to make this year memorable for him. (TMNT HUMAN! AU)
Just a sucky fic because I have to release my pent-up stress somehow.
Warning: Crappy Grammar / Awful Dialogues/Completely Out Of Character
Mikey was really bad at this.
And he was bad at a lot of things, sure – like Trigonometry, seeing without his glasses, talking to cute boys or playing baseball – but none of these things were serious and none of them hurt him like this.
Because Mikey felt all kinds of hurt from his talk last night with his father and he couldn't bring himself to say so, because, again – he was just really bad at this.
Part of him was feeling weightless, flowing in relief after having released all of the bottled up emotions that were trapped inside of him and bringing him pain – Donnie always said nobody should ever keep his feelings inside. Hypocritical of him, Mikey thought.
But the other part of him, that was hurt and guilty – because his spite was directed in the wrong place, at the wrong moment, and perhaps his all too bottled up feelings were very confusing for him to understand – and while there was that deep, low, undeniable beat in his stomach, telling him that his father deserved to hear that, Mikey knew it wasn't the right time for him to hear it.
It just wasn't.
Mikey felt the coolness drying the swollen parts of his not-well-slept eyes, and closed the fridge door with a frustrated swift of his hand.
What have I done? I wish I could run, he mused in his head, thoughts scrambled from having raced in his mind, again and again, yesterday night as he was staring at his room's ceiling.
Raph had slept on the couch. Maybe he was upset, too, with him. Donnie and him hadn't mentioned anything, only trading knowing looks, but Mikey was certain his little outburst had been heard by them.
But they hadn't said anything – so possibly Mikey, except for breaking his father's already broken heart – he had also made his brothers angry. Maybe they didn't want Mikey saying stuff like this to their father, or maybe they had wanted to say them themselves or –
There were a lot of maybe's, but one thing was for sure.
Mikey had to fix this. – No, fixing stuff was Donnie's department. He just had to help. He needed to help. He wanted to help, so much.
He could understand his father's reasons; Mikey thought warmly, no more feeling betrayed by him – not sleeping the night really made you see things more clearly.
And with a blinking glance to the corner of the kitchen counter where his mother's picture frame was standing brightly and tall – the understanding of his father in Mikey's heart was twisting easily into a bundle of true empathy.
He couldn't go back and undo this. So, he just had to stay and face his mistakes – or whatever it was supposed to be called.
But how? Mikey shut his eyes closed for a minute, dreaming of the sleep he hadn't gotten, cramped in the kitchen with his pajamas and thrown supermarket shopping bags all around.
I couldn't help it, I was having troubles, was a justification, not an apology.
When you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt, Miss Abigail would say, with Mrs. Baker's supporting hand on her shoulder, when Martin and Timothy would fight and their punches would go a bit harder than they intended to.
Yes. That was what his father needed. He was sorry. He had done something that was hurtful to him and even if he was having a bad time, he didn't deserve to hear that – but he deserved to hear an apology.
Not right now, because Mikey knew his father and six in the morning – wow, Mikey was really up early – was his 'taking-care-of-the-dojo' time. So he would wait.
Feeling pleased with himself, finally, something satisfied and good nestling in his stomach, Mikey knelt down and starting tidying up the shopping bags.
He hadn't forgotten of his dinner operation – his plan to make his big brother happy, truly happy. For someone who hated the sea, Leonardo looked like he was on a boat during his life, waves, and ripples facing – and Mikey knew he needed something solid.
He – they had to be that solid thing for Leo. Leo had been solid for them his whole life and now, his brothers would repay him. It was a thing only brothers could do.
The statement was filling him with useful pride, and Mikey felt a lot more pleased and satisfied with himself, even than before.
And that was how he found himself busy into work, all ingredients carefully placed around the kitchen and him following religiously the colorful cooking diagram – because diagrams were serious and Mikey was indeed very serious about this– for his Thanksgiving dinner, which April had outlined on the cover of the usual piece if school newspaper she often gave them.
Her articles were always so fun and vibrant and April-like (the reason Donnie enjoyed them that much) and her newest, "If Love Is So Painful, Then Why Do We Keep Craving It?" article was decorated with April's messy handwritten cooking plan and a cute, protective 'take it easy, Mikey' message on the bottom.
It was like Mikey had overprotective siblings everywhere.
Mikey started the routine, stress flowing out of his system once he got himself into something familiar – cooking: Making dinner rolls, proofing for twenty minutes, then freezing and once firm, transferring them to plastic freezer bags.
