A/N: Back again with Jack's POV. He's nearing the end of his horseback riding trek, and of course everything continues to remind him of a certain someone...

Chapter 14: Impasse

On the fifth day of the horseback riding trip, the group made its way out of Utah back into Arizona, passing along the way through some high white cliffs and a place named Elephant Cove. The sun was starting to approach the horizon when they reached the camp tucked away next to Mt. Trumbull. Despite the beauty he'd been witnessing all week long, Jack was continuously miserable. The first serious pangs of homesickness were starting to manifest; unfortunately, he was still two days removed from the return to Saddleback Tours' headquarters in St. George, Utah.

And I still have that long drive back to Phoenix, he thought as he ducked inside his assigned tent, his mind and body growing wearier just contemplating what lay ahead. What am I going to do with the rest of my "vacation" when I get back there?

He hardly had time to rest or think any further on the subject as the bell for the evening meal rang out, calling the tired but hungry travelers to come eat. Jack wasn't in the mood to be social, so he reluctantly left the tent, knowing his absence would be noticed if he didn't.

"Jack!" a bubbly voice called out when he showed his face. It was Kristin waving a jaunty hand at him. "Come eat and sit with us!" — "us", meaning Kristin and her fiancé, Evan. Jack wondered for a moment why the young woman would want him to join them when he would just end up being a third wheel, but the recently engaged couple was smiling and eagerly beckoning. With a resigned shrug, Jack sauntered over to where they were standing in line, awaiting their turn to dish up whatever was being offered.

"Jack, we haven't had time to chat in the past couple days," Kristin gushed. "I want to formally introduce you to Evan Fielding, my fiancé."

"Jack Bartlett," said Jack, offering his hand. "Good to meet you, man."

"Pleased to meet you officially, Jack," Evan stated, giving Jack's hand a hearty shake. "Kristin told me you really looked after her when she first arrived; helping to build her confidence with the horse."

"Nah, I didn't do much," Jack commented lightly as he picked up a plate. "She was pretty darned determined to lick her fear of horses all on her own when she got here. All I did was point her in the direction of the horse I figured would be best suited for the job."

"Sawyer is the best horse," Kristin remarked with a wide smile. "I honestly can't believe I spent so many years of my life afraid of these glorious animals. I want to take him home with me!"

"And where would you keep a horse in that tiny apartment of yours in the city?" Evan asked, an amused grin spreading across his face.

"Oh, a girl can dream, can't she?" Kristin sighed. "But I guess that's not something that would be a problem for you, right Jack? You must have lots of room up there for another horse on your ranch."

"You could say that," Jack answered while accepting a large slice of roast beef and a bun from the server.

"How big is this ranch of yours, Jack?" Evan asked conversationally while the trio made their way to a table to sit and eat.

Jack gave the rote answer: "Six hundred acres. It's been in my family for six generations."

"Wow," Kristin said, clearly impressed. "That sounds like heaven."

Evan nodded in agreement. "Definitely beats a cramped apartment in a crowded city."

"Well, I'm sure there are benefits to living in the big city," Jack commented, trying to deflect some of the compliments he felt were undeserved. "Everything's a trade-off, as they say."

"There are benefits," Kristin conceded. "But every now and again, you just need to get away from all the craziness. I've always wanted to see your part of Canada, too. There aren't a lot of mountains in New York City."

"Nope, there sure aren't," Jack chuckled.

"Is that a not-so-subtle hint about where we should spend our honeymoon, Love?" asked Evan with a wink.

"It's like you can read my mind already, Honey," replied Kristin with a sweet smile.

The conversation waned as they remembered they were actually hungry from the day's travels, and Jack excused himself as soon as he was finished eating. As he'd expected, the feeling of being the third wheel started to sink in and he didn't want to prolong the discomfort. Besides, the talk of honeymoons only served to remind him of relationships past and of relationships failed.

Jack reflected that honeymoons of today were so much grander and so much more expensive than the one he'd enjoyed with Lyndy. That's because we were both dirt poor and too young to know any different, he thought. The fishing cabin wasn't the Ritz, but it was perfect. Lyndy loved that place, and she loved that we could have it all to ourselves, whenever we wanted.

Marion had been conceived in that cabin, and many family vacations were spent there, just the three of them. Only a handful of close friends and relatives ever got an invite to that remote retreat since Jack felt it was his duty to preserve the pristine nature of the location. He also didn't need strangers crawling all over his property, especially after he lost Lyndy.

"You haven't invited anyone up there since Grandma died."

Amy's words to him from several years ago returned in a flash. Back then, both Lou and Amy had expressed their surprise he was taking Lisa to his cabin when he'd given no prior hint he had even asked her on a date. It was certainly true: he hadn't invited anybody there after Lyndy's passing. He'd spread her ashes at the river in front of the cabin, so for a long time, it just hadn't felt right to bring someone else into that sacred space, especially a new romantic interest.

An acquaintance once asked why Lyndy hadn't been buried at Heartland in the family plots, and Jack had flatly refused to answer. He felt it was an invasion of privacy to reveal it was Lyndy's last request. Before she died, she admitted to Jack some of her finest memories of their marriage together had been spent along that river by the cabin, so she'd wanted it to be her final resting place.

So while it felt fundamentally wrong revealing to someone else such personal details about his deceased wife, it somehow felt natural and right to bare his heart to Lisa on that first date. Just by her tender reaction, Jack could see Lisa completely understood what precious memories he was sharing, and he knew he'd made the right choice in telling her.

