A/N: Hi! I suck for not having updated sooner. I've had amazing opportunities with my career lately, but it has also meant no free time and almost no time to write. I'm afraid I can't promise anything more in the future either, but I do promise that I'm not giving up for good and whenever I can write I do work on this and Would You Be My Brother. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was partially really hard to craft, but it's quite important one anyway.. Thank you for everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I love your reviews and please give me some feedback of this one, too, even if it's taken so long..
It was 10 am. Peyton had Lucas's Red Bedroom mix pretty much blaring in the office. It was a pathetic try to keep her awake. She was somewhere around the borders of sleep anyway. It was tough to keep eyes open and so she opted to close them. Just for a while, just to collect a little energy before getting to work.
All of a sudden she chuckled, eyes still closed. The song in the mix had turned to Haley's Quicksand, but what she heard wasn't quite the album version. A male's voice - little off key, but still soft enough to be surprisingly endearing - joined Haley's main vocals. It was actually a little bit like having backing vocals on top of the other tracks. Peyton hadn't heard that voice sing much, but she would still had recognized from anything. So she smiled and forced her eyes open to see Nathan hand in hand with Lydia walking towards her.
"You're surprisingly not THAT bad, Scott.." the laughter in Peyton's voice was waking her up nicely "But maybe you'll still want to leave singing to your wife.."
"Oh, hush, I can't help it if it's catchy.." Nathan shrugged and flashed one of those famous Scott-smirks.
"Not that I mind, but what brings you here? Haley is not here, you usually don't show up here unless to pick her up or something."
"Well, you don't come and hang out with me anymore now that you have Neeil" Nathan stretched the name to emphasize his dislike.
"What have you got against Neil?" Peyton asked surprised.
"I told you aunt Pey, daddy and uncle Lucas are jealous." Lydia butted in almost angry that her aunt asked when she had already told her.
"Well princess, it certainly sounds like you were right about your dad, but uncle Ludas has shown no signs of jealousy. And why would he even? It wouldn't make sense for him to be jealous." Peyton defended herself and got a little sidetracked thinking about Lucas.
Nathan let out an incredulous laugh, but knew better than to stir up the mess by confirming that his brother was most likely not only jealous but heartbroken because of Neil.
"I just.. You know, you used to come to me and we'd have fun, but ever since Neil showed up, you only hang out with him, the women or the kids. I miss you, Sawyer." Nathan said so sincerely Peyton felt like melting.
She just looked at him - so openly he could read the apology and love on her face. He smiled at her to say it's okay. Lydia however wasn't used to such silent communication. It was quite rare for Nathan and Peyton to be so sincere and quiet together. The silence also gave her good chance to get back to thinking why they came in the first place. She was so excited she couldn't stay still.
"Daddy, ask her already!" Lydia broke the spell of understanding. She was fidgeting and practically jumping.
Peyton turned her attention to her goddaughter and chuckled at the sight. "Come here, ballerina."
Obviously content about the offer, the little girl walked around Peyton's desk and climbed onto her godmother's lap. She flashed her a similar Scott-smirk Nathan had given as a thank you for the invitation. "Aunt Peyton, I'm not a ballerina anymore.. Rather call me Karen or Mama now.."
Both of the adults couldn't help but laugh. How could a kid be so serious and so mischievous at the same time and then say something so silly?
"Well, Nathan, what did Karen, meh, Mama, meh.. Can I just call you Lydia? It's such a pretty name." Peyton shifted her question from the father to the daughter. Gaining an approving nod she turned back to Nathan. "Nathan, what did Lydia want you to ask me?"
"CanIHaveASleepoverWithYou?" Lydia hurried to answer in her excitement. It just came so fast Nathan thought it best to answer the question, too. Chances were Peyton didn't catch it the first time. "Would you mind having a sleepover with Lydia?"
"Well, yeah, I'd love to." Peyton answered without hesitation and tickled the girl on her lap.
"Good. Because as you maybe could see, she's been kind of excited about the prospect." Nathan winked and laughed.
Lydia rolled her eyes at her father's little teasing and Peyton glared at him. "We will be having so much fun that it would be silly not to be excited.."
Lydia giggled. "Yeah, dad. We'll have fun!"