Simultaneously, he continued, making pastry for the pies, chilling dough, then rolling out and lining nine-inch pie shells, freezing until firm and he was just wrapping the frozen dough and pan with plastic wrap and store in the freezer, when a soft knock on the kitchen door and an even more soft voice reached his ears, making him smile involuntarily.
"Good morning," Leo said in that low, morning-like voice that made Mikey remember of the old days where he would have stayed up late to watch Space Heroes or talk with Usagi and Mr. Gen about martial arts tournaments. It almost brought a happy grin on his face – almost, though, because Leo's eyes looked too light blue and very tired.
Mikey slumped his shoulders, and the hint of compassion must have been noticeable on the frown gracing his mouth, because his brother pressed his lips when he greeted him, "Leo, hey!"
He straightened himself, running a hand through his messy, black hair and Mikey found himself mimicking his actions. "Hi, buddy," his cheeks were pale when he reached the table and dragged a chair to sit wobbly, before obviously closing the freezer's door, because of course, Mikey had forgotten to.
In his defense, he was worried about a very pale and colored like a pill brother of his.
"What are you doing up this early?" Leo asked, taking a glance at the mess of the kitchen and the clock standing on the wall like a reminder of both of their sleepless nights, probably. But there was a small light flashing in the cool blue of his eyes, one that Mikey recognized as mother hen worry, and he barely resisted the urge to groan.
Leo had had a panic attack, and yet, he was here, worrying for other people. Stupid, selfless Leo.
Mikey smiled nonetheless, and responded brightly, with a bit of a dry tone, "Oh, I'm just fixing some stuff around here, and," he stopped himself, a knowing smirk creeping up on his lips, "before you say I'm overdoing myself, I'll have to inform you that I actually do not."
There was an enthusiastically firmness in his tone and it coaxed a smile back to Leo's pale face, as he nodded and agreed, a ghost of amusement in his eyes as he shook his head.
Mikey jumped triumphantly in the back of his head, feeling equal parts of happy and proud for many, incomprehensible reasons – and concerned, too, as he watched the color of Leo's skin brightening in the light of the morning through the window, yet not the color of his eyes back to normal.
He furrowed his brows, looking Leo pointedly in his eyes. "What are you doing up?" he asked sarcastically and was surprised to see Leo's face crumbling into something so un-Leo, to say. He didn't like it at all. It reminded him of the very un-Leo yet Leo-ish moments he had witnessed, like that dreading panic attack, which would be taped in his mind, for practically – forever.
So he added, joking teasingly, leaning his arms carefully on the kitchen sink, "I thought you'd be sleeping for, like, days," and despite his mocking tone, full of the brotherly affection Leo genetically could not basically deny or turn down, his brother shrugged his shoulders like they were hurting.
"Come on, Mikey," he scoffed and sighed in that impatiently patient manner he had adopted all these years in which he had changed, "I couldn't stay in bed all day long. I've already been – I'm fine," he said, but his eyes were telling otherwise.
It made Mikey's heart thud uncomfortably behind the many layers of his pajamas, and he narrowed his eyes at the sight of his brother.
It was almost as if he looked apologetic; that was what Mikey could detect in his eyes, at least. They looked lively, in a way – so weird. It was like Leo had never slept at all, like he had just had a very important meeting conversation and other responsible stuff that made Leo look so, well, responsibly hurting all the time.
He had seen his mother's eyes, blue and frightened behind curly black hair and dark shin sprinkled with freckles – and he had done nothing.
He had let her leave. And while there was perhaps nothing to do about it back then, when he was already eight years old, barefoot in many ways, he could do something now for his brother.
You owe them, the small mean and successfully ignored voice in the one part of his mind was singing.
They need you, the louder, more insistent and more usefully encouraging voice rang in the other part of his mind, and Mikey let it, reaching his brother just about like a guardian approaching a scary and scared animal.
That was always the worst combination, Mikey mused, rubbing a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder, and when Leo looked up, open, wide and full, Mikey caught his heart in his throat.
Perhaps that was why their father could never articulate a word to them.
"Oh-kay," he rolled his tongue in his mouth, testing, "I'm just saying, tryna look out – for you," he concluded lamely and simply, trying Leo's defenses and poking them till they fell down like walls in front of his truthful, baby blue eyes of his.
And thankfully – because Mikey really didn't know how to continue – the walls broke and the stoic, wide face of his brother twisted into an expression of scrunching annoyance.