"That sounds like quite a love affair. I'm very flattered that you brought me here."

It hadn't taken a genius to see that Lisa Stillman was accustomed to more high-end accommodations, driving around town in a Porsche SUV and with her reputation for breeding world-class thoroughbreds. Her business was not the small and simple one it had been when it was established by her father in 1951; everyone in Hudson knew Fairfield was currently synonymous with wealth and prestige. Lisa Stillman wore fashionable clothes and had an air of class despite her humble beginnings. Jack therefore knew bringing her to his rustic cabin for a first date would be a calculated risk: Either she would hate it—and that would be enough of a clue to him not to pursue anything further—or she would love it, and that would be all he needed to continue dating her.

I should call Lisa when I get back to Phoenix, Jack thought. Tell her I miss her… I miss her a lot. Tell her I want—no, I need to see her again.

Jack grunted with effort as he pulled off his boots to prepare for bed. Sounds around camp were still lively as several members of the riding party weren't quite ready to turn in for the night. The late evening had turned cool, but that was fine with Jack, since he preferred cooler temperatures for sleeping. His cot creaked a little as he shifted slightly to get into a comfortable position.

Will Lisa even want to talk to me after that last fight we had? Jack fretted. Doubts started to overshadow him. What if she wants nothing to do with me? What if she's seeing someone else now? She does still have that on-line dating profile up for all the world to see… She was obviously planning to move on…

His heart shuddered. It had been a feeling almost akin to betrayal when he discovered her profile, even if the discovery came about because the site's algorithms somehow managed to match them as being perfect for each other.

Let it go, Jack, he warned himself. Stop working yourself up. It's too late to fix it. Just forget about it and get some shut-eye now.

The next two days could not have passed quickly enough for Jack. While the others on the trip were expressing their regrets that the trip was coming to an end, he secretly counted down the hours until he was back in Phoenix.

Breath-taking views of the Grand Canyon from Toroweap Point on the final day would have been a highlight of Jack's vacation; instead, one thought that pounded through his head like a drum-beat drowned out any sense of awe: If only Lisa were here to enjoy this with me. It would have erased all the bad memories from France. We would have been happy together here.

So while everyone else around him rapturously delighted in the ancient beauty surrounding them, Jack could only feign interest. Some even happily declared they could now cross "See the Grand Canyon" off their Bucket List; such talk brought back memories for Jack about the Val Stanton version of such a list, which she'd dubbed her "Happy List"—things she wanted to do that made her happy.

Jack wasn't the type to make lists, yet the thought lingered about what sorts of things would make his 'Happy List', were he to actually sit down and write one. In no particular order, he mentally chose a few things that would make the final cut:

-Fishing at the cabin

-Trail rides

-Quiet times at home

-Driving country roads

-Singing songs with my guitar

-Family

It wasn't a long list; Jack figured it didn't take much to make him happy, though he grudgingly admitted it didn't take much to upset him, either. The things on the list would be made exponentially better if he could share them with someone else, but that "someone else" wasn't with him anymore and simply wishing she could be didn't change things or fix what was broken between them.

Fishing at the cabin—with Lisa.

Trail rides—with Lisa.

Quiet times at home—with Lisa.

Driving country roads—with Lisa.

Singing songs with my guitar—for Lisa

Family—should include Lisa…

Family… The family had been walking on eggshells around him for months. Through all the turmoil of being rejected as a suitable foster parent to Georgie, the crazy workload for Rich, the heart attack… the break-up with Lisa was another topic the family intuited was off-limits for discussion. The sad truth was that since Lisa was Katie's godmother, she already was pretty much a member of the family, anyway. Their break-up put things in a very uncomfortable position for everyone else. Would Lisa's permanent move to France mean Katie would be deprived of her godmother? It was a helpless feeling Jack didn't want to confront at that moment. Kids shouldn't have to be caught between the hurtful decisions of the adults in their lives. He stopped that line of thought from continuing any further because it would have just twisted him up into a messy jumble of frustration and anxiety. Avoiding stress was the whole reason he'd been forced to take this trip in the first place.

One more sleep until I'm back on the road to Phoenix, Jack mulled, switching gears in an attempt to get his mind focused on something positive. Afternoon had settled upon them, and it was time to get the horses back down to the transport vehicles for the return to Saddleback Tours' headquarters in Utah. Once I'm back in Phoenix, it'll be another two weeks before anyone expects me back home. Geez, why'd I ever agree to being down here for a month?!

Dr. Gill's recommendation to get away from all the stresses that brought on the heart attack in the first place seemed so ridiculous at this point. I could have gotten "rest" at my cabin if that's what Doc really wanted for me, Jack thought. "Getting away from it all" was starting to seem more like avoidance than respite.

Two more weeks until I can get out of Arizona. Two more weeks of doing absolutely nothing, spending my time around strangers… How do you do it, Lisa? How can you enjoy travelling from one place to another? Don't you ever wish you could just stop and stay somewhere—permanently? Don't you wish you could stop and stay put… with me?

But deep inside, Jack knew the answer to that. Asking Lisa to give up her business would be unfair and selfish, the same as if she had asked him to give up Heartland and move permanently to France. It simply wasn't going to happen, meaning they would continue to be at this impasse.

TBC