A Darker Path

TheReaperCometh

A/N: Just a quick note, I'm starting exams soon so next update might be a bit late…

But for now… are you ready to take a plunge into insanity?

Chapter 13: "Tears Flow As Readily As Blood"

POV Nagisa

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Ding dong.

The doorbell rings.

"I-I'll get it!" I yell upstairs to Karasuma and Karma.

A nervous anxiety sweeps through me as I approach the door. On one hand I'm happy that I'll be able to finally see my mom. I mean, it's only been a day, but so much has happened that it feels like I haven't seen her in weeks.

I'm sure she's worried sick.

On the other hand though… I'm nervous about how she'll be around everyone. She isn't exactly the most amicable person in the world, and her volatile personality always puts me in an uncomfortable position when we're in public and around others.

But she's my mom and I love her, and I know that despite her turbulent personality, she loves me too.

I hurl the door open.

"Kas-!" The word gets caught in my throat.

Because standing before me, holding a bottle of wine is Irina sensei. She's wearing a… provocative black dress. I blush and look away.

"H-hello Nagisa-kun. How are you?" She asks, apparently startle from seeing me.

"I-I've been better, ehehe… um, come in, Irina sensei. Karasuma and Karma are just about to come down."

I step to the side and allow her to pass. She struts in effervescently, allowing a faint flowery scent to permeate the vicinity. She stops in front of me. After a few seconds, I realize she doesn't plan to continue moving, so I look up from the floor at her face questioningly. While my gaze travelled upwards to her eyes, I couldn't help but scan her entire body, and I feel my face burn up even more. I'm sure it's inexcusably red right now. I can't make eye contact.

"Nagisa"

I hesitantly meet her gaze.

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

The question came out of nowhere.

"I-I… uh… well, um" I stammer hopelessly, my eyes darting around at everything but her, looking for an escape.

She giggles.
"I'm only teasing, you're so adorable when you get flustered." She finally moves past me and I let out a breath that I had apparently been holding in.

Just then Karma comes trudging down the steps. I half expect him to make a witty or denigrating remark on Irina's attire, which I realize also leaves the entirety of her back exposed. But he doesn't. In fact he seems… perturbed? Maybe he's just stunned by Irina's appearance as well.

Under a different upbringing, I'm sure Irina Jelavic would've become a famous model. She's not exactly… my type, but I can still recognize the fact that she really is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

Karasuma has some incredible self control.

I shake my head. Jeez, what's gotten into me? I rarely think about stuff like that.

Finally, Karasuma appears at the top of the staircase. He and Irina exchange a curt hello and grim expressions, which doesn't pass unnoticed by me. What is up with everyone tonight? The atmosphere is already awkward.

"Come on Nagisa, the sushi is ready." The three of them all head into the kitchen.

"Sushi?" I question hopefully, unable to mask my excited tone. My mouth begins to water at the thought of the alluring sushi. It's my favorite food after all. Karasuma shoots me a knowing glance and Karma laughs.

"Seriously Nagisa, how boring does someone have to be for their favorite food to be sushi?"

Wait they knew it was my favorite? Wow. They must be trying to cheer me up, I conclude. My heart warms at their thoughtfulness and I eagerly walk after them.

But where is my mother? I glance back quickly at the door, praying I'll hear a knock, a ring, anything. But it doesn't.

A bedeviling whisper in the back of my mind tells me it's never going to.

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I seat myself at the dinner table, with Irina to my left and Karma to the right. An empty seat across from memarks where Karasuma sensei will sit.

He brings over all 4 plates to the table, holding two in is hands and expertly balancing the other two along his forearms.

I begin to salivate as my plate is placed in front of me. I grab my chopsticks and separate them, hungrily eyeing every morsel of sushi on my plate.

"Itadakimasu!" I say enthusiastically. Man, it's been awhile since I've had sushi honestly. My mother only takes me out for sushi when she feels I deserve to be rewarded… which doesn't happen very often.

