A/N: Thanks for reviewing!

I've made mistakes, but I believe that everything was worth the fight

Everyone in the room turned sharply to look at Natasha, who stared at the man she'd though dead. She was aware that some of her shock was showing in her expression, and made an effort to hide it at the sight of the pained smile on the man wearing Alexei's face.

"Ms. Eddis and I have known each other for a long time," she said, managing to sound convincingly casual.

"I see," Ulyanov or Alexei or whoever responded slowly. Then he turned his attention to Anna and smiled distantly. "I'm sure Natalia and I can catch up later. Let's hear the presentation you have prepared," he said magnanimously.

Anna checked with Natasha, who gave a curt nod. Then she launched into the prepared spiel. Natasha paid it little attention, unable as she was to take her eyes off the man she'd loved, married, lost. Could it really be him? His mannerisms were infinitely familiar; his voice and face matched what she felt in her bones. It could be a trick; they could have implanted the whole thing for some useful purpose, though she couldn't imagine what that could be. And those memories had never once struck her as false; she'd learned to differentiate between what was real and what was implanted pretty well over the years. Something this big couldn't have slipped past her radar.

Her body was cold, stiff, and her mind couldn't quite get a grasp on what was happening. They were here to question him about the attack, though not be obvious about it. She should be coming up with something to say to get him to talk. That was her forte. But she couldn't speak, couldn't move. Of all the things she had done, lived through, endured, this was the worst. She had been prepared for him to be a monster, to be killing her sisters for all kinds of imagined reasons. Or to be being blackmailed for some indiscretion, or otherwise coerced into being involved with the company that seemed to want her dead. But not this. Even though she'd been seeing several long-absent faces recently, nothing could have prepared her for this.

In the Red Room, she'd first fallen in love with the man who was the Winter Soldier. When he was taken from her, it had been made clear to her that love was not going to be part of her life. She had no place in the world; she couldn't, if she wanted to make a difference as one of the invisible assets for her country. Though she had always excelled in her classes, always been one of the best in any part of the training program, she grew tired of it. So when she met pilot and media darling Alexei Shostakov while under cover, she hadn't discouraged the continued connection.

How long had it taken? Support for their match was offered by his superiors but not hers, and it took some time before they had managed to get married. She'd loved him, she thought, but maybe she just loved the idea of having a normal life and leaving her dark, bloody past behind. She knew now that wasn't possible. And she wondered how she could have deluded herself into thinking she could be a housewife for a military man; making him dinner, doing his laundry, raising his –

"Natasha," Anna hissed.

She snapped her eyes onto her friend, looking briefly apologetic. "Yes?"

"You'll have to forgive her inattention, Ms. Eddis. I'm sure this reunion was unexpected," Alexei said, sounding just like Natasha knew he would.

"Of course," Anna responded diplomatically, giving Ulyanov a fake smile before returning her attention to Natasha. "Is there anything you'd like to add?" she asked, almost entreating.

Natasha's mind was blank, and she looked between the two of them helplessly for a moment. "Perhaps Al – Mr. Ulyanov and I could meet later for – to catch up. And I'd be happy to convey any information regarding Ms. Eddis' proposal at that time."

The troubled look on Anna's face softened slightly, so maybe that plan was an acceptable one. Alexei brightened at the idea. "Dinner tonight, perhaps?"

Natasha exchanged a glance with Anna. "That sounds pleasant," she offered.

"Excellent. Would you like me to send a car?"

"That won't be necessary," Anna said when Natasha didn't answer immediately.

Alexei looked a little disappointed, but named a restaurant and a time, to which Natasha must have agreed, because then he was walking them out of his office and watching her almost forlornly until the elevator doors closed between them.

"What the hell was that?" Anna hissed, while Adrienne politely pretended not to hear.

"I don't… I thought he was dead," Natasha whispered haltingly.

"He looks like he was inconvenienced by fire at some point, but definitely not dead."

Natasha sighed. "I buried him, Anna."

From the look on Anna's face, something was occurring to her that hadn't previously. "He wasn't a mark?"

"No."

"He was actually your husband."

"Yes."

"Whom you chose to marry. The one you left us for?"

"Yes."

The elevator opened and their conversation, one-sided though it was, ended until they were safely back in Anna's car.

"What should we do now?"

Natasha shrugged, staring at her lap. "I don't know."

Anna sat back with a grim look on her face and didn't interrupt Natasha's thoughts again on the ride.

They were driven back to Anna's office in silence, and Natasha numbly followed her friend inside. More meetings were taken, Anna doing a good job of focusing on her employers instead of her deaf and dumb friend in the corner. It was fortunate that no one chose to finish the objective from the day before, because Natasha was in no state to protect anyone. Finally, the day was done and the room was emptied of everyone but the two of them. Anna guided Natasha to a chair and then sat down next to her, reminding Natasha that, by some stretch, Anna had always been a sort of big sister.

"Do you want to tell me what happened with him?" she asked gently.

Natasha dragged her eyes up from her lap to stare at her for a moment. "I left the Red Room… my training, my friends… everything to be with him. Madame was so upset," she muttered, shaking her head.

"Losing the star pupil will do that," Anna agreed.

"It took… a while. I was sent on at least a dozen missions. I didn't get to see him much, before we got married. And then…"

"And then?" Anna prompted when Natasha fell silent.

"Have you been in a relationship for very long?" Natasha asked, suddenly focusing on Anna intently.

"No, Nat, not for long."

She nodded. "It's hard for us. Not what we were … brought up to do." Anna assented silently. "We were married for more than a year. It was a challenge. I had a few missions from his people before…"

There was a long pause while Natasha turned her attention to her hands, twisting them over and over in her lap. "Before what?" Anna finally asked quietly.

"Before they thought better of it, given my condition," Natasha said, the bland forcefulness of her tone ineffectively covering up the way her hands were shaking.

Anna reached out to take her hand. "You were pregnant?"

"Yes."

They sat in silence while Anna processed this. "How… how was it?"

"It was wonderful, feeling life growing inside me. Making up for the lives I've taken," Natasha whispered.

"Natalia… what happened?"

She swallowed convulsively. "I lost it. There was blood everywhere. And Alexei came home and – " Her face dropped into her hands and her shoulders shook silently while Anna rubbed her back. Finally, she lifted her head again. "We were never the same after that. His superiors no longer supported the decision, and he didn't know how to treat me. Then, one day, they told me he'd been killed in an accident."

"What did you do?"

Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Natasha sat up straight and set her jaw. "I made a name for myself."