Mikey expected a snap or something loudly irritated, but he forgot that was Leo he was talking to, and not Raphael – so it caught him by surprise as Leo's mouth opened and his voice was nothing but soft.
"About that, Mikey," he started, staring right into Mikey's eyes with so much sincerity it made his body burn, "I'm sorry."
It was a simple word, but the tone of it as it made its way out of Leo in the most honest of ways urged Mikey to dig deep inside and think what exactly his brother was sorry for.
Because with the look on his face, it looked like it was everything.
His throat itched as Leo continued, biting his lip and speaking with rehearsed, careful way that sometimes made Mikey chuckle – but now it scared him, because it seemed as if the fine, practiced tone was there because Leo had thought of it again and again and now was trying to cover any emotion he could show.
And that wasn't good.
Leo couldn't hide the emotion of selfish sadness lacing the corners of his eyes from him, though. "I'm sorry if I scared you or upset you guys, I really didn't mean it. I didn't want this and I don't know what happened. I mean, I know. I just – I don't know why. And I'm really just trying to – but I can't do something if my good isn't good enough and –"
He glanced at the floor and Mikey followed his gaze for no reason, toes curling painfully in his slippers when Leo found his voice again and said, small and timidly, as if the words were something shameful to utter, "I don't want to be a burden for you. Not when I'm supposed to be everything but that."
Leo lifted his head, crinkling his nose bashfully and Mikey felt his blood boil in him. Certainly, the feeling should have reached his face, because Leo was now squinting at him, blue eyes narrowed and lip jutting out as his pale skin drew a picture of a surely certified brother.
Mikey looked at him, wondering who could see what he was seeing right now and think of burden, and his mouth hardened as if he had said a curse word. And swear words for him were like the special Japanese plates in the back of the cupboard – only for the most serious moments.
"Burden?" he echoed his brother's word slowly, voice cracking. "Is this a new word for fa-mi-ly?" he retorted rather firmly and the lump in his throat jumped when he saw Leo wincing at his tone.
He knelt down a bit, so he could be face to face with his sitted brother and pointed a finger of his chest. "You didn't upset us, dude. You got us worried. And before you ask sorry for this, too, you shouldn't be. We're brothers, we're supposed to worry. And all of us do," he added truthfully for finishing, voice getting warmer in the end as he watched Leo's face turning from miserably tired pain to something lovely and soft smiling.
It made Mikey smile proudly back, a broad grin settling on his face, enough to brighten up the both of them.
Leo's small smile broke to allow a weak, croaking a laugh out of him as he caught Mikey's eyes. "I'm such a mess," he rubbed the back of his head with a wounded expression, saying with deliberate enunciation, like would change Mikey's perspective of the 'gold-prized, one of a kind brother Leo' to hear it.
He shook his head and got up from his knees, smirking while rolling his eyes. He managed to reach April's newspaper on the table and turn it to Leo's face, accusingly. "Hey, be careful!" he scolded playfully, "That's my big bro you're talking about."
Leo snickered, and then stayed silent, pausing so he could get up from the chair cautiously, and Mikey almost got worried about brother's actions, hoping he wasn't feeling dizzy.
And Leo's eyes were indeed a tad unfocused and strangely shrinking – had he even gotten his pills? Mikey's thoughts raced and his heart matched the beat – but they finally set on him, and when they did so, they were warm and kind, blue like the darkness of the sea, bright like the sky and they had Mikey hooked.
Leo smiled, gently and peacefully, so unfamiliarly familiar it rattled Mikey to the bones, as much as his brother's next, quiet words. "You're the best brother, you know that?"
"Yeah?" Mikey questioned insecurely and so immediately it surprised even himself, but Leo's face only softened more.
"Yeah," he confirmed, a little embarrassed to be the cause of such a ruckus and the bundle of nerves that was Michelangelo, but not broken.
No surprises there, Mikey mused amusingly, nodding to his brother. It would take a lot more to break a strong Leonardo Hamato.
He smiled back, and tilted his head, finding himself easily in the common, so nostalgic smiles and eyes of his older brother as he teased, "And your favorite one?"
Leo deadpanned. "Now you're just fishing. But yeah," he muffled a laugh behind his hand, looking both apologetic and amused, and sincere and Mikey almost awed at the warmth of his tone, already opening his arms widely.