I'm so absorbed in my food, that I don't even notice everyone staring at me. Or the fact that nobody else said the traditional colloquialism. After shoving a few pieces down my throat, I clue in to the quiescent atmosphere around me. I glance around the table. Nobody else has touched their food.

I stop mid-chew, and glance around sheepishly. Do I have something on my face, or…?

"Uh, sorry… I didn't mean to be impolite, I guess I should've waited until everyone was-"

"Nagisa" Irina whispers sweetly as she reaches over and places her hand over top of mine, sending a shock through my body. Her hand is clammy.

"Irina…?" My voice trails off. I close my eyes momentarily and astutely focus on everyone around me. Through Irina's hand I sense her heartbeat. It's rapid, almost concerningly so. Must be pounding at a beat of 120 per minute.

Karma's is uncharacteristically erratic. Karasuma is the only one with a normal heart rate. He's eyeing me intently and I shift uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze.

I just remember that I still have food in my mouth. I chew twice slowly and gulp it down carefully.

"There's something… you need to know…" Karasuma says.

Something about his tone. The hair on the back of my neck stands up.

It's about your mother… the cold whisper returns in the back of my mind, continuing where Karasuma left off. I clench my eyes shut, focusing all my energy on staving off the bitter voice. Where did it even come from?

"It's… about your mother…" Karasuma continues.

My eyes flash open in alarm. The voice in the back of my head resurges with an ominous cackle, teasing me with its clairvoyance.

The cold whisper continues to equivocate.

You know what happened. You KNOW the truth. You've buried it nice and deep in the soil of your conscience, but Karasuma's next few breaths will blow away the dirt, and reveal the its unsightly form.

I look between Karma and Irina, both of whom are gazing at their untouched plates miserably. Irina's hand hasn't left mine, and her index finger idly traces over my knuckles.

Karasuma takes a deep breath. He looks at me sincerely and opens his mouth to speak.

A single lungful of air can inflict a much more crippling blow than any knife or bullet.

"I'm not sure how else to say this, Nagisa, so I'm just going to say it:"

I see Karasuma's lips move, but instead of his voice, I hear the dark whisper in my head finish his last words for him, like a snarling wolf inches away from my ear.

Your mother is dead.

Images of my mom flood through my head.

Her smiling face and her sweet tone as she presented a cake to 6 year old me on my birthday, singing.

Her joyful face when she took me to my favorite sushi place in grade 4, after I managed to get an 80% on a math test.

I remember her sad face all those times I adamantly rebelled against being a girl.

My scalp goes numb as I recall the sensation of her delicate hands combing through my long hair every morning for years when I was a kid.

Kasan.

Then the same images replay in my head once more, flickering and morbid this time. My mother, stiff with sunken eyes, brushing 7 year old me's hair before I go to school.

Blood. I feel it. The blood of my mother, dripping off her hand as she brushes my hair. It seeps into my hair.

Feeling panicked, I reach at my head and grab a fistful of blue hair. I retract my hand.

But there's no blood.

"Aha… ahahaha…"

I start to laugh aloud, much to the consternation of everyone around the table, who look at me in alarm.

"Nagisa-" Irina begins to speak in a wobbly voice.

I cut her off with empty laughter.

"Karasuma-sensei… why would you say something as ridiculous as that? My mother-"

I inhale shakily, and smile. Nobody else says a word.

I look past Karasuma into the kitchen, where stands my mother, her back turned, frying up sushi.

"Is right there" I finish, pointing into the kitchen. But my hand is shaking. Why am I trembling?

Everyone glances over their shoulders in shock.

"I'm... so glad you could make it here tonight mom. When did you come in? I didn't even hear the doorbell."

My mother glances over at me and smiles. With a free hand she waves happily.

Her hand is skeletal, however, free from the shackles of flesh. That's normal, right?

I wave back and laugh. Just then another person steps out from behind her. A bob of green hair, and a sweet smile that sends the happiest of tingles straight to my heart.

"And look" I continue, beaming happily.

"Kayano is with her too."

But nobody turns around to look.

Irina begins to sob next to me, I feel the trembling of her hand as she clenches mine forcefully.

