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Chapter 14

Jane

I didn't merely just go to him. I crawled to him on my hands and knees. I was focused on one thing and one thing right now and that was satisfying my delayed craving for ...him. Every ounce of my cold logic and reason had deserted me now. All I could comprehend in this moment was the alluring sound of his thumping heart, his addictive scent and the searing look in his dark chocolate eyes.

And when I tasted his blood, I forgot all else.

Eventually we made our way back to the Cullens. I resigned myself to not fighting the inevitability that I could not do what I was sent here to do. It was impossible now that I was kept under their guard. All I could do at this point was await Aro's arrival.

Days passed in this fashion where I stayed in that room, with Seth spending the most time with me and occasionally leaving to attend his humanly needs. For those few days I did not see one sight of either of my nemesises, Bella or Edward but I knew they were nearby.

The only time I came out was with Seth to feed. Almost everyday we made our trek into the forest which afforded us relative privacy from prying ears. Now that my...needs were being met on such a frequent basis, I no longer drank so greedily to the point where he got unconscious. I found myself feeling relieved that he did not have to suffer this.

Though he'd intercepted me on that fateful day eleven days ago I could not blame him for my aborted mission. I placed the sole blame on the much reviled Cullens.

As we passed those few days in the Cullens' home, Seth talked to me. A lot. It was mostly a one sided conversation as I merely listened without saying much but he didn't seem to mind. He didn't ask me about my motives for coming to Forks anymore the way I knew the others wanted him to. Instead he talked about his life in Forks and the five years he spent in New York with his sister.

I listened curiously as he spoke of his family with such reverence and...love. I'd never really delved into the structural framework of a human family. Such things were simply not a part of the realm to which I belonged. If I had a family it would obviously be the Volturi with Alec being my most cherished relative and Aro being my parental figure. The way he described his family was something thoroughly new to me and my mind struggled to grasp the seeming simplicity of such...love.

The way I felt as a member of the Volturi was passionate and loyal. But love and affection? That would be how I felt about Alec. And Aro to an extent.

Listening to him talk excitedly, I surmised that Seth was practically a baby to me! I mean I was two hundred years old. I'd seen, experienced and done things that he hadn't dreamt or conceived of doing. Aside from the supernatural component of his wolf dna, he was for all purposes and intents, human. A seemingly normal, happy young man with his share of tragedy yet the all encompassing and supportive love of his own relatives. He'd been nurtured from young to feel love, to accept it as his given, natural right. He was so...good. And any form of 'goodness' was foreign to me.

I wondered at the irony that would catapult me into his life like this. I didn't want or need this mysterious imprint connection to him, I'd never even had an inkling that such a thing existed. I knew for certain he could well do without my sadistic nature or the impending wrath of Aro. A cold fist of fear knotted in my chest as I contemplated him facing my Volturi peers. If it came to that, I'd do everything in my power to keep him out of the way with no one being the wiser.

Then it crossed my mind that he, Seth, might have experienced one thing I never had.

Sex.

I'd maimed, tortured, killed but that was the one experience I'd never had. It was not something that had aroused my curiosity, even throughout all the time I'd existed. What I'd witnessed at feeding frenzies had further contributed to my aversion. It seemed a violent thing to me. Yes I cherished violence but only when I was in control of that violence. The Volturi males wielded sex as a weapon in Volterra, using it against vampire and human females alike. They found gratification when they simperingly acquiesced. No one would control me like that, not even for a moment, I'd always thought.

Being amongst Aro's special rank of Volturi fortunately prevented me from being claimed as anyone's mate yet didn't protect me from advances of a sexual nature however. Felix had tried to put his claim on me sexually but I'd summarily refused much to his sulky disappointment. At least he had known when to cease with his unwanted advances. I couldn't say the same for Demetri. He had approached me once much to his detriment.

After that no one had dared ever approached me like that again. Hence my whispered nickname was born, frigid Jane. Yet no one dared whisper it to my face.

So sex was the one experience I'd never had. Not as a mortal or immortal.

Now I thought...I thought sex could be pleasing with him.

Much to my mortification, I vividly remembered that recent night where I'd tried to seduce him. Contrary to what I had told him a few days ago, that had been the most singularly humiliating moment of my existence. He had affected me more than I thought anyone could.

He was the most easy going, cheerful being I'd ever met, not in any way being forceful. He made me feel a bit at ease in contrast to how I always had been tense and constantly in a combative frame of mind. He made me feel comfortable. And yet strangely...hot and bothered all at the same time. It was like he always made me want to be physically close to him. I was not immune to the fact that he was...stimulated every time I fed from him.

I wondered again if he'd ever had sex before. Of course I couldn't tell and I would not randomly ask him that! That question burned my curiosity though.

In my mental surmises, I'd been listening intently to him all the while but now his husky voice tapered off slightly and as I watched him, his eyes drooped close and his head lolled to the side a bit where he was leaning against the headboard of the large bed. I instantly panicked thinking something was wrong with him then I remembered he needed to sleep.

He looked awkward there, the angle in which he slept. So slowly, and as gently as possible I propped some of the pillows beneath his head, suddenly glad for the bed. It meant he could stay here with me while he slept.