He wiggled and his glasses fell on the start of his nose uncomfortably as he motioned his hands, and announced light-heartedly and with a messy grin, using Leo's all too silly, brotherly affectionate nicknames, "Woo-hoo, give a hug to the Hoop Master, you goofball."
He barely saw Leo blinking behind his awfully adjusted glasses, but his brother took a step in front, pushing kindly his glasses back up with one finger so he could take a good, actually visible glance on his face and when he did, Mikey's open arms fell slightly loose, face slackening.
Because Leo didn't look happy, or sad, or any petty feeling – he looked like Leo, like that Leo all these years back and the sudden memory in front of his eyes made them widening and Mikey's mouth curling up.
He really looked like that – old Leo, the always responsible brother, but never pressured, sci-fi dork, emo kid yet the most enormous adrenaline junkie Mikey had ever met, practicing katas down the dojo because it made him happy, not someone else, nudging playfully with his brothers and having fun, joining them in mockery and laughter – or sadness and pain, instead of staying away like he was getting used to doing these last years –
– talking with Irma about facial toners, punk music and exfoliating scrubs, chuckling with Jason and Casey when Raph did something stupidly funny, kissing awkwardly with Usagi between rolled up tatami carpets or playing thumb wars with Karai under the tables during school time when he thought no one was watching – still hurt, but holding strong when Mikey's mom was gone.
Strong because that was Leo – and Jesus, Mikey was wishing in his head devotedly that his brother would stay again like that forever; strong because of the past – and because of them.
Leo moved so quickly Mikey didn't have the time to encourage his thoughts to dare to leave his mouth, wrapping those strong hands around him and pressing him in the tightest hug in the entire universe. "I still can't believe you dubbed yourself that," he murmured in his curly hair.
Mikey allowed his eyes to close, so easy in his brother's embrace, whispering a half-hearted, "Because it's true?" and sinking in Leo's arms, relishing the shape of him and the memories crawling back again like a much-welcomed, tingly snake.
And with the way Leo held him tighter, like his strength was slipping away from him and he needed to hold him, Mikey couldn't help but open one eye, glancing towards the corner of his mother's dusty picture frame.
Sometimes, Mikey, like last night, forgot that his mother couldn't be as much disappointed in them as they were in her. Because between those two, aching edges of daring to grief and mourn for a loss you weren't sure was death and wanting to hope for the fairytale-like ending, there was that pit of pure and raging disappointment.
His mother had left. She had abandoned them and had ruined everything just when everything was actually going so well.
She had disappeared with no excuse – perhaps there was some excuse that he wasn't being told – and left so many things scattered.
And they hadn't been able to pick them all up, yet.
Better late than never, Mikey thought, bubbling up to the courage to pick one scattered thing at a time; this time his over-pressured brother, who had always been a Titan, next to their father, holding up the sky for the eternity of their family.
For such an accomplishment, his brother was forgiven.
For perhaps having such an accomplishment over his head for so long, his father was forgiven.
For being able to even have managed such an accomplishment, Mikey's mother would never be completely forgiven.
For that and for many other things, too, which made Mikey feel bitter.
Oh, well. She wasn't going to have the chance to get his full and sincerely long hugs – those were reserved for his family, his father, his brothers, his friends and now; only for Leo.
"Donnie and I kicked your butts. B-team is the best team," he declared with a haughty expression once Leo finally released his arms from around him and ruffled his hair playfully.
It sent Mikey all kinds of warmth, which was surprising, since it should be impossible for him to feel even warmer between fuzzy pajamas and the heater buzzing comfortingly since the night before.
But all of his brothers always managed things that were impossible.
"Basketball is not your thing, dude," Mikey pursed his lips into a mocking frown and added gleefully, "Only the tall ones got it."
It was back when they played all summer together, trying to have fun through sticky and sweaty times – and Casey's shattered backyard was the perfect place for them to declare their unofficial basketball championships.
Mikey and Donnie always won, long limbs and longer grins as Casey's mom brought them juice boxes, paper towels to clean their sweat and grilled cheese sandwiches as their trophies.
It was when Father was still freshly sad, and there was no possible way to look at his twin son's faces and not be slapped with a crisp hand of the reeking past – and Casey's mom – Aunt Trudy, she had said – who knew them all so well like the pots of flowers in her yard, had no problem supporting them, whether it was with warm words or warm smiles.
For Mikey, Casey and his mother had always been as good as family.
Leo didn't seem to remember that little detail, or maybe he didn't want to show Mikey he did, his head caught up in the happy times as the dazed smile appeared on his mouth and he snorted soundly, "Can't argue there."
