Chapter 14: Je n'ai jamais vu la mer

Song: "Port Coton" By ZAZ

The Lima Bean ist packed, Sebastian has to bawl two middle schoolers because they hustled Kitty, an expression of chivalrousness that makes her smile.

"There's no need to death-stare at these kids, Seb, just because they're clumsy."

"If they can't control their fucking limbs, they should keep them at home." he snorts and then barks his order at the bartender. Kitty waits paiently untill the boy handles them their coffees, quivering.

"You know, you're in a hell of a mood lately." She says while balancing her cup to a free table.

"Yeah, well, we have a big show this weekend. I'm stressed."
"Really?" The blonde arches a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Because, I think it's because -"

"Well, if that isn't Daltons most lubricious mudskipper." A high, narky voice cut the air between them. When they turn around, Kurt Hummel, wearing a red varnish purse on one and his boyfriend on the other arm, gives them a porcellain white grin.

"And if that isn't Sigfried and Roy themselves. Your white tiger is at home I suppose?"

"Hello, Sebastian." Blaine says and offers a shy grin. Kitty takes a well-considered zip of coffee.

"Oh, hello, Blaine, I didn't see you there. Have you diplease Miss Paris here, so she refuses to carry you in her purse today?" Sebastian lifts his eyebrows at the Ex-Warbler, pretending to await a serious answer. Kitty allows herself a grin.

"That's not funny Sebastian, Kurt and I are in a perfectly equal relationship."

"Yeah, and if you have a nice little chat with Putin, I'm sure he'll immediatly change all his laws, beeing confronted to all that love and harmony."

Sebastian stands up now and the look on his face darkens.

"But now, you two excuse us, we have better things to do than walking around an rub the only little pathetic success we ever archieved under other peoples noses, which would be in your case a ridicilously superficial highschool-affair which will be over the second you understand how incredibly ordinary both of you really are. And if you are not lucky enough to make that discovery, I here and now would like to present my congratulations considering the very long and boring road that will be your future life together untill one of you finally makes the effort to kill the other with a poisoned, pink cupcake. We're leaving, Kitty."

What on earth could have gotten Seb so worked up?, the girl wonders when she follows her pissed friend out of the café, leaving two stunned and angry boys in front of their table.

"Seb."
"What?"

"Hey!" She hisses. "You can maybe bitch at these guys, but not at me!"

He growls, but then bites his lip and mumbles an apology.

"So." She continues, more tenderly. "What is it? Why are you so pissed?"

"I just - It annoys me how they walk around, showing everyone Oh Hey, Look We're Gay And Proud Uhhh. "

She diplomatically keeps quiet for a moment and then asks: "Are you .. are you jealous, Seb? Do you want a boyfriend too, who holds your hand and buys you coffee?"
"Don't be ridicolous." He snorts.

But she can't help but notice he's refusing to look her in the eye.

"We moved here because my mother got a divorce from her husband. His name was Rafael." Sebastian says. They're laying on the cowling of his car, Seb can feel the winshield whipers under his back, but he doesn't care. Their legs are entangled, Hunters knee is bumping against his own, their shoulders touching, Hunters fingers playfully brush over his palm.

This is oddly nice, he thinks and is immediately worried about himself. He is Sebastian Smythe and Sebastian Smythe is not one for cuddling.

"Were you in love with him?" Hunter asks inertially, tilting his head just a little so Sebastian can feel the tips of his hair brushing against his cheek.

".. yeah. Yeah, I was. How did you know that?"

"Dunno, just .. the way you said his name."

Sebastian smiles and turns a little so he can smell Hunters scent. Cigarettes, valerian and something sweet. Like honey.

"Does that mean you're bilingual?" The other one asks after a while. There's a airplane crossing the sky and they both watch until it's gone.

"Hm, yes, I am."

"Never thought Sebastian Smythe was bi." Hunter chuckles and Sebastians joins him, their bodies shake lightly.

"Can you say something? In french?"

Seb smiles, because this is just such an common request.

"If I do, what will I get?"

"Hm, there are two options."

"Which one includes clothing?"

"None of them."

Seb shivers and Hunter grins. They don't move an inch and after a few seconds, Sebastian starts singing.

"Quoi que tu fasses, je ne sais pas ce que ça remplace. Et derrière nous c'est encore à l'ombre."

His voice is hoarse and calm and the words feels familiar between his lips. Speaking french feels like singing. Singing french feels like home.

"Faut-il encore qu'on raconte que quelque chose nous revienne. Faut-il qu'on soit seul sur terre, ici aussi?"

Sebastian remembers the first time he heard this song, four years ago in their small, wooden apartment. His steph father had played his guitar next to the window, the smoke of his cigarette mixing with the far sounds of Paris' streets.

"Boire pour la soif. Je ne sais pas ce qui de nous deux restera tu dis, mais je ne regarde pas."

He can feels Hunters breath on his neck and turns his head as well. Singing becomes harder once their eyes are locked. Hell, everything becomes harder once their eyes are locked.

"Je n'ai jamais vu la mer, mais j'en ai vu des noyés. Comment fais-tu pour oublier - pour oublier?"

Sebastian wonders why he feels like this. Why he feels so safe now, so - right. There's no logical reason.

He knows, later, they will head home and sleep in seperate beds, wake up in dry sheets, barely talk at breakfast, avoid each others gaze between classes, carefully not touch during Warblers practice and in the evening, laying on their beds, waiting for the other one to give in and text. Hurried kisses, breathless sex, Sebastians demanding to sleep together and Hunter kicking him out or leaving himself, because of the talk, the talk. Sebastian hates the talk.

"Et la pluie qui revient dans nos voix. Pas une chanson où je ne pense à toi, dans ce monde inhabitable."

Isn't it pure irony that, after all these times that he got rid of unwanted hook-ups, it now is him to be rejected?

Maybe he collected a certain amount of rejection during the last few years and now he gets it all at once.

And if that is so, he's damn sorry for having been such an asshole because it feels fucking terrible.

"Il vaut mieux danser sur les tables. A port coton qu'on se revoit, qu'on se revoit."

He looks at Hunter and realises he's fallen for that man. Desperately, hopelessly fallen.

It's not like in the movies, there's no warmth or firework inside his head or something. It doesn't even feel nice.

The moment he admits it for the first time, he knows it has always been like this. And it won't change anytime soon.

"Hunt .."

"Yeah. I know."

They keep silent for a moment.

"Me too, Seb. But it's not that easy." Hunter finally says and Sebastian swallows hard and nods. He's not getting all childish and forcing Hunter to say he loves him. Not yet.