"Oh, did you have a specific time, when I get the girl?" Peyton suddenly realized that she was missing some important details.
"Well, we were hoping if Lydia could spend this weekend with you?" Nathan smiled sheepishly. He knew he had just extended the sleepover with quite a lot. He also knew it was a minor detail to Peyton. On the other hand, Lydia might have fallen to pieces with excitement had she known they were going to ask about a whole weekend.
Just as Nathan had anticipated, Lydia's eyes went wide and her whole body was shaking in excitement of the latest news. Peyton only slightly chuckled.
"I'm supposed to check out Neil's new band on Friday, but they are playing here at Tric, so if it's alright, we can just check out their soundcheck with Lydia and then I'll catch them live some time later."
"Yeah, sure. Sounds fun! I'm taking Haley to Charleston for some alone time and we should leave around three, but if it's too early I can see if Luke could take her for a while."
"No, don't you dare steal any of my time with her. I'll take all I can get with my favorite girl." Peyton squeezed Lydia a little bit to emphasize the point. "We'll have so much fun."
Lydia grinned so wide and happy at her godmother's words. Then she shot a challenging look at her father "Yeah, daddy we'll have so much fun, you wish that were with us, too, and not going to that place with mama."
Peyton bit her lip and didn't allow her chuckle to get audible. You could still see it from the way her body was shaking and the look on her face got slightly suffering.
Nathan on the other hand took the risk to laugh at his daughter a little bit. Actually it wasn't really laughing at, but laughing for her. It was unlikely that he'd end up wishing to spend the weekend with Lydia and Peyton when the other option was to spend it alone with his beautiful wife. However, it was moments like that, when his daughter was smiling and funny and happy that made his heart swell with pride and joy. "Alright, I'll take the risk. Your mama can be quite good company, too, though. Can't she?"
Lydia considered the question seriously. "Well, yeah. But me and aunt Pey are most fun!"
"I know you are, but you'll have to be most fun company for Ellen-baby tonight, miss, so we gotta get going." Nathan laughed it off.
"Ellen-baby as in Ellen Baker, my best friend's baby?" Peyton raised her eyebrows as Lydia jumped out of her lap ready to go.
"How many other Ellens do we know?" Lydia turned around her expression was scolding her aunt for asking such stupid question.
"Why is Ellen coming to yours? Is Brandon coming, too?" They had just met yesterday and Brooke had said nothing about this.
Lydia's face fell at the question. It confused Peyton all the more. She knew her goddaughter was great at "forgetting" things she didn't want to remember and reminding everyone of things she wanted everyone to remember. The newly formed pout was quite a clear sign of hitting a nerve.
"Lydia why don't you pick up that pencil case your mom left to the studio, we need to get going." Nathan suggested and as the girl was on her way, he continued to Peyton. "Brandon wanted to have a guys' night with Luke. It's a sensitive issue for the princess."
That surely explained Lydia's reaction, but Peyton was still confused. "Since when do Brandon and Lucas hang out?"
Nathan shrugged. "Luke and Julian have been making the movie together. I think he's helped Julian out with the kids a few times. From what I could gather they've become pretty great friends."
Peyton looked at him incredulously, but accepted the explanation. "My godson is the sweetest in the World, but that still doesn't sound like him. He's been so judgmental to Neil and so many other strangers."
Nathan shrugged as Lydia came back with Haley's pencil case just then. She hugged Peyton good bye and her and Nathan made their way towards the door. Before stepping out of the office he turned around to finish the conversation. "Brandon and Luke, maybe they've had something to bonded over.."
Lucas sat down on a black couch and sighed. This room was a little different from the therapists' they had visited with Lindsay, but it was still obviously enough a therapist's office that he couldn't help but think back on the reluctant attempts to solve their marriage.
"So, Lucas, could you tell me about what brings you here?" a red-headed therapist asked with a sophisticated British accent. He couldn't remember her name anymore, but maybe it didn't matter here.
"I'm at the end of a marriage that now feels quite meaningless. It was easy and boring and lacked all other meaning but that of our stubbornness and pride." He paused to see the therapist's reaction, but continued as that's all she seemed to signal. "My initial reaction to the separation was a relief. You know, that I can move on by myself, find meaning to life from the things I used to. But now I've discovered that I'm in love with someone."