"Nah, I'm wrong," Mikey waved his hand sharply, "We're all the best team," he said decisively, and the colorfully happy ambiance that clouded over Leo's content face – even his eyes smiling – was the kind of mood Mikey always wanted to see adorning his eldest brother's features.
Leonardo could have been a child with them for a little longer – before so many things had fallen on him like they were a dysfunctional house of cards and he had the job to collect them back. Maybe they could have grown up together, giddy and wild and careless and passionate and never, not for one moment, uptight and worried.
But, as Mikey looked his brother's face – Leo smiling truly and genuinely, eyes wide with expectancy, acceptance, and permission all at once – he thought that it wasn't very late for that to change.
He smiled gradually back. Perhaps Leo didn't have the chance to be a child with time, but he had the need to do so now. And that was enough for Mikey.
"You're good, bro. You're doing good," he finally said, softly, and with the way Leo's smile broke into a grin all the way up to his ears, it seemed like it was something he had wanted to hear for a while.
His brother's grin fell slightly as he looked briefly at the rack of hand towels that were hanging on the kitchen wall and he spotted his phone. He grabbed it and messed around with it for a while, before a sigh left him that forced Mikey's eyebrows to furrow.
"What's up?"
Leo sighed another time, hunkering lowly. It made Mikey look taller than his brother, even though they were the same height, despite the two years difference. He pushed his chest out, in a try to appear even taller – because he knew that his lankily adorable height was just as irresistible as his big, blue eyes.
Fair enough, Leo huffed, answering to his puppy eyes with a roll of his. "Karai hasn't called me," he said quickly, and before Mikey could wander on the fact in the privacy of his head, Leo continued, encouraged, "I think – maybe I pushed her away or something. You know, with all that."
He fidgeted with his fingers, looking away from Mikey's eyes and shrugging his shoulders weirdly, as if he felt bad to admit such a thing.
And, in Mikey's opinion, he definitely should! Karai was Leo's, like, very badass angel or something – which was really cool, because Mikey, Donnie, and Raph didn't always have the chance to hover around Leo during school time, and Mikey was pretty sure by now that they didn't have to anyway, since the scary, gothic Oroku Karai was ready to break the neck of anyone that would dare to lay a threatening hand on his eldest brother.
For that, Mikey trusted Karai wholeheartedly, and that wasn't a word that he used very lightly.
He deadpanned at his brother's unsure stare. "Dude. I think it will take a lot more to make Karai push herself away from you. You know that," he said sincerely, watching something finally flicker through Leo's tired eyes like a tiny, hopeful fish.
Mikey couldn't resist rolling his eyes at that. It was as if Leo had erased the fact that even with all the messy things that had come up like a tornado, Karai had never even made a move to leave from him.
"And give her a break, she's put up missing posters for Klunk all over Manhattan," he added mirthfully, because he thought it was something Leo would like to hear, taking April's newspaper from where he had left it so he could look at the dinner plan and hide his smile behind it as Leo's breath hitched.
"…Really? She has?"
Mikey fixed him a disbelieving look, raising an eyebrow. "Uh-huh." And then, as a concerned expression ghosted over his brother's face, he continued, voice lowering, "We'll find Klunk. I'm sure of it," he said and the 'it wasn't your fault' part was left unsaid.
But, Leo seemed to have understood it all too well, because he smiled, fondly and softly, muttering a quick yet sincere, "I'm sure, too," before his face split into a wide grin, "Come here, again."
Mikey blinked, perturbed under his brother's kind stare, but Leo gestured silently, and he realized exactly what was coming. So, he lifted his arms and strung them around Leo's neck when his oldest brother crushed him in the second hug for this morning and Mikey embraced the warmth for another time.
Besides, his brother was way overdue for a hug.
He clung back, clutching Leo's pajama, half convinced he was dreaming it or it was a memory from the good past, but he was brought to reality when the arms around him got a little tighter, too.
"Ah, another hug?" he fluttered his eyes sardonically when the hug was over, "Man, what's going on? This is why Karai doesn't call you, because you're a total sap."
Leo shook his head, amusement in his voice. "I've been told, I've been told."
Mikey paced around the kitchen with happy steps – he could get used to this Leo; he could make sure to have this Leo in his life forever – as his brother was continuing to snorting to himself and took a seat.