"Ahaha… Irina sensei, why are you crying?" I ask sincerely. Why is she crying?

Why.

Why am I crying?

"Nagisa… I know it hurts. It hurts us all, but you need to acknowledge that… she's gone…" Karasuma states bluntly.

"Kayano… and korosensei... as well" Karma adds. I look at him in surprise. He's trembling, biting down on the thumb of his balled fist. He stares at me, but the fire typically burning within his eyes is gone, extinguished by the trickle of bitter, noiseless tears.

"But… they're both right there, how can you both say that?! Just turn around and see for yourselves! Irina, tell them!" I look at her desperately.

Her only response is another squeeze of my hand.

Why.

All they have to do is turn around and they'll see.

I wrench my hand free from under Irina's and slam the table with my fist, my plate of sushi clattering to the floor. My hand is clammy. I start to feel dizzy.

"JUST TURN AROUND!" I shout. "That's all you have to do! Just look! They're both right there… safe, and sound."

But my eyes betray me, as they continue to churn out tears.

I bring a hand to wipe my blurred vision.

When I can finally see, I look to the kitchen again.

And my mother is gone. Kayno isn't there either.

I jump from my chair to see the kitchen in its entirety. The chair clatters to the ground noisily. Reactively, everyone else around the table jumps up as well, except Karma, who desperately tries to cease his quivering.

"Where? Where did they-?"

My hand flies over my mouth in horror. My tears flow from my ducts uncontrollably.

Because crumpled on the floor in a bloody mess, Is my mother.

With Kayano's severed head in her lap.

"No…" I whimper softly, my voice slowly dwindling into inaudibility. My entire body stiffens.

Blood everywhere.

"No no no no no no…"

Tattered clothes. Deep gashes. Broken neck. Lifeless eyes.

"W-why… am I seeing this… my eyes…" My vision keeps blurring, the tears covering my vision faster than I can wipe them away.

"I… I can't see…" I cry as I begin to wipe at my eyes even more viciously. I begin to claw. Raking at my eyeballs with trembling fingers. I need to get rid of these eyes… I, I need to get rid of them! They need to be taken out of my head to make these visions go away!

Suddenly, my hands are seized and I feel two pairs of arms embrace me from both sides.

"Enough Nagisa… calm down… just calm down…. Take a deep breath… nothing you're seeing right now is actually there. It's all just in your head." Karasuma says in a soothing tone.

I hear the cracks in his voice.

I feel Irina bury her head into the top of my hair. Her loud and muffled cries reverberate through my skull.

Despite being tightly embraced on both sides, all I feel is coldness.

Only my mom, or kayano, or korosensei could warm my aching soul.

"Why…" I ask hysterically. I feel Karasuma tighten his hold on me in response. My arms fall limply to my sides.

"Why did this all happen? The pain… I can't… I can't breathe." I feel dizzy. The panic is overwhelming, brutal, suffocating. The arms around me suddenly make me feel claustrophobic. I try to quicken my breathing, but it's not helping. The oxygen isn't reaching my lungs. Help. Somebody!

"Help… please… Karasuma sensei… Irina sensei… I can't breathe! Take this pain away from me!" I choke out, squirming between their arms and clutching at my chest.

"Nagisa!" Karasuma shouts.

He releases me and kneels down in front of me.

I can't see him. I can't breathe. I can't-

"NAGISA!" He shouts, shaking me and forcing me to look right at him.

"Sensei… I'm gonna… I'm gonna die!" My eyes drift away from Karasuma's, over his shoulder.

To my mother's corpse, still laying in the kitchen. She's looking right at me. I shut my eyes

"Kasan… no...:"

"Nagisa, look at me."

"K-kasan…" I choke out, my eyes trembling in their sockets trying to push out more tears..

"LOOK at me!" Karasuma

I look at him.

"Take a deep breath, Nagisa" He orders me.

I try to obey. I open my mouth. But my lungs fail to inflate.

"I can't!"