"I think I've been in love with her for most of my life and that's just messed up. I'm in the middle of divorce. I've hurt her so badly for most of the time we've known each other. She deserves so much better than me, but I can't help it that I love her."
The therapist smiled, but let him continue without interfering.
"To answer your question. I came to here because I need help finding the best possible version of myself in me. I have to find out if maybe that version of me would even come to the radar of being good enough for her. And even if it doesn't, I want to be that man, rather than this shallow shell of myself. My best friend Haley suggested talking with you." Lucas added the last rather shyly. He realized how much he had spoken so soon.
The shrink just smiled "Yes, sometimes therapy can be good for finding and getting to know oneself better. You described that you are a shallow shell of yourself. Why do you think that?"
Lucas took a moment to think, it was actually a little hard to find the right words to explain. "I used to be a pretty great guy. Sometimes I might have felt a little lost, but my life had still had a sense of purpose and meaning and direction. I made plenty of mistakes, but I fought hard to make up for them. There was a lot of passion. I guess it all changed when Peyton turned down my proposal. Actually, when that happened I threw myself into editing my book and becoming the best version of myself to get her back."
Lucas chuckled dryly. Now that he had said it out loud, it felt so clear how in many ways this was very similar to that. It's just his try to win her back the last time hadn't turned out the way he had planned. That was the starting point of his current mess in many ways. Was he foolish to even try when the last similar occasion had not worked out?
"The passion ended, when I had invited Peyton to my book signing in L.A, but I never saw her there. I asked Lindsey for dinner that night. She was comfortable and stable. It felt exactly what I needed after all the passion and love backfiring to such deep hurt. Peyton came back a few years later and she wanted me." he paused.
"I was proud and hurt and I had created an easy, comfortable life with Lindsey. So I proposed to Lindsey to cover for the pain Peyton's return was causing. In the beginning of our marriage we were fine." He stopped to evaluate what he could tell the therapist. Was this even relevant, since he was not here for Lindsey.
"And then, what made it not so fine?" she asked. So he decided to just honestly explain, even if it was weird.
"Nothing really changed. Maybe that made it not so fine. It best showed with intimacy. Little by little I lost my desire for sex. Lindsey still wanted it and so I either turned her down or obliged. Neither option felt good. If we had had sex few times a week, by our first anniversary we had it once a month. That turned to only on important holidays." Lucas had never really spoken to anyone about it. It felt quite embarrassing, but by the looks of it the therapist didn't mind.
"Less and less holidays started to feel that important. By our fifth anniversary Lindsey didn't want it either and we got worried. We were married, something must have been wrong with us to not want to be together like that." Lucas paused, but then realized he needed to set the situation straight for her and rushed to continue. "We didn't have any other problems, though. We got along and didn't fight or anything."
She nodded "What did you do about the worry?"
"Lindsey suggested we'd see a therapist. We ended up seeing five. Not one of them could really help us, but our life was still easy so we stuck to our stubbornness and kept going. Until the last one accidentally made us realize that there wasn't any emotional connection either. Neither of us really found it in our hearts to want to continue together and it was over really fast. It did not take long after it was over with Lindsey for me to start realizing how much I still loved Peyton. Peyton is not mine to love anymore, though." Lucas sighed heavily. It was all out now. The whole long, painful and embarrassing story.
"Why do you make loving her sound so wrong? Shouldn't love be the most wonderful thing in the World?"
"Me loving Peyton has only ever caused the both of us trouble. I don't want that to her."
The therapist raised her eyebrows. "But you wouldn't mind trouble to yourself?"
"My life has been meaningless and easy for too long, I don't really mind trouble." she seemed content with the answer so Lucas didn't go over everything once again.
"I've read your book. Is Peyton the Peyton from the book?" Lucas nodded. "Did it go as you wrote it?"
"Yeah it did. I wrote it in my senior year while some of the last things were still happening." Lucas tried to hide the smile that crept to his face, when he remembered Peyton tried to "affect the story" of the book by suggesting things to do as the book would need them.
"Wasn't it your love then that made you save Peyton from that library?" the therapist asked gently, but her question still got Lucas to stop all other thoughts.
He thought for an answer for a while. "Yeah, but we were just friends then."
