I watched you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain And now I cry in the middle of the night For the same damn thing
Smith POV
I woke up with three beer bottles on the table next to my couch. My face was sticky with tears, so either I cried myself to sleep or I drank myself into passing out. All I remembered was I was mad at Brian for picking a fight with Elliot…but I didn't really know why that bothered me. It came back to me then:
"Lucy, I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions like that. I just was surprised to see you with him. Are you two—"
"No, Brian, we're just friends."
"So does that mean-?"
"No, Brian, it doesn't." For some reason he was really getting on my nerves. I knew then I didn't want him back. But I didn't know why.
"Why?"
"Brian, I've been dealing with a lot lately. You should know; you've been investigating the case." I said through a clenched jaw.
"Are you mad because I didn't call?" I just wanted to move on…I realized while undercover I couldn't trust Brian and that was why I had always been on edge with him and wondering when he'd end it or cheat again.
"Brian, I told you we were done a long time ago. I didn't realize it meant for good at the time, but it does now. I'm sorry." But the awful part was that I wasn't really sorry.
I had always been taught to shove my emotions aside. No one really cared if you were broken and wanted to slit your wrists or if you were so happy and wanted to tell everyone in my house, before or after my mother passed. But this is my life, I thought. And if I want to have a five hour crying session, I can. If I want to feel sorry for myself, I can.
I didn't realize I was already crying until a tear hit my arm. I walked into my room and found the picture of my mother. It was on my bureau, in a frame. I had already cut my stepfather's face out of the picture, so it was just me at ten years old, and my mother. On impulse, I threw it at my mirror. I called my mother and stepfather every name under the sun and blamed them for trusting Brian all this time. I blamed them for being so weak…
And then I picked up the glass shards from the frame but I was blinded by the tears and I cut my hand open. I winced when I saw that it went deeper than I thought it would have. I felt my hand go numb, but I could still see the blood gushing from it. I heard the doorbell ring. I knew I had to go answer it.
I opened the door and it was Elliot. "What do you want? You know I'm off today." I said, trying to be as composed as possible, but it was hard to do considering my hand started throbbing now and there was no way he could miss the tears that still didn't dry of my face.
"I called you five times to apologize about yesterday, but you didn't answer. I was going to take you out to lunch to make up for yesterday's destroyed dinner plans…but considering the shape you're in, I don't think that's a good idea."
"What are you talking about? I'm fine." I sighed. "Just kidding." At this point, the door against my wound was not feeling anywhere near good.
"Can I come in?"
"Why not?" I said. I closed the door behind him and pulled my hand back from the door and gasped from the shock of pain.
"What happened to your hand? Jesus, Lucy. Why didn't you say anything?" He sighs. "Do you have any ACE bandages or something?"
"Maybe. Probably in the bathroom."
I sighed and sat down on the couch. He came back with the ACE bandages and sat down next to me and wrapped it for me. "Nice timing I had there, huh?" He says and smiles. I told him what happened.
Next thing I knew, his face was inches away from mine. I forgot who moved when, but it was completely silent except for our breathing and I could feel his breath on my face; we were that close. Was he going to kiss me? Before he could do that or pull away, I said, "I can see why you aren't a doctor. You suck at wrapping bandages." I smile, so he knows there's no offense intended. He laughs but doesn't pull away.
Don't you wanna stay here a little while? Don't you wanna hold each other tight? Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight? Don't you wanna stay here a little while? We can make forever feel this way. Don't you wanna stay?