"YES you can. You've been doing it every second of your life, it's easy. You're just having a panic attack, you're hyperventilating, calm down. Watch me" He says reassuringly. I stare at him hopefully, as if in a trance. The edge of my vision starts to blacken.

Karasuma takes a very loud and deliberate breath. My lungs burn in envy.

Then he exhales slowly.

And he does it again.

Finally, I remember how to breathe.

I take a breath. It's short and shaky, but it clears the darkness from my vision. My lungs tremble from the deprivation.

"That's it, Nagisa, just… breathe" I hear Irina say from behind me, and I feel her place a hand soothingly on my back.

I take another breath, deeper and more accommodating to my lungs.

I crumple to my knees.

My palms are sweaty. My eyes are heavy. I haven't felt this drained...in forever.

Go to sleep, Nagisa… the malevolent voice spits out.

You've earned a bit of… reprieve… from this nightmare.

I fall forward, face planting into Karasuma's chest. He catches me.

"Nagisa!" I hear 3 voices cry out. But they sound so muffled, as if I'm underwater.

"Go to sleep Na-gi-sa chan…" I hear a familiar, maternal voice murmur.

Mom…

"Shhh… just keep your eyes closed, and let yourself drift away into oblivion…"

I exhale slowly. I feel my body being shaken, but my mind has already detached itself from my corporeal being. Goodnight… kasan… kayano-chan…. korosensei…

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POV Karma.

What the fuck just happened. I stare at my best friend, unconscious in my sensei's arms, after displaying the most poignant fit of grief I've ever witnessed. I take my balled fist out of my mouth, that I had been biting down on to suppress my sadness. I stare at the deep marks my teeth have left. I can't hold it any more.

With a final shudder of concession, my self control finally caves in as I begin to weep quietly.

Any sounds of distress I might be making are wildly drowned out by Irina's blubbering.

"I'll bring him to bed…" Karasuma says detachedly as he walks towards the hallway and flicks the light off. Though the reflection of the moonlight off his moist eyes betrays his phlegmatic demeanour. It at least makes me feel a bit better about the release of my own tear drops.

Despite it being only 7:10, I'm so… so tired right now. Drained, is a better word. And not just physically tired.

Emotionally tired.

Tired of reality.

Tired of the world around me.

I hear Karasuma's heavy footsteps come to a stop.

"Karma."

"Hai…"

"Are you okay?"

I take a moment to control my breathing.

"Hai."

A moment of silence. I don't hear his footsteps.

I clench my eyes shut. Please. Please just leave. I can't keep this up much longer. If you make me speak again, I'm sure to fold.

Finally, after a seemingly immeasurable amount of time, I hear him drift away up the stairs.

Irina follows Karasuma up the stairs, placing a delicate hand on my shoulder supportively as she passes by.

And then I'm left alone, in the darkness.

Thank god. I slink over to the living room couch and bury my face into a pillow.

I scream into it.

Again and again, until my lungs burn from the strain of it all. I turn and place the side of my head against it, feeling the dampness from my tears on the side of my head.

I can't go up to the guest room. I can't bear to look at Nagisa again tonight.

I know I won't be able to bear waking up to him tomorrow morning.

I curl up on the couch and close my eyes, desperately inviting sleep to take hold and whisk me away from the demented nightmare that is unfortunately my reality.

I hear the sound of sirens, not too far away from the sound of it.

Fire Trucks.

I turn restlessly to face the back of the couch.

After the sirens, sleep evades me. I toss and turn for hours and hours.

I don't want to be apart of this world any longer right now.

Tomrrow is a new day.

But it is one with the promise of more sorrow. Maybe I'll just sleep through tomorrow as well, and see if two days' time will bring relief and happiness.

I laugh pessimistically at my delusional sense of humour.

The fire truck sirens, though long since passed, echo in my mind.

Yep. Tomorrow will surely bring more despair.

A/N: o_O Nagisa, you okay? Hope you enjoyed, I tried my hardest to convey the extent of Nagisa's grief and instability, so i hope it came out well. Next chapter: More sadness! (Maybe) more death! And of course, the continual spiral into darkness for our protagonists!