"And what are you now?"
Lucas didn't have to hide the new smile. Had he tried to hide it it would not have worked because the smile lit up his whole face. His love for Peyton didn't only ruin her life, it had also saved her once. "We're friends."
Neither said anything for a while. They just smiled at Lucas's discovery.
Neil was a suit when he came to pick up Peyton from Red Bedroom. Granted, it was quite relaxed and he didn't have a tie, but Peyton still felt somewhat underdressed in her worn jeans. She finished tidying her desk and then looked at him shyly.
"Where are we going? I feel I missed the dress code instructions."
Neil smiled at her admiringly. "Not really. You look perfect."
She shrugged in disbelief but grabbed her purse and did not press the issue again until they were in Neil's car and he was driving to the opposite direction than their usual Wilmington route.
"So you're taking me further from home, you're all dressed up and you don't really tell what's going on? That doesn't sound low key, spontaneous and worn jeans to me."
Neil chuckled before saying anything. "It's all a coincidence, really. The very low key and spontaneous date place is simply on the other side of town and I'm coming straight from a suit-kind-of important meeting and only had the time to get rid of the tie."
Peyton didn't push it anymore they just continued their usual light banter for the remaining five minutes of the drive. Neil parked outside the mall and hurried to open the door for Peyton. It felt nice. Neil's undeniable charm and the way he treated her made her feel special. Last night she had thought it may be time to call the dating with Neil off and get back to being just friends. Moments like this, though, made her want to believe it was just too early.
Neil took her hand to his and they walked inside. He took her bowling and it was fun and low key just as he promised. Neil made up ridiculous jokes and dances to distract Peyton when it was her turn. For the hour and half when they were bowling Peyton got the worst points she ever had, but she also laughed more than she had in a very long time. For the hour and half it was as if the whole World consisted of just the two of them having fun. No worries, no loneliness, no failed dreams or uncertainty of the future.
"I can't believe you averaged 28 points in a game tonight. That's bad." Neil laughed and placed his arm around Peyton's shoulders as they walked out.
Peyton laughed and leaned into his embrace "I'm actually good at bowling. Tonight was simply your fault. You distracted me. Where are we off to now?"
"Well I've heard the way your stomach has been growling. Now we eat." Neil stuck his tongue out and guided them towards an Italian restaurant.
The restaurant had glass walls to the mall's main hall. A little girl that Peyton guessed to be about two years old was standing alone right outside the restaurant where they were eating. It caught Peyton's attention. What was a girl that small doing by herself?
Neil's chatter faded to the background as she focused on figuring whether she should go check on the girl. Peyton could see the little one's face now. She was clearly lost and worried. A nice looking woman came to the girl just when Peyton as raising from the chair. She sat back down just to see better what was happening.
"Peyton? What's going on?" she heard Neil ask, but to not lose focus she just raised her finger to her lips and did not even glance at her. "Peyton what the heck is it? Answer me."
Still keeping her eyes on the woman and the girl she finally replied "That little girl is lost and looks like the woman isn't her mom but someone just helping her find the mom. Maybe I should go help, too."
Neil turned to look at the situation outside as well and let out a little scoff. The girl was calm and woman clearly had it under control. "Our food just arrived. If you go there it'll get cold. There isn't anything you could do anyway, she's already handling it. Let's just get back to enjoying our date."
Peyton knew Neil was right about the food getting cold and that the girl was clearly already being helped. But how on earth was she supposed to be 'enjoying a date' if there was a little girl lost from her mom right outside? She continued eating as he had ordered, but she kept her eyes fixed at the girl and stayed ready to get up and go to her if the situation changed.
She was way past half way though her pasta, when the woman with the girl took the girl to her arms and seemed to be starting to move. That was it.
"I'll go see what's going on." Peyton explained, but didn't wait for Neil's reply. She was out of the restaurant by the time Neil put her fork down.
Outside the restaurant Peyton calmed down a little, slowed her steps and took a couple of deep breaths. The last thing she needed was to scare the girl.
The closer she got the more calm she made herself to appear and the warmer smile she put on her face. "Hey, it looked from the restaurant like you are trying to find the girl's mother? Is there anything I can do to help?"
The woman smiled at her warmly. "Thanks. They should make an announcement about her in a minute."