The door abruptly opened and she strolled in the room, catching me as I was adjusting Seth comfortably. I halted in my adjustments, hovering above him almost straddling him with my knees planted on either side of his bare stomach. I came off from my precarious perch atop him quickly, planking myself in a seated position on the edge of the bed with my back to her.

I heard someone whisper downstairs, "Knock first, Bella."

As if she could be bothered with that.

I turned to glance at her. "What do you want?"

She stood there watching me, her face for once not betraying her hostility towards me.

"Seth's exhausted. So I came up here to keep an eye on him." We both knew she was really here to keep an eye on me.

I glanced down at Seth, and my eyes subconsciously remained glued to his face, taking in how his expressive, handsome features relaxed in sleep making him look boyish. I spoke my thoughts aloud.

"I won't hurt him, you know."

Bella said softly, "Maybe you won't. But you can...not intentionally...but you still can nonetheless."

I kept my studiously passive gaze on Seth. Looking at him, even in slumber, provided me with a certain level of calm yet I softly hissed the words anyway.

"You and the others on the other hand, I would willingly."

Infuriatingly she said, almost in this sympathetic tone, "I know, you've demonstrated that all too well."

She walked to the window then, her back facing me now as she glanced out at the forest. I hated the ease with which an enemy of mine could do that. Disregard me as if I had no possession of my coveted maim inducing power.

"Don't you ever get tired?"

"Excuse me?" I snarled frostily wondering at her seeming stupidity. Did our kind ever grow tired?

"I mean of all that agony...and death that permeates Volterra. Have you ever been out of there and experienced the world besides being on some...mission for the Volturi?"

I decided to completely ignore her. But then I really thought about what she said. What did the world hold for me? People like her and Seth with loving, families who supported all their choices? Such things I'd long lost hope for. I didn't want to think of humans as anything more than fodder and prey, didn't want to dwell on the fact that they were sentient, valuable beings. That they possessed facets of living that were forever beyond my reach. Besides I treasured my position in Volterra and wouldn't trade it for anything the world had to offer.

This sojourn in Forks, meeting Seth and being confronted with this baffling connection would just become a distant memory when I returned all too soon to Italy.

I said to her now making my voice as bland and bored as possible, "The world has nothing to offer me."

She shook her head, turning to face me now.

"You're wrong. If you gave Seth a true chance he'd be the best person to show you what you've been missing."

"The only thing I miss right now is my power so I could get you to shut the hell up. You don't know anything about me or what I should be missing!"

She really was audacious and overbearing. What she said hit a nerve with me given my previous thoughts on my lack of sexual experience. I wondered if she could have guessed or if her unwanted observations applied to a broader, more generalized meaning. It sure as hell didn't matter. She was continuously getting on my nerves.

She still kept talking, her large golden eyes now filled with this pitying look that would have nauseated me if I were able to actually feel such a thing.

"I know you've suffered a lot...that Aro used your suffering as a tool to manipulate you..."

"How would you know anything like that?!"

She looked down a bit guiltily now and right then I knew her suffocatingly annoying spouse had been digging through my head. Did that mean my mental defenses had crumbled? What else did he invasively extract from my mind? Had all my plans been revealed?

" Keep out of my mind, you bastard!"

I knew he'd easily be able to hear me as I was certain he was somewhere close. These two never seemed to be too far from each other.

"He didn't see why you came here if that's what you're wondering."

I glanced at her hardly daring to believe what she said. She changed the subject at once, saying,"Alice wanted to know if you'd like her to get you some new clothes."

I saw her offer as another opportunity to get out from under their suffocating supervision. So I said sweetly, "No thank you. I have the amenities with which to make the necessary purchases myself. Seth can take me."

To my surprise she appeared to ponder this a moment. Then she said, "He can do that, along with Alice and myself, of course."

I sneered, "Of course."

Then I automatically looked at her garments in a detached manner, admitting they flattered her beautifully. She wore a mauve long sleeved silk dress that fitted snugly then flared out from her hips ending just above her knees with stockings. Her skin glimmered softly from where the afternoon sun shone through the large reflective window. Grudgingly she was one of the more exquisite vampires I'd ever seen with her lustrous brown tresses and large golden eyes.

She looked behind me then where I was seated at the edge of the bed and I turned around to meet Seth's warm eyes on my face.

"Hey." His voice was even more normally husky now that he'd just awakened.

"Hey." I repeated his phrase inanely as I stared back at him.

He grinned. I felt my lips tugging up in response. I found myself in the in past few days readily if involuntarily, smiling back at him. He illicited that strange response in me, to smile at him, at his light words or gestures. Hardly had I ever smiled just casually rather I mostly smiled during or after my torture of someone.

Bella said, "I hope you had a good rest, Seth."

To my gratification, his eyes never left my face as he mumbled his response, "Yeah, it was great."

I was barely aware of Bella leaving the room as Seth sat up to face me. And I was shocked at my thoughts now. I was thinking that I wish Aro wasn't due in just two days, that I had just a bit more time with him.