He edged himself through the shelves, looking for a certain dinnerware April was mentioning in her diagram and, but once he spotted the oolong on one shelf, he perked up, smiling. "Wanna have some tea?"
"Is this even a question?"
He grinned, settling his kettle, tea pockets and hot water on the counter as he got into work and spoke indifferently, without filtering his words, "I'm glad you're better."
He stilled, wondering how the words could affect Leo in mean ways – he wasn't trying to say that Leo wasn't better before – but, perhaps he shouldn't have overthought it, because Leo seemed to understand. His brothers always did.
He nodded in that slow, agreeable way, and while his face was unreadable, the smile couldn't be covered from his voice. "And I'm glad you're glad. Still. Thank you," he said.
And Mikey's heart sunk into the softest mattress of love.
"Don't even mention it, Leo. We're here," he said instead, eyes glinting when Leo's mouth twitched into a smile, "And don't start hoping on Donnie's and Raph's beds to thank them too, 'cause you really don't have to. And 'cause it's seven in the morning and they'll pummel you."
Leo smirked. "It's a little too late for that."
"Of course," he groaned.
"And no, they did not in fact, pummel me," his brother retorted in that giddy way he did when he talked about them and the glad warmth in Mikey's chest expanded like a holiday balloon.
"You're lucky," he taunted, setting the mug on the table and filling it with hot tea, which smelled like wood and thickly with roasted aromas of flu medicine to him, "They have a soft spot for self-blaming idiots."
"Maybe," he replied enigmatically.
And Mikey narrowed his eyes at that, putting the kettle down slowly. Sure, Leo didn't seem a lot happy when he got in the kitchen – but his brother's features were sweet despite the tensed knots in his neck and shoulders and the faintness in his eyes, relenting when Mikey spoke and sharpening when he spoke, because he honestly wanted to have that conversation with him.
Mikey couldn't help but feel curious – and parts happy too, obviously – at what had inspired his brother's languid change.
Possibly, the so unusual hops of Leo in their beds and his discussion with both Raph and Donnie had been able to wash out his panic attack aftershocks like a breeze mingling delicious food smells through the windy November air.
Certainly, he kind of hoped Leo had discovered the Hufflepuff scarf Mikey had wrapped on the ladder that led to his room.
'Present,' he had written on an orange sticky note, which had been left on Leo's wooden, horizontal door next to his poster, with Mikey expecting and, very much knowing, his brother would figure out from who it had come.
And with him sort of staring for a long time the poster on his door, since Donnie had slept in the lab, again anyway, taking in the bright colors of the flags and swords on it, as well as the short, curvy and not very closeted slogan on the top, 'While You Were Being Heterosexual, I Studied The Blade.'
Leo, in many terms, terms of responsibility and of the past, terms of sexuality, terms of brothers and family and kept promises, had always been so brave.
Always family, he finally crammed his thoughts and turned to glance at his brother with a sideways grin, "That's why you're in a good mood!"
"Maybe. Or it's because I love you."
That was practically the same thing, Mikey wanted to scream in full tenderness, but he was too busy making choking noises of affection as his brother chuckled. "Aww, we love your worrywart butt too!"
Leo continued to chuckle, but his shoulders sagged lightly, seeming relieved and Mikey mentally slapped his face at the sight. Silly Leo. He should know they loved him. Mikey himself didn't even have to hear it to know it.
"Come on," he waved the affection and took a sip from his teacup that Mikey knew it was to hide the grateful upward curl of his lips.
But, of course, oolong wasn't part of Leo's 'favorite tea' category and his eldest brother spit the sip he had just taken, stuttering. "This tea is nothing more than hot leaf juice."
"Isn't that all what tea is?"
It won a small laugh from Leonardo, before the sound that escaped his mouth turned into a gasp, and Mikey smiled smugly.
"How could a member of my own family even say something like that?" He exclaimed and didn't even bat an eye as he smacked Mikey's hand that was reaching April's newspaper. Damn those brother senses.
"Relax with the preparations, we have plenty of time. You know that, right?" The nod of nonchalant agreement he got from Mikey must have been sufficient, because Leo didn't waver his voice, same soothing tone.
"Don't overwork yourself. It's all gonna work out. We trust you; we just don't want you to burn out. And besides," he grinned, "you've seen too much Food Network not to be trusted."