Peyton nodded and tagged along making some awkward small talk to both the girl and the woman still holding her. In five minutes Neil walked out of the restaurant, towards the two women and the girl. Peyton noticed him, but didn't keep her attention on him as a worried scream came to her ears from the opposite direction.
"Baby girl! There you are!" a woman in her forties ran towards them with a four-year-old right by her. The little lost girl's face lit up. There was no doubt she was the girl's mother. By the time Neil got to Peyton the mother hugged the little girl tight and a few tears fell down on her cheek.
Peyton's eyes were also wet. They just stood there in silence. Watching the relief of the reunion. Eventually the mother loosened her embrace a little. Just enough to turn to Peyton and that other woman.
"You must think I'm a terrible mother to lose my child like that. Honestly, I don't know what happened. One minute she was there right by my side and the next she had disappeared." she tried explaining.
The other woman was still at loss with words so Peyton spoke up. "We don't think that.. We are just glad you found each other." And she really meant it. She could remember what it was like to lose Jenny back in High School. This wasn't as tragic, but it still must have been hard enough.
They all went their own ways and Peyton and Neil walked to his car.
"See, it all turned out just fine.. They didn't even need you in the end." Neil tried to comfort Peyton who was clearly still a little shocked. She didn't reply until they were seated in his car.
Peyton stopped Neil from starting the car by placing her hand over the keys. "We need to talk."
Neil sighed. The evening hadn't gone as he had hoped. She hadn't WANTED to talk when they were at the restaurant and now she said they NEEDED to talk. This was not going to be good.
"We need to go back to being just friends, Neil." Peyton went straight into the matter when he didn't say anything.
Neil showed no sign or responding. "It's just.. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you. We make great friends and we have a lot of fun. But especially considering our history I just don't want to lead you on. At this point I want a relationship that has all the potential in leading to marriage and forever. Our relationship just doesn't feel like what I look for a future marriage."
Neil was still quiet and Peyton cursed herself for rambling so badly. Did he even get what she was saying?
"This may be completely masochistic, but can I ask what it is you look for then?"
"It's important to have fun. But I think it's even more important to be able to go through tough times together. We have had many opportunities to get serious yet we never really have done that. And my future husband needs to get along well with Lydia and Brandon."
"Kids that age make up their minds as they please and you're punishing me now for their stubbornness and haste judgement?" Neil came out a little more aggressive and frustrated than he had intended to. Took a deep breath and continued more softly. "I would have been great with our kids, if that's what you were really thinking. I would have liked them and they'd have liked me."
"I know that. But Brandon and Lydia are already like my own kids. I don't think I could love them any more if they called me mom in stead of an aunt. You if anyone should know that I'd do anything for those kids. Let's face it, if we were to continue the relationship, it would turn out a problem between us."
Neil sighed but nodded in agreement. He started the car and began to drive them to Wilmington.
For a few minutes they were both quiet. When Peyton spoke up again her voice was soft, vulnerable even. "Neil..?"
"Yeah?"
"Are we going to be alright? Can we still work together and be friends like we have been?"
Neil sighed again. His voice was somber but it wasn't angry. "That was the deal, right? Of course we can."
Peyton smiled at him and they drove on in serious but comfortable silence.
Driving past a yellow house Peyton watched as a blonde haired man sat on the front porch with a four-year-old boy. Both of them had big mugs of something hot in their hands. It was only a short moment until they had driven past the house, but Peyton still saw they were both smiling.
"Uncle Lucas, why was Aunt P with that man there? I think he's no good." Brandon asked and took a sip of his hot chocolate. He got some foam to his nose.
"Why do you think he's no good? Your aunt Peyton seems to like him." Lucas asked interested. He could already feel himself getting worried.
"He doesn't even listen to Foo Fighters.." Lucas chuckled at his answer.
"You know, I bet your daddy doesn't listen to Foo Fighters either and he's still a good guy." Brandon smiled and nodded.
"I still don't like him very much.." the boy confessed. "Why can't you just marry aunt Peyton? You'd be so much better.."
A/N: So here it was.. What do you think? The next chapter is likely to jump to the weekend and Lydia and Peyton's sleepover. All requests of what you want to from that or anything else are much appreciated and will be taken into account. :)