"There's never such thing as too much Food Network, dude!" he exulted brightly and then, to defend himself in an amusing yet right amount of serious tone, "And I was just gonna check the notes for the pumpkin cheesecake in a gingersnap crust, the pilgrim pumpkin pie and definitely the chocolate-bourbon pecan pie, because you do know Casey wants that pecan pie and is pretty focused on fishing it all by himself."
Leo rolled his eyes. "He's really got to stop making stupid bets with Raph. It's not like he's getting on the Wall of Fame for that."
Mikey brightened. "Ohhh, Wall of Fame for food? Leo, what kind of amazing genius are you?"
His brother didn't blink at his rambling, only cocking up an eyebrow, and Mikey couldn't help himself but sighing, puffy and overdramatically.
"Fiiine, okay, maybe you're right. I do have a study meeting at the park later."
Leo caught his eyes in a rush, the eyebrow staying in the same raised position as he smiled at nothing in particular. "Really?"
"What didja think?" Mikey threw his hands, motioning to himself, "I am a boy of learning, mister," he flaunted jokingly, and noticing Leo's suspicious gleam in his eyes, which Mikey guessed was because of his vague answering skills or because Leo thought he wouldn't be invested in school stuff after the last traumatic math experience, he snorted long-sufferingly.
"But I'll try to keep calm in the kitchen for now. I do need your help, though," he added with a wink, watching his eldest brother twisting his lips into an amused smirk.
"With the dinner? Michelangelo. Do you want me to burn the kitchen down? That would be a shame to your beautifully planned Thanksgiving dinner."
Mikey snorted a bit, but he was grinning ear to ear, because he liked the trust and admiration in Leo's tone so much, he could have started hugging him right then and there.
Instead, he shrugged his shoulders funnily, sticking out his tongue. "Oh, please, you're not even reliable to make toast," he teased, "I have something other for you. Well if you can, because I don't know if you can drive, or if Donnie will let you drive, but – here."
He ripped the top of the newspaper, where the red letters and the familiar address were standing out like stars on the New York sky. Leonardo took the piece of paper, chewed his lip a little and then, he smiled. "The turkey, huh? Sure, I can buy it, Father said I could drive if I wanted to anyway."
Wait, what?
But Leo didn't seem to notice his face breaking into confusion, as he laughed, "Is there a reason we always have to take the turkey from all over across the city?"
Mikey stilled, both of Leo's sentences hanging around his head like persistent clouds. "Mom always did that," he said, quietly and felt bad, because Leo's enthusiasm disappeared and his color drained.
He nodded slowly, making Mikey feel waves of regret splashing on his face. He offered him a grin, full of doubt, not even able to perform his puppy stare, which always worked efficiently on Leo, ask anybody, because his eyes felt heavy, but was more than surprised to see his brother's face melting into a ruefully wide smile that could mean hundreds of things.
"Yes, Mikey, you are very right," he said and it was so full of fond tenderness and affection and so much more stuff Leo managed to slip in his heart with his warm gaze.
Mikey beamed at him, and didn't even understand why.
Leo got up and cleared his throat, glancing at him, "So, I'm going to take shower and get dressed and then I'll go. I hope they are open at 7:30," he chuckled under his breath, moving around Mikey like an octopus so he could reach the fridge, take a bottle of water in his hand and swallow a sip.
"And I'll pass from Karai. I have to thank her, too," he said, playing with the bottle in his hand, making Mikey pipe up cheerfully with the anticipation of a child.
"Yeah?"
– And curiosity, too, if he were being honest, because Leo rarely went to Karai's house, for reasons quite obvious yet sincerely unknown, since Mikey knew he wasn't going to take an answer, even in he asked. And with the way his mind was playing memories of Karai's father in front of him twistedly – yikes, he didn't even want to ask anymore.
But, if Leo was willing to go – whoop. It appeared that Leo was all too brightly voluntary, just to see Karai and that meant a lot of things; some to smile to – and some to blackmail with.
Mikey grinned like the Cheshire cat as Leo smiled to himself, sighing. "Yeah," and then, with gleamed eyes that had Mikey suspicious, he added drawling, "She always goes above and beyond the call of friendship for me."
He got my gift?!
"You got my present!" he gasped excitedly, giving his brother a contagious smile he couldn't help but return right away. "But, of course, she does! She always did. Although, dude," he paused, drumming his fingers on the table as Leo looked at him weirdly, "I think it's more than the call of friendship, right?"
He resisted the urge to wink suggestively, because this morning with Leo had been like a solacing grip to his heart, one he didn't know he could live without now that he had experienced it again and the last thing he wanted was to bring up a touchy subject and give the doors in his wide ocean blue eyes any excuse to close.
But, instead of Leo scrunching his face in that bothered manner he did when Raph would ever tease him about these kinds of things, his eldest brother blinked rapidly, and then smiled, humming.
"You are very smart, do you know that?" he asked, his voice oddly warm as the faintest of blushes made its way onto his cheeks.
Mikey smirked. "I've been told, I've been told," he sang gleefully, paraphrasing Leo's words from before just to see his brother's smile deepening broadly. "That's right! That's the happy smile I like to see."
Hesitantly, Leo made a way to leave before he stopped, turning his head so he could meet Mikey's eyes in earnest. He left the water bottle on the wooden table, arms falling loose as he bit his lip and asked, voice cracking, "A last one?"
"You got it, bro," Mikey said and met Leo's stubbornly beating heart with his chest as they hugged and held each other in the kitchen, waiting till both of their hearts ceased to pound.
"I'm still sorry," Leo muttered, muffled in his hair and it made Mikey's eyes burn. He certainly did not need to hear it, but damn, the apology felt like a warm bath after a cold night.
It felt good.
He hoped his sorry-speech to their father would make him feel the same good Mikey felt now, as he broke the hug with a satisfied sigh, pouring all of his love and feelings into it.
He met his eyes. "You're still a dork," he replied warmly, for the sake of watching his brother's face break into a smile that made him look his age.
Leo took a step back tentatively, close enough to put a soft hand on Mikey's shoulder, gripping him as blue eyes shifted around the kitchen before settling kindly on his face, searching.
"I'm proud of you. So proud and I – I really look up to you, Mikey," he finally said, voice low, and it felt like a sudden earthquake had flowed all over his body insistently.
"Mmm," he hummed, moments later, in the empty kitchen, playing with April's kitchen in fidgeting fingers.
He took in the noises the paper made on his hands, sounds of the shower water hissing, as he tossed a glance towards his mother's picture frame.
Her eyes glowed, livid and wide, and left Mikey struggling for breath as he swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. He puffed his cheeks, emotions swirling in his head like a fancy cocktail, yet the only thing he managed to say was, "That could have been you."
The rest of the day passed as smoothly as Mikey could have expected.
With Father staying adamantly downstairs at the dojo, he cornered himself in the protective cocoon of his fluffy desk chair, fiddling with notebooks and assignments he had no mood whatsoever to finish.
But the plate of leftover pineapple pizza that had been left on his nightstand by Donatello was decorating his textbooks with the most delicious smell and that was enough of motive for him.
Raph had laughed hard when he had seen him, taking a bite from his apple in his hand and his jacket from the red mattress of his bed, as he had muttered to himself, "Dork."
But Mikey had detected the hint of affection in his tone all too easily – and had attributed the fact to the delightfully happy aura that was wrapped around Leo's finally awake body.
Almost happy, Mikey mused with the furrowest of brows, thinking back to the moment he had run into Leonardo at the hallway after his purchase of the turkey and his chit-chat visit with Karai, and had seen him clutching his hair with fidgeting fingers, an anxious expression written all over his face.
Women troubles, Mikey had guessed. Now that was something he would probably never understand.
Just as he was finishing his English homework, his phone had buzzed happily, Renet's reminding message of their study meeting lighting up the screen and his face.
He leaned down, making up a backpack with all of the basics, as he sang, "Goin' to the park, goin' to park!"; his Chemistry book and highlighters, pencils and pens, Miss Abigail's handwritten advice and not spare notepad, his phone, and gummy bears! – because Renet loved them as much as much as Irma loved borrowing and wearing Donnie's purple flannel shirts.
He was cleaning his glasses messily on the hem of his funky sweater when the gruff knock on the door was heard and he rolled his eyes involuntarily.
"Wow, Raph, knocking? What's up with that?" he asked dryly as he adjusted his glasses back to his face, but once they were on and Mikey turned his head to the door, the sight of the person waiting made every word on his tongue die heavily in an instant. "Did you – Dad."
His father's wrinkles adorned strangely the remorseful smile that was tugging on his mouth and it was enough for Mikey to break into a cold sweat, freckles melting away from his face and burning holes when they reached his heart as he sighed ponderously with gentle eyes.
"Hi, Michelangelo."
A/N: Ohh… how do you think Mikey's conversation with Splinter and his study meeting with Renet will go? ;) Hope you liked the chapter and leave